"Has anyone told you how easily amused you are?" Crow asked Bender while channel surfing. They spent two and a half hours looking at infomercials on a random cable channel, dumping information about products being showcased. One interesting fact divulged by Crow was that an infomercial for a face cream was made by a multi-level marketing company, while Bender also mentioned that some of the brands were subsidiaries of Momcorp, much to the lemming's audible disgust.
"I'm not easily amused! I just…" His voice trailed off as he stared at Crow mindlessly tapping the buttons on the remote, his head still on his lap. "happen to like what I see."
"What do you see?" The lemming queried curiously.
"A bastard that doesn't know what the hell to watch!" He snatched the remote from Crow's paws, switching the channel to a docu-series about puppies and kittens. "Now this is quality television!" He declared, gleefully watching a black and white Pomeranian puppy play with a ball.
"I didn't know you liked small animals!" Crow laughed. "I learn something new every day."
"Look who I'm talking to, pipsqueak." He cheekily stated the obvious. Crow's face turned the color of a tomato, completely discombobulated by Bender's chaff.
"I'm not that small!" He retorted. "I'm taller than the average lemming!"
"Counting my antenna, I'm a foot taller than you. You seem pretty tiny to me." He took the hand that was resting on his upper body and held it in his own, marveled at how small the rodent's hand was. "It's…" The lemming's fingers wiggled in his grip as he tried to get comfortable. "It's adorable." Crow's heart was on the brink of what felt like detonation. His head jolted to look at the robot, who with dilated pupils, traced his metallic digits ever so slightly on his palm. It was remarkably endearing to see a side of Bender that was normally put on the backburner, or completely masked, while at work. Coupled with the sound of Bender's internal parts making a raucous, he was like a purring cat pawing at a toy.
"Is this payback from what I said earlier?" The robot's trance ended and he quickly flicked his hand away from Crow's as if he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. His square-shaped pupils refocused and constricted to their normal size.
"I say a lot of things to you as 'payback,' fun-size." Thanks to Bender's back-to-back quips about his stature, the lemming was a hot mess.
"Huh?" The alien gulped. "Can you give an example?" The machine began to laugh hysterically.
"I'm just keeping you on your toes." He winked. Crow almost opened his mouth to ask what he meant, only to conclude that he was alluding to the suit remark he made. While he was left with more questions than answers, all he could do was look at the saucy robot and smile like a buffoon. A loud ringtone suddenly occupied the living room, causing him to gasp softly.
"Can you get up for a second?" He politely asked Bender, whose only response was a disappointed sigh.
"Don't be a big baby. I know you're comfortable, but I need to answer my phone!"
"It's not that, hairball!" The robot told a white lie. "I was about to doze off." He looked at Crow with an annoyed face, expecting the lemming to do something. The rodent blinked, the ringtone still going off on his cellular device.
"...Ooooohh!" Crow exclaimed in realization. Since Bender was directly on his back, he was unable to lift himself without assistance. "Here." He extended his limb. Using the lemming's arm as an anchor, the robot begrudgingly propped himself up. "I shouldn't be long!" He took his phone out of his back pocket and entered the kitchen. "Hello?" He greeted the caller.
"Hi Crow, it's Leela!" The voice on the phone answered. Because of the muffled dance music in the background, Crow deduced that Leela was in the bathroom at the nightclub. "Are you feeling any better?"
"I am, thanks for asking! I ended up taking the pill Amy gave me and that seemed to help." The lemming fibbed.
"That's great! Bender didn't give you a hard time?" Hearing the captain mention his name caused the alien to nervously glance at the robot, who was taking barren cans of White Graw and drinking whatever was left in them. He caught Crow turning his head away from his direction, becoming inquisitive about what he might've been saying over the phone.
"Nah. I made sure I got him on his good side." Having an inkling he was being talked about, Bender persisted with his eavesdropping.
"Did he tell you where he was going after walking you home?" Crow froze, processing how his predicament became more complicated. Gripping his cellular device, he thought of a plausible falsehood.
"He said he was going to go to the casino and a couple of strip clubs." Bender stealthily entered the kitchen and took a seat on one of the barstools. He was definitely being talked about.
"Typical." Crow laughed uncomfortably at Leela's remark, trying to lessen the silence. "Well, I'm about to drive Fry back to his apartment. He decided to get blackout drunk off of some boozy sparkling water and is an absolute mess. I'll see you Monday!"
"Get home safely!" The rodent hung up the phone and checked the time: two-fifteen in the morning. "Jesus Christ!" He began to anxiously circle the kitchen island.
"What's the matter?" Bender's voice caused Crow to jump, his phone dropping onto the tile.
"Bender, were you here this entire time?" He picked up his phone, whose case protected it from shattering. He sat on the stool beside the robot, staring at the countertop with glassy eyes.
"I got curious when you mentioned something about casinos and strippers." He smirked, lowering an empty can from his jaw. While he expected Crow to exchange a snarky remark, the kitchen remained silent. "Something wrong, Crow?" He asked. "You only get like this when you're anxious over something."
"Leela called me!" Crow blurted out, jerking his head to face him. "She asked me where you were, and I didn't want to tell her that you're at my place, so I told her that you were doing what you usually do during a weekend!" He flailed his hands with every word he spoke. He ceased speaking to gather his thoughts and was surprised by Bender placing his hand on his shoulder comfortingly.
"And you said you were a bad liar!" He beamed. The anxiety in Crow's eyes melted away, humbled by his praise and relieved that he wasn't mad.
"I still am! I just got lucky this time…" The lemming answered shyly.
"You always find a way out whenever you're in a pinch. I think my philosophy of 'cheesing it' is rubbing onto you." The robot bragged.
"Maybe so." Crow smiled lightly. "I'm not... entirely at ease at the moment, though." He uncomfortably stroked his arm. "Leela told me she's driving Fry home because he got wasted at The Hip Joint."
"Okay, and?" The automaton was indifferent. "Is it because I'm still here?" He turned his body away from Crow passive-aggressively.
"I'm happy you're here, Bender," Crow reassured, rubbing his hand on the robot's metallic shoulder, instantly softening his attitude. "The only concerns I have are that it's two in the morning and… you know."
"Who, Fry?" Bender scoffed loudly. "Forget about him. If he's as drunk as Leela says he is, he won't remember a thing in the morning." Crow uncomfortably concealed his mouth with his hand and moved his eyes away from Bender, reflecting on how to word his suggestion.
"So you're not opposed to spending the night?" He lowered his hand to make his voice clearer. Astonished by the lemming's proposition, Bender crushed the can with an audible crunch. Diverting attention from himself, he crossed his arms.
"If you think I'm going back to my apartment at this hour, you're out of your damn mind. Where's the tightest space I can snooze in?"