Tri: Integrity Lens

Saikai: Culpability

Taichi sat at his bedroom desk, staring at a piece of paper. It was a future plans worksheet, something overdue to his homeroom teacher, Nishijima.

Agumon rolled along his bed, back and forth, back and forth. "Taaaaa~iiiii~chiiiii," he groaned. "What's taking so looong?"

"Wish I knew," Taichi sighed, tossing his pencil down. "This is already overdue..."

"Just write something?" Agumon suggested. A humorless smile touched Taichi's face. Daigo had already suggested doing just that, which didn't strike Taichi as model teaching.

There was a knock on his bedroom door, and Taichi was oddly compelled to hide the worksheet under a textbook. He swiveled his chair towards the portal, fighting to relax his tense shoulders. The door opened an inch, and a sweet, lilting voice floated into the room. "Taichi?"

Taichi frowned. What was Eimi doing here? "Yeah?" he grunted.

Eimi stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. Her eyebrow rose, likely in response to his oh-so-gracious greeting. "Hi to you, too."

His head tipped to the side as he scowled. "What's up?"

Eimi sat on the bed. Agumon rolled across it, until he thumped against Eimi's thigh. The skepticism on her face shifted, and Taichi looked away as warmth filled her eyes. He felt prickly and awkward when she offered her heart for everyone to see.

"How are you, Agumon?" Eimi asked, oblivious to Taichi's discomfort. "All rested up?"

"Yeah! I feel great." Agumon plopped his head on her lap, and Eimi stroked his scaly skin. Agumon's eyes drifted shut, until suddenly, his nostrils twitched. He sat up so fast that he nearly headbutted Eimi's face. "I smell cookies!"

Eimi blinked, likely dazed by her near miss. "Er- I baked cookies for you and Taichi."

Agumon leaped on her, throwing his arms over her shoulders. Laughing, Eimi hugged him, pulling him in. Taichi turned around to hide his grin. As much as Eimi loved Galemon and Tentomon, their body shapes made it difficult to cuddle them, something Eimi was eager to do with all the digimon.

"What's the occasion?" Taichi asked.

Eimi slid Agumon off her lap and bent to retrieve her purse. Agumon shoved his head in as she tried to open it, and she nudged him aside. "Well, Omegamon saved our butts. I'm going to visit Yamato and Gabumon after. But, also..."

She paused long enough to extract a container of cookies and open it. "One for now," she said to Agumon. He opened his mouth, and Eimi placed it directly on his tongue, reaching past sheering teeth without thought.

Then she stood and approached Taichi. For some reason, he had the urge to back away. He loved Eimi, he really did. Growing up, she had visited his family frequently, until he came to see his cousin almost as a bonus sister.

But somehow, Eimi always knew when he was upset. Most of the time, Taichi could convince his family and friends to let him sulk in peace, but Eimi... Well, it was hard to say no to someone who looked at you with so much of her bleeding heart in her eyes.

Eimi placed the cookie container on his desk. "How are you doing, Taichi?"

Taichi knew she wouldn't take a hint if he pretended not to understand, but he had to try, if only for the sake of his dignity. "Fine. No injuries."

Eimi clicked her tongue. "Good, but not what I meant."

Taichi felt his chin tensing, his lower lip jutting out. "What do you mean?" he challenged, refusing to make this easy.

Eimi crossed her arms. "Eat a cookie. You're too sour."

Taichi snorted, but reached for a cookie. They smelled amazing, like butter, sugar, and chocolate. He grinned despite himself when the sweet, full flavor lit his taste buds.

"You're worried," Eimi said.

Taichi shrugged, knowing that he likely wasn't achieving the nonchalance he desired. "It would be crazy if I weren't."

He half expected Eimi to tease him or groan at the misdirection, but she nodded. "True."

Taichi's eyebrows rose, but he didn't risk a comment. Eimi watched his face for a few beats, then sighed. "There's so much on my mind," she said. "Iori and the others, most of all. Stars, I wish I could talk to Iori... I want to know if he's thinking the same thing I am. I need to know if he's okay- if they're all okay."

Something seized and twisted in Taichi's gut. "I really hope we can trust the Bureau." What else could he say? Daisuke and the others were a constant ache, like a piece of glass lodged further into his foot every step. But he couldn't afford to focus on it, not with distortions vomiting ultimate level digimon in Tokyo paired with zero leads on Daisuke's whereabouts.

He was growing more aware, just a little, day by day, that pushing back this kind of worry would kick him in the ass later. The need to do something for them was a slow-burning hysteria, and it would eventually scorch his brain, or at least devour all its oxygen. But what the hell was he supposed to do? Not even Koushiro could find them.

"I try to tell myself that we can," Eimi said slowly. "Just so I can get through the day. But... I also need to be prepared, in case we can't."

"Yeah..." Even though he often felt stupid, Taichi knew he wasn't, not really. He could see challenges ahead and try to plan for them. But Eimi had a knack for reading people and situations, an intuition honed by a lifetime of sensing when her parents' moods turned unpalatable, so she could escape or mitigate damage. Taichi knew she'd have her senses and instincts on high alert. "Do you have any ideas about all of this?"

Eimi frowned. "I've been writing reports after every incident. I have a big board in my room, too. I'm trying to see everything, you know?"

"Reports?" Taichi echoed. "Doesn't Koushiro have that covered?"

"He can't be everywhere," Eimi replied, somewhat sharply. "He's focusing on the digital side of things, but there's a lot more going on right now than anyone can see on a screen."

A twinge of guilt had Taichi looking away, breaking eye contact. "Koushiro's probably been working nonstop since this started… Take care of him, okay?"

A long pause followed, and Taichi looked up. Eimi's expression was complicated, but what really stood out was her closed off body language: crossed arms, a slight tilt away from him, shoulders tensed and raised. "I do try," she muttered. "But he doesn't listen. You should tell him to take it easy, too."

"Eimi is working hard, too!" Agumon said. Taichi and Eimi flinched in tandem; they were so caught up in their drama that they had forgotten him.

Taichi swallowed a sigh. Eimi did a lot of background work that no one saw, like compiling data into reports for Koushiro to review and summarizing his findings for others. On top of that, she took care of Koushiro and the office, including hosting visitors- although recently, Tentomon was helping with that. If Koushiro was tired, Eimi was tired, but somehow, no one picked up on that as readily.

"You're right, Agumon," Taichi said, forcing his eyes to stay on Eimi's. "Take care of yourself. Let someone know if you need help."

Bit by bit, Eimi's tight body language relaxed. She offered a small, strained smile. "I'll try, but you need to do the same."

His heart thumped, but he forced a laugh. "Whatever. Can I see your reports?"

"Umm..." Stressed furrows lined Eimi's forehead. "Actually... I'm not sure if anyone except Koushiro should see them."

Taichi's elbow slid off the edge of his desk. Why would Eimi, so professional and eager to help, deny him reports on a situation he was living through? He whirled his chair towards her for a better view, then substituted an affronted, Excuse you!, for a softened, "What? Why?"

Eimi cupped her cheek. Her fingertips dug into her skin, leaving red spots that quickly faded. "I... kind of hate how I feel, lately."

A jolt of panic rushed down Taichi's spine. It was rare for Eimi to approach people with a personal problem, and he wanted to encourage her. On the other hand, he had no damned idea what to tell her.

"Uh." Taichi grabbed a cookie and held it out to her. "Here. Let's sit?"

Eimi grinned faintly. Charitably, she didn't comment on being offered a cookie she had made. They both sat on Taichi's bed, with Agumon nuzzled in between them.

Eimi nibbled the cookie, her eyes set on some far-off nothing. "I... just feel so suspicious of… everything."

"You're always careful," Taichi said. He reached over Agumon to grasp her shoulder. "It's saved our butts lots of times."

Eimi shrugged. "The thing is... I don't trust the Bureau. And somehow, I'm already uncomfortable with Mochizuki-san. That's why… I don't want other people to be distrustful, so maybe you shouldn't read my reports? But… We all need to be careful, so maybe… But I don't want to bias people against a new Chosen for no concrete reason…"

Taichi edged back, walloped by shock. True, Eimi was cautious, but she wasn't cold or unwelcoming, not without reason. "Why? She's a kid who received her digimon some time after we did. We met tons of them when we traveled around the world with Imperialdramon."

"I really, really want to think that," Eimi murmured. "But... She moved here exactly when all of this started. And somehow, it seemed like Alphamon was following her? Or maybe Meicoomon. Alphamon mostly ignored us, but tried to attack them. After that attack, Koushiro and I reached out to her using the student directory. We invited her to the office to talk- most Chosen are excited to meet other Chosen, and they have questions. And honestly, we hoped she might have information about distortions and the infection. But… She never responded."

Taichi hesitated, unsure how to proceed. "Well... She did just move here. Maybe she doesn't have time?"

Eimi stared at her interlocked hands. "Maybe… But I also wonder… Although all footage of it has been removed since, our fight with Diablomon was live on the internet. Plus, there's Takeru's blog and the web of connections that leads back to Koushiro. What took Mochizuki-san so long to reach out to Chosen? Was it just a coincidence that we met her at all?"

Somehow, Taichi managed to scratch his head through its impressive barrier of hair. "She said she's from Tottori, right? It's even less populated there than Shimane. Remember how Yamato and Takeru couldn't find a computer connected to the internet in Shimane to fight Diablomon?"

Although that logic seemed sound, Taichi knew that, if he were a Chosen without a team, he'd leap at any chance to meet other Chosen and learn more about digimon. As much as Taichi hated to admit it, now that Eimi mentioned it… Something did seem off about Meiko's behavior, no matter how charitably he approached the situation.

And, more pressingly, he knew that Eimi's hunches were often right.

"That might have been true a few years ago, but now? Now, I'd be shocked if Mochizuki-san doesn't have a cell phone. The internet's not a luxury anymore; it's a utility."

Eimi sighed, then offered the rest of her cookie to Agumon. "I like that I'm cautious," she began, smiling as Agumon made happy chomping sounds. "Like you said, it can be helpful. But I don't want to be someone who suspects everyone. Mochizuki-san seemed nice. Nishijima-sensei does, too. So why... Why do I always feel like my back is to a wall?"

I know what you mean. Taichi was maddeningly familiar with the sensation of feeling trapped, unable to escape circumstances he hadn't chosen or created, caught with no easy path forward. However, he currently viewed the distortion problem as situational, something that had simply happened and had to be dealt with. Eimi seemed to be looking for causes, for forces pushing it into existence.

Taichi trusted that her goal was to prevent problems, not to place blame. Unfortunately, those two concepts often looked identical on the surface.

"Because we're not in control?" Taichi guessed. "But… You're not alone. If you feel like you're in danger, call someone. If you need to talk, call someone. Call me."

"Y-yeah…"

Taichi scowled. Eimi's hunched shoulders and downcast gaze seemed to indicate guilt, or at least unhappiness. He forced a smile and clasped her shoulder again. "Hey, don't beat yourself up. You should trust yourself. We all trust you."

Eimi looked up and blinked. A slow smile formed, and Taichi's grin mellowed in response. "You know... I think you should trust yourself, too."

Taichi couldn't help it; he tsked and looked away. He didn't bother asking for clarification.

Although there was no one to overhear them, Eimi's volume dropped. "It's scary, right? I know we've been in awful situations before. I know the stakes have been incredibly high. But when I see a digimon like Alphamon in Tokyo… I know that a second of bad luck could have such awful consequences. Consequences that we'd be responsible for, even though we intended to help."

And, like it was nothing, Eimi hooked the fears sulking in the depths of his mind and reeled them to the surface, where they writhed and gasped, shocked by their sudden exposure. Taichi stared back, affronted that she had forced him into a vulnerable position… But comforted that she understood.

"Yeah," he grunted. After a long pause, she brushed his knee. Sighing, Taichi drooped forward and rubbed the back of his neck. "I dunno, it's like Yamato doesn't get it. Back then, in the Digital World, he was usually saying that I had to be more careful, or more considerate. Now he thinks I'm being too cautious, but he knows that a digimon battle in Tokyo could easily kill people."

"He knows," Eimi agreed. "But he also knows that failure to fight aggressive digimon will absolutely cause deaths."

"We're the only ones who can do it," Taichi muttered, regurgitating Yamato's irate words.

"Hmm..." Eimi stroked Agumon's head for a while, absently smiling as he leaned into it. "Yamato's not wrong. There are more Chosen these days, but I think we're the only ones who can evolve our digimon past adult. And you and Yamato can form Omegamon... The rest of us can't hit ultimate, let alone something beyond that. But the power we have..."

She broke off with a frustrated sound. "I understand Yamato's perspective, but... What's that phrase? Might makes right? We do have the power to face these threats, and we want to protect everyone. But those good intentions can never absolve us from the consequences of our choices. If something bad happens as a result of using our power, we're responsible for that. On the other hand, if we decide not to use our power out of fear... Well, that reflects on us, too."

Taichi flinched. He had been so focused on avoiding causing causalities that he hadn't considered that. "You're saying... Not using our power... we would be responsible for that, too?"

"Yeah, that's basically Yamato's argument. People sometimes seem to think that stepping back, whether in the form of staying neutral, ignoring a problem, or hesitating, absolves them of responsibility. Truthfully, choosing not to act is a choice, and we are as culpable for that as we are for choosing to act. So, Yamato is right... But then, so are you."

Taichi's hand tried to curl around Agumon and pull him in, but he fought the impulse. Agumon saw himself as Taichi's protector, but on earth, Taichi had to protect him. And that meant knowing when to ask him to fight, and when to stay out of things. "We can't both be right."

Agumon looked up at him, concerned, but Eimi offered a wry grin. "Of course you can. If you're looking for a clear answer, a single, 'correct' path forward... It doesn't exist. All we can do is try our best and adapt to whatever happens."

Taichi fought the urge to leap to his feet and pace. "This is fate-of-the-world stuff! We can't just wing it!"

"I didn't say that. It's good that you're thinking, weighing. While I think Yamato is right, I wonder... Is he oversimplifying what's happening so he can take action more freely?"

"He's smart," Taichi admitted. "He knows it's dangerous. He knows the risks. He just... keeps pushing, anyway."

Eimi offered no comment. Taichi watched her from the corner of his eye. Eimi was the Child of Integrity, a girl who had once lost her ability to evolve Galemon because she broke a promise. "You really don't know what's right? I thought that was, like... your thing."

A surprised laugh popped out of her, along with a fleck of spittle. Wincing, Taichi wiped his face. "Sorry!" Eimi cried. "I just- You mean the integrity thing? Integrity is more about a personal code of ethics. In practice, most choices are gray, not black and white. Like I said, I can't point you to the... one true path."

"Then what do I do?!" he cried.

Despite the heavy subject, Eimi seemed to brighten, and her back straightened. Taichi flattened a grin as he realized that Eimi enjoyed being approached as an expert on something. Normally, she supported Koushiro, who received the team's recognition and questions. The urge to smile vanished as he considered that.

"If you're focusing on integrity," Eimi said, "then you have to take a look at what matters to you. I know you; you want to protect everyone. You want the humans to be safe, and our digimon, and even the digimon we're fighting."

Taichi grunted, unsure of how to respond to her praise. Agumon nuzzled into him. "She's right."

"But you also know that this is a delicate situation, and there's a lot at stake. Right now, I think that... Rather than grappling with the ethics of fighting when we could easily do unintended damage, you should strategize. We need to be prepared to fight in ways that reduce damage to the city. Maybe some of our digimon have attacks with lower chances of spill damage. Maybe some of our digimon could guard the perimeter of battles. Meanwhile, Koushiro will focus on figuring out the distortions and the infection, and I'll try to figure out what's going on with the Bureau and Mochizuki-san."

Taichi clasped his hands so hard that his knuckles whitened. "I know you're right," he said. "I just... Are you sure we can figure all of that out? Will that even help?"

"I can't make promises about whether it will work. I just know that I feel better when I prepare and cover my bases. As for whether you can do it... I know you can. But if you need help, I suggest you ask for it. You have a team."

"Yeah, Taichi!" Agumon cried. "I know everyone wants to help. And everyone believes in you!"

Taichi faltered, unsure of how to respond. He knew that Eimi's advice was good, even as he struggled to process it. But he couldn't work past the nagging sense that she had left him behind somewhere.

"That's really mature," he said at last. Unbidden, he pictured a younger Eimi from their Digital World adventures in 1999. That Eimi followed close behind Taichi and Koushiro, desperate for the comfort and safety of their shadows.

The teenage girl in front of him now was freely dispensing advice, trying to pull him out of the whirlpool of his mind, kicking and struggling against both of their weight.

"You think?" Eimi asked. She sounded nonchalant, but the corners of her mouth twitched up. "I guess I can't take credit, though. I learned it from my therapist. You know, decreasing anxiety by identifying what I can do about a situation and letting go of what I can't change."

Ah, shit. He wished he could keep looking her in the eye, but Taichi glanced away. "You're still in therapy?" It's been, what, three years?

Eimi started therapy shortly after returning to Japan from the states. She needed help following the assault, but really, her upbringing and their time in the Digital World had created more than enough trauma before that... Which probably explained her wry smile.

"Yes. I'll be going for a while, still."

"How are the self defense classes?" Taichi asked, mostly to nope the hell away from the other subject.

"Hmm..." Eimi shrugged. "I wish I had time to take them more regularly. The good news is that there's a gym for the renters in our office building, so I go often, even if it's just for twenty minutes. The lessons are great, but being stronger makes me feel better."

"There's a gym in there?!" Taichi exclaimed. Who were these people hiring Koushiro and Eimi?! Koushiro had mentioned a contact in America, but both he and Eimi vagued their way around details. "Can I join you sometime? I'd love to blow off some steam."

"Sure! Boxing is great for that," Eimi agreed. "I'd love to go with you."

Taichi inched back. Was it his imagination, or was she a little too eager? "Er- You're not gonna deck me, are you?"

"Ha! Tempting… but no."

He grinned, but quickly sobered. A silence formed, thick and heavy. Desperate for escape, Taichi said, "Don't you still have to visit Yamato?"

"Oh!" Eimi bounced to her feet and grabbed her purse. "You're right! I'll head out." She bent to drop a kiss on top of Agumon's head. "Don't eat all the cookies today. You'll get a tummy ache."

Agumon's "Taichi!" was whiny and plaintive. Long experience told Taichi that the cookie battle would be long and arduous, so he took the valiant option of ignoring it for now.

"See ya. Thanks for the cookies."

"No problem. I'm dropping some off with Hikari, too- don't eat them, Agumon. Bye bye!"

When Eimi left his bedroom, Taichi sighed and fell onto his bed. Agumon's snout appeared, hovering over his face. "What's wrong, Taichi?"

Taichi groaned and rubbed the inside of his wrists against his eyes. "She never lets me get away with anything." Eimi's advice had only the best intentions, he knew. But it was difficult to have someone force her way in and hold him up to the highest standards, even if she offered support to help him get there... Especially when he trusted her so much in return, and wanted to live up to her expectations.

The way Agumon's head tipped suggested that he didn't quite understand. "Eimi loves you. She brought us cookies!"

Sighing, Taichi hauled himself into a sitting position. "I guess..."

Then he imagined Eimi throwing that love in Yamato's unwilling face… and grinned.

Author's Notes: And there we have it, the last installment of Saikai! I have 22,000 words written already for Ketsui, but it's not finished. This story is on temporary hiatus while I work on completing the Ketsui content. However, there will be a single update on January, 17th, since I always update on my birthday, so please look forward to that!

So the Yamato/Taichi conflict in the early stages of Tri was that Yamato wanted to act- he accused Taichi of "just running away" when Taichi was hesitant to fight out of concern for killing humans in digimon battles. So, according to Yamato, hesitating is "running away," avoiding taking action and avoiding culpability. According to Eimi, deciding not to take action is an action that the actor is culpable for. Poor Taichi, lol! Actually, poor Chosen in general!

I hope you will look forward to Ketsui! Now that everything is set up, things will pick up, and we'll see my first major divergence from the Tri plot. It's related to the strained human/digimon political relationship, which of course throws the Chosen into the middle of everything. And I'm excited to sprinkle some Hiroaki in, plus a conversation between Meiko and Eimi as Eimi struggles to gather intel from the newest Chosen.

I've put so much love and effort into Saikai. If you enjoyed it, please do let me know! I'll see you before too long! I'm wishing you all the best in 2021.