EPOV
I leave the coffee shop feeling drained, both emotionally and physically. When I asked Bella if she would like to meet with me tomorrow, she was surprised but agreed. Before we parted ways, we made plans to meet up at the same place tomorrow morning. She headed north, and I went south, stopping to pick up a pizza and a much-needed six-pack on my way back to the hotel.
As nice as food and beer are, I know there's only one thing that can make my day better. I call her as soon as I get off the elevator.
"Daddy!"
Her voice is high with excitement and immediately soothes my aching heart. "Hi, Muffin. Are you having fun with Nana and Pawpaw?"
She assures me that she is and proceeds to tell me all about her day. Starting with what she had for breakfast, the clothes she wore, and Nana's whiny music she was forced to listen to in the car on the way to school. Her class learned how to sign You Are My Sunshine and she can't wait to show me when I get home.
Which reminds us both that I'm not there with her.
"When are you coming home?" she implores. "I miss you so much my heart just might s'plode."
I toss the pizza on my bed and collapse beside it with a tired sigh. "Soon, Muffin."
She asks me how soon, and I rub my forehead. There's no way two days in Seattle will be enough. I was naïve to think I could come to get my answers and leave the following day. I know that if I rush things, I'll regret it. "I'm not sure," I tell her and before she can argue. "I'll definitely be home by the weekend so we can have Saturday pancakes together."
Surely that will give me enough time to figure out the easiest way to go from here.
Marley reminds me about the field trip her class is taking to the local zoo in a couple of weeks and begs me to be a "shop-her-own".
"A chaperone?"
"Yes, Daddy, it's what I said. Dork." She giggles. "Will you? Come with us? None of the other daddies can make the elephant sounds like you."
"Tell Nana to sign me up, Muffin."
She squeals loudly, and I listen to her dance around before she remembers I'm on the other end of the phone.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Daddy! I love you."
"I love you too."
Eventually, Marley grows bored with me and passes the phone over to my mom.
I tell her everything, and she quietly takes everything in before asking me an impossible question. "How do you feel now that you've met her?"
"Conflicted," I mutter, staring into the mirror hanging by the bed and wondering if it's possible to age years in a matter of days because it feels like I have. "On the one hand, I want to go home, forget everything that's happened, and let things go back to normal."
"But?"
"I don't think that's even possible now. Bella deserves to be a part of Marley's life. I just don't see how it would work out if I let her. Do I introduce her as her birth mother or a family friend? Would it confuse Marley and make me look like a liar if she learned the truth? How will it even pan out with Bella living clear across the country? What if they meet and Marley likes her more than me and decides she wants to live with her instead?"
I'm hysterical as I voice my fears to my mom.
"Sweet boy," she coos. "Calm down; take a couple of deep breaths."
She waits for me to get a grip.
"There, that's better. I think you're getting ahead of yourself."
"What do you mean?"
"You said Bella told you she could let go now that she's gotten her reassurances that Marley is thriving."
"You didn't see her face when she said that, Mom."
"I know. Perhaps you should stay in Seattle for a couple more days and get to know her before you decide what you want to do. Talk to her, be honest, and let her know where your head is."
"Okay," I breathe. "How's Pawpaw's back?"
Mom laughs. "He's wearing one of those back braces that construction workers wear and self-medicating with this disgusting herbal tea he picked up at a flea market that's supposed to relieve pain naturally—a surgeon trying to use homeopathic pain relievers. Go figure."
My chuckle quickly turns into a yawn. It's barely six o'clock in Jacksonville, three here in Seattle, but I feel like I haven't slept in years.
"I'm going to eat something, take a shower, and think things over. I'll let you know my plans as soon as I figure out what I'm going to do."
"You'll do the right thing, Edward. You always do."
~MM~
Over the next three days, Bella and I practically live at the coffee shop. Hidden away in the secluded corner where we first met. The staff tends to leave us to our own devices, keeping our drinks warm and our privacy respected. Sometimes we talk for hours on end about Marley and her many shenanigans. About Bella's pregnancy and her recovery. Sometimes we do the opposite and sit in silence.
Mom's been sending me updates via video messages and pictures, and my phone houses a plethora of Marley-related content of the more recent variety.
While Bella pours over the photo albums and my phone's memory, I read the journal filled with entries addressed to her lost child.
The beginning letters were unbearably heartbreaking, and many of the pages were tear-stained to the point that the writing was barely legible.
Nightmares plagued my sleep after reading about Bella's grief, and tragically, it never seemed to ease up.
The first entry was just as excruciating as the hundredth, up until one of the more recent passages:
You're alive.
Somewhere out there, you're alive and well and not with me.
For the first time in what feels like forever, I'm filled with hope.
Hope.
I knew from the second I found out about your existence that you would be my Hope and nothing has changed.
I carried you for nine months, and I've mourned for you for so much longer. Your death has stayed with me every single moment of every single day. A painful reminder of all the hope that was lost in a fraction of a second.
The past five years have been a lie, conjured up by an evil man who claimed to have my best interest at heart.
To find out that you are alive after all this time, so close but so far away. I can't breathe, I can't be without you. I will stop at nothing to get you back, Hope, or whoever you may be—
I look up to find Bella watching me. Her eyes pleading.
"I wrote that the night I left my father's house, Edward," she explains softly. "I had just found out she was alive, and I was out of control."
I nod.
"There's another entry after that one. After the private investigator found her." She bites her lip and pleads. "Read it, and then we'll talk."
She excuses herself to go to the bathroom, and I flip to the last page of the journal.
Dear You ...
I don't know what to call you now.
The P.I. I hired offered me information about you, your life, and even pictures, but I couldn't invade your privacy like that.
I do know a few things.
You're alive.
You live in Florida, and you have a family.
As much as I want to hop on a plane and come to you, I know it would do nothing but cause you pain. I've been in denial since I found out what happened.
Part of me, the selfish part of me, wants to come and take back what is rightfully mine. But then I remember how excruciating this has been for me, and I won't take you away from the only people you've ever known.
I've decided to put it up to fate. I'm going to try to contact your parents and hope they are understanding.
Until then.
Bella returns to the table with a plate full of fresh cookies. She's nervous.
My phone pings so I grab it and smile. "My mom just sent me a video of Marley."
She nods and reaches for one of the photo albums, but I stop her.
"Do you … would you like to watch it with me?"
Bella nods, and we lean across the table, hovering over my phone. I press play, and Marley's pretty little face pops up.
"DADDY! Nana said she was going to make a movie of me, and I can't wait 'til you get home to show you so …" She steps back, and we watch her sing and fumble through signing You Are My Sunshine.
When she messes up, she starts over, so what should have taken a minute or two lasts about ten.
When she finally finishes, she approaches the camera. "I love you and I miss you, so come home soon." She kisses the screen. "And bring me a really good present."
The video stops, and I look up to find Bella staring at my phone with a sad smile and a deep longing in her eyes.
At that moment, I know what has to be done.
"Bella?"
She just hums but doesn't look up.
"What would you say if I invited you to come to Florida?"