DECEMBER 9 SUNDAY

So Remus got his bunny rabbit familiar, Sirius his silver fox, James his narwhal and Peter found an earwig on his toothbrush. It wasn't size that mattered, but how you trained it. Not according to James, 'though. The familiars were currently in the spirit plane.

James and Sirius had been playing pong for hours. James won yet another game. Sirius stepped back from the machine.

"I have to go now," he said. "I have to audition."

"Hamlet."

Sirius ran as fast as he could to the chamber of drama practice.

The leader of the drama club was a year 6 chap called Drew Dee. Drew sat slouched in a chair smoking and reading MAD magazine and calling names. He wore leather trousers and sunglasses. Sirius thought he was so cool.

Another chap stood in front of him, singing I don't know how to love him.

"He's just a man. And I'm a man. And I've had so many men before. I've had so many men. Before."

"NEXT!"
"I can do something else!"

Sirius ran to the auditioning spot and began to introduce himself although it wasn't his turn.

"Hi my names is Sirius Black and I'm in year 3-"

"OI! GET IN LINE!" yelled some chap who was standing in line.

Sirius gave him the finger. The chap came stomping towards him, wand drawn.

"You shouldn't pick on someone smaller than you!" said Sirius and ran to find protection behind Drew.

"Protect me, Drew!"
"The hell are you?" Drew asked.

"I am your Grinch!"

"Dream on! Did you say you were year 2?"

"Year 3!"

"You're too small to be the Grinch! You can be a Who if you want."
"Hey Drew! What if, instead of a Who-ville, you have a The Who-ville! And instead of Whos, you have The Who! And they can sing: The Grinch, he tried to put Christmas d-d-down! Talking 'bout how Grinch stole Christmas!And also: No one knows what it's like! To me a green man! To be a mean man! Under green fur!"

Drew scratched his chin.

"I like you, because you remind me of an even younger me."
"Awesome! Does that mean I can audition for the part of the Grinch?"

Drew shook his head. "I'm sorry but the audition is year 5 and up."

"I've been told I can pass for 15!"
"I've rejected many underdeveloped 15 year olds now sod off."

"Fine!"

Sirius began to walk away. Then he stopped, and turned back.

"Just one thing, Drew."

"What?"

"I know what you did."

"What?"

"I know what you did. I saw it."

Pause.

"I was there. I saw everything."

"Alright!" said Drew. "You may audition! You won't get the part. You will only waste your time and mine but by all means, do it."

Sirius asked the pianist to get off the piano stool because he wanted to play it.

Then he sat down, stretched his fingers and began to play a jazzy tune, and sing with a Marilyn Monroe-esque sensuality.

"You're a mean one

Mr Grinch

You got termites in your smile

You're as rotten as a meatball

You're a stinky crocodile

Mr Griiii-inch!"

Sirius swivelled on the piano stool, eeled over the piano seductively and lounge-spoke:

"Given the choice between you and a dirty old hamburger, I'll take

THE ARSENIC SAAAAUCE!"

Then he showed-off a bit by playing the piano with his feet, shoes on.

When he was finished, he got off the piano and bowed.

Drew slow-clapped. But he wasn't being sarcastic.

"The part is yours."

Over the moon, Sirius ran to hug Drew.

"Oh thank you, Drew, thank you!"
"Don't mention it now get off me. You remind me of Toffee."

"Because I'm so sweet?"

"No because you're acting like my ten-month old poodle Toffee. I miss him so much."

So much so, that Drew kept seeing him everywhere.