This is another shorter chapter, but I really think that this part of the story deserved it's own update.

"Tanya" The word comes out like a sigh, as if I'm relieved to hear from her. Am I?

"Look, what I said before...a while ago, actually, but-"

"Tanya." I interrupt her. "I'm sorry too."

"What? For what?"

"I was...ignorant. Hurting you was never my attention. I'm really sorry for that. And for the call, I shouldn't have lost control like that."

"No, no, you totally had the right to. I was out of line. Your love life is none of my business, and I was judging you when it wasn't my place."

I sighed again. "It kind of was. Tanya, you have no idea how much I want to be ok with this. If she was just an average person, and I was able to just move on, it would be-"

"Better." Tanya's voice is rough, like mine. I wonder if she's been screaming too.

"Exactly."

"Well I still shouldn't have ambushed you like that. It was cruel."

I stay silent.

"How are you? No lectures this time, I promise." She laughs at the end, but it sounds nervous and forced.

"I'm...living, I guess? I know I need to stay strong, for my family and you and Bella, but it's just hard."

"Yeah."

"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

"No Edward, you need someone to talk to. I'm sure your family's been calling too, but you can trust me. I know you, Ed. You don't have to pretend around me."

I don't say anything for a while, thinking. Can I talk to her? She is my friend, but the last time we had a heart to heart it didn't exactly go well. But she knows what it feels like to love someone you can't have. And she was right - I always put on a mask for my family.

So I talk to her. I'm not sure how much time goes by - maybe hours - but I tell her everything. Going to New York, listening to the lullaby, Jasper leaving, Alice and I going hunting, my road trip, my solitary hunting trips, the broken remote, the painful memories.

She stays quiet through most of my venting, and I wonder if she hung up a couple of times, but she stays on the phone. I hold back sobs through most of it, but towards the end I give up and allow myself some release. And Tanya just stays there, listening.

My voice is hoarse by the end. I wait for her to say something, but she doesn't.

"Tanya?"

"I- I'm so, so sorry. I had no idea-" Her voice is shaking.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No, you needed to. I just - I had no idea how much you were...hurting." The pity in her voice is all too familiar to my ears.

I suddenly feel hostile towards her. What did she expect? That I was just being some insufferable annoyance for no reason? Was I not convincing enough the first time?

"Well, now you do." I can't keep the bitterness from my voice.

"You should go home, Ed."

I scoff. "It isn't exactly your decision to make."

"Oh, right. Of course not." I feel a slight pang of guilt. She's hurt.

"No, no, I'm sorry. I've just been...moody." I chuckle humorlessly.

"Well, if it counts for anything, I miss you. Whenever you go back, you and your family should pay us a visit."

"Of course. Bye, Tanya."

"Bye."

I hang up and lay down, exhausted by the conversation. My mind reels. How did she have "no idea"? I mean, she asked. It wasn't like I was asking for pity. I take a deep breath, reminding myself that her intentions were good. Tanya's my friend. She didn't mean it like that. I mean, I did just talk to her about my recently depressing existence for hours. I should've expected it.

I decide to pick up the phone again, but I don't dial a number. I look up at the date. January 17th. I try to remember when we left...September 16th. I stifle a bitter laugh. I missed the four month mark by only a day.

Four months have passed. Time hasn't had much meaning here, so I suppose it was expected that it's been that long. Bella's face is still clear in my memory, though, and I know that her big brown eyes and her light pink blush and her brown, tangled hair will be etched into my memory for eternity. I sincerely hope that Bella doesn't have the same experience - with any luck, she'll forget my name in a couple of years. Or perhaps she'll know me as the strange vampire boy who broke her heart. How tragic.

I'm startled from the familiar loop of memories that I've been watching for hours now by a melodic knock on the door.

I knew this wasn't a good idea. Alice is so stubborn sometimes.

Jasper and Alice. I reluctantly stand up and open the door.

"Surprise! You didn't hear us, did you?" She frowns slightly, and I see her reeling through visions to make sure she didn't miss a possibility of me expecting their visit.

"Nope." I say.

Oh. He looks...terrible.

I see myself through Jasper's thoughts, and I have to agree with him - I'm wearing the same outfit that I wore when I left Cornell, my eyes are bruised and bloodshot, and my hair is tangled into an awkward updo.

Alice already saw what I would look like, so of course she isn't surprised by my disturbing appearance, but Jasper is.

"Edward." He wraps me into a firm hug, still happy to see his brother.

I give him a small smile in return, but our hellos are brief. Alice barges through the door with a million bags in tow.

"We get the bedroom!" She chimes.

"Alice, don't be rude." Jasper calls after her.

"I'm not - he hasn't been here in weeks!" Alice says it joyfully, choosing not to dwell on the fact that I've been in the same room for months.

Jasper mouths an apology before flitting to the bedroom as well, leaving me in momentary silence, even though the constant buzz of thoughts still invades my mind.

"Why did you have to come?" I clear my throat multiple times, but the voice that escapes my mouth is still distorted by thirst and emotion.

"To cheer you up." Jazz answers me with sarcasm seeping into his voice.

"Alice, you realize I can read minds, right?" Her mind skims through her visions once again, though this time they are of me once her and Jasper leave. None of them show me anywhere close to happy.

"Yes, Edward." She says it with exasperation. "But college is boring and we miss you! Also, did you have to pick Miami? What are we supposed to do?"

"Leave?" I suggest.

Alice rolls her eyes.

Ok, I need your opinion on this - would you rather me update this once or twice a week with longer chapters (like 4,000ish words) or update it every other day with shorter chapters (like 1,000ish words)? I've been posting like the latter for a while, but I'm not sure which one you guys would prefer. Let me know in reviews or PMs!