I sit and stare at my cell, lonely with no companion.

Even though Johanna is the way she is, at least she was someone besides the peacekeepers inside this hellhole.

I thought I should be able to handle it. I've been alone almost my whole life. Dad always working, mom under morphling, the staff sneering at my clean nails, no dirt under them, white polished. I never held their hatred against them. Nobody deserves this good life for no reason at all. I was born in this life. Protected from starvation under a safe roof with no leaks, warm water, full belly with food and candy. It wasn't fair for me to have it all while someone in my district died from not having a meal in a week or killed in a mine accident. Nobody wanted to be friends with a girl who had it all.

Except for Katniss, I guess.

She didn't care. Although I was the one that stayed close to her, she just never said anything if it bothered her.

Then there is Gale.

Although hating and insulting me was his favourite thing to do.

But he wouldn't kiss you if he hated your guts.

I still don't get what happened between us. Yes, he kissed me. But he was drunk. And angry. Those rough hands on my thighs. His lips against mine bruising hungry for mine. I never felt so wanted by anyone in my life.

His touch rough but at the same time sweet. Different from the rough hands here.

My body is in all kinds of colours of the rainbow. The ribs are the most colourful, they sure love to have fun kicking as if I was a ball for them to play with.

I heave as I sit straighter, the pain makes me remember I am still here but alive.

Yet alone.

"worthless, they didn't even look for you," "so disgusting, who would want to rescue you?"

"nobody needs you"

"they took the victors, even that pathetic escort, and yet you're still here"

"let's play, sugar, what has Haymitch told you?"

"did you spread your legs to him? Is that why he was at your house so much before quarter quell?"

"we should just cut your fingers of, you won't need them anymore"

"Mr. President is thankful for your services, so we decided you should have some water"

I remember trying to scream, but my head was under water.

My hair stuck to my back, body shivering. There has been some time without anyone coming in. Drifting between reality and unconsciousness minutes become hours into days, weeks.

Holding my ribs, can count all of them, the broken ones as well. Hungry is hardly the word that I would describe myself as.

My back stings when I try to move around, the slashes from nails have started to heal and itch so badly wanting me to scratch them off.

At least they are safe from this hell.

What's the point of me sitting around in here? If I'm not needed as a pianist then maybe the rebellion has reached the capitol, hence no party's happening. ther have been no parties since the rescue.

Why did I have to be there playing when they were rescued? Maybe I would be there with them wherever they are.

Or perhaps they would walk pass me by and wouldn't save me. I am no use to the rebellion. No one needs me there anyway.

No.

Katniss is still my friend. She would ask for me to be rescued.

If she knew I was here.

Maybe she knows. She had been in district 12. Perhaps Heather is safe with her in Thirteen, alongside with Buttercup. I sure hope so.

At least Peeta is reunited with her. I hope he is okay, that they didn't do too much damage. Can't shake my mind of this feeling that they did more to him than me and the others.

"I saw Peeta, they're doing something to him." I twist my thumbs, hoping no one seems to notice us talking.

"And I thought Katniss was brainless, Yeah torture what else, blondie?" Johanna scuffs, scratching her knees.

"No, there's something more to it. He was angry, Peeta never is angry, he was yelling out for Katniss all the time I was there with this feeling of him wanting to hurt her, I don't know, in my gut I know Peeta, and they are doing something to him, more than just torture what we have had."

Johanna looks at her bruised knuckles "How much did you see?"

"Nothing, I just heard his screams."

"Hmm, isn't that so sweet?! Too bad they didn't get it on camera for the Capitol folks to see. The star crossed lover calling out for his sweetheart. Only to want her in pain." She snorts as someone opens the door and walks in towards Johanna and pulls her out with Johanna screaming curse after curse.

In district 13

I look at Katniss' back as she leaves the room in anger. Of all people she should want the Capitol to suffer for what they have done. I make small adjustments to the bomb. The trap.

Nobody in the Capitol deserves a second chance.

75 years filled with games, where people killed each other for their entertainment. They should feel it on their own hands, as they reach for the gifts.

Peeta is a wreck. He is here, but it's sick how they can just easily change someone's mind. Snow has to pay for this. If Peeta is like this, then what has become of Madge?

Madge.

Where are you? Why did they have to take her to play piano when we were there?

Johanna got out of hand, when she woke up, angry cursing us out for not taking her as well. believe me I am fucking furious.

Even more furious when I found out about the morphling.

"Gale Hawthorne, you have no right to speak to me like that. I know you are angry and you have every right to be, but that does not give you the privilege to take it out on us." Mom rarely gets mad at us, but this time she can't even hide her anger towards me.

" talk to me. Why are you like this? What's on your mind? What happened there? What did you see?"

I sit and stare at my hands clutched together on my knees sitting on my bed, as I can hear Vick and Rory calming down Posy who heard everything I said and smashed.

"Madge. She wasn't there. I couldn't get her out. She knew when peacekeepers left that we should leave the district, but I couldn't get her out of there, because she was out of reach in that stupid mansion where the controller for electricity is so we could get out of the border. And when finally, we have a rescue mission to get them out, I couldn't reach her yet again. I was so fucking terrified to get on that aircraft but I did it to get to her. To get her out. And I couldn't do that. And she is still there. I fucking hate it." A lump forms in my neck as I recall seeing those cells empty with no sign of her in there.

A hand on my shoulder squeezes tightly as I try to control my breathing trying to calm myself, and not get angry and shout again. I look towards the corner with a broken chair and bowls smashed on the floor.

"oh honey, I know you feel like it is your fault, but it isn't. you shouldn't blame yourself for things out of your control. You couldn't have known that she wouldn't be there. We have to hope she is still there and breathing. I know for sure she would keep on hoping that this will end and she'll get out of there. and she will get out."

"how can you be so sure she'll get out? You saw yourself how they executed stylists and escorts on live tv."

"She made out of a bombed district alive and saved Heather alongside herself. Her bravery is why Heather is now here in thirteen with her family. She helped many people escape the bombing whether she knows it or not. She's a fighter. If she can get through a blizzard to help out a friend, she can get through anything."

I frown "Blizzard!? When did she- what are you talking about?" I see her paling.

"what don't I know?" mom sits straighter, her hand reaches for mine to clasp, as I get more confused. "Mom?"

Mom looks towards the door to the kid's room where it has become dead silent. Her hand trembles in mine, making my stomach drop knowing I won't like what I'll hear.

"after your whipping," chills over my back "when they tried to save you, putting on your back snow, giving you medicine to help you get through the night, they didn't have enough to know for sure you would make it. When I was holding onto your hand hoping against all odds that I wouldn't lose you too, there was a knock on the door."

My stomach twists as if a knife cuts inside me "No." hating where this is going.

"yes on the other side there was this girl who gave morphling and just as she was there, she went back in the blizzard to get back to her home, where peacekeepers could have caught her after curfew. Without that morphling, I don't even wanna think about what could have happened."

Mom holds on my hand tighter as a tear rolls down her cheek, her eyes red pale face. "She is the reason you lived through that night. Madge saved your life, Gale."

That knife twists inside me, going deeper realizing a fact.

Madge has saved my life more than once, and yet I have failed saving hers twice.

Thank you for reading! And waiting! What do you think of my story so far? This is my first ever story. Having difficulty with writing out what and how I want to say things, but hope you enjoyed it!

Frustrated with myself for not putting up anything for a month, some health issues flared up not related to covid 19, hope you and everyone you care about are all ok!

Hoping to release another chapter in a week or so!

Stay safe and healthy!