Kate felt rather proud of herself following the conversation in that dingy bar. She was more open with him than, perhaps, she'd ever been. He'd held her in his arms and told her it was an honor to wait for her. She nearly confessed everything then and there, but stopped herself. She wanted to be stronger, more worthy, more deserving of his love. She didn't want to wreck them before they really had a chance. She knew where she needed to go. It was just a matter of doing the work to get there. She was certain he would tell her, if she discussed any of these reservations with him, he would tell her she already was strong enough, worthy enough, deserving enough. That she wouldn't wreck them because he wouldn't let it happen. She knew he would do anything to make them work. But she also knew it was one thing for him to believe all those things about her, but she had to believe them herself. She had to meet him half way.
The case following that night helped Kate believe she might be able to meet him where he waited sooner rather than later. She hadn't made a proper confession during that case. She and Castle were too busy trying to escape the cellar and then avoid a tiger to engage in any deep conversation. However, that case reconfirmed for her that she and Castle could be a team in more than just crime solving. As Castle put it to the boys, they found their rhythm and worked around the handcuffs. Despite the lack of a real confession, Kate tell Castle she wouldn't mind spending another night handcuffed to him, only this time, without the tiger. She chanced a glance back at him as she headed toward the elevator. She'd left him speechless. He looked a million miles away and she could tell he was day dreaming about what a night filled with handcuffs and no tiger might look like for them.
When Kate saw Castle at the church the morning of Kevin's wedding, he was alone. Alexis had opted to go to a concert instead and Kate couldn't help but be excited. They could be each other's plus one, just as she hoped for from the beginning. Secretly, she agreed with Castle in his envy of Kevin. She longed for that happiness; to have someone look at her the way Kevin looked at Jenny.
"You never know Castle. Maybe third time's the charm." Kate said as she took his arm to walk into the church. She glanced sideways as she said it and thought she caught a glimpse of the same look Kevin wore on Castle's face. Refusing to overthink it, Kate took her seat next to Castle and watched Kevin as Jenny appeared at the end of the aisle. It was difficult to focus on the lengthy ceremony with thoughts of someday playing across her mind.
Throughout the lengthy ceremony, the two partners stayed in close proximity to one another. Partly because of the number of people in their row and partly because they both wanted as little space as possible between them. Kate found herself fidgeting through the various prayers, readings, and even the vows. She was thrilled for Kevin and Jenny, but she really wanted to get to the reception. Being Castle's plus one meant she had a ready made excuse to dance with him; to be close to him; to let him hold her.
"So, what did you think, Castle?" Kate asked as they made their way out of the church and hailed a cab. "As someone whose been both at the alter and in the pew, how does this wedding measure up so far?"
Castle was quiet and did not answer her right away. She could tell, though she couldn't fathom why, he was thinking carefully about his answer. After several seconds, he said, "It was a beautiful ceremony, but if I've learned anything from my experiences, it's that the wedding doesn't really matter so much. The details I mean… What color the bridesmaids wear, who the best man is, which verses are read or songs are played." He paused and looked at Kate out of the corner of his eye. Even this slight glance made Kate's breath hitch in her chest, but his next words caused her to stop breathing altogether. "What actually matters is the person standing across from you. If it's the wrong person, no amount of fanfare will change that. If it's the right person, none of the fanfare will matter because you won't be able to see anyone but them. Or at least I assume the latter to be true, having only experienced the former."
Kate nodded slowly, desperately trying to calm her racing heart. "Yeah," she began. "I think you're right about none of the details being important and if you're with the right person. My dad said, when he married my mom, there may as well have been no one else there for all the notice he took of them once she came down the aisle."
Castle chuckled at that. "That sounds about how it's been described to me. Did you ever get to ask your mom about their wedding day?" He asked, tentatively. She could tell he wasn't sure whether or not it was okay to ask her those questions.
"When I was little, she showed me the pictures. I thought she looked like a princess. The dress she wore was incredible. Although, she told me once she would have married my dad wearing a potato sack so long as she got to marry him. I remember thinking, at the time, that she was joking." Kate took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat. Sharing memories of her mom was always difficult, but sharing them with Castle made it a little easier.
"What was the dress like?" Castle asked.
"It was ivory, all lace with a full skirt." Kate replied. "I don't remember it very well anymore. She saved it for me. It's packed away in her cedar chest, but I've never been able to take it out and look at it."
"I'm sure it's gorgeous and you would be gorgeous in it. Of that, I have no doubt." Castle said, quietly.
Kate blushed and ducked to hide behind the curtain of her hair. Thankfully, the cab pulled up outside the hotel where the reception was being held she was spared having to come up with a response. Castle paid the fare while she climbed out of the backseat. Once both on the sidewalk, Castle offered Kate his arm and the pair walked inside.
The decorations in the ballroom an extension of those in the church. It was a beautiful room. The round tables flanked a small dance floor, the gift table and seating chart were tucked into the corner by the door and the small, open bar lay in the far corner. Kate and Castle quickly found they were seated next to one another and made their way to their table.
"Can I interest you in a drink, Detective?" Castle asked, a hint of playfulness dancing in his eyes. "Perhaps something fruity, or bubbly, or both?"
Kate smiled and replied, "Just white wine, please. And maybe a water?"
"Ah. Ever the responsible one. Your wish is my command. I shall return!" Castle spun with a flourish and sauntered toward the bar. Kate found herself shaking her head as she watched him. He was silly. At first, she had just enjoyed being around it, but now he, sometimes, brought it out in her and she loved him for it.
Castle returned with their drinks just as the newly wedded couple entered the ballroom. From that point, Castle and Kate barely had a moment to exchange more than a chuckle over the best man and maid of honor speeches or a subtle eye roll at the cheesy love song Kevin and Jenny chose for their first dance. It wasn't until their table was called for the buffet line that the pair could resume anything resembling normal conversation.
"I never understood why people always serve fried chicken, pasta, and potatoes at weddings." Castle mused, as the line of chafing dishes stretched out before them.
Kate was hyper aware of Castle's presence behind her in the line. He was close enough for her to feel the heat radiating from him, but he was careful not to touch her. When she answered, she was really wishing he would. "I think because each one is almost universally loved, hard to screw up, and cost effective." she replied, absently.
"Huh," said Castle. "I hadn't thought about it like that. What do you want to eat at your wedding?" The pair gathered their napkins and forks at the end of the line and began to make their way back to their table.
Kate craned her neck around to look at him. "Really, Castle?" She questioned. "Of all the wedding details you could ask about, you want to know what I would eat? Not what kind of flowers, or what season I would like it to be, or what music I would like?"
"Uhhh, yes?" Castle stammered. "I mean, you can always share those other details if you want. I just asked about food because I'm carrying a plate full and I'm starving."
Kate laughed. "Don't worry, Castle. I was only teasing." They took their seats and each dug into their plates before she answered him. "I think I would like my friend Maddie's restaurant to cater it. You remember Q3?"
"Of course!" Castle exclaimed. "How could I forget… 'Little CASTLE babies!' "
Kate choked and Castle laughed lightly at her reaction. "Right. Well, I ate there after we wrapped the case and the food was incredible."
"Sounds like a great idea to me." Castle said, lightly. "What about the rest of the stuff you mentioned? The season, the flowers, the music?"
Kate eyed him carefully, not quite sure what he was getting at, but answered him anyway. "I thought you said those things didn't matter if you were marrying the right person?" She could tell her answer surprised him, but he pressed on.
"Come on, Kate. Every little girl dreams about her wedding." Castle pressed, excitement and eagerness playing across his face.
Kate sighed and dropped her gaze to her plate. She fixated on a particularly large potato and said quietly, "I did, once. But I haven't thought about it in a really long time… not really since before my mom died."
The eager expression on Castle's face fell immediately. He put down his fork, reached over and put his hand over hers where it rested next to her plate. She was relieved to hear no pity, just concern in his voice. "Shit, Kate, I'm sorry. I should've known it would be a tough thing to think about. I should've known better than to ask. I'm sorry."
Kate looked from his hand atop hers up to his face and offered him a small smile. "It's okay. Being at weddings makes people think about those things."
"Still," Castle said, shaking his head, "I should have known better. I didn't mean to upset you."
At this, Kate turned her hand over so their palms were touching and assured him, "The only way I will really be upset is if you beat yourself up over it." His face brightened slightly at her words so she continued. "Now, to really answer your question. The only thing I know for sure is Sinatra… and not some wanna be crooner who imitates him. I want to walk down the aisle in my mother's dress to Olde Blue Eyes singing "My Funny Valentine. That song, her dress, and the person I am walking toward. The rest is the details that, as you said, don't really matter."
Castle's face split into a wide smile. The one Kate loved so much, that reached all the way to his eyes. Just as he was opening his mouth to speak, the DJ announced that Kevin and Jenny would like for all their guests to join them on the dance floor just as the opening notes of the Electric Slide began to play. Still holding Kate's hand, Castle stood and asked, "Care to dance, Detective?"
Several group dances and a handful of up tempo songs later, Kate had shed her sky-high heels and Castle his jacket. They'd taken a brief break for cake and another glass of wine each before Lanie and Espo dragged them both back onto the floor. Kate was trying to think of an excuse to sit back down when the DJ slowed the music down. From the other side of Lanie, Castle caught her eye just as the opening notes of the very song she mentioned earlier started to play. He stepped around her friend and extended his hand to Kate.
"Dance with me." he whispered and took her hand before she had a chance to answer. He wrapped his other arm gently around her waist and pulled her in. He was careful to keep a small amount of space between them. Kate could tell he was worried about overstepping some invisible boundary by holding her too close. She stepped into his embrace, bypassing his shoulder, and wrapping her arm around him so her hand rested gently where the collar of his shirt met his neck. Castle understood her silent signal and tightened his embrace, erasing any space that remained between him.
"You know," Kate said quietly, fulling back slightly to face him "You never asked why I wanted this song."
"I just assumed it was for the same reason as the dress." He said, inclining his head slightly to bring them cheek to cheek.
"Actually, it was my grandparents. It was their song. It was playing when they got engaged and they made it their wedding song. They danced to it all the time. They used to turn it on in their living room, hold each other, and just sway back and forth. It's one of my strongest memories of the two of them."
"Then, wouldn't it be more appropriate for it to be our wedding song, rather than the one you walk down the aisle to?" Castle, apparently not realizing what he'd said, brought their joined hands into his chest.
Kate registered his slip with a shiver she hoped he didn't notice and simply replied, "Maybe."
As the song came to an end, Kate wondered if these confessions and conversations with Castle were achieving what she hoped. She felt stronger, closer to him, after each one. She just hoped her confession that she'd heard his words wouldn't tear them apart.
A/N: Apologize for the delay. This one gave me fits. I wasn't able to sit and crank it out in one shot and that threw me a bit. I chose to skip "Cuffed" on purpose. I felt I couldn't write a confession to top "Next time, let's do it without the tiger." I know there are tons of post-episode fics for this one, I hope this does it justice. If anyone has suggestions of confessions for the next few chapters, I am open to them. They can fit within the plot of an episode, or not. I feel like I've slightly written myself into a corner and I'm not sure where to go from here.