((Hi hello! Happy February! Here is an update :)

!TRIGGER WARNING! for this chapter: There is a depiction of drowning in this chapter. It is only described in the first paragraph though is mentioned a few times at the beginning of the chapter. ))

Everything was dark. Above, the only light was veiled by the ocean's rippling surface, taunting me, begging me to the top. No matter how hard I kicked, I was pulled deeper into the abyss. My lungs scorched as seawater drove out the last breaths of air. I was trapped, hopelessly thrashing until a warmth grabbed hold of my arm.

Gasping for air, I shot out of my bed. My stomach dropped when I opened my eyes to see a dimly lit Cliff hovering by my side and not the bottom of the ocean.

"Gray!" I felt his hand squeeze at my shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"

I desperately needed air before I could even think of words. The rest of my body felt like a rock in comparison to my heaving chest. With blurry eyes, I searched for any proof that I wasn't dreaming.

After a series of shallow breaths, I finally managed to turn to Cliff, "Is this real?" Before he could even respond, I winced as a sharp pang shot behind my eyes. That familiar feeling was enough proof for me.

"Is this— What? Yes?" Cliff stood up from his perch by my bed, and the creases around his brows only deepened. I couldn't tell if he was worried or upset with me, but I didn't have it in me to figure it out. "Are… are you okay? It sounded like you were dying."

It felt like I was dying too. And honestly, that sounded more enticing than getting out of bed that morning. I brought my hand to my temples, trying to apply pressure against the piercing ache spreading to the rest of my face. "I'm fine," I lied.

How was I supposed to answer that question? One minute I was drowning, the next, I was waking up in my bed desperate for oxygen and any other chemical that would ease my throbbing head.

That wasn't even including the day prior. I couldn't even bring myself to think about yesterday; it was way too early for that shit.

"Okay…you just..." Cliff narrowed his eyes at me before trailing off. He eventually closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Nevermind. Forget it." He turned away and marched to his bed, rummaging around on the far side of it.

"Sorry if I woke you up, I... I don't know, guess I was dreaming."

Cliff returned with his rucksack on his back and stood at the foot of my bed. "You didn't wake me up with all that, but…" his voice faltered before returning with an edge. "You and Kai did wake me up when you two stumbled in wasted at 2 in the morning, though."

"Oh. Shit. Sorry." I looked over to Kai, snoring into his pillow. "Almost forgot about that."

"Yeah," he muttered before storming to the door. "It's fine. I'll see you later."

The door slammed behind him before I could even think of something to say, let alone get the words out of my mouth.

What was his fucking deal? Cliff hadn't been so short with me since we met last winter. There was no way he'd get curt with me over something as stupid as getting woken up. I wasn't going to remind the guy, but it wasn't like he had a whole lot going on.

Or at least, so I thought. I had barely seen Cliff since the festival, and when I did, it was only briefly in the mornings or the evening. Admittedly, my behavior had been out of the ordinary too. Still, it wasn't like him to abruptly disappear that early in the morning.

Muted grays and browns washed over the room, and a pale light peeked through the window; it couldn't have been earlier than six. That only meant I'd have the pleasure of running on four hours of sleep and a wicked hangover. It was more rest than the night prior, but at the cost of one of the most vivid nightmares I'd had in years? I didn't know which was worse.

Going back to sleep that late was a dangerous game, so I dragged myself out of bed and into a shower. The potential of returning to the horror that my drunk mind had cooked up last night didn't sound too appealing either.

Waves of sharp pain in the front of my skull eventually became a welcome distraction. The discomfort was a foothold preventing me from falling back into the void of thinking about last night.

After forcing myself to get ready for work, I headed downstairs. The dining room was a stark comparison to the bustle it'd been the night before, and I was thankful for that. I wasn't sure how I would manage the usual noise at work later in my state, but I was hopeful that food and caffeine could help me get there.

The room was empty, but I could see the lights on behind the kitchen doors. Before I could even think to peer through them, Ann came bursting out. She locked eyes with me, stopped, groaned, and then turned on her heels to disappear between the swinging doors.

Fuck. Is everyone mad at me today?

A quick, unintelligible exchange between Doug and Ann echoed on the other side of the wall, and minutes later, Ann was flying back into the dining room. With a black thermos in hand and a scowl on her face, Ann approached my spot next to the bar and shoved the container in my hands.

"Uh, thanks? What i—"

"Coffee. I knew you were gonna need it, but…." she shook her head and sidestepped me on her way to the front door. "I can't with you right now. Dad knows you're out here, though, so he should have food for you in a little."

"Where are you going?" I had my ideas, but for some reason, I felt the need to torture myself.

She opened the door and called over her shoulder, "I'm going to the spring to talk to Mom, and then… hopefully, to see if Claire will talk to me."

The door closed, and just like that, one of my footholds threatened to give way. I needed to focus on anything else… the ringing in my ears, the stiffness in my shoulders, the tension in my jaw, anything other than her.

I slumped into the first seat at the bar and eagerly made a dent in the coffee. Satisfying bitterness provided another diversion and, eventually, a slight relief to my head.

A while later, Doug came by to drop off food without much more than a greeting. He seemed to pick up on my mood and let me eat in peace, which I appreciated. I wanted to be left alone, but part of me knew that would only make it harder to distract myself.

I was tired. So fucking tired. I just needed to get through the day. Just to survive until I had enough in me to figure out what I was going to do next. Enduring work was the only way I could return to the comfort of a drink and my bed.

Work had always been a valuable distraction… But now? I could already imagine the hellfire Gramps was going to unleash on me. The thought was enough to slow my steps to the shop, though it wasn't like I was capable of moving very fast that morning anyway.

It started the minute I walked into the smithy. As the bell rang above the door, I was met with a glare under a pair of thick furrowed eyebrows.

Here we fucking go…

"I'm glad to see your head's on correctly," Gramps began as the door shut behind me. "But that still doesn't explain why you refuse to use it."

I didn't have anything to say to that. Truthfully, I'd fucked up so much lately that I wasn't even sure which thing he was scolding me for anymore.

My grandpa sighed. "Gray, were you thinking at all?"

"Thought I came here to work, not talk," I grumbled, hesitantly approaching his desk.

I knew I couldn't get into it with him without risking a fall back down into the rabbit hole. Claire was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but somehow I knew she was at the forefront of my grandpa's mind.

"You want to talk work?" His chair screeched as he pushed up from his seat. "I thought this was a given, but apparently, I have to remind you that we're running a business here. You have to collect payment in exchange for services."

I focused on the sensation of air moving in and out of my body, ignoring every other impulse to fucking lose it. "I didn't mean to—"

"You need to start thinking with your brain, rather than whatever else you've been using lately," Gramps chided as his footsteps reached my spot next to his desk. "You're just lucky that Claire came back to pay after you left yesterday." He quickly shook his head, "At least one of you thinks."

I could feel myself start to slip. He doesn't even know her. The same girl who couldn't even take one fucking pill at the same time every day? That's a girl who thinks?

My hand tugged at the bill of my hat. "Whatever. Won't happen again, so no reason to keep talkin' about it." I looked down at my grandpa. "So what am I working on?"

A sigh more comparable to a hiss escaped his mouth. "I guess that's a more productive use of both of our time." I rolled my eyes as he turned back to the shelves by his desk, recovering a familiar hunk of stone. "Speaking of the upgrade, you'll need to extract the gold so that I can get it started later today."

Great. Tedious, mindless, grunt work. The least he could do was let me finish the upgrade myself if I was going through all that trouble.

I looked down at the ore in his hands and then back at him. "What, you don't trust me to do it myself? What happened to the 'stay diligent with my training' bullshit?"

"Never did I indicate that this was up for discussion." He thrust the slab of rock into my chest, and I caught it before it could fall. "This has nothing to do with your skill or training. It's simply a conflict of interest for you to do the upgrade."

"A conflict of interest?" I let out an unintentional scoff. "You gotta be kidding me; it's a fucking hammer. You didn't say shit about that yesterday when I fixed her sickle."

"That was before you went ahead and decided to make a scene last night."

I wasn't sure why I was surprised that he would know what happened between Claire and me, but his remark caught me off-guard. "Wha-what are you talking about—"

"GRAY!" His voice bellowed throughout the shop and my aching head. "I was going to hold my tongue, but you're not going to disrespect me by lying to my face. I was at Doug's last night, and even if I wasn't, people in this town talk." He turned back to his desk, collecting and organizing the papers lying across it. His volume had decreased, but the tone was still stern, "I'm not sure what your plan is for this one, but as it stands, you're not working on her tools."

I sighed and took a few steps towards my workbench. "Whatever… it's not like any of that matters anymore anyway."

"Do you hear how foolish you sound?" I could hear the anger returning to his voice. "Of course, it still matters. As long as she's pregnant, it matters. I'm tired of idly standing by while you continue to act so recklessly without a second thought. You need to reconcile with her if you two have any hope—"

"Oh, because it's all my fault?" I couldn't help but turn around. "Stop acting like Claire's all perfect and innocent. You don't know a fucking thing about her." I'd tried to keep my mouth shut, but something about his rambling was enough to make me lose the stability I'd been clinging to. "If you wanna reconcile with her so bad, why don't you do it yourself?"

"You're not the victim here, Gray, so stop acting like you are," Gramps snapped. He slapped the stack of papers down on his desk and met my scowl with his own. "You messed up, again, and now it's time to take accountability for your mistakes. AGAIN ."

My grip tightened on the ore, and before I could clench my jaw to hold back, the anger came out as words. "Fuck you, old man, this is why I don't tell you shit! You're always in my business, just like you were in my dad's. No wonder he's so fucked up." When I became painfully aware of the tightness in my chest and face, I took a deep breath in an attempt to release the tension. "Can I just... exist without having to answer to you for one fucking second?"

Gramps paused for a moment before his hard grey eyes met mine. "For somebody so determined to be nothing like his father, you sure do sound a lot like him." The rock's weight seemed to double in my hands, and without another word, my grandpa returned to his desk.

I wanted to explode.

Those words cut deeper than any blade could. I despised being compared to the one person I swore I'd be nothing alike, and he knew that.

But losing my shit would only make me more like Jet. As excruciating as it was to choke those feelings down, keeping it together was the only way to prove that I wasn't him.

So with heavy feet, I retreated to my station and reluctantly set up the extraction that would likely take me the whole fucking day to complete.

Thankfully, Gramps kept his mouth shut while I worked. I'd never been so relieved to exclusively hear rock crumbling against metal, even with a pounding headache. My hammer eventually found a good rhythm, though I periodically found myself occupied by the stone's origin.

As I chiseled away at the rocky deposits shrouding the rich slivers of gold locked inside, I couldn't help but think about the girl who'd dropped off the ore. It felt ironic. There I was, chipping away all the barriers from the gold when in reality, I was doing the opposite with Claire.

Frustration. That was the only feeling I could distinguish amongst the millions that seemed to swirl my brain. I was frustrated with Claire. Everyone seemed frustrated at me. Hell, I was frustrated with myself too. It felt like I couldn't do anything right other than swing a fucking hammer and drink myself into oblivion.

The latter seemed like the only real way to get her off my mind, so it wasn't like I was going to have much trouble figuring out how to spend the rest of my day. Until then, I continued to take out those emotions on the dwindling fragments of ore.

I wiped the sweat from my brow with a gloved hand and removed my eyewear to get a better look at the bucket of crushed mineral before me. Glimmers of newly exposed gold shone even brighter than before.

Part of me was genuinely surprised that Claire had managed to uncover an ore so rich with gold. I'd been shocked to find just how prevalent high-grade ores were in the mines when I'd first moved to town, but the sheer amount of precious metal in the container below made me stop and think.

How far down in the mines was she going? Gramps and I were only ever able to find ores of that quality below the tenth floor, at the least. So unless she was getting lucky, Claire was also heading to that depth, if not farther.

I hated the idea of her being that deep in the mine. At least when I was there, I had the experience, proper equipment, and company. Who knew what Claire was heading into the mine with. Delusional optimism and blind confidence?

It didn't fucking matter, though. I could worry about Claire all I wanted; it wasn't like that would change anything. I returned the goggles to my eyes and pushed the thoughts down, intent on using the anger to pulverize the chunks of rock into a fucking pulp.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been crushing rocks into a powder, but eventually, I felt a poke on the back of my shoulder. After dumping the most recent particles into their new container, I looked over my shoulder to see my grandpa holding his hammer by the mallet.

"Leave." He returned the tool to his side, using the long handle like a cane.

I pushed up my goggles to meet his stare. "I'm not done."

"Are you deaf now too? I said leave." The look in his eyes matched the sharpness in his tone. "I don't care that you're not done. It's well past 3, and I'm not going to pay you to keep working, nor am I going to enable you to hide here."

"You said you wanted the gold extracted today. I haven't even separated it from—"

"Then you should have gotten the work done in the time I gave you." I could tell by his rigid posture that there was no way he was going to budge. "I can easily finish the rest. Unlike you, I work with haste."

"Whatever." I rotated away from him as I returned all my protective equipment.

"Might I recommend taking advantage of your proximity to Claire's farm while you're over here?" It was less of a recommendation, more of a command. A command I wasn't going to listen to.

I didn't have anything to say to that. At least, not anything that wouldn't get me a hammer to the face. The door slamming behind me was the only response he was getting.

Outside the shop, I felt lost. The sun was beating overhead, a few heavy white clouds hung nearby, a typical sweltering summer day. It felt like I should be doing something outside, though I knew there was only one thing I wanted to do: get fucked up enough to not feel anything for the rest of the day.

On my way to the inn, my feet unconsciously stopped in the same place I'd gotten into it with Claire the night before. I looked down the path to her farm and selfishly wondered what she was doing.

What would she do if I showed up on her property? It would probably only make matters worse; that's all I seemed capable of doing lately. Plus, it wasn't like I knew anything else to say aside from what I'd said last night, and that had gone over so well.

She said she needed time… but exactly how much time was that? Not being able to talk to the one person who understood everything going on was lonely, and truthfully, only made me more anxious about our situation.

It was almost funny. If Claire had asked me to leave her alone in the spring, I would have happily obliged. It was the last thing I wanted to do now, but clearly, the previous few days had shown me that I couldn't trust my intuition.

My mind raced, thinking about what the fuck we were going to do moving forward. I wasn't sure if I was mad at Claire or missed her, but it just felt like some convoluted concoction of the two.

All I did know was that loitering on the path of her farm, basking in those feelings, was the last place I wanted to be. So I turned on my heels and headed to the inn with a purpose.

As I pushed open the doors to Doug's, I hoped that Ann had figured out if she could stomach me long enough to get some booze in my system. Either that or I would have to talk to Doug… or even worse, buy a bottle from Manna next door. And fuck, I really didn't want to chat with Manna again after last night.

Two loud, familiar voices went back and forth by the cash register in the corner of the room. Ann organized menus while Karen leaned over the bar towards her, but the minute the door shut behind me, the two snapped their heads back, and their mouths clamped shut.

I'd come to learn what it looked like when people had been talking about you, and that scene was as clear as day. Karen seemed more thrilled to see me than Ann was, her eyes almost tripling in size.

"Gray! Get over here!" Karen called, pushing off the bar to wave her arms.

Fuck. Maybe I'm far enough away that I can pretend I don't hear her?

I ducked my head and took a few steps towards the stairs. Suddenly I was determined to take a nap or do literally any other activity that didn't take place in the dining room.

"I know you can hear me, Gray! Get your ass over here!" When I didn't stop walking, I heard Karen let out a groan, "I'll buy you a drink, just… get!"

A heavy sigh left my lungs before I trudged over to the pair. Up close, I noticed how different Ann and Karen's expressions were: Karen appeared entertained by my presence, and Ann seemed annoyed. I was relieved that she had eased up enough to be around me, though.

I leaned on the bar next to Karen. "What?"

"Whoa!" Karen threw her hands up. "Don't get too excited to see me." She rolled her eyes before locking them back onto mine and pointing at the seat beside her. "You should probably sit. I have a lot of questions for you."

Great. I remained standing as Karen pulled out a stool for herself. "You said something about a drink?"

Karen plopped in her seat and waved her hand in Ann's direction, "Yeah, Ann, get the man whatever silly little drink he needs at 4 pm on a Sunday."

"You were the one that offered to buy me a drink?" I obviously would have been drinking anyway, but she didn't need to know that.

"And I'll get a glass of cab, please," Karen sang across the bar to Ann, ignoring my comment. She turned to me and narrowed her eyebrows. "You're so fuckin' awkward sometimes. Are you gonna sit down or what?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but when I couldn't think of anything to say back, I took a seat. My gaze moved to Ann, who seemed to be waiting for me to say something. "Hey."

"Hi. What am I getting you?"

"Whiskey. But if Karen's buying, top-shelf."

Ann didn't say anything. She just swiveled on her heels and headed towards the shelves of liquor on the other end of the bar.

I heard a sigh from beside me. "Jeeze, you're really making me pay for this, huh?"

"Just taking advantage of the situation," I answered with a shrug. "What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have anything better to do than bother me?"

Karen responded with a hearty laugh. "That's funny. I'm the one asking the questions here." She pushed a thick chunk of hair off her shoulders and looked around the empty dining room. "But if you must know, I'm here on business. So if you happen to see Duke later, lemme know."

"Okay…" The supermarket wasn't a place I frequented, so I had no idea what kind of business they would have with Duke, let alone why they would send Karen to deal with it. It wasn't even worth thinking about.

Ann returned before us, setting down our glasses with a blank face. "Enjoy."

Karen didn't acknowledge Ann's snappy tone as she grabbed her drink and turned back to me. "Goddess, I have so many questions... I don't even know where to start."

She took a sip of her drink, and I gladly did the same. I needed it if I was going to talk about last night, and I was damn sure that's where the conversation was headed.

When I didn't say anything in response, Karen started again. "I heard what happened and all, but I'm bummed I showed up after the whole spectacle took place."

I had to take another drink after that. "And what did you hear?"

"Well, word on the street is you got caught up trying to juggle two girls." It sounded fucking terrible when she put it like that. "But Ann gave me the play-by-play. You and Claire were on a date, you left said date to fight with Mary, your date stormed out… any of this sound familiar?"

Almost too familiar. "That's not exactly what happened, but yeah."

"Well, see, that's why you're here," Karen stated as a matter of fact. "Ann's limited by what she saw, and Claire apparently won't even talk about it, right Ann?"

She turned to the redhead leaning herself on the bar, who just nodded in response. I wasn't sure if Ann's attitude was directed at me or her visit to Claire's house, but fuck, I was so curious.

Karen turned back to me. "So now we have to resort to you to figure out what actually happened." She took a sip from her glass. "Unfortunately."

"Why do you even care so much?" The sentence came out harsher than I'd intended it, so I washed it down with whiskey.

"You're funny, Gray. I know you don't mean to be, but you are," Karen said with another drink. "As if the drama you've been stirrin' up isn't the most exciting shit to happen here since Rick and Kai almost threw down last summer. Who would have thought that you were this interesting?"

"Alright."

"And, like, Claire's my friend and stuff too."

"Okay? Well, get after it then." I swirled the ice in my glass. "I'm almost done with my drink."

Karen let out another groan. "Ugh. Fine. I'll keep 'em coming if you keep talking."

Getting interrogated by Karen wasn't exactly how I'd planned to spend my evening, but I couldn't turn down free liquor. "Deal."

"'Kay," Karen looked back at Ann, "where do I even start?" She didn't even wait for Ann to reply before picking up again. "Let's talk Mary. I saw her and her parents leaving on my way in last night… and oof. What'd you even say to her?"

That sentence tugged at my heart. I still remembered the way Mary looked at me that night; it was the saddest I'd ever seen her. Knowing that I'd made her feel that way… I hated myself for it.

"Oooh, that bad?" Karen pressed, breaking me out of my stupor.

"I mean… wasn't great." I took a sip in anticipation of the feelings I was trying to numb. "Mary got mad I was out with Claire, and… she started blaming Claire for things that weren't her fault, and, uh, I got frustrated with her."

Karen eagerly nodded as she sipped her wine, encouraging me to continue.

"And Mary hinted at… not wanting things between us to end, but… uh, I told her that I didn't want to do that with her anymore."

"Okay, okay—wow, this is great." Karen leaned forward, and I found myself unintentionally leaning back. "But here's my question: you ended it with Mary like... weeks ago, why would she be so concerned about you seeing somebody else?"

"I thought the same thing at first…" I reached up for my hat as I thought about when she'd surprised me on the beach. "But, uh, I ran into her at the festival and told her that I would come by so we could talk."

I was surprised to hear Ann's voice pipe up, "Uh. Okay, wait, what did you just say?" She placed her hand on the bar as she brought her head closer. "You did not tell me that."

"Well… I didn't think it was that big a deal. And I was kinda… busy between then and last night." I wasn't sure what Karen knew, so I attempted to discreetly shoot Ann a look.

When Karen threw her head back to polish off her wine, Ann took the opportunity to subtly shake her head at me.

So Karen doesn't know about the pregnancy. Part of me was relieved but also confused about how they'd managed to hide that from her.

"Oooh, yikes," Karen grimaced as she set her wine glass down. "So Mary definitely thought you two were gonna make-up... and then saw you out with another girl. That's rough." She looked over to Ann and snapped twice in the direction of our drinks, "World's cutest bartender, I think we need refills over here, by the way... Please?"

Ann rolled her eyes and snatched the glasses with a huff.

My eyes followed as she angrily prepared drinks before I returned to Karen. "Uh… I don't know why Mary would think that... but I guess I could see how it looks like that."

"Well, if you two were done, what was there to talk about, hm?" Karen tilted her head down at me, and I couldn't ignore the air of accusation in her tone.

That was a good fucking question. "I… I don't know, she approached me. She was sad… and I felt guilty for how I tried to end things."

"Yeesh, yeah, I forgot about that one. You sure like to deal with all your shit in public, huh?" Karen chuckled, unfazed by my eye roll in response. "Well, I get why she followed you upstairs then, but I'll admit, didn't think she had it in her."

"Yeah, me neither." I rested my elbows on the bar and held my head by the temples. "It was like I snapped back to reality when I saw her last night and just… I freaked out and ran." Like a fucking coward.

"I just can't believe you didn't say anything about Mary to Claire," Ann chimed in, dropping fresh drinks in front of us. "Like nothing. Not even a heads up. Especially if you two were going on a date, in public, where Mary or literally anyone else could see you." I could tell she wanted to say more but was limited by who was in our company.

"Well, she didn't ask!" I shot up from my hands, surprising myself with how defensive I sounded. "And I didn't know it was a date until all of a sudden it was a fucking date."

Karen turned to Ann. "This guy's about as dense as the rocks he digs up, huh?"

"Ugh, you have no idea." Ann leaned her elbows on the bar, her voice lower as if the two were carrying out a personal conversation. "Like, sometimes the things he does and says, I'm just like, why? I don't know what Claire or Mary even see in him."

"Uh, the fuck? I'm right here."

The two simultaneously snapped their heads in my direction, eyes zoning in on me. Instantly, my ears were stinging.

"Probably the jawline... or the eyes," Karen replied before looking back at Ann with a shrug. "He's not awful to look at, but—"

"Are you two just gonna sit there and talk shit like I'm not here, or?"

"Oh, yeah, of course. Forgot I was paying for your time for a second there." Karen swiveled in her seat. "So okay, let's get back to what you said. You didn't know it was a date until you were on said date… uh…'kay. Not sure how you managed that one with somebody like Claire, but if anyone's gonna be that oblivious, I guess it would be you."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"'Kay, well, if you haven't learned by now… subtly isn't necessarily one of Claire's strong suits." Karen laughed to herself before taking a sip of wine. She had a point there.

"Yeah, well, picking up on social cues isn't necessarily one of Gray's strong suits," Ann added with a scoff, eliciting a snort from Karen and glare from me.

I wasn't sure if the free liquor was worth being roasted by those two.

"Okay, first of all, fuck both of you," I said before a hefty swig. "Also, I knew she was flirting with me. I'm not an idiot. I just didn't think she actually liked me."

The two girls looked at each other like I'd spoken an entirely different language.

"Uh….Gray… Goddess Almighty, I can't believe that this even needs to be said," Karen started, the exasperation evident in her voice. "People flirt when they like somebody. Especially when it's somebody they've already had sex with."

I finally realized how stupid my original statement sounded out loud. "I… fuck, okay, I fucked up. Looking back, I shoulda known, and I definitely shoulda said something, but.." I tried to search for the right words to describe the feeling. "I don't know… I just… I was caught up in the moment. I wasn't really thinking." As the words left my mouth, I remembered Claire saying the same exact phrase to me days prior.

"Yeah, that much is obvious," Ann said as she crossed her arms. "Sometimes I don't know if you ever think."

"Shit, well, telling me how stupid I am isn't going to fucking help." I eagerly took another long sip and all but slammed the glass back down. "I know I was fucking stupid, I know I shoulda said something, I know I shouldn't have ditched Claire, but I just… I panicked." My eyes traced the ripples in the drink below me. "If I could take it back, I would, but I can't, and I don't know what the fuck to do now."

I wasn't sure if it was the liquor catching up to me or if I just needed to get them out, but the words seemed to just fall out of my mouth.

"Oh?" I heard Karen's voice rise an entire octave. "I'm sorry… are you asking us for advice?" She turned back to Ann. "Who woulda thought?"

"Well, Goddess knows he needs it," Ann chirped back.

For what seemed like the millionth time that day, I was at a loss for words. I'd just been trying to get the feelings off my chest and out of my mind… but fuck, maybe I did need advice. My own judgment hadn't been the most reliable lately; their guidance couldn't be any worse.

"I... guess I am." The phrase felt heavy leaving my lips; pushing it out seemed to take all of my power.

The girls shifted their attention back to each other. They seemed to have some lively conversation entirely made up of raising eyebrows and tilting heads. Before I could interrupt them again, Karen broke the silence.

"Okay, so let's get this straight: that means you like Claire?" It was less of a question, more of an accusation. "You have our pity, but if you want our help, you're gonna have to admit it."

Hearing it out loud made my heart race, a sensation I'd almost forgotten about. I really didn't want to admit it out loud… but I was desperate for direction.

"Yeah… I do," I mumbled before washing the words down with whiskey.

"You do… what?" Karen took a swig of her wine and held the glass towards me. "C'mon Gray, I know you're capable of putting together complete sentences."

"Fuck. I like her, okay?" It came out more like a groan than anything else. "Why are you making this so difficult? Just tell me what to do!"

"Yeesh, that's all you had to say," Karen looked back at Ann with a smirk, who mirrored a forced version of the expression. "Well, I guess let's start with what happened between you two after your little lover's quarrel with Mary. It must have been bad if she won't even talk about it with Ann… you know how she loves to talk."

I had to roll my eyes at Karen; she was as annoying as Kai. "Yeah, well, Claire was in the stairwell when Mary and I were going back and forth."

"Stop it." Karen's jaw dropped. "No, she wasn't. Goddess, that's juicy."

"Karen…" Ann scolded. "What we talk about here stays here, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah," Karen absently shook her hand in Ann's direction, but her gaze was fixed on me. "Okay, totally understand why Claire stormed out then." She sloshed her wine at me after a long sip. "Very bold of you to follow her, but I'm so glad you did." I wasn't sure if I was. "'Kay, then what?"

I took a deep breath. "I caught up with her, and at first, she wouldn't even look at me."

My eyes moved to the dwindling bitter relief in the glass below. Thinking about the things Claire had said to me wasn't exactly how I wanted to spend my night, but I felt like I had to if I was going to figure out what the hell to do.

"She… uh, said I made her feel stupid and accused me of cheating on Mary with her." I shook my head at myself, just thinking about it. "And… uh, fuck, when I couldn't admit that I'd ended it with Mary the same night we hooked up, she said she couldn't trust me, and I needed to, and quote, 'leave her the fuck alone.' "

I looked up to Ann and Karen exchanging wide-eyed stares and somehow wasn't comforted. "You two are her friends, didn't she ever ask you if I was seeing anybody? I mean, it wasn't like Mary and I were a fucking secret, we… we were just.."

"Confusing as fuck," Karen finished the thought. "And 'seeing each other' is a generous way of putting it, I'd call it 'following her around like a lost puppy.' "

Before I could even tell Karen to fuck off, Ann patted her hand on the bartop to get my attention.

"Claire only asked if you were seeing anyone after you two hooked up." She leaned forward on her hand, "And like, at that point, technically, you weren't. I wasn't gonna be the one to tell her that it happened that same day."

"And c'mon," Karen joined in, "you know Claire, all wrapped up in her own little world. She's not much of the gossip. I don't think she really knew anything was going on between you and Mary before your little... incident." She polished off her wine before turning back to Ann, "They're both kinda oblivious in their own way, huh? It's like they're perfect for each other."

I couldn't tell if that was sarcasm or not.

Ann started to laugh until Karen shook the wine glass at her, "Also." Before she could reply, Karen looked over to my nearly empty glass, "Gray too."

I downed the diluted whiskey at the bottom of my glass and pushed it forward just in time for Ann to snatch it away. Warmth had finally replaced the pain in my head, and I was eager to sustain the feeling.

"So?" I turned back to Karen.

"So what?"

"What do you mean 'so what?' I told you everything, aren't you supposed to tell me how to fix it now?"

"Oh, fuck, I don't know, bud, this is a sticky one," Karen answered with a shrug. "I was honestly gonna let Ann handle that part; I'm just here for the drama."

As if on cue, Ann returned with my drink and a half-empty wine bottle in hand. She turned to Karen and set the bottle on the bar with a loud clink.

"Next time, just order the whole frickin bottle… making me run back and forth." Ann shook her head, eyes eventually settling on me. "And you," she continued as my drink was slid in front of me. "Maybe we switch to beer, or we eat some food or something?

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I replied before bringing the drink to my lips.

"Gray wants to know our advice to get Claire back," Karen announced as the wine bottle guzzled behind her. It wasn't exactly how I'd phrase it, but she wasn't wrong. She picked up her heavy pour and raised it towards Ann, "So, what's our advice?"

Ann put her hand on her hip, "Uh, to listen to what Claire said? I didn't think it would be that hard to figure out, but I guess I should remember who I'm talking to here." She tilted her head down and held my gaze before breaking it with a sigh. "Claire can be a little… reactive sometimes. Give her a few days. She'll eventually calm down enough for you to apologize… but, until then, you need to show her she can trust you."

"Okay… and how do I do that?" It's not like my parents had modeled a healthy, trusting relationship in any capacity. I had trouble convincing myself to trust others sometimes; how was I supposed to convince someone else to trust me?

Ann rubbed her eyes before sliding her hands down the side of her face. "Goddess, you might actually be a lost cause… But, for whatever reason, Claire seemed to really like you, so I'm doing it for her." I wasn't sure if she was telling herself or me. "First off, respect her boundaries. If she said to leave her alone, leave her alone."

"Okay…" I was glad I had ignored that stupid impulse to wander on to her farm earlier.

"And!" Karen leaned forward on the bar, "If you're for sure done with Mary like you say you are, act like it! No more entertaining her because you feel bad about breaking it off. Leading her on like that just makes it worse for both of you."

"Actually… yeah, that too," Ann said slowly as if she was surprised by Karen's advice. She looked back at me. "And no more moping around. Nobody wants to be around somebody who's sad all the time."

My mouth went wide before the words could come. "I… I do not mope around."

"Well, in case you've forgotten," Ann started with a fake laugh, "I also do, in fact, live here. And I hate to inform you that you almost exclusively mope around. That's your default."

"Can confirm that I've spotted him moping around at Kai's too," Karen agreed before I could deny it.

"So it's settled, no more moping!" Ann said with feigned enthusiasm. Her eyes flashed down to my drink and then back at me. "And maybe we cool it on the drinking a little too. I'm sure that didn't help your decision making last night."

It may not have helped me make decisions in the moment, but the liquor sure did help me cope with the aftermath. I could agree to try to mope less, whatever the fuck that meant. But not drinking? I wasn't too sure about that.

"I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to 'mope less,' but shit, guess I'll try." I had to hold back the urge to roll my eyes as I spoke.

"Maybe try being nice for a change?" Ann suggested rather harshly. "You could practice on me."

"Thanks for the suggestion," I grumbled, realizing there was a bit of truth behind it.

"That's better." She turned to Karen and mumbled the beginnings of a backhanded compliment when the front doors slammed shut.

Karen immediately ripped her attention from us and locked her sights on Duke as he and Basil headed towards their usual table. She finished off the rest of her wine in one chug and hopped off her seat. "Hey, Duke!"

The instant Duke's eyes met Karen's, he turned on his heels and high-tailed it to the door.

"Dammit, we got a runner," Karen cursed to herself. "I promise I just wanna talk!" she called as she ran after Duke, only stopping by the gaping door to turn to Ann, "I'll be back to finish that bottle and pay my tab." She took off in the direction of the winery, "Unlike somebody !" Yelling lingered outside until the closing door cut it off.

I could only look back at Ann with a furrowed brow.

"Don't ask," she sighed before pushing off the bar and sauntering over to Duke's forgotten companion. "Evenin' Basil, sorry about all that. How ya doin' tonight?"

The two exchanged pleasantries, and I tuned them out so I could return to my favorite distraction. Just as I picked up my glass, I felt a hand squeeze the back of my neck. I reflexively flinched away from the touch and looked over my shoulder.

"Getting started without me? Kinda rude," Kai teased as he took the seat on the other side of me.

"Yep." I took the sip he'd initially interrupted. "Karen and Ann were grilling me the same way you did last night… Except their questions are a lot harder…"

"Speaking of, what's going on with Karen and Duke?" Kai nodded in the direction of the door. "She was out there in front of the winery like some sort of mob boss, yelling about paying his debts and shit. Know what that's all about?"

I shrugged. "Unless Karen's actually gonna whack the guy, I don't care."

"Now that would be quality entertainment," Kai admitted with a laugh. He grabbed my drink from in front of me and took a sip before wincing. "Ugh, yuck. Too bad Karen's one of Duke's best customers; there's no way she'd actually do it."

"Hands off," I yanked it back from him and scooted my seat away from his. "You're so fucking annoying, dude."

"Speaking of quality entertainment," Kai continued without acknowledging my comment. He reached across me to grab Karen's almost empty wine bottle and settled in his seat. "What do you say to another night of fun?"

He took a swig while he waited for me to say something. When I didn't immediately respond, he put the bottle down and placed his hands on my shoulders. "C'mon Gray, we have a matter of days left before you're all by your lonesome again. The least you could do is get fucked up with your good buddy Kai."

Truthfully, I was already halfway there. Continuing along that path didn't seem like too bad of a decision. I already felt worlds better than I had in the morning.

Plus, Kai did have a point; in less than a week, he'd be gone. As frustrating as he was, it felt like I might as well enjoy the company while I could.

I finished the last of my drink and turned to Kai with a sigh. "Fine."

"I love how easy you are sometimes." I felt a light elbow in my rib as Kai winked in my direction. "When Ann gets back, we'll get some shots going, whatcha think? Tequila, for old times sake?"

I didn't care, but I nodded my head anyway. My mind was occupied with the prospect of getting so fucked up that I could finally enjoy a night of dreamless sleep.

((There was definitely some heavy shit going on in this chapter, but I was excited to finally stir Karen back into the mix. TBH I felt kinda bad that most of Karen's appearances so far were her wasted... she deserves better than that (but again... her and Gray really only hang out when they're getting fugged up sooo). I'm sure a lot of us can relate to Karen in this one though like she really do be asking the hard-hitting questions and saying what's really on all our minds lol. Also... I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself with Duke and Karen. Like, Jeff is SUCH a pushover and in my head, I just imagine him (but really Sasha) sending Karen to collect the supermarket's debts around town. I also love the idea of Duke being terrified of Karen... idk what it is. I can imagine that if a 20 something-year-old gal could crush you, a winery owner, in a drinking contest, that she would seem pretty dang intimidating lol.

Anyway. Sorry, no Claire in this one. Maybe Claire in the next? ;) We shall see.

Its that time in the Author's Notes where I give my ~shoutouts~ hehe. A big thanks to rageaphobia, my super special awesome beta-reader. Like on today's episode of What in the World Would I Do Without You: You are a superstar and I appreciate you more than you know hehe.

Also BIG OL THANKS to all of you that like... read this fic? Sometimes I'm in disbelief that there are other people out there who are following along, reading the silly little things I write lol. I appreciate ya'll more than you know srsly 3

Song that inspired the title is Sweet Dreams by Borns hehe I love the ironic use of songs and the melancholy in this one just hits a little different.))