To See You Again
Chapter Eight: Indecision, Hesitation, Closure
He tapped the pen on the desk, staring at the blank page. Less than a week ago, he'd made the resolve to at least try to stop writing these letters, but after everything that had happened with Videl on that rainy night, he needed a means to pour his feelings out.
March 18, 777, Gohan started writing at the top right of the sheet.
Dear Videl,
… I don't even know where to begin. My head is a jumbled mess. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't help hoping that wasn't the last time we saw each other, that I'll see you again, and kiss you again, and make you smile, and hold you in my arms, and even, watch the sequels of that awesome movie together with you.
He smiled at the memory. It had been so much fun, watching Back to the Future with Videl. He loved the premise, the interactions, the friendship between Doc and Marty, the whole concept of setting up your parents after you accidentally prevented their chance meeting. He'd found himself laughing his head off at some of the situations Marty got himself into – and then he would catch Videl's gaze. She would be already looking at him, and Gohan knew she'd been paying more attention to him than to the movie.
He sighed, his shoulders slumping.
I can't stop thinking about that night… Our last night together… I was aching to tell you how much I love you so many times. God, I love you more than ever.
I love the gentle, sweet side you've shown me on that night, when I turned up at your front door in the pouring rain. How you took my hand and led me inside, and said we were making an exception, how you worried that I'd get sick. I don't think I've ever gotten sick in my life – I never do. Some of the perks of my Saiyan genes, I'm guessing. A warrior race just won't do if they caught a cold every time there was a little rain in the battlefield, right? I could've just dried myself with my ki, for that matter. But I didn't say anything. I let you take care of me. I wanted you to take care of me. And I wanted a reason to stay, even though I knew I shouldn't have come, that I was breaking my promise, that I was only making things harder for us by showing up like that, that I would only be causing you more pain when I had to leave again.
And yet… I'm still grateful for that new memory with you. I loved being able to look into your eyes again and just get lost in them. I love that you wear my shirt as pj's. I love the way you blushed when I pointed it out. I hope you like that I left another one for you…
He smiled as he wrote those lines. His blue shirt looked so great on Videl. He remembered how he hadn't been able to take his eyes off her while she'd been looking for the DVD of the movie. The oversized clothing reached down to her mid thigh, showing only the outlines of her amazing curves, and Gohan had been unable to tear his gaze off her gorgeous legs. The collar was wide and it kept sliding off her shoulder, and not once did his stare not shift to her neckline whenever it did.
I keep replaying the whole night over and over again, from start to finish. It's still so fresh in my mind. I get breathless just thinking about your touch on my scars. I feel guilty for making you worry, but at the same time, I love that you worry about me.
I know you love me too. That night only confirmed my conviction that you feel the same way about me, not that I ever had any doubt.
His throat tightened. His eyes burned. Gohan swallowed. He turned the paper and started the next paragraph on the back.
I feel like crying when I think about how it felt to make love to you again… I wanted to savor every second, to take my time tasting you, touching you, relearning you, loving you… God, it felt so beautiful and real.
It's never been just sex between us. Our connection runs so much deeper than that. The reason it's so mind-blowing when we're intimate is because our hearts beat as one, because we love each other so deeply, so helplessly, so completely. When we're together… It's so powerful between us, so… explosive. Like the deadliest ki-blast that would be strong enough to decimate the entire solar system.
It's got the potential to be as dangerous and destructive, too. It hurts to love you. And I don't know what to do. I love you so much, and I want to be with you, but even if I tried to convince you to be with me, I know you wouldn't have me – you'd only reject me again. You've been scorched too many times, you've lost everyone you ever cared about, and I know you don't want to risk your heart again. And I get that. It's why I've been trying to keep my promise and stay away from you, and for five months, one week and three days, I'd managed to keep my word.
And then it started raining when I was flying back home after watching your fights. Which resulted in the most beautiful and bittersweet night of my life.
Gohan heaved a deep sigh. Bittersweet was indeed the correct word to describe that last night with Videl.
He had reached the bottom of the page. Man, he sure was writing a lot today. He grabbed a second sheet of paper and kept writing.
Bulma says I should go for it. She's made some valid points. I thought I was sparing you by staying away since I'm always fighting the cyborgs, but I guess I didn't think of the radio broadcasts that air whenever I go face them. I've always made a point to avoid anything that talks about me – they all have so much faith in me, and I feel like I'm disappointing them with my failure to kill the cyborgs. And, well, it's kinda embarrassing too, how they talk about me, like I'm some sort of celebrity or something, you know?
He shook his head. He was losing sight of the point he'd been trying to make.
But I digress…
I don't know what to do. I do want to be with you – more than anything – but it's a hopeless cause. You've made up your mind. And even though you couldn't help giving in that night, even though you tempted me with a night with you when I was already out the door – to you, that was the last time. The last night. Our last goodbye.
God… I can't stop thinking about it. I keep seeing you lying under me, your arms around my neck, your legs around my waist… The way you looked at me through half-lidded eyes, the way you kissed me, the way you breathed my name… I wanted time to stand still so we could stay like this, so I never had to let go of you again.
He had to pause for a moment, his hand unwilling to stop trembling. The lump in his throat felt tighter than ever. A tear escaped from his lower eyelid and slid down his cheek, landing on the page. Gohan quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He exhaled deeply for a few, long seconds, and then resumed the letter.
I need you so much, Videl. I wish you could just take me back if I showed up again. I wish I could tell you how I feel. I guess I kinda wish I could send you my letters, too – but you can never read them. They're way too depressing, and that's not how I want to tell you I love you for the first time.
Gohan cracked a smile as his hand kept moving, the ink filling line after line.
I want to look into your eyes as I whisper those words. I want to hold you in my arms when I profess my love to you, and I want to kiss you as I keep telling you how much I love you, again and again.
He turned the page and continued on the back. A troubled frown creased his brow.
Should I go for it? I just don't know. Just a few days ago Bulma had me convinced that it was the thing to do, but the more I think about it, the more I imagine ways you're going to reject me.
It hurts to love you. It hurts to be apart from you. It hurts to think about what we're missing out on.
Maybe I should wait for Bulma's weapon to be ready… If she's almost done with it, then maybe I should just wait until we can kill the cyborgs. And if it works, and we save the world…
I'm scared to get my hopes up. You've scorched me too many times, too.
What I do know, is that I am not giving up. I don't know when it'll happen, or how it'll happen, but I'll get you back someday. And we're going to be so darn happy together – you just wait. I'm going to make you the happiest you've ever been. I'm going to make you forget you've ever had your heart broken. You better be ready, Videl, because I'm not giving up on you. It may take time, it may take years, even – but, in the end, we will be together. And I'm going to make you smile silly for the rest of your life.
In the meantime… I hope you're coping better than I am…
Gohan blew a sigh. He finished by his usual signature, at the bottom right of the page.
Love always,
Gohan
ooOoo
She was still wearing it. His smell was long gone from the fabric, but Videl kept imagining breathing in Gohan's unique, intoxicating scent on the blue shirt he had left behind.
That stupid dork.
She had stood stunned by her couch, that morning, staring at the neatly folded blanket and the pillow arranged nicely on top of it, and, more importantly, at the equally neatly folded blue shirt and the small note Gohan had left behind for her to find.
"I thought you might like to have another one," it read. "It looks better on you anyway."
That stupid, lovable dork.
Videl sniffed softly, wiping her eyes with the collar of his shirt before hugging it closer. Although it was still the middle of the day, her room was dark and gloomy; the blinds had been put down for days, and Videl could not bring herself to get up and face the world anymore.
It hurt too much.
Empty. She felt empty. Hollow. She'd hardly left her bed since that last night with Gohan. She hadn't slept for days, or barely; she wasn't eating, wasn't taking care of herself. Nothing mattered anymore. The hours passed excruciatingly slowly, and she just lay there all day, all night, with only her morose thoughts and her agonizing heart for company. When she had gone to the bathroom earlier, she had barely recognized her reflection in the mirror. She looked bony; she was losing weight. The circles around her eyes were hollow and dark, her cheeks had lost most of their fullness, her lips were dry and peeling, and her hair was a wild, tangled mess. When she'd looked back at herself, there was no spark, no life anymore. There was nothing.
She had lost all hope – even more than before all that mess. She had lost her will. If she could just wither and die, she would be fine with it.
She was an idiot. She had pushed Gohan away to spare her heart, but now she was more miserable than ever.
God, how she missed that man. That beautiful, silly, adorable, awkward goof. God, how she loved him. Videl shut her eyes hard, hugging herself tighter, wishing it could be his arms holding her close.
She wasn't getting over him, was she? She was in too deep – she had fallen too hard for Gohan.
That night with him… Against her better judgment, the young woman found herself thinking of her last night with the man she loved. She pursed her lips as she thoughts of his kisses, and she couldn't stop the flood of emotions taking over her as she recalled the sweet things he kept whispering to her; how his breath would brush her skin, her lips, as he murmured again and again how he'd missed her, how he needed her, how beautiful she was… and as he made sweet, sweet love to her, how she had died to blurt out how helplessly in love she was with him.
And his eyes… Transparent, screaming how much he loved her – when his tongue wasn't allowed to voice the words.
God, could that night have been any more perfect?
Her shoulders shook as a sob forced its way out of her. That cursed night. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have let it happen? It was the worst mistake they could have made. How was she supposed to get over him now, when she craved for him more than ever?
She wished she could've held him back. And not just for the night – she wanted him forever.
But it was all over now. Gohan was gone, and he wasn't coming back.
And he was right not to. He was better off without her. She had only brought him grief and suffering – when he, more than anyone, deserved all the happiness in the world.
She didn't deserve him. She never did and never would. She was worthless. She didn't deserve anything.
She may as well be dead. The world would be better off.
ooOoo
It was night, and Gohan was sitting on the ground by a bonfire that he was using to roast the wild boar he'd hunted earlier after his daily training session. He watched the dancing flames distractedly, lost in thoughts.
He hadn't felt her ki spike up for weeks. Something didn't sit well in his stomach, and Gohan couldn't help the grip of worry tightening his chest. Then again, it was understandable that after he'd admitted to her that he could sense her energy whenever she got into a fight, Videl wouldn't be so keen to let him find her again.
His shoulders slumped and he sighed. It was hard to resist the temptation – it would be so easy to just scan the world and localize her. But he couldn't. He mustn't. He knew that. Not until he had made up his mind about what to do.
If only he could be sure Videl wasn't going to reject him… Gosh, how he wished he could go see her and just be with her… If only she wasn't so damn stubborn; if only he could find a way to make her hope again, to make her have faith in him, to make her believe in a better world, a better future… If only he could convince her to hold his hand while they faced the adversities together, whatever happened.
If only he could just see her again…
That last night with her… It was haunting him. It was destroying him, bit by bit. God, how he missed her… His throat tightened at the memory of waking up holding her in his arms. How he hadn't wanted to let go. How it took him forever to talk himself into getting up and getting ready to leave. How he couldn't bring himself to. How beautiful she looked as she slept soundly, and how her arms had subconsciously tightened around him when he had finally decided to get up.
Gohan blinked a few times as he realized that someone was calling his name. Flames danced in the blue eyes staring back at him; lilac eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"Oh, hey, Trunks," Gohan greeted faintly, still a little out of it. He rubbed his eyes to clear his mind and added, looking up at Trunks again, "Want to join me for dinner?"
The young boy dug his hands into his pants' pockets and shrugged his shoulders. "I already ate, but I wouldn't mind a bite."
Gohan cracked a small smile as Trunks sat on the ground beside him. "I'm sure you wouldn't."
It was nice hanging out with Trunks. Because of his low spirits in the past several months, Gohan hadn't been spending a lot of time with him; he didn't want his young friend to be at the end of his moods, as it had happened a few times in the past. The guilt of leaving his dearest friend aside was still prickling in his chest.
And yet Trunks was smiling back at him and talking to him like usual, still offering him his unconditional friendship and support. There was no resentment or accusation in his eyes whatsoever. That kid was a blessing.
"So that weapon's almost ready, huh," Gohan commented distractedly.
"Mom wants to call it the Eradicator 5000," frowned Trunks, crossing his arms. "But I told her that's too corny!
Gohan snorted laughing, and Trunks smiled slightly. "You're harsh with her. Besides, I kinda like that name too."
"That's cuz' you're both old," Trunks retorted, smirking as he rolled his eyes.
"Hey! I resent that!" Gohan cried out in mock indignation. "And how am I old anyway? I'm not even twenty!"
"To me you're old," Trunks stated with a smug look, leaning back onto his hands for support.
Gohan narrowed his eyes at the little brat, a playful glint dancing in their depths. "Smart ass."
Trunks widened his eyes in exaggerated shock. "I'm gonna tell Mom you said the A-word in front of me."
"You're eleven now, you can take it," smirked Gohan, rolling his eyes.
"I'm gonna tell your mom, then."
Gohan was about to retort something, but then he paused and closed his mouth, beads of sweat forming on his temples and forehead. He looked at Trunks with a nervous smile.
"You're not really going to tell my mom, are you?"
They shared a long look. And then both burst out laughing.
Months ago, when he had lain in that hospital bed, broken physically as much as mentally; after he'd just made the decision to give up on Videl, he had honestly believed that he would never smile again, let alone laugh. Eventually, however, time did help ease his suffering, and so did the support of his loved ones. It did not, however, lessen or dim down his love for Videl, and Gohan knew that such a thing was never going to happen.
Like Bulma had put that time, what he had with Videl was incredibly rare and too beautiful to give up on. And back then, Gohan had seriously believed that going after Videl, even if it meant going against her wish, was the right decision.
That had been about six weeks ago. He had been struggling against himself since then. He wished he could just go for it and damn the consequences, but…
Thinking about all that again caused him to look down at the rocky ground. He let out a dejected sigh. How could he do that? How could he go against Videl's wish? Maybe it was working for her. Maybe she was actually getting over him, and him barging into her life once more would only make things harder for her again. And he didn't want that. That was the last thing he wanted. Gohan wanted Videl to be happy, as much as happiness could be possible in their broken world – even if that meant without him. Even if it was killing him not to see her anymore. Even if he was going crazy from missing her, and wanting her, and loving her with all of his cursed heart.
Even if it meant never seeing her again.
But what if she's the same? he would always end up wondering. What if she's hurting as much as I am and by staying apart I'm only making it worse?
Gohan didn't want to think like that, because he was truly hoping that Videl was doing better. But if, as he suspected, Videl had fallen for him as hard as he'd fallen for her, Gohan couldn't see how she could ever get over him, just like he knew that he would never get over her.
But then, even if, yes, staying apart was indeed only making it worse for the both of them, and even if Bulma was right and Videl was wrong, and even if he did attempt to win Videl over, Gohan knew, deep in his heart, that there was no way she would want to have a real relationship with him, not when he was the only warrior capable of ridding the world of the worst humanoid machines humanity had ever seen. She had made it quite clear that she didn't want a life with someone like him. And who could blame her? Who, for that matter, would want to get involved with someone who could get killed at any moment, any day, any time? After losing everyone she had ever cherished, it was no wonder that Videl was running away from any possible attachment.
That one thought tightened his heart. He hated that Videl had absolutely nobody – she was all alone and had been so for who knew how long. Nobody was meant to live alone; people needed each other, and Videl was no different. He hated that she had purposely detached herself from human contact. He hated that she'd had to suffer the loss of everyone she had ever cared about. He hated that she wouldn't let him be there for her.
"Isn't it ready by now?"
Gohan slowly turned his head and looked at Trunks, and then at the roasting boar on the stick.
"Oh. Right." Silence. "You mind getting it?"
Trunks eyed him warily, nodding his head, and got up to get Gohan's dinner. The change of mood was off-putting, but not uncommon with Gohan in the past several months. Ever since Gohan got his heart broken by Videl, to be more precise. Trunks knew better than to bring her up again, but he had learned to recognize when Gohan was thinking about her. He would always get that lost puppy expression, and it broke the boy's heart to see his best friend in that state. More than anything, Trunks wished he could do more for Gohan, and he truly hoped, with all of his heart, that his companionship was easing at least some of Gohan's heartache.
Although, to be honest, he was also dying to ask Gohan more about that girl. He had only met her that one time and Trunks was dying to know what kind of person she really was. Surely there was more to her than the glimpse he'd had that night, and Trunks wanted to understand what made Gohan love her so much that he still couldn't get over her, even after she had hurt him so awfully.
"Here," he said, planting the stick on the ground in front of Gohan, the boar's roasted skin crackling in the cool evening breeze.
"Thanks, Trunks," Gohan replied with a half-hearted smile. "Let's eat up."
It gave his heart a painful pang to see Gohan like this, his eyes so subdued even when he tried to smile. It was hard to believe that only a moment ago they were laughing to tears.
As he sat down and watched Gohan eat slowly, Trunks decided to just go for it and hope for the best.
"You were thinking about her again, weren't you?"
Gohan paused, but didn't look at him. He swallowed his mouthful but said nothing. He was lost in thoughts again, a cloud dimming the already faint light in his eyes. Trunks heaved a sigh.
"Never mind. Sorry, I should've kept my mouth shut." His shoulders slumped.
Gohan cracked a sad yet incredibly warm smile as he turned to look at him. "It's okay, Trunks, you didn't do anything wrong. You got it right anyway."
He swallowed, looking down. "Oh."
"Didn't you want a bite?"
"No thanks. Don't really feel like eating right now."
"That's never a good sign."
The slight hint of amusement in Gohan's tone made him look up, and Trunks was met with that heartwrenching warm smile again. He felt like he could cry.
"Does it hurt that much?" he blurted out and regretted it the moment the words escaped his mouth when Gohan's breath hitched and he swallowed thickly. Trunks looked away. "Sorry…"
"I hope you never get to find out."
Trunks closed his eyes tightly. It was so unfair. He hated that Gohan was in so much pain. Wasn't there enough tragedy in the world as it was? Did he really have to get his heart torn to pieces, too? Sometimes Trunks wished he could give Videl a piece of his mind. How dared she hurt the kindest person on Earth?
"Hey, hey, stop with that face. I'm better now, you know? And I'll keep getting better, so don't worry about me, all right?"
He looked at Gohan, his throat tight with tears he refused to show. That smile again. It hurt so much to look at it.
"Why her?" he found himself asking. Anyone else would've died to be with the man who bravely fought to save the world. Why did Gohan have to fall for the one girl who didn't?
"Heh, how the hell should I know?" he chuckled. His eyes twinkled in that peculiar way then, and Trunks knew Gohan was thinking about her again, most likely about all the little things he liked about her. "She's just that awesome."
"But she's hurt you so much," he said with a hint of accusation in his voice.
"Yeah. Love doesn't make any sense, does it?" Gohan added, cracking a smile.
"Tell me about it," he agreed, slumping his shoulders.
Gohan resumed eating, and they stayed silent while Trunks reflected on what his friend had said.
"What's she like?" he couldn't help asking, too curious to stop himself.
A wistful smile formed on the young man's lips. He stopped eating, wiped himself and looked up at the star-filled sky.
"I've never met anyone like Videl," he started saying. "She's a fighter, did you know that? And a damn good one at that, too. And she's so beautiful and cute and kind, even though she tries to hide it. And she's so badass, not to mention a hothead – she might be even more stubborn than my mom."
Trunks laughed before he could stop himself. "No way!"
Gohan smiled, a real smile, and at that moment Trunks was glad he'd asked him about Videl.
"She really is," he chuckled.
And then his eyes softened, and Trunks found himself speechless. It was the first time he'd ever seen such a gentle and… unique expression on Gohan.
"And I love her so much."
Trunks kept staring at his older friend, and for some reason, his heart felt just the slightest bit lighter. Gohan offered him a kind smile.
"You know, it feels good to talk to someone about her. Thanks for listening, lil' bro."
He ruffled his hair, and Trunks beamed.
ooOoo
Her legs wobbled and trembled as she stood, or tried to. Videl took a shaky step. She felt like a toddler learning to walk. How long had it been since she'd had anything to eat? She would try to force herself to put something in her mouth every now and then, but her will was so weak, more often than not she would go days without having anything. Her insomnia wasn't helping, either.
Her senses felt numb. She didn't even feel tired or hungry, but she knew she had to eat something. Her body had no energy left, and she felt like the life was slowly being sucked out of her – that it wouldn't be long until all of it would be snuffed out and there would be nothing left.
A part of her didn't care. Why bother? Why should she keep fighting? There was nothing left for her in this world, nothing to live for. There hadn't been for a long time, really.
Videl tried to ignore that voice in her head as she took step after step, walking out of her bedroom, along the hallway and to the kitchen. Her hand was shaking as she pushed the door open. Her breathing was already short. Her face contorted in disgust.
How could she let herself become so weak?
She went to the cabinets, figuring anything left in the fridge would be long spoiled. Maybe she had some meat or fish in her freezer, though… But Videl didn't feel like cooking anything. It was already too much of an effort just forcing herself to get something to eat.
She opened the top cabinets where she usually put away the snacks. And just stared at the content. Nothing looked appealing. Just the thought of putting any of these salty or sugary "delights" in her mouth was making her want to gag.
Sighing in resignation, she reached up to browse through the shelf and move boxes around, hoping to find at least one thing that didn't churn and twist her empty stomach.
Her hand stopped, and for a moment so did her heart.
Chocolate chip cookies.
A lump rose in her throat as she was reminded of the man who sacrificed everything to keep her safe. The man who raised her on his own after her mother passed. The man who did anything and everything he could just to make her happy, glad to bake tons and tons of her favorite chocolate chip cookies if only it could make her smile.
Her eyes welled up. Dad…
He had risked everything for her. She didn't know for sure if he had died that dreadful day the cyborgs attacked Orange Star City, but she knew it would be foolish to hope he had survived. Her father had sacrificed his life just so she could escape the chaos – just so she could live.
And this was how she was honoring his memory?
Her eyes hardened. A fire she thought had long gone lit them up. No, she could not give up. She couldn't stop fighting – ever.
For the man who gave up everything to keep her alive, she had to keep her promise to him, she had to keep going.
Her stomach growled suddenly, painfully. Videl grabbed the box of chocolate chip cookies and went to sit at the bar counter. She dug out a cookie and took a bite. She sighed in content. They may not be as good as the ones her dad would make her, but it was still her favorite kind of snack. Her taste buds were coming to life as she kept eating the cookies, one after the other. Colors returned to her face, and as she looked out the window above the sink, a small smile curved her lips for the first time in weeks.
The sun was setting. Videl got to her feet and walked closer, distractedly munching on a cookie as she took a moment to watch the vibrant colors of the sky; it looked like the clouds were on fire.
Was her dad out there somewhere? Could he have somehow survived all these years? Could he be watching the same sky right now?
Her eyes took on an amused glint as she imagined what her father would have thought of Gohan if, in a world without the cyborgs, they had ever met. Back when she had just entered puberty and was starting to take an interest in boys, he had gotten so overprotective that he had declared that her boyfriend would have to be stronger than him. He, the world martial arts tournament champion, expected her to find a twelve-year-old that was somehow stronger than him. She had huffed and puffed, but in the end, she hadn't been that interested in boys and figured that she might as well wait a few more years, or at least until she really liked a boy before getting into an argument with her father about it.
How ironic that she ended up falling for someone who was actually ridiculously stronger than the Champ himself?
It made her smile wistfully as she imagined her dad meeting Gohan. Somehow, Videl had a feeling that, even though her dad would have no doubt opposed her ever dating anyone, he would have eventually taken a liking to Gohan. And how could he not? How could anyone resist Gohan's adorable awkwardness?
Like she ever stood a chance.
She recalled, back when they had first met, how, after she had rejected him, his gentle eyes had drawn her in as he admitted to her, "I don't think I'm going to get over you any time soon, though."
Videl stilled her movements as the realization hit her like a slap in the face. That had been it. She had been telling herself that everything went downhill from the moment Gohan kissed her for the first time on that rainy night, but that wasn't quite the truth, was it?
That moment, when he had smiled at her and his eyes shone with longing and still a little bit of hope… It was at that exact moment that her heart started thumping for him.
She put the empty box of cookies on the counter by the sink and turned on the faucet to wash her hands, then splashed her face several times, letting the cold water clear her mind.
Videl let out a deep sigh and dried herself with the towel hanging from a top cabinet handle. She never stood a chance, did she? She had been drawn to him from the very beginning, and no matter how much she struggled, how dangerous she knew he was for her, there had been nothing she could have done to stop herself from falling so completely in love with that man.
But she knew it was over. She had to come to terms with that. She had to learn to live without him. It had been her decision to break it off and Videl knew, no matter how much it hurt, that it would be better for both of them in the long run. She had to keep that in mind. And she had to live again. Her father would've been heartbroken if he'd ever seen how depressed and distraught she'd gotten in the past weeks. She had promised him she would survive no matter what, and she owed him that after everything he had done for her.
And if, somehow, someway, her dad was still alive, out there somewhere… Maybe, one day, as long as she didn't give up… Maybe, one day… they could be reunited.
Videl cracked a smile. And then, maybe, they could make chocolate chip cookies together.
ooOoo
On his hands and knees, Gohan winced and coughed, blood staining the cracked concrete as he struggled to get back up. He hissed as he put his hand on the wide wound on the side of his abdomen, trying to hold the bleeding. His gi was in shreds, the top long gone, uncovering his scarred and injured torso.
"I think you went a little strong on him, Sis," 17 said, smirking in amusement.
"What? That tiny little ki-blast?" 18 scoffed, tucking her rebel strands of hair behind her ear. "He can handle it. Can't you, Gohan?" she shot at the Saiyan warrior who was finally back on his feet, albeit standing somewhat shakily on his legs.
"Oh, yeah," he gritted out angrily. "I'm doing just peachy."
18 snickered. "See? He's fine."
"You have a habit of breaking all of our stuff," 17 remarked to his sister. "It'd be a shame to kill Gohan before we're done having our fun with him. Wouldn't it, buddy?"
Gohan ignored the infuriating duo and instead focused his senses on the area. The city was in rubble and the smoke was so thick that it was burning his throat and stinging his eyes. He reached out with his mind, searching for any lifeform remaining. He needed to make sure all the survivors had been able to run. He had to know if anyone had stayed behind, or worse, if they hadn't been able to escape with everyone else for some reason.
Something clicked in his head. A very faint life force. He glanced to his left, in the direction he felt the terrified ki. Gohan swallowed.
He had to move the fight away. He couldn't risk whoever was hiding over there to be caught in the crossfire.
"I sure wouldn't mind, you know, staying alive and all," he retorted, keeping the twins' attention on himself. "You wouldn't want to break your favorite toy already, would you?"
"Heh. I guess not," 17 admitted, his smirk widening.
"Witty today, aren't we?" 18 remarked, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms.
Gohan winced. Damn, he was losing a lot of blood. He needed to cauterize his wound. He gathered his ki in his hand and burned the flesh, groaning through gritted teeth at the searing pain.
"Ouch, that looked like it hurt a lot," 17 said in fake sympathy.
"If you're curious, I can do that on you too," Gohan snapped back. He stood tall and clenched his fists; his golden aura spread out, the wind picked up around him, and Gohan yelled, the earth shaking as his power exploded.
"I'm jealous," 17 mocked. "I'm the only one who can't turn blond."
"Try bleaching it," 18 suggested with a shrug.
"Yeah but Gohan can make it blond or black at will. Like that," he pointed out with a snap of his fingers. "That's pretty neat." He casually leaned his head to the side to dodge the ki blast aimed at his head. Turning to Gohan, who still had his arm outstretched, he rolled his eyes. "We're having a conversation here," he scolded. "Hasn't your mother taught you any manners?"
Gohan phased out, reappeared behind the duo and sweeping his leg at them, but they easily moved out of the way.
And that was exactly what he meant them to do. He kept attacking them with everything he had, knowing it wouldn't be enough anyway, especially in his weakened state; but, slowly and surely, he managed to push them farther and farther away from the survivor hiding in the ruins.
"You know what I like about you?" 17 told him as he lazily evaded his attacks. "You never give up. I don't think you know how."
"That's why we've kept you alive all these years," 18 added. She caught his punch then and applied pressure on his fist. Gohan hissed through gritted teeth, glaring murder at the stoic blonde. "You've got quite the stamina too, especially for someone who, unlike us, doesn't have unlimited energy."
She blocked another punch with her forearm, still maintaining his other fist in her hand and slowly applying more and more pressure on his bones. Gohan shut his eyes tightly, his jaw clenched hard, swallowing back his scream of agony.
18 crushed his hand. He howled at the pain. She smirked as she let him go, and Gohan took a few steps back, carefully nursing his broken fingers.
"Whoops… Guess I really am not too good at caring for my toys," she mocked.
"You don't say," Gohan bit back snidely, narrowing his eyes at her. In the back of his mind, he felt the survivor's ki slowly start to move.
He had to keep their attention on himself. He couldn't let this person be seen.
Gohan moved his bad hand behind his back and charged at them again.
He couldn't lose this life too.
About half an hour later, Gohan lay in a wide crater and played dead, hoping the cyborgs would buy it and leave him be. He breathed a sigh of relief when they took the bait – they usually did, as he wouldn't be much fun if he was too weakened to keep fighting anyway and, thankfully, they weren't ready to kill him off just yet.
The survivor was still trying to escape from the ruined city. Gohan struggled to his feet. Man, he was hurting all over, and his hand was killing him. He pushed through, however, and used what was left of his ki to raise himself from the crater. His energy tank was so low that he was wobbling in the air. At this rate, in his state, he wouldn't be much help to that person.
Good thing he had more than one trick up his sleeve.
Sucking in a deep breath, Gohan yelled at the sky: "Nimbus!"
Without fail, even after all these years, the magic cloud appeared on the horizon and whooshed straight at him. It skidded to a stop right in front of him and waited patiently for him to climb on. His body was too sore and broken, so Gohan used mostly his ki to move. He slowly sat on the cloud and rode it towards the only remaining life in the destroyed city.
"There he is," Gohan breathed in relief. It was a middle-aged man, and he was limping – missing a leg, actually, and supporting his weight on a crutch. The fighter on the magic cloud frowned. So that was why he hadn't been able to run with everyone else – he couldn't run.
Gohan rode Nimbus down towards the black-haired, olive-skinned man, who turned around in fear at the whooshing sound. Relief flashed in his blue eyes as he caught sight of the young warrior, but it was soon replaced with worry as he rushed at him – well, as best he could on his crutch.
"Oh, man, they really did a number on you, huh?" he said, his voice deep and gruff.
"You okay?" Gohan asked in concern, unable not to glance at the empty space where his left leg should've been.
"Oh, I'm all right. I've always had luck on my side," the man said with a smug smile, waving him off. "This is my fifth time surviving them."
Gohan blinked. "Wow, that's…"
"Impressive, right?"
Gohan grinned. "Sure is. Need a lift? I'm not sure you can ride my cloud, but I'll just hold you up if you can't."
The man eyed the cloud in curiosity, reaching out to touch the fluffy texture. "How peculiar. Why wouldn't I be able to ride it?"
"Um, well…" Gohan scratched his hair with his good hand, a faint blush streaking across his cheeks. "Only those who are pure of heart can sit on Nimbus, and, um, even when you're a good person, you don't necessarily have a pure heart."
The man cracked a smile. "Well, it's no wonder you have no problem sitting on it, then."
There was something about him… He oozed of charisma and confidence. Gohan didn't know why exactly, but he felt like he could easily trust that man.
"I probably can't sit on it, though," the survivor continued, his expression turning grim. "I may not be a bad person, but I am certainly not pure."
"That's okay. I'll just hold you up." Gohan held out his hand and made Nimbus lower itself to make it easier for the one-legged man to climb on it.
His new acquaintance took his hand with a surprisingly firm grip, and Gohan pulled him onto the cloud, putting his good arm around him to keep him from falling through.
"Let's get you to the hospital," the man said pointedly.
"Sounds like a plan."
Maneuvering the cloud with his mind, Gohan set the destination to West City and they took off to the sky, leaving the smoke and ruins of what was left of the once lively city behind them.
"I'm Mark," the man said, introducing himself. He had a wistful smile then. "Although, back in the day, I used to go by a stage name."
"Oh? Are you famous or something?"
Mark raised his head cockily. "You could say that. They used to say I was the strongest man alive – well," he corrected himself with a grin, "they obviously didn't know about you."
"So, you were some kind of martial arts champion?"
"Wrestling, yeah. And later I won the world martial arts tournament…" His smile fell. "That was only a few days before the cyborgs appeared, actually."
"That's quite impressive," Gohan complimented, deciding not to dwell on his last comment. "What was your stage name? Maybe I've heard of you."
"If you haven't, you were probably living under a rock," Mark said with a cocky grin. Gohan chuckled – he was really liking this man.
"Heh. I kinda was."
Mark let out a laugh. "Well, anyway, I was known as Mr. Satan."
Gohan's eyes lit up. Another demon-based pseudonym. "I like it. My mentor was kind of a demon, so I've used his stage name as my own. It's Majunior."
"Ooohh, not bad, not bad at all. I like how simple it is." Then Mark tilted his head to the side and averted his gaze, looking as though something just occurred to him. "Wait, I know of Majunior… Wasn't he the one who reduced the tournament arena to dust in his final round against that kid with the weird hair…? Um… What was his name again?"
"Son Goku," Gohan said without hesitation. He smiled knowingly at Mark's apparent surprise. "Yeah, that kid… happened to be my dad. It's the year he won the championship."
"Wow! That was your dad? I guess you take after him, huh. That means your dad was the world champion right before me. Everyone wondered why he didn't enter the tournament that time, for that matter."
Gohan turned away, his voice lowering to a weak whisper. "He died a few months before. Heart virus."
The man put a hand on his shoulder in sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that. From what I've heard about him, he was a great guy. At least he didn't get to know those horrible cyborgs."
At that, Gohan couldn't help the laugh snorting out his nose, and tried to muffle the unappealing noise with his hand. "Are you kidding me? He's probably livid he never got to fight them, up there in heaven. He would have loved to have a go at them."
Mark guffawed. "What a man!"
Gohan was still laughing. "You can say that again!"
ooOoo
The hospital staff put him on a trolley bed, and a woman quickly stung his arm to get the intravenous fluids into him. Gohan sighed in relief as his pain finally lessened. He may hate hospitals, but he wasn't going to complain about their good work.
"I'm okay," Mark said as a few ambulance people turned to him. "Just take good care of him."
"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Satan," Gohan said with a drowsy smile.
"Likewise, Majunior," Mark replied with a grin. Gohan beckoned him over with his good hand, then motioned to him to lean closer. Mark bent down, allowing the wounded warrior to whisper something in his ear.
"It's Gohan. Son Gohan. Keep it to yourself, okay?"
The hospital staff rolled him away. Mark looked on with a warm smile. He was touched that the young man would trust him with something as important and valuable as his identity. He felt honored.
He had thoroughly enjoyed meeting Gohan. He had such a kind soul – and it was truly immaculate and pure.
His eyes clouded over, and Mark turned away. Videl would've been his age…
No, he couldn't think like that. His daughter was strong and brave and clever, she had to have survived. She was a fighter. She was a hot-head. She survived. She was alive. She had to be.
If only he could find her. If only he could see her again…
ooOoo
He was hovering above the tiled floor of his hospital room, clad in his underwear; his hideous hospital gown was discarded on the neatly-made bed. His arms and legs crossed, his eyes closed, his mouth taut in a tight frown, Gohan focused on his ki, steadily making it grow.
Meditation was a good way to keep up with his training even when he was injured and unable to go train to some deserted area – well, more like forbidden to do as he pleased, what with being stuck in the hospital and all. His right hand was in a cast and most of his body was covered in bandages, but while it shouldn't take him more than a few days to be let out of the hospital, Gohan wasn't ready to let up his concentration during that time.
Beads of sweat trickled down his forehead and temples. A gentle breeze rustled his black hair even though the windows were closed. No thought polluted his mind. Free of worry, free of doubt, Gohan focused solely on his breathing. He was reaching inside himself, pulling at his core, making it shine brighter, grow stronger. His senses were so heightened that he could pinpoint every single life force in the building – no, he could feel all of them from miles around him, actually. He could hear the leisure walk of some people outside his room, as well as the rushed steps of doctors or nurses or both, he could only assume. He could even make out some distinct chatter here and there on his floor.
Gohan enjoyed this state of deep meditation. He felt like he was one with the very air he breathed. He was unconcerned with any unwanted uncertainty or apprehension. There was only him. His mind was completely blank; clean of parasites and so pleasantly empty.
There was a knock on his door. His eyebrow twitched slightly. The ki on the other side felt familiar, but Gohan didn't know the person well enough to identify them.
The door opened without invitation. Gohan slowly started to get back to reality. His senses told him his visitor was standing still on the doorway.
"Uhh…"
He recognized the deep voice. A smile formed on his lips. The man from yesterday. Former world martial arts champion Mr. Satan, going by the name of Mark.
He got to his feet and opened his eyes. "Hello," he greeted his new friend pleasantly. "It's nice of you to visit me."
"Well, um, it's the least I can do after… uhh…" The man seemed distracted, his eyes unable to keep still, travelling the hospital room and every now and then glancing to him. "How did you…? How do you do that?"
Gohan walked to the bed and picked up his hospital gown, putting it back on to cover himself. He didn't need questions about his numerous scars as well, although some of them were at least concealed under his numerous bandages.
"I was meditating. Have you heard about ki?" He sat on the bed and looked at Mark. "It can also be called energy, or life force, or aura. When you can control it, you can use it to fly and shoot energy attacks, among other things."
"Uhh…" Mark blinked and scratched his afro. "I have to admit I never got too much into that kind of thing. It was always too complicated for me."
A kind smile curved his lips. "Understandable," Gohan said, nodding his head. He cupped his hands in front of him. "Here, let me show you."
Mark pushed the door behind him for more privacy before skipping on his crutch to get closer to the mysterious warrior and sit down beside him. Light appeared between the young man's palms. Its glow was warm and reassuring, like the fire of a chimney on a cold winter night.
"You mean to tell me," Mark murmured in disbelief, "that anyone could do that if they can control their… ki?"
"In theory." The ball of light in his hands faded away. "You, for instance, since you have martial arts training and were strong enough to win the championship, I'm fairly sure you could learn."
Mark blinked. "Huh…"
Gohan cracked a smile. "Would you like to?"
The older man stared at him with his lips parted, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're… serious? I could actually… You mean to tell me I could fly?"
The Saiyan hybrid shrugged. "I don't see why not."
The glint in Mark's eye had changed. He looked like he was bubbling in excitement, thrilled at the prospect of learning about ki.
"And you could teach me?"
Gohan chuckled and nodded his head. "Sure."
"But…" Mark frowned. "Don't you have better things to do than give flying lessons to an old man like me?"
Gohan shrugged. "I don't think it'll be a problem. I can train on my own while you practice controlling your ki."
Mark tilted his head. "Why, though? Why would you do that for me? You barely know me."
Gohan grinned. "I think it'll be fun. And, well, that way, it'll be easier for you to escape from the cyborgs if you ever need to again."
The one-legged man grinned back at him. "My lucky star works in mysterious ways, doesn't it? Now it's sent you my way to make my life easier."
They laughed together. It was at that moment that a head peeked in from the door, fine lilac locks flowing gently on the side of the young face. Trunks raised his eyebrows at the scene. Gohan noticed him at the door and perked up.
"Trunks, hi!" He beckoned the boy over with his good hand. "Come on in. Let me introduce you to my new friend."
Feeling a little uneasy in the presence of a new face, Trunks stepped inside the hospital room and looked at the olive-skinned, middle-aged man with the afro and the crutch. He quickly averted his gaze from the empty space below his left hip and bowed respectfully as a cover.
"Hello, I'm Trunks. Pleased to meet you, sir."
"What a polite young man," the stranger complimented in appreciation. "I'm Mark. Gohan's saved my life yesterday."
Straightening himself up, Trunks raised his eyebrows. "You were there when the cyborgs attacked?"
"Wasn't my first rodeo, either. They can't seem to get rid of me, heh," the man joked, puffing out his chest.
"Really? You managed to survive their attacks more than once?" Trunks asked in amazement. "Wow!"
"Five times, right?" Gohan recalled, turning to Mark.
"And counting!" he added with a loud laugh.
What a funny man. There was something about him that made him easily likable. He had a lot of charisma and a personality that drew people in. Trunks could see why he so effortlessly became friends with Gohan.
"I was just telling Mark I could teach him how to control his ki," Gohan stated. "He was the world champion after my dad, after all, so it shouldn't be too hard for him to learn. Want to help me with that?"
Trunks grinned, his eyes lighting up. "Sounds fun! I've never taught anyone before. That's going to be interesting."
Mark shot Gohan a knowing look. "What did I tell you? I swear, I must be the luckiest person ever."
ooOoo
His eyes narrowed in concentration as he stared at the gap between his cupped hands. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, trickling down his temples and along his cheeks.
This was… strenuous. Mark had figured that learning to control his ki wouldn't be a walk in the park, but damn, this felt impossible.
The very day after he had visited Gohan at the hospital, the young warrior had already been up and ready to go and had begged his doctors to discharge him. They had been reluctant, understandably, but seeing as Gohan seemed well enough despite the violent fight he had been in, they decided to let him be – with strict orders to go easy and refrain from physical exertion.
Which, of course, Gohan had ignored completely. Mark glanced to his left from where he sat, where the reckless man was sparring with his young friend, Trunks. Well, he couldn't see much actually, only some collisions here and there. He wondered how strong did one have to get to be able to become a blur like they were.
He shook his head and focused back on his task. Although, the racket they were making wasn't making it any easier to try and bring out his ki.
Still, the man kept at it. Gohan had patiently explained to him what to do and how to get there, and Mark owed him to at least try his best. As the former world champion, he should be able to get this. At least, it was what Gohan believed.
"How about a break?"
Mark looked up to the young man in question, standing over him with a kind smile on his lips.
"Here," Trunks said, coming up to them and holding out a water bottle to him. Mark smiled and thanked the boy as he took the flask. He gulped down the refreshing beverage and let out a sigh when he was done quenching his thirst, wiping his mouth with the back of his wrist.
Gohan and Trunks sat on the grass beside him, visibly taking a break of their own. They had brought him in the middle of nowhere in a meadow, somewhere in the mountains. Probably the safest place he had been in a long time.
"How's your hand?" Mark asked Gohan, motioning to his cast with his head.
He shrugged. "It'll heal."
Mark put down the bottle and sighed tiredly, his shoulders slumping. "Man, this ki thing is rough. How long did it take you two to master it?"
The boys shared a smile. "It's not the same for us," Gohan said sheepishly, scratching his hair.
"That kind of thing comes naturally to us," Trunks explained. "It's kinda in our blood."
"But I knew a lot of human fighters who could do all that stuff too," Gohan added, hoping to encourage the middle-aged man. "I'm sure you'll get the gist of it quick enough."
Mark tilted his head, a thoughtful frown creasing his brow. "Does that mean you're not? Human?"
Gohan tensed up, his eyes widening. "Umm…"
Man, he hadn't realized his slip-up. He felt so comfortable around his new friend that he forgot to be careful about what he said.
"We're half-half," Trunks replied simply.
Gohan gawked at the eleven-year-old, who just shrugged in response, as if to say, "Well, you started it."
Nothing he could do about it now, he supposed.
"My mom and Gohan's mom are humans, but our dads were aliens," Trunks went on to explain. "From a warrior race. That's why we're the only ones strong enough to fight the cyborgs."
Mark blinked at the kid. "Huh. It makes sense, I guess."
Gohan raised an eyebrow at the man's reaction – or lack thereof, really. Was the world so messed up now that learning that aliens were real wasn't even all that big a deal?
"Does anyone else know?" Mark asked, leaning forward in interest. "Have you told the doctors who take care of you when you're in the hospital?"
Gohan scratched his hair. "Well, no, we haven't, but I figure they can tell we're not quite normal from our test results. Nobody ever came to me for explanations in any case."
"I guess they don't really care as long as they can help us get better so we can one day kill the cyborgs," Trunks commented.
"My dad's friends knew, though. Well, they kinda found out about it the same time he did."
It felt… nice, to trust someone with his story. Unburdening. Mark kept asking question after question, getting more curious about their world with each new answer, and they ended up telling him almost everything about their origins and their parents' lives. His blue eyes were wide open as he avidly drank every word they said.
Something stirred inside of him – but Gohan pushed the thought away. Videl wasn't the only person on Earth to have eyes with that particular shade of blue.
Damn. Would he ever stop thinking about her all the time?
Gohan let out a small laugh as their new friend asked yet another question about his life. "Yeah, I've been to outer space. I was only five at the time, and let me tell you, it was not a fun trip." He shook his head, and then got to his feet. "Anyway, we should get back to training, and you still got to learn how to control your ki."
The former world champion made a face. "I don't know. It was nice of you to try and all, but this might be too complicated for me."
Gohan waved him off. "I'm sure you can do it. Just because it's hard doesn't make it impossible."
Maybe I should listen to my own advice… he thought. Getting Videl back… it's not impossible, right?
Trunks nodded in approval, following his mentor who walked further away. "You're probably just a bit rusty," the boy offered. He shot the man an encouraging smile over his shoulder. "Just don't give up!"
Mark looked fondly at the two as they started exchanging blows some distance away.
Then the light in his eyes dimmed; he shut them tightly and lowered his head. It was her birthday today. Videl just turned twenty years old.
He made a point to think of her in the present tense. Mark refused to believe his daughter hadn't survived. What good would his luck be if it couldn't even keep his precious little girl safe?
She was alive. She had to be. And, someday, somehow, his good luck was going to bring her back to him.
With renewed determination, the man also known as Mr. Satan cupped his hands in front of him again and focused on bringing out his ki, like Gohan had explained to him earlier.
He could do this. He could do anything. He was the luckiest man alive.
And Mark had every intention of using his good fortune to his advantage.
ooOoo
Videl had known that she would have to be patient and take things slow. Getting back to training after weeks and weeks of letting her body grow weaker and thinner was going to take time. She had gained some weight back, at least, although she was still pretty skinny, especially compared to how she looked before her depression.
She had started by running in the forest every day, to get her stamina back. Half an hour at first, then a full hour, then two, and then she would run twice a day, mornings and evenings, without keeping track of the time. In between, she would do some basic exercises to strengthen her muscles, like sit-ups and push-ups.
It helped her get her mind off her heartache. Focusing on her goal to get her fighting level back distracted her from the wrenching pain of giving up on Gohan.
She had listened to the radio broadcast of his recent fight. Soon after the cyborgs left, a golden streak had been seen flying away from the ruins of the city, so at least he had gotten out of there safely. At least, he was okay. The cyborgs weren't ready to get rid of their favorite toy just yet, or so it seemed.
Videl stopped stretching and heaved out a deep sigh, rubbing her neck. She may have gotten better, dragging herself out of her depression, but thinking about Gohan still made her heart clench painfully.
She shook her head sharply. Her eyes hardened and her fists clenched as she focused on her goal. She needed to get strong again. Fighting was vital for her, it was her life, it was everything to her, and she needed to get back to it.
She may never be able to get over Gohan and move on. She may be doing a terrible mistake by pushing him away. She may even realize later how stupid she'd been – or she may actually be doing the right thing and was protecting her heart from the excruciating suffering that getting any more attached to Gohan would inevitably bring. She didn't know what the future held and how things would turn out, but, whatever happened, martial arts were the one constant in her world.
Videl planted her feet on the ground, pushing her legs apart, and brought her fists closer to her torso as she exhaled a long breath. Today was the day. It felt like forever since she'd had a proper training session, and Videl believed she was ready now, that she was in good enough shape to finally get back to it.
It was time to gauge the damages that her depression had had on her skills. Videl hoped it wasn't going to take too long to get to her former level; she despised how weak she'd let herself become.
And so, with a cry, she threw the first punch.
ooOoo
Gohan froze, and then the next millisecond he was hurtling to the ground and impacted painfully, making the earth shake as a wide crater formed around his body; his left cheek was searing from Trunks' well-timed kick.
"You okay?" the boy in question asked in concern, landing beside him. His golden aura faded out and his hair turned back to its natural lavender. "Is something wrong?"
Gohan blinked at the sky, just lying there in the crater. He could barely believe his senses. He hadn't felt Videl's ki in weeks, and now he could pinpoint exactly where it was.
She was training again.
"Gohan?" Trunks said, his voice uncertain as he tried to catch his attention.
"Is everything okay?" Mark called out from his spot, some distance away.
Gohan finally sat up and shook his head. "It's all good!" he called back to Mark, before turning to Trunks. "I'm okay. Sorry about that."
Trunks watched him with a deep frown. "What happened?"
The young man smiled to reassure the boy and got back to his feet. "Let's get back to it."
His young friend's face was still taut in worry, so Gohan ruffled his hair to lighten the mood. "I'm fine," he chuckled. "Don't worry about me, okay?"
"… If you say so."
They resumed their sparring session. But, in the back of his mind, Gohan couldn't help keeping tabs on Videl.
Something felt… off, with her ki. Sure, she hadn't trained for several weeks, but the drop in her power was much more significant than what he would've expected after only two months.
He was studying the emotions her aura carried before he could stop himself. His throat tightened.
She was so… dejected. Conflicted.
Hurting. She was hurting so much.
He blocked a punch and held the fist, turning his head in the direction of Videl's ki.
"… Gohan?" Trunks called hesitantly, his fist still trapped in the older fighter's grasp.
His gaze didn't waver, his brow creased with worry and alarm. He couldn't shake the bad feeling gripping his guts. He may be working himself up over nothing and overthinking it; after all, it made sense that Videl would be hurting after their last night together; it made sense that her ki wasn't as strong as before when this was the first time she training in two months. He tried to convince himself that there was nothing unusual about what he could feel. Videl would be fine. She just needed time, and he had to give her that. He had to let her heal on her own. He had to keep his distance. Going to see her now would only reopen their fresh wounds.
He could not go see her now.
"Gohan? What's wrong?"
Trunks' shaky voice brought him out of his inner turmoil. Gohan turned to his protegeprotégé and noticed that he was still gripping his fist firmly. He quickly let him go and shook his head to try and clear his head.
And failed.
"Sorry about that. I just remembered something and I have to go. Help Mark with his ki in the meantime, okay?"
"Uhh…"
Trunks blinked as his best friend took off in haste, not waiting for his reply; he was already a faraway speck in the sky.
And Trunks blinked again.
"What happened?" Mark called out from below.
The young Super Saiyan looked down at the one-legged man standing on his crutch; Mark caught his eye, a concerned frown creasing his brow.
Trunks dropped out of his transformation and flew towards him, before touching down in front of the tall man. "No idea…" he muttered. He turned to the sky again, in the direction Gohan took, keeping tracks of his powerful energy signature. Where is he going? Why did he rush off like that?
He shook his head. He shouldn't spy on Gohan. Whatever he had gone to do, Trunks would just have to ask him about it later.
"Anyway, let's get back to it. I'll help you find your ki." The boy smiled up at the former world champion. "I think you just need a little push."
"Is Gohan okay? He looked a bit… off, I guess," Mark said as he carefully lowered himself to sit back down on the grass. Trunks was quick to lend him a hand, and then he followed suit and sat in front of him.
"I honestly don't know." Trunks paused and looked to the side, pondering whether he should tell him more about what had been going on with Gohan.
His ki slowed down. Unwittingly, Trunks followed its course as, he could tell, Gohan landed and continued on foot.
There was another ki near him, and he was heading right to it. It was fairly strong for a human, and it felt kind of familiar…
Wait… Was that… Could it be…? No way. I thought Gohan was keeping his distance…?
Could it be Videl? He didn't remember how her energy signature felt, from that one time he'd met her – but this had to be her, right? Who else Gohan knew and was that strong?
"What's the matter? You're making a funny face."
Trunks turned his wide eyes to the man in front of him. "I… uh… I think Gohan's gone to see someone."
Mark tilted his head. "How can you tell?"
"I can sense his ki. And there's another one, and Gohan's getting closer to her."
"Her?" Mark smirked. "So it's a girl, huh?" He chuckled. "He seems so innocent, that Gohan. I wouldn't have guessed he had a girlfriend."
"He doesn't." Trunks' eyes hardened as he thought of everything Videl put his best friend through for her own sake. "She broke his heart, but Gohan's still not over her."
Mark pursed his lips in resentment. Who on earth would be stupid and cruel enough to hurt someone as incredible and pure as Gohan?
"Anyway," Trunks said, a glint of determination in his eye. "I think I know how to help you find your ki."
The man raised a thick eyebrow. "Is that so? Well, whatever it is, I'm all in. I sure need the help."
Trunks held out his arms towards Mark. "Take my hands and close your eyes. Try to feel my ki. I'm going to raise it bit by bit so it's easier for you. If you can feel my ki, you should be able to tap into yours."
The former world champion smiled at the clever boy and did as he was told, taking the young fighter's smaller hands into his rough ones.
He sure was lucky to have met Gohan and Trunks and, even, to call them his friends.
Well, he thought with a light chuckle as he closed his eyes; of course he was.
ooOoo
I'm just going to see how she's doing, Gohan kept telling himself as he got closer to Videl's energy signal, moving from tree to tree. She doesn't have to know I was ever there. I just want to make sure it's all just my imagination and she's not doing as bad as I think she is.
He might want to conceal his ki, now that he thought about it. Videl may not be able to sense energy like him, but Gohan believed she had developed a kind of sixth sense, that she could, in fact, sense the people around her, just not in the precise way that he was taught. It wasn't surprising, either, given how much she'd been perfecting her skills.
There. His presence was hidden. Good. Gohan made sure to be extra quiet as he reached his destination. He stayed perched on the tall tree and, his heart racing, looked down where he could sense Videl training.
His hands trembled. He swallowed.
"No…" he mouthed to himself, his heart dropping in the pit of his stomach.
It wasn't all his imagination. He saw it the moment his eyes landed on her. She was thinner – a lot thinner. Videl had never been skinny – her body used to be full and toned – he should know. How much weight did she lose? Why? What happened to her? And what happened to her skills? She was trying hard, he could tell, but Videl's movements lacked the accuracy he had been accustomed to when watching her fight.
His eyes watered; his vision blurred. What happened? What happened to her? Did she take their separation that badly?
It was his fault. It was because he had gone to see her on that rainy night. He had ruined all the progress she may have made after their break-up – she had never let herself fall so low. She had always been strong, both in will and in fighting.
Did it break her? That last night together… Did he do this to her?
Gohan couldn't take it anymore. He knew this was a bad idea, and he was only going to make things worse – even worse than now – but he had to know what happened to Videl.
He wiped his eyes and sniffed softly. His throat tightened as he looked down at her, still doing her best to get stronger, to be strong again. I'm so sorry, Videl…
He let himself drop from the top of the tree, closing his eyes as he free-fell to the ground. He purposely didn't land quietly, and, his vision still blocked, he could feel, from the shift in the air, Videl stopping in her tracks, her arm still extended from the punch she just threw. She turned her head in his direction – and froze.
He met her gaze. Videl stood, rigid, her arms along her sides, her eyes wide open.
"Wha… What are you…?" she tried to ask, but she was too dumbfounded to complete the question.
"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be here." He took a few steps towards her, but Videl flinched and backed away.
"Don't!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide in alarm, and raised a hand to stop him. "Don't come closer!"
His throat tightened. "Videl, I… I just… I need to know. What happened to you?"
Tears welled up in her distraught blue eyes, and she brushed them away angrily. "Go away!" she yelled and growled in frustration as more tears rolled down her cheeks. "Just go! I don't need this right now – just leave me alone!"
He took another, tentative step. His sight was blurred – he was crying too. But Gohan didn't care. He didn't need to look strong right now, he couldn't care less that Videl saw him like this, so pathetic and weak – he just… he just…
"I need to know, Videl. Please, talk to me…. I… I just need to know. I have to know."
"No you don't – and stop getting closer!" she cried, taking a few more steps back. She stumbled on something and fell backward – or was going to; acting on instincts, Gohan used his super speed to catch her in his arms just in time.
His breath hitched. She was so light – much, much too light. He felt like he could break her like a twig if he wasn't careful.
Her shimmering blue eyes were wide open as she stared back at him; her hands were on his chest and her low twin tails flowed down below her. Her lips parted and her chest heaved, her breathing short as she didn't look away, and neither did he.
And then, like she'd suddenly woken up, her expression hardened and she pushed him hard, away from her.
His lips quivered as he let her drive him away. He sniffed and wiped his face with the back of his wrist.
"Just go, Gohan," she said again, shutting her eyes and turning away from him. Her tone was much weaker – like she'd used up all of her strength. "Please, just go. I can't deal with you anymore. Just go."
"Videl, please… Tell me what happened to you. And then I'll go and stay away from you, I swear. Just tell me."
She shot him a dark look. "You mean, the same way you promised me to keep your distance the first time? And the second time?"
"I won't come back, ever." He felt like the countless pieces of his heart were stomped on again and again as he uttered these words. He wiped his tears with the palm of his hand and sniffed again. "You won't ever see me again." Damn it, couldn't his voice stop trembling? Couldn't he stop crying like a baby already? "You have my word. I won't ever bother you again – I just, I need to know. Please, Videl, just tell me…"
She clenched her fists, her eyes burning with fury as she spat, every word she threw at him hitting him like acid. "You need to know? What do you need to know so bad, huh? How saying goodbye to you again fucking wrecked me? How I couldn't even get out of bed for motherfucking weeks? How I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't even stand my own presence all that time? How I was hoping, praying I could just die – if not by the cyborgs, then from starving myself? Is that what you needed to know so bad?"
He was rooted on the spot. He couldn't move, couldn't speak – couldn't even breathe. His heart was so tight, it felt like it might just give out any moment now.
"Now go," she said, her voice cracking, weakening. She turned away and raised a hand to her face, hiding it from view. "Keep your promise for once and don't come back."
Yes, she was right. He couldn't keep breaking his promise to her like this. He had to leave her, once and for all. He had to let go. He couldn't keep doing this to her – he was destroying her. His mere presence was damaging her.
And then it was like something snapped inside him and before he could register what was happening and what he was doing – before he could stop himself – Gohan grabbed her forearm and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.
She struggled, but Gohan wouldn't let go. His shut his eyes tightly and held her against him.
For the last time.
The very last.
He wouldn't be coming back this time. It was over. It was the end.
"Go away! Stop that!" she sobbed against him, hitting his chest. But he wouldn't budge. "Don't – you can't… You… you bastard…" She let out another sob as she stopped struggling, clutching his gi so hard her knuckles turned white, crying in his arms. "Don't do this to me…"
"I'm sorry, Videl. So, so sorry," he wept softly, his hoarse voice so low it was almost inaudible. "I did this to you. This is all my fault. You were doing fine before that night, you were getting better, and I ruined it. I ruined everything – just because I couldn't keep my word to you. I'm so sorry."
"I hate you," she whispered, with no conviction.
He took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of himself. "I'll keep my word this time. I swear to you, Videl. This is the last time you will ever see me."
She suddenly threw her arms around his neck and held him tighter than ever. "I hate you…" she murmured again and sniffed, burying her face in the crook of his neck, her tone full of unspoken emotions.
The way she said that… it felt like she was actually telling him "I love you."
Gohan moved his arms around her waist and held her tighter, breathing in her hair, soaking in her scent. Wishing he could drown in her addicting fragrance.
If only it could mean he never had to let go.
But it was over. For good, this time.
It was over.
It was over…
He had to force himself to pull away from her. As he looked down at her tearful face and her red, puffy eyes, Gohan mused that he mustn't look much better.
Unable to stop himself, he brushed her bangs away from her eyes, the light touch leaving a tingling sensation on the tip of his fingers.
Her heartbroken, gorgeous, deep blue eyes.
"Goodbye, Videl…"
Her lips quivered. More tears flowed out. "Don't come back."
Good gods, his heart was in shreds. He sniffed. "I won't."
And then she grabbed his face and planted her lips on his – hard.
Oh, what was she doing to him…? How could he let her go when she kissed him so desperately, hanging onto him like her life depended on it?
Goddammit, why did it feel so ridiculously good?
Gohan lost himself in that kiss and held her closer, letting all the delicious sensations wash over him. Damn it, he had missed this.
His chest tightened painfully. Ugh, he was going to freaking miss this. To miss her. How was he supposed to go on without her? Without any hope of ever seeing her again?
The kiss slowed down, and Gohan savored every second of it. His good hand had moved to cup her cheek at one point; her arms were around his back, pulling him closer. He felt lightheaded and hazy. It just felt so good. He didn't want to stop.
Damn it, he didn't want to go.
When they finally pulled back, it took them a few long moments to get back to reality. Gohan pressed his forehead against hers, keeping his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath.
He had to go. He had to let go. He had to find the strength within himself to give up on her for good, somehow, someway. He had to do this for her sake, for her wellbeing.
They didn't say anything as Gohan slowly detached himself from her. There was nothing else to add. It was over.
He held her gaze for a few more moments – unwilling to go, wishing he could go back on his word, secretly hoping that this wasn't the end, that there was still hope for them.
She rubbed her eyes and sniffed, and Gohan had to use all of his self-control not to pull her to him again and comfort her in his arms.
But it would only make things worse for her.
He was always making things worse for her.
He turned away, forcing himself not to look back, and then he let his white aura explode and took off to the sky, soaring away at breakneck speed.
He was bad for her. Gohan had had the proof of that today. Videl had fallen into a depression because of him.
He hadn't thought it was possible, but she took their goodbyes on that night even worse than he did.
Gohan suddenly stopped in the middle of the sky and slammed his hand over his mouth to stifle the sobs shaking his whole being.
Her love for him was slowly killing her. And for the first time since he'd fallen so irremediably in love with her, Gohan wished they had never met.
Videl would've been better off.
January 6, 2021