I'm back guys! It feels like it's been a lifetime but I'm back. Thank you guys so much for the follows and favorites on this story, I was getting close to putting it on hiatus but I'm glad I didn't!

Content Warnings: Explicit death scene, night terrors, survivor's guilt, suicide mention

Her feet pounded against the dirt path beneath her, hand clutching Charlottes as her side split in pain from the constant sprinting, trying to outrun the cloud that was descending upon them. Bellamy kept up with them, looking back every once in a while to make sure their party didn't separate. That didn't last long.

Mbege and Atom had peeled off when the fog first appeared, the rest of the group trying to find any cover they could. Weight dropped from her hand and Maria whipped around, wide eyes meeting Charlotte's.

"Come on," She yelled, ducking down to help the girl's foot out of an entangled root. Charlotte pulled, trying to loosen her boot free, all while the fog grew closer and closer.

"Franco, I found something!" Bellamy's voice called out to her a few paces ahead, peeking his head out from behind a rock wall. She paid no attention to his voice, only her fingers as they worked the knot Charlotte had gotten stuck in. "Franco!"

The girl's foot sprung free and she scrambled to safety. Maria wasn't so lucky, the fog grazed the back of her hand and she gasped in pain, clutching it to her chest as she continued her sprint, following Bellamy and Charlotte's footsteps into the safety of the cave. Cool wind blew against her fresh wound, and a scream echoed outside of their safe walls.

"ATOM!" Bellamy yelled, ready to jump back into the fog to save his friend.

Maria reached out to stop him, "Bellamy no!" Her hand pulled his arm back, jolting the leader back to reality, "There's nothing you can do."

"He's out here because of me," he protested, eyebrows knitting together in worried confusion, "I have to do something,"

Maria's chest tugged at the sentiment. She'd been there before. She'd lived there for the past year. "You can't." She reminded him, her own memories surfacing at the words. Sinclair had said them to her once upon a time. Back when Jake Griffin had been arrested and she'd been locked up, unable to do anything about it.

Bellamy launched a kick at the wall, gasping in pain as he placed his foot back on the ground. At the sound of his pain, hers flared up and she examined her hand once again. It had only been a small tendril that had affected her, but it still hurt like a bitch. Boils erupted across the back of her hand, red and pulsing with irritation.

Bellamy side-eyed her, "You okay?"

She pressed her lips together and dropped the wounded appendage to her side, "I'm fine, Blake," Maria grit her teeth together, wishing she was stuck with Clarke instead. She almost laughed at the situation.

God, of all the people on the ground, she just had to be stuck with Bellamy Blake.

"Let me take a look at it," He offered, setting down the weapons he'd brought with him. Maria shook her head, that insufferable need to be strong weighing her down once again.

"I told you, I'm fine." She let out another gasp of pain and silently cursed her body for betraying her like this.

Bellamy's smirk reappeared as he took her hand in his own. His palm was rough and calloused but an indescribable warmth radiated from it. The sound of ripping filled the cave and before Maria could protest, Bellamy wrapped a piece of cloth that once belonged to his shirt around her hand, a wry smile on his face. "I, uh, I don't know much about burns, but I'm pretty sure you bandage them. Especially if they look like that."

She resisted the urge to smile back and settled on a half-smirk. "Thanks." She wondered which Bellamy was the real one. The relaxed and easygoing guy she'd met that morning? Or the power-hungry leader dead set on keeping his sister safe?

She definitely liked the first one a little bit more.

Maria moved to the other side of the cave, setting down against the rock as she adjusted the wrapping around her hand. She'd have Clarke take a look at it when they got back. Sighing, she relaxed her head against the stone behind her. The yellow orange cloud impeded her vision and her thoughts drifted back to camp. She hoped Clarke and Miller had managed to get everyone into the dropship on time. They'd be in there for a while, and picturing Murphy in charge was the last thing she wanted to do. Not to mention he'd probably be stuck with Wells, and that was whole other mess on its own.

She chuckled to herself. When had she become this? She's always been a follower, but now here she was, worried about kids she didn't know because she had to.

Too many people, the cold voice echoed. She shook it away.

If she was spending the night with Bellamy Blake, she wouldn't fall asleep. She couldn't fall asleep. Not while those terrors haunted her.

She'd only ever told a few people about her nightmares, and she wouldn't let herself be that vulnerable with anyone except those she'd told.

Not even Clarke knew.

She stripped her jacket off, the wet walls of the cave seeping into her shirt as she bunched it behind her, providing her with a little comfort.

Bellamy had placed his over Charlotte, who was currently staring up at the ceiling. The man himself had fallen asleep a few hours into their isolation.

"Maria?" The voice was so tiny she was almost sure she'd dreamt it. But then Charlotte stood before her, Bellamy's jacket draped over her shoulders as she stared at the older girl.

Maria smiled, exhaustion settling in, "What do you need, Charlotte?"

The blonde shifted on her feet before tucking herself into Maria's side. "Can I talk to you about my nightmare now?"

Maria wrapped her around the kid, "Of course you can."

Charlotte's sigh echoed through the cave and she pulled Bellamy's jacket closer to her, "I see….him." Jaha. God, they really should stop having kids witness the executions. "And I'm running to stop him. But I can't. And then I'm with my parents and they—" Her own sobs cut her off as she burrowed her face deeper into Maria's shoulder, hot tears burning against her skin, "I'm floated with them."

Maria squeezed the girl tightly, pressing a small kiss to the crown of her head. "Shhh, It's okay. I'm here."

Her sobs echoed through the cave, the only sound as night descended upon them. She was too young for this, Maria thought bitterly. She was too young to know this kind of pain so early. "Everything's going to be okay," She spoke through choked sobs, keeping her own tears at bay. "I see them too," She admitted, shutting her eyes as the memory flashed across her mind. Kane's regretful face as he turned toward Shumway, one nod enough confirmation to send her mom flying through space forever, frozen in time. Didn't even have the decency to do it himself. "I see them too."

Charlotte shook in her arms, "I'm so scared."

"What are you scared of?" Bellamy's rough voice called across the gap, sleepiness still present in his face as he watched the two of them. Maria loosened her grip and Charlotte sat up straighter, silent as a mouse. Bellamy sent her a small smile, "You know what, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it."
Maria wasn't entirely sure she agreed, but if it helped Charlotte get to sleep, she wouldn't complain about it. Bellamy had crawled over to their side now, the tiny smile on his face as Charlotte eyed him warily. "But I'm asleep."

Bellamy shrugged, "Fears are fears," He spoke nonchalantly, a kind tone to him, "Slay your demons when you're awake and they won't be there to get you when you sleep."

The girl's lips perked up slightly at that, but there was still something else behind her eyes, "But….how?"

Bellamy's soft demeanor disappeared, but his relaxed stance remained. He bit the inside of his cheek before turning back to the two of them, "You can't afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death. Fear is death."

Another memory popped into Maria's mind, one that she couldn't quite place. It wasn't a voice she recognized, like her mother's or the cold one from her dreams. It was one she'd heard since she was a child. A mantra that everyone around her seemed to adopt.

Love is weakness. It hissed, cold and male and everything she didn't know.

Her mom had heard it too. She'd told it to her so many times. Maria gulped at the phrase. Maybe it was time to adopt it again.

"Let me see that knife I gave you," Bellamy asked, grasping the hilt tightly as Charlotte handed it over. "Now when you feel afraid, just grab it tightly and say 'screw you I'm not afraid'"

Charlotte's lips perked up slightly at that and she took it in her hands, closing her eyes as she yelled into the cave, "Screw you, I'm not afraid!" The words bounced off the walls, Bellamy's laughter accompanying them. Maria only shook her head and chuckled.

"Slay your demons kid," Bellamy reminded her, a smile back on his face, "then you'll be able to sleep."

Maria eyed him carefully, and when Charlotte had fallen asleep and they were back in their original positions, she finally spoke up. "You're good at that." She complimented, trying to ignore how weird it felt.

Bellamy nodded slowly, eyes rimmed in red as he stared out of the entrance of the cave, no doubt worried about the fate of his friends. He sniffed slightly and Maria's heart tugged again.

"Atom's going to be okay," She offered, hoping it would be enough. It never was.

Bellamy nodded, "And you're so sure about that?"

She let out a scoff, biting down her on her lip as she faced him again, "No Blake, I'm not sure about anything anymore, but float me for having hope I guess."

Her outburst clearly wasn't what he was expecting, and Bellamy's lips flapped open and closed as silence settled over the two of them once again. How did they always end up here?

It was always the same with him. Antagonize her until he got what he wanted.

This time it was to make her feel bad.

She hated herself for even believing in that stupid facade he'd given her that morning.

"You should get some rest," He finally spoke up, his husky voice trying to bridge the gap they'd made.

Flashes of her night terrors danced across her memory and she shook her head, her cold tone remaining. "No thanks. I'll sleep when we get back to camp."
The last thing she wanted to do was fall asleep and be that vulnerable with the man who had done nothing but provoke her since they landed on the ground.

"Sparky," The nickname sounded unfamiliar in his mouth, so used to a different pair of lips forming those syllables. Bellamy stared her down, his own dark circles exaggerated in the dim light they had managed to steal. "You look terrible. I can see the exhaustion on your face from here. Hell, you're practically asleep already."

She shook the tiredness away from her face, wiping her eyes as she moved to face him. The most infuriating thing was that he was right. She hadn't gotten any sleep since they'd landed, and what she did get was filled with stuff she didn't want to remember. But she wouldn't let him win. It was her secret to keep.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you actually cared," She shot at him instead, too exhausted for her usual amount of venom. She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall, her jacket not stopping the rocks from jutting into her back.

Bellamy's chuckle pulled her awake again, "Despite what you think, I do in fact, have a heart Sparky," He shuffled back and forth before settling back down, "I just…don't show it all the time."

Maria scoffed, shaking her head, "Yeah, well that makes two of us," She mumbled, teeth scraping the skin of her cheek as she stared out the entrance toward the fog. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad if she had shown it every once in a while. She shook her head again, picking at her fingernails, "Love is weakness." She spoke clearly, a reminder for herself down here. Caring for others got people killed.

Love was death. Attachment was death.

Bellamy scoffed at her words, almost agreeing with them. "I think that's the first thing we've agreed upon down here, Sparky."

Maria chuckled along with him, their mirthless laughter echoing through the caves as it slowly dissipated into something more solemn.

"Yep, looks like our dead parents aren't the only thing we have in common, Blake."

His playful demeanor dropped at her words, smile disappearing as he gulped down his mistake.

She didn't fault him for not knowing. Kane had kept the true circumstances of her adoption secret for so long, really only those on Alpha and her friends from Mecha knew the truth. To the rest of the Ark she was Marcus Kane's daughter, the princess bitch from Alpha who everyone despised.

Leah Franco was just the poor knocked up mechanic who had been saddled with a child for eleven years before being floated. She'd hated selling that story. Her mom was the only reason she wasn't like Kane. Her mom deserved better than to be known as the slut who ruined Marcus Kane's precious career.

Thankfully, saving Kane's political image didn't require her to change her name. So people called her Franco, and she appreciated every bit of it. It was a constant reminder of her mother. A constant reminder that Kane had floated the woman who raised her. The woman he'd once been friends with.

"Franco, I didn't—"

"Of course you didn't," She spoke bitterly, tasting the malice with each word, "Nobody knew. I was Marcus Kane's precious little daughter." Her laughter was sour, words spilling forth before she could stop them, "No one needed to know that I had parents before him. No one needed to know that I had a life before him."

Bellamy stayed silent, no doubt stewing in his own guilt. He deserved it, she told herself. He'd made every barb he could at her since they landed. He deserved to feel guilty for misunderstanding every piece of her. Tension coated the cave, encircling the two of them in a bubble as their eyes clashed against each other, Bellamy fidgeting under her gaze.

"Because all that mattered was that I was one of them," anger coated every syllable, throwing it in his face, "All that mattered was that I was privileged and that I couldn't ever relate to having anyone I loved floated."

Bellamy gulped again, and for a moment she thought he was going to say something else. That he was going to refute her and try and defend himself.

He didn't.

Bellamy couldn't take his eyes off of the sleeping girl before him. Franco had finally fallen asleep a few hours after their conversation ended, although he was sure the sun was already rising at that point.

Fuck, how could he have been so stupid? He'd made his peace with her opinion of him. In fact, he used to hold the same opinion about her. But here he was, spouting off about how privileged she was, when she'd suffered the same loss he had.

But it wasn't the same, a small voice whispered in the back of his head. She didn't have a sister to take care of. Someone he'd been in charge of since he was five years old. She didn't know what it was like to see your whole world crumble before your eyes.

Didn't she though? Another voice popped in, almost trying to convince him to care about the sleeping girl.

But he didn't care.

This was a one time thing. He had told himself. He'd decided to be nice to her for one day as a way to honor the life debt she held over his head. Helping patch up her wound had been part of that deal. But nowhere did it say he had to care for the insufferable girl.

Bellamy was ready to dismiss her completely and leave her behind when the fog lifted.

And then he heard the screams.

They were loud, piercing cries that echoed through the cave, startling Charlotte awake. Bellamy met the younger kid's scared gaze before pressing forward.

"Charlotte," he gestured for his jacket, keeping his voice down as the girl crept forward. He quickly placed it over Franco's thrashing figure, his hands trying to keep her steady. "When the fog clears, go get some water. We passed a brook on our way here, you know which one."

The girl nodded and moved toward the entrance, looking back and forth before whispering, "It's clear."

Bellamy nodded and turned his gaze back toward the sweating girl in his arms. Franco's voice was tiny and weak, barely forming coherent words. "Too many people….there's….earth…too many people….I can help….please….let me—"

Another scream pierced the air and Bellamy clutched the girl closer, briefly swiping some of the sweat away from her forehead. This time it was followed by a gasping sob, and Bellamy's chest constricted.

He had to do something. "Hey, Franco, wake up!" He called, but she refused to listen, not even jumping at the chance to tell him off. "Franco, hey! Are you in there?"
Her incoherent mumblings returned, rambling about space and flames and blood and equations he didn't understand. "Franco, come on." His tone turned urgent, and when Charlotte returned with a tins of water, he wasted no time shoving it down the other woman's throat.

"Come on," He muttered, trying to shake her out of it, "Wake up."

She went silent again and Bellamy prepared himself for another scream.

It never came.

"Franco," He tried again, this time more desperate. How did people handle these things? Octavia had nightmares but they were never this bad. What the hell had happened to her up there? With one last shake he yelled, "Franco, wake. Up!"

She jolted upright, as if someone had pushed her back into her body from the other side. Her breaths were heavy, gasping for air like she'd been denied it. Her hands scratched her entire body from her neck to her thighs, brown eyes wide as they stared into an empty space, rimmed with red.

Bellamy fell back, letting out a sigh of relief as he ran his hands through his hair. She was okay. She was alright.

Franco's eyes flitted between Bellamy and Charlotte, swallowing her grief as the fear flew away, flashing by so fast he swore he almost imagined it.

"Come on," he softened, hoping she didn't put two and two together. He grabbed his jacket, "The fog's all cleared up."

She followed after him silently, shrugging on her jacket as they pressed through the woods, searching for anyone from their earlier hunting party.

This whole trip had been a disaster and it was all his fault. He should have double checked the way they were headed, to make sure there was actual shelter for them in case something like this happened. Instead, he was careless, and people could die because of him.

He didn't need more death on his hands.

"Jones!" He called out, gripping the spear tightly, "Mbege!" No response. "Atom!"

What if the grounders had gotten to them?

What if the fog had gotten them?

"Atom!"

"Bellamy!" Jones' deep voice cut through the forest. Bellamy collided with the older kid, grasping his hand. Mbege trailed behind him, both men with no burns to be seen.

They were okay. His friends were okay.

"Where's Atom?" He asked as Franco surveyed the group, still silent. She hadn't said a word since the cave, and Bellamy wished he knew why. Jones and Mbege tossed a look around, and Bellamy joined them, searching for the kid he'd been needlessly tormenting.

He turned toward Jones, who had a worried look on his face, "We thought he was with you."

The sound of his beating heart was all he heard.

Atom had to have made it. He found shelter or something else. He took out his tent and managed to save himself. He couldn't be dead, he just couldn't be.

And then a scream pierced the woods. Bellamy's eyes darted toward Franco, her head shooting up when she heard the sound.

"Charlotte!" She yelled, sprinting forward until the green canopy swallowed her, Bellamy and the others trying hard to keep up with her. Monroe followed soon after, always being on the lookout for anyone behind them.

Bellamy stopped himself when they reached the clearing, almost running directly into Franco and Charlotte. His stomach twisted when he saw what they were staring at.

Atom's skin bubbled, red and yellow splattered across his skin in a grotesque painting as pus and blood boiled underneath his skin, wanting to burst free. Blood vessels popping like hot springs and skin reddening, his quiet gasps evaporating into the air.

Bellamy pressed forward, gulping the bundled nerves down as he knelt down next to his friend, cradling Atom's head in his hands, unshed tears pressing against his eyes.

This was his friend.

This was someone he had trusted.

Someone he had gotten to know.

And he had failed him. Just like he'd failed Octavia. Just like he'd failed his mom.

That's all he was now, a failure. And now he had no idea how to save the pleading man before him.

Movement entered his peripheral and Maria knelt across from him, pity swirling in her gaze while she pressed a soft hand to Atom's chest, a sad smile on her face, exhaustion hanging from her like a cloak. They sat there, listening to the wheezes of his friend, soft pleas reaching their ears.

"Kill….me….please."

Bellamy's stomach dropped. Atom choked on his next words, gasping for air.

"I…..can't…breathe…."

His chest tugged, asking him to give into his wish, to finally commit the crime he'd been threatening all this time. But deep down, Bellamy knew he could never do it. Killing Jaha had taken everything he'd had. He couldn't add more to his conscience. He couldn't be responsible for another death.

Silver glinted in his vision and the knife he'd given to Charlotte was pressed into his hands, the girl's face stone. "Don't be afraid," She advised.

Bellamy nodded, locking eyes with Maria. They were wide and fearful, exactly like they had been when she'd woken up that morning. He steeled himself and turned back toward Atom, refusing to look back at the friends who had lived.

"Go back to camp," He ordered, lowering his voice and turning away so they wouldn't see the fear in his eyes. Footsteps dissipated into the trees, but he still felt a lingering presence. "You too, Charlotte."
The girl sent a worried look Franco's way, almost like she was waiting for her approval. Franco nodded and Charlotte skittered away, leaving Bellamy alone to face his consequences.

"Bellamy," Maria spoke beside him, voice laced with concern when she had no right to be.

"I did this," He muttered aloud, shaking his head in horror, stomach flipping over at the thought of plunging the knife through his friend. He clenched his jaw, gripping the hilt of the knife tighter.

Screw you I'm not afraid. Screw you I'm not afraid. Screw you I'm not afraid. Screw you I'm not afraid. Screw you I'm not afraid. Screw you I'm—

A hand covered his, warmth engulfing him as he locked gazes with Maria once again, her tired eyes understanding and shiny, fingers prying the blade from his hand.

Her shoulders slumped as she faced Atom, like she was Atlas holding the entire world on her shoulders, begging for someone else to lighten the load.

"Okay," She spoke through tight vocal cords, pushing Atom's hair back and gently tracing the delinquent's face. "You're gonna be okay."

Atom sunk into her touch, begging for more before his life ended.

Maria nodded, her smile strained and sad as she gripped the knife in her hands. "I'm gonna help you, okay?"

Atom nodded, moaning in pain, his body only able to move so much before crying out. Her breath shook along with her hands, hovering near the vein in his neck. She stroked his hair again and began to sing.

"A la nanita nana, nanita ella, nanita ella," The knife slid through the layers of skin all the way up to the hilt, and Bellamy couldn't look away from the woman across from him, "Mi niña tiene sueño, bendito sea, bendito—"

Her words cut off as she pulled the blade free, Atom's blood staining the greenery crimson as it poured out, Maria releasing a sob as she brought her bloodied hand to her face. Bellamy tried not to notice the poorly wrapped bandage around it.

He did this to her.

He'd made her kill. All because he'd been too afraid to do it himself.

Guit wracked his chest, squeezing his heart until he was sure it would burst. It twisted his insides, bubbling and boiling like Atom's wounds. He wanted to justify it, to tell her why he couldn't go through with killing him. But none of his excuses seemed enough to satisfy him, let alone the woman he'd insulted and berated since day one.

Nothing he said would ever take that weight away.

He never took his eyes off her.

Footsteps stomped through the clearing and Jaha Jr appeared with Princess and Spacewalker in tow.

Griffin was currently standing there in horror, blue eyes flickering between Franco and Atom. It didn't take long for the other girl to sweep Franco in her arms, squeezing her tightly while she wept.

The trek back to camp was a somber one, and Bellamy had spent most of it drowning in the guilt of his actions that day while trying not to look at Franco beside him. Wells had been strangely silent too, eyes always flickering toward the Princess for one reason or another. He briefly wondered how they'd managed to escape the fog when Atom didn't.

"Get Clarke whatever she needs," He called out to the camp as they returned, eyes flickering toward Maria, stoic and emotionless now, her dark circles even more exaggerated than they were earlier.

Fuck, he'd forgotten about the nightmares.

Goddammit why was he so dense? First Octavia, then Atom, and now Franco. It would be a miracle if everyone in this camp didn't hate him by the time the Ark came down.

The voices of the camp were like cotton in his ears, blurring together until one finally pierced through the veil.

"It's about time," Octavia's figure entered his vision and Bellamy immediately moved to hide Atom's body. "They're about to kill Jasper, did you get the medicine?"

Clarke nodded, sending another look toward Bellamy and Maria, "Yeah, uh, come on, I need your help—"

"Hang on," Octavia interrupted, and thankfully, Maria stepped in.

"Octavia," Bellamy's heart cracked at how defeated she sounded. His sister seemed to hear it too, softening as Franco stepped forward, "Come on, I could use some good news today."

His sister nodded, sending one final look toward Bellamy as she escorted Maria back to the dropship. Add that to the list of things he was starting to owe her.

The panther. The fog. Atom.

Thank you didn't seem like enough at this point. He shoved his way through the camp, instructing Jones to take Atom's body to Wells. For all his faults, the kid was good at digging graves, and it looked like they were going to be needing a lot more on the ground than they ever did on the Ark.

That night he went looking for Maria, hoping to apologize and thank her in one interaction so they could go back to hating each other the next morning. When he couldn't find her in the dropship, he went looking for her tent. It was obvious which one was hers, the straight edges and perfect craftsmanship stood out among the haphazard mess that made up their camp. It was also the one closest to Miller's.

Just as he was working up the courage to talk to her, he caught sight of a silhouette sitting down beside her on the makeshift bed.

"Miller told me what happened," Monty's comforting voice left the tent, no semblance of pity in it at all. "Thought you might want some of this."

Maria chuckled and took his gift, coughing slightly as she smiled at the kid beside her, "Thanks Monty." Another beat passed between the two of them, and Bellamy wondered if he should even be listening. But then something pulled his interest back in the conversation.

"Did you know it was my birthday when we came down?" She admitted, the same bitter tone she'd had earlier returning, "Miller's dad was kind enough to give me a choice. Death by space or death by Earth."

Shit.

Bellamy hung his head, rubbing his hand down his face in shame.

She took another swig of alcohol. "You can guess which one I chose."

Another beat of silence stood between them before Monty finally replied, "You made the right choice."

Maria snapped her head in Monty's direction, defeat written all over her as she shook her head. Bellamy could almost see the look on her face. The slumped shoulders and clenched jaw right on the verge of tears. It was haunting and withering and made Bellamy want to slink into himself and disappear.

"No I didn't. I should have floated myself."

The lump in Bellamy's throat grew tighter, and his heart twisted.

Y'all I swear I didn't mean for it to get this angsty haha.

Thank you guys again for the love and if you're enjoying the story please leave a review!