Quiet wasn't really the word he'd use to call himself right now.
But despite freshly reloading and firing away at Krampus and his minions with the now far-too-familiar clackclackclackclackclack of his uzi… Jaxx found his mind quieting down.
It was like all his senses were heightened, but only for the small moments and small things. Time seemed to slow a little.
Night air blew in his face. Snowflakes caught themselves in his hair or on his glasses. Ell's steely look clashed with a bombastic smirk to rival the Hartgraces', as she cracked the reins on the pack of skeleton deer. Ed was grinning as he took a risk and stood up before firing the candy-cannon. Sure he wobbled after the shot, but his expression just brightened.
For the first time since way back to their walk earlier that evening, Jaxx allowed himself a smile.
Damn. This felt good. Fun, even. He wasn't even missing his roommate.
But he knew this quiet in his mind wouldn't last forever. Yet maybe he could take the time to think over what had just happened…
So he did.
Starting from the most recent shenanigans, there was Ed's assault on the goat back at the Lawsons. Sure he'd been busy and wouldn't give details, but Jaxx couldn't deny the pride in his chest just even glancing at his brother, spotting the broken horn in the pocket.
He felt it even when they teamed up with the Hartgraces to defend Sophia, Mattie and Macie. It was wild sure, but he also knew Ell did most of the hard work talking down to the fucking goat-man himself without being eaten alive. He'd just ran away in fear from Krampus back at the Richwells'… But then again, he had no ammo and the damn goat was set on fire, letting out the worst scream Jaxx had ever fucking heard.
Man, the Richwells! Sure he'd done the stupid thing and went in the house alone, but all things considered he must've done some good. Sure he'd been scared shitless more than once, but fuck, he'd really done that. He was so glad he'd called Ell and Ed to fly the Richwells to the hospital and come back so fast, even fresh out of a battle with Krampus.
Thomas had even named his new son after him. Well, only in middle name, but still. Not a bad move from a bastard cop relative.
He kept remembering backwards in this wonderful mental quiet: his first encounter with Zanta with Ed having the balls to even enter the old house, exploring and escaping Krampus' lair, the scenery on the walk which led them there…
Oh.
Their walk.
Oh, fuck.
His stomach churned. If there was one seasonal thing he'd occasionally shared from old great-great-grandpa Thomas Richwells the First, it was neutrality towards Christmas at best, and at worst…
God, fuck. He'd been such an asshole . Why couldn't he make a change for himself? Granted, there were reasons as to why he'd been a dickhead before the trio left their parents' place for the walk, but in no way did they excuse how he acted.
On top of that, Ed was the most vulnerable to his brother's words, so of course he'd be nursing a grudge against Jaxx. Not because Ed wasn't a rational twenty-three-year-old who so happened to be functioning differently yet perfectly fine as an adult, but… Ed wasn't usually the type to hold a grudge.
Sure, Jaxx recalled a time where Ed was just as punchy and easily riled up as his sister, but he watched Ed keep his cool, forgive and let go of things more and more easily as they grew up. So of course it was bad news when he did hold a grudge. Most of the time he wouldn't even know he'd been holding one until it was too late.
Jaxx knew he had grudges held against him by Ed before; though he'd never admit it was mostly because of Jaxx's own bullshit, whatever it happened to be. And yet they always resolved it somehow at some level, thanks to Ell being the mediator between them. But Christmas was Ed's favourite holiday for a reason: the one damn chance everyone could at least pretend everything was fine and get some decency in the world. More good could be repaid unto good, as he'd say. And Jaxx fucked up with it on the walk.
The guilt grew as he remembered how genuinely cheerful Ed would be when he gave gifts to his family throughout the years: a delicately welded blue-and-violet jaybird necklace for mum, carefully crafted prototype blueprints for a working Ember Celica for Ell, a modded to-hell-and-back version of Portal which turned into some lore-heavy mystery game for Cora, a homemade pug plushie for Laurie, even dad's family legend ramblings landed him a model of a brass-threaded flying eagle statue holding a cross in its talon. There was nothing Ed wouldn't do or somehow commission to have made to give to his family, regardless of grudges.
Fuck, Jaxx still had the dice set Ed had given him last year. He hadn't really thought much for it at the time, but looking back, he really did start to like the lapis-lazuli look with the repainted gold lettering on the blue mold, gold particles flickering if he shined it in the light. Not to mention the d20 saved his ass more than once in multiple campaigns, DMing or otherwise…
It made thinking about what he said on the walk force his gut to his throat, even without Ell's jerky sleigh steering.
He knew Ed was currently hiding grudges against two people at the moment: dad and Jaxx himself. He didn't need to ask Ell that . Sure, Ed could usually set them aside for some happy times, but back on the walk…
Apologising was one thing, but how the hell would he make it up to Ed? Fuck, if only he'd cared enough to bring-
Wait.
"Ell. Can you fly us to Oxford?"
Both twins immediately shot him a look.
"N-now now, I'm not off my rocker. I meant when Krampus isn't too much of a bother - if we ever get the chance. I'm asking if we could go since… I forgot some things in my dorm. And no, it's not for me."
"Yeah?" Ell cracked the reins again, "How do we know?"
"What's your excuse, Oxford?"
"I left them there when I meant to take it with me, Ed. I'd been in a rush to head to London at the time, I didn't realise I hadn't taken them with me."
"Then how bloody important are they if they're not even for you?" Ed snapped. Jaxx tried to hide his own flinch.
"They're fucking important because they're for you. …Both of you."
The twins shared silent side-eyes before they stared at Jaxx. He could only guess what they were thinking after all the bullshit he said on the walk.
Zzzzzzzzz!
"What the fuck, why would uncle Thomas be calling me… Hello?"
"Hey Jaxx-"
"How's your kids? Aunt Amy? You're on speaker by the way."
"O-oh, they're okay, thank you. Did the twins tell you about Tommy having-"
"Yeah. You really didn't have to give Tommy a middle name after me."
"You're also his godfather now."
"What the fuck Thomas?!"
He ignored the twins snickering to themselves as Thomas went on.
"Amy's choice, not mine. Anyway, that's not the point. You three check your left, if the reports have been correct."
Wee-woo, wee-woo, wee-woo!
"Why the bloody hell are there police hovercars after us?" He could hear Ed wonder aloud.
"Thomas," Jaxx hissed, "If you've sent your boys to arrest us after everything we've done-"
"No, no. That's not the case, though as much as I'd love to do it for your illegal driving-"
"We're on a fucking magical sleigh from Zanta Claws himself, you know those stories? Illegal driving doesn't count here."
"Well, what you said, basically. Though, about your dad-"
"Don't even fucking think about it."
"Alright, fine. But listen." He heard Thomas sigh, "They're after the Christmastime Killer, not you. I heard from Matthew and Thor that you, Ell and Ed have been calling him Krampus after you fought him off at their places, right?"
"He is Krampus."
"Then it lines up. Those weird parades earlier this month were for Krampusnacht , but probably thanks to cultist involvement the holiday's name wasn't released to the public."
"Probably to avoid drawing attention to whatever ritual they had to bring him back from the dead." Ed noted.
"Good lord." Ell shook her head, "Fucking creeps. Hope they get arrested if they weren't already eaten."
"Matthew's leading that investigation already, Ell. By the way, the patrol was my idea,"
"Fuckin 'course it was, Thomas." Ell muttered.
"But Thor had to be a virtual witness with Matthew so I could get the move approved."
"Wow," Jaxx scoffed to hide a laugh, "you actually all agree on something for once. Better still, it isn't about dad."
"Jaxx, this isn't the time to snark."
"Says you, Richwells."
"HEY!" A new voice called out from one of the cop hovercars, "Who's our Christmastime Killer we need to hunt down?"
"That'd be Ryan," Thomas cut in from the call, "I can hear him from the other side. I'll let you handle this now. See you Jaxx, Ell, Ed."
"See you, Thomas."
The twins didn't say anything in response. Not that Jaxx blamed them.
Beep.
"OI! RYAN WAS IT MATE?"
"YEAH?"
"YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A DEMONIC-LOOKING GOAT-MAN WITH ONE HORN AND FUR ALL OVER EXCEPT FOR HALF HIS FACE! HE'S CLOSER TO THE GROUND, SO KEEP A LIGHT ON HIM AND DON'T HESITATE TO SHOOT ANY MINIONS HE'S MADE!"
Bileep.
Muffled talk from Ryan's walkie-talkie.
"Yeah Shane, we got a lead on 'im. That goat-man is the target. Keep the cameras on. Hey, sleigh-riders? Feel free to have a break, we'll take care of this!"
Jaxx shared a glance with the twins and they all shook their heads.
"It's better than nothing." He admitted.
"True, but you never know." Ed pointed out.
"We'll be able to head to Oxford if we let them out." Ell shrugged, "If you really are that keen to get what you left behind, Jaxx."
"Alright then," he nodded, before looking back to the cop hovercar, "Ryan, Thomas gave you my number, right? Don't hesitate to call us back in if you need to!"
The cop stuck a thumbs-up out the window before rejoining the rest of the flying patrol which now took the lead and flashed a spotlight down on Krampus underneath them.
The sleigh was left alone once again since Ell flew it out of the studio building. No minions, no Krampus, just the three siblings, Zanta's sleigh and pack of skeleton reindeer.
"Just so we're on the same page," Ell held up a hand while flicking the reins with the other, "First, the Ryan guy didn't look like a cop. No uniform, no dress code, not even their shitty civilian disguises. Doesn't even sound like he's from here either."
"Probably some dumb journalist brought along for the ride." Jaxx guessed.
"Maybe Shane is his cameraman or some other colleague." Ed shrugged, "Though it's weird Uncle Thomas knows them."
"Second," Ell continued, "We're collectively agreeing all those cops are bastards even though they're helping us, right?"
"Oh, yeah. The fucking worst ." Jaxx nodded.
"Definitely." Ed huffed, "We're lucky Uncle Thomas, Matthew and even Thor decided to be nice to us."
Jaxx guessed it made it a Christmas miracle in and of itself.
Okay, he kinda guessed the twins would be nice enough to drop him off at the university campus, but he really was hoping they wouldn't let him off at the furthest place from his dorms.
Still. He reckoned he deserved it as he began to run to his block.
His chelsea doc boots pounded against the ground, breath constantly puffing in and out with every step, mind barely taking in any of the merry scenery or people around him.
He had to get the twins' presents. How the fuck did he leave them behind? How could he forget them? For godsakes, he wanted to start the new 'Tales of Henderson' campaign with them as an introduction to tabletop RPGs, so why the fuck didn't he take the chance over the whole time he'd been at their parents' place?
Sure, there was the fact Cora needed an extra set of hands for deliveries when she got exhausted and needed time with Emily to recuperate behind dad's back, and the twins hanging with Laurie more than him to help her flesh out her hacking program and support her in the aftermath of that horrifying prank from school, but all the other moments in-between…
He could've been better.
He could've been a better brother.
He could've been a better fucking person.
But it couldn't be too late now. Perhaps there was still time.
Skiiiid… Thump.
"Room seventy-seven, room seventy-seven…" Jaxx mumbled, his body feeling like it was on fire as he staggered through the dorm block, "Right, there it is…"
His hands shook as he raised them to the keypad on the door. It wasn't what the Richwells had where a password was said aloud and he'd be let in, but he felt safer with a keypad anyway.
Beep beep beep… Beep.
ACCESS GRANTED
Thank god he didn't forget the password.
He stumbled into the bedroom, almost falling as he opened drawers, overturned blankets and patted down pillows until…
Click-clack-click-clack.
Gotcha.
Jaxx shoved two small bags into his coat pockets, almost leaving but came back to remake his bed.
"Huh! Never seen you do that before Jaxx! Bloody hell, what's gotten into you? Making your bed, being tidy before you leave - what has your family done to you?"
Oh, right. His roommate.
Oli was leaning against the wall, fresh from whatever new VR game judging by the lifted headset.
…Something about him now didn't seem to sit right with Jaxx.
"None of your business, Oliver. I didn't come back to stay."
Were his dark, messy hair and white button-up shirt always so oily and gross?
"Ooh, bit touchy are we? No 'hey Oli' or that sort?"
Did he always sound like some know-it-all shitty student film director instead of the fine arts critic he remembered?
"I have to go." Jaxx huffed, "I only came back to pick up a few things I left behind."
He finished remaking his bed and started heading for the open door.
"What's the stuff for, your lame family you just got away from again?"
"Shut up Oliver." He managed to keep walking despite fatigue now slamming his body.
"Seriously, is it for your coward little sisters?"
Jaxx was one foot out the door.
"Their coffee-coloured soft best friend?"
His fists clenched.
"Your bulldozer sister and her dumb twin? Ha!"
His ears rang as he stopped dead in his tracks.
"… What did you say?"
An icy chill burned up his spine.
"You know."
He slowly turned to face his roommate. Was the sleazy look in his eyes always there?
"No, I don't know. Oliver, what the fuck did you say?"
"I said your sisters and their best friend are soft cowards, your other sister's a bulldozer and her twin is dum-ack!"
Swish-thump!
"Jaxx please-ack! Can't breathe! It was a joke! It was a joke, I'm joking!"
"Say it to my face one more fucking time, Oliver Triced." Jaxx growled, low and cold, "Say the fucking joke."
His eyes felt like they were burning from behind as he pinned Oliver's ribcage to the wall with his right arm, but he wasn't backing down as he dug in his elbow too. His left fist was up and aimed at his roommate's face if he tried to break out. Oliver himself struggled for breath and tried to push Jaxx off, but he couldn't. Too weak. The room became darker.
"That's what I fucking thought, you shit." Jaxx hissed at Triced, "I'm never fucking around with those sorts of jokes ever again. On top of that, don't you fucking dare talk about my family like the way you did. For a start, my sisters and their best friend aren't fucking cowards.
"Emily is soft but don't you dare take it for a weakness. Calling her a drink is fucking low , you prick. I thought you'd be well past disrespecting people by their skin and heritage of colour; especially if they're mixed. But apparently, you're worse of a shithead than I thought. Em is the greatest friend Cora and Laurie could ever have and she is more than fucking deserving of independence from her parents. I can't even begin to estimate how strong her faith is: I don't even know if there's a God in existence like she says, but all my research and hypothesising in Atomic Physics is making me second-guess my teachers and myself in her favour. That's how compelling, genuine and honest she is as a person. I'd go far to say she's probably better than all of us combined. Certainly you.
"Laurie's the best baby sister I've had after Cora. If she weren't so sweet and heard of this, she'd break into every account you have and ruin your life in a few minutes - she's that good of a hacker. Give her a few months and I bet she'd even hack Phoenix tech to the ground and rebuild it for whatever she needed - for freedom or for fun, with or without help. And you and I both know how tight Phoenix Industries has their security, even when shut down with the drug ring investigation going on.
"Cora's smarter than all of us in a way. Give her time and she'll catch onto things nobody else will, and go after them without stopping. She's basically a goddamn real-life Sherlock Holmes who's better than bumblesnitch cumpberbums and she will get her chance to grow and earn her freedom, I know it, I just fucking know it. If she really was an eagle and she heard of your shit, she would devour you and your bones."
"Okay, okay-agh! I get it!"
"Did I say I was fucking done Triced?" Jaxx growled, shoving his roommate into the wall even harder, making him wheeze more.
"N-no…"
"Of course I'm not. Elizabeth isn't a bulldozer, but she's got the strength of one and could a hundred-percent crush you into pieces. On top of that, she's one of the bravest and most inventive women- no, people I've ever known, and you know how I've made many good friends with geniuses on this campus. Ell didn't have to fly a sleigh, insult the Christmastime Killer without dying and trick him multiple times to prove her bravery and smarts, but she fucking did . For context, the Christmastime Killer is a fucking goat-man who may as well be a demon. I'll let you put two and two together, if you even can.
"Edward is just as clever, courageous and empathetic as his twin and everything he's done tonight so far has convinced me of it: he rediscovered family history in the goat-man's lair and shot a candy-cane cannon in the bastard's face after beating the shit out of his minions. Hell, he even saved our cousins when they probably didn't deserve it and broke off a horn from the goat-man's head while he did it . Fuck, he's the best damn brother I could have. And he is a fully functioning human being thank you! Just because he functions differently to everyone else doesn't make him dumb or incapable of having a soul, unlike you apparently!"
"Agh, okay! Wheeze - You made your point, let me go!"
"And you know when Ed found the family history?" Jaxx growled, his whole body trembling with rage as the wall behind Oliver Triced started to crack, "Me and my siblings are descended from men who massacred bastard clones of themselves, cancelled zombie apocalypses, went to hell for a vacation and saved Christmas multiple times . And I'll be damned if we can't do the same, but we've been fucking doing it tonight and we're gonna fucking finish the job.
"We're not our ancestors, but they sure as fucking hell haven't burned, punched, shot and broke the horn of a demonic goat-man off his head. So don't you ever dare talk shit about my family and their friends again! I'm not the man you used to know Triced. I've fucked up before, but I'm not sitting by and letting it stay that way any longer."
Only then did Jaxx let Oliver Triced go from the wall, watching him clutch his chest, gasping and puffing for air on his knees. Jaxx shook his head, pushed his glasses up and headed back to the open door as the darkness lifted from the room.
"Please!" Triced wheezed from the floor, his greasy slimy self staining the carpet, "I… I'm sorry… Are we still cool?"
But Jaxx could see past the messy dark brown hair and shallow eyes now. Still. It was Christmas. There was still a chance.
"Only if you can change, Triced."
"Then… Can we still be friends?"
"Friends? Huh, why would I need a 'friend' like you when I've got better and more loving people to be with?"
The door slid shut behind Jaxx as he stormed into the hallway and out of the building.
"Jaxx? Hey, earth to Jackson Gold, you alive?"
"Wh-what?" Jaxx shook himself awake for probably the third time since he collapsed back into the sleigh, "Oh God, I'm so tired. Sorry Ell…"
"No no, it's okay. It's just… Are you?"
"Am I… What?"
"Are you okay?"
"Oh. I mean, I guess…"
"Look," Ell shook her head, "I've let you have a few naps on here since you came back but… Ed noticed something's up."
Jaxx sat up straight at the mention of his brother.
"We flew near the dorm window, listening to your conversation with your roommate." Ed huffed with arms folded, anger in his eyes, "But it doesn't make sense with what you said earlier tonight. Can't bloody well believe you made such awful jokes about us behind our backs…"
Guilt panged in Jaxx's chest as he watched his brother look away, shifting to lean farther from him despite their sister between them.
Fuck. How was he gonna talk to him now?
"Ell-"
"No."
"What?"
"Look. I know my help would work a million wonders for both of you but… I… I can't keep doing this for the rest of my life. You're both grown-ass adults who can get their own shit together without someone in-between as a mediator all the time. Doesn't matter if I'm his twin…" He noticed her voice trying not to break, "But you need to do this by yourselves. Besides, I'm flying the sleigh and need to focus."
Jaxx knew Ell didn't mean to be so blunt, but looking at her… She must've been as tired as he felt . Checking his phone, it was only half past ten in the night when it felt like forever.
So yeah. He didn't blame her.
Now… How was he gonna do this alone?
Maybe…
"You don't need to talk back to me if you don't want to, Ed."
The younger twin squirmed in his seat, trying to pull himself further away.
"But I know we can't ignore what's just happened or what I'm saying. … Or what I said on the walk earlier. I… I didn't realise what shit I'd been spewing out then. I wasn't watching my words and was still stuck in stress mode from a lot of things. They're all decent reasons, but… They're not excuses as to why I was so shitty. And I was . I was so shitty and cynical and angry at everything which wasn't for or about me.
"I don't believe I was thinking properly, but I probably believed I had a reason to be a pessimistic, selfish dickhead when I got the first chance away from dad or his shit. Maybe I did. But the shit I said is on me and me alone . I'm not gonna deny it. I started hating Christmas just for the sheer fact we always had shit happen every year that… Fuck, that we all never properly dealt with in time for new year's.
"I know I meant all the shit I exploded about on the walk, but I don't… I don't… I don't stand by those words anymore. When I blew up at my roommate - well, maybe an ex-roommate - but when I blew up at him after he insulted you, I meant every word I said there too. You aren't dumb; you're clever, courageous, empathetic, inventive, sensitive and a whole lot more than what I said. A-and, sensitivity especially isn't a bad thing. I know you've gotten better with handling it over the years, but I get it. It hurts when it's hurt. It isn't always easy to recover. Especially when I crossed the line. And I fucking did. "
No movement from his brother. Jaxx sighed before continuing.
"I know an apology probably isn't what you'd want, but… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been such a dickhead. I'm sorry I crossed the line. I mean it when I say I'm gonna be better. Not try. I am gonna be better. Tonight's changed my whole world around and… God this is gonna hurt, but I mean it when I say you're right. And… I've been wrong.
"You're right about the good of Christmas. I'd been so bitter about the past repeating itself I didn't see how the present could be different enough to affect the future. I… I don't know how the fuck you've done it every year, but you've made Christmas a joy for all of us in one way or another. I still even have the dice set you gave me last year, heh… Look, even when all I did was shit on Christmas, you're just… You're right. Fuck, I don't have any other words, just… You're right. You're right about Christmas - hell, all the holidays at this time - for all the reasons you said and so much more. Maybe I might have been right too at some point with all my shitting, but tonight's changed everything for me. You're right and I've been wrong. I'll take that one and eat my own hat for all the shit I've said. I'm gonna do better by you. I'll… I'll be in the back of the sleigh if you want to keep talking so we don't distract Ell. I also have something for you… If you want it."
Jaxx slowly stood, carefully climbing out and over his seat and into the much colder back. He didn't know how long Ed would take to get over here and himself, but Jaxx could wait. Didn't matter if it was minutes or hours. It'd be okay. He didn't even mind the weird long stick-like thing he was sitting on - probably the 'something else' Zanta had mentioned earlier.
Creaak. Bump, bump, thump.
"Hey Ed. Welcome to the secret bunk- oh. "
His voice failed him when he saw his brother's face. It suddenly took a lot of effort to keep himself from breaking into tears and not be reminded of when they were both kids in the playground, being knocked around and trying to defend each other till Ell showed up so they could all fight the bullies off.
He carefully pulled his brother into a hug, rubbing his back a little as Ed wept into his shoulder.
"I mean it," Jaxx swallowed, trying to keep his voice level as they let go, "Every word of just now. You're right. You're right about everything, Ed. No need to explain yourself any further. I'm going to be better and I mean it. I'm going to change. I guess tonight really has been some sort of… Miracle, hasn't it?"
Ed hesitated, but nodded and sniffled after, wiping his face with a hoodie sleeve.
"There's something else I want to tell you, Ed. There is bloody nobody else I'd rather be with on this adventure than you and Ell. Not mum and dad, or our uni friends or even Cora, Laurie and Emily. …Okay, maybe it'd be nice to have those three along, but this is our night tonight. I'm happy with who's with me right now and I wouldn't change it for the world."
He reached into his pocket.
Click-clack.
Yeah, those were the right ones. Jaxx could tell.
"Merry Christmas, Ed. Had commissioned these for you, custom-made."
Ed gingerly took the small bag and pulled open the drawstrings, letting the dice fall into his hand.
Their corners had been rounded off a fair amount, especially on the d4, but the edges and sides were still solid and straight, just as were any balanced resin-cast dice. The inside of them had drops of red dye and warm gold mica pigments which looked like a galaxy, topped off with bright gold inking on the numbers.
Ed especially started fiddling with the d20 between his fingers, holding it up to the moonlight and constantly turning it around and around, almost mesmerised.
"You like 'em?"
"… They're beautiful. You sure they aren't made of gemstones?"
"To be honest, I think questions like those are how dice goblins like me get started." Jaxx chuckled, before motioning his brother closer to whisper, "By the way, Ell's got a set from me too, but don't tell her. I've got a whole campaign planned for the both of you, but I solemnly swear that as the DM of many games past - if neither of you want to go past the oneshot, you won't have to."
"… I guess it sounds pretty swell." Ed nodded after a moment, "By the way, shouldn't you apologise to Ell too?"
"You don't need to," She called out, "I heard everything down there till you whispered whatever you did. Apology accepted!"
Perfect. Ell didn't suspect a thing as she cracked the reins. Jaxx stood to return to his seat, but Ed grabbed his wrist.
"Wanna use the candy-cannon when we next fight the goat?"
"... Holy Christ sleeping in a stable, you serious Ed?"
"Yeah!" He stood along with Jaxx, picking up the heavy weaponry and handing it to his brother. "I mean it. I can take your uzi if you want. The recoil on the cannon isn't actually as bad as the size makes it out to be. And I'm sure the uzi recoil isn't too bad either, I can handle it. Must've been magicked up by Zanta anyway."
"Ed, are you sure about this?"
"Yeah. I mean it."
"Holy shit, Ed, thank you…" Jaxx could barely believe his eyes as he gently set the cannon onto his seat, "You really don't have to."
"Oh yes," Ed nodded as he and his brother came back to their seats, now holding a longish dark object, presumably Zanta's 'something else' they must've both been sitting on, "Definitely. I do. Wait, Ell?"
"Yeah?"
"Where did you get the hat?"
"What hat?"
"The Santa hat on your head." Jaxx deadpanned, but failed to stay serious as he chuckled.
"From the glovebox. D'you think I look cool?"
The brothers shared a look before nodding.
"Yes."
"Definitely."
"Absolute-"
Brrrring brrring…
"Who the hell is calling me at this hour…" Jaxx shook his head while pulling out his phone, "Doesn't look like a number I'd know. Hello?"
"Hey, is this Jaxx Gold? From the sleigh? Am I on speaker?"
"Yeees, that's me. Wait a minute, Ryan, right? And hold on… Yeah, you're on speaker now."
"Listen Jaxx, I'm not Ryan. I'm his buddy Shane."
"… Where's Ryan?"
"Ryan's right next to me in our car trying to calm down from something we saw." Shane's voice was strangely level while clearly holding back fear, "he handed me his phone and told me to call you."
"… What's going on?"
"We've got a situation at the building your sister found the Christmastime Killer in. We need your help."
Uh-oh.
It wasn't long till they returned to the old studio building where it all began.
Jaxx's fatigue began to wear off as the sleigh stooped low, hovering just above the parked cop cars surrounding the building's entrance. For all he and the twins knew, Shane and Ryan could be anywhere.
Car doors were still left open. Red-and-blue lights were still flashing. Krampus' minions were strewn everywhere on the grounds, more than he'd seen before, all of them either dead or dying. His heart rattled in his chest when he saw the blood in the snow leading to the open front doors…
Something had gone horribly wrong.
Brrring brrring…
Boop.
"Hello?"
"Jaxx? It's Shane again. You're on speaker so Ryan can talk to you when he's ready."
"Good to know, so are you so my siblings can too. Look, can you see us?"
"Oh yeah , we can see you. Dear God, I thought Ryan was kidding when he was talking about your sleigh with the skeleton reindeer, but damn . You sure it isn't a wild feat of engineering or something from Phoenix?"
"Nope." Ell butted in, "Phoenix wishes they had this, but you know. Their investigation. Anyway, where are you guys? I don't think we can see you."
"Your sister, right Jaxx?"
"Yeah, I am her."
"Gotcha. We're in the one car who's got all the doors shut and locked. You can't seriously find us?"
"Nothing Shane," Jaxx shook his head, "You and Ryan did the right thing finding each other and locking up when… Well, whatever happened, happened."
"Wait." Ell motioned for the phone before Jaxx gave it to her, "Can one of you drive?"
"Shane can," Ryan managed with a slightly shaky voice, "he's in the driver's seat."
"Listen," Ell's voice became gentle yet stern, "You need to get out of here now. My brothers and I will handle this from here. I don't care what orders were given, you need to leave."
"Shouldn't you be leaving too?" Shane wondered.
"You're talking to three people in a magical fucking sleigh who've chased that asshole for longer than the cops have!" Ryan snapped.
"Hey, he's out of the spooked funk!"
"Shut up."
Jaxx pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to snap back. Glancing past an equally annoyed Ell, he saw Ed roll his eyes and shake his head. Mood.
"Listen." Ell tried again, huffing, "It doesn't matter about us. What matters is you guys have to get the fuck outta here alive and safe. I've faced that goat-man in person and both of my brothers have enough saltiness and firepower alone to kick his ass without me."
The look in her face sent shivers down Jaxx's spine. It wasn't something she wore often, but when she did…
Yikes.
"Alright, we'll get going," Ryan exhaled loudly from the other end, "But we'll do some aerial recon for you as we go, if it's any help."
"Psh, we don't-"
Jaxx elbowed his sister.
"Ow! Jaxx, c'mon. Why not?"
He shook his head.
"Alright… Okay. Let us know if you guys see anything down below. We'll be looking too."
Behind Jaxx and to the left, one of the cop cars started its engine and rose up off the ground, doors shut.
"I can see you now," said Jaxx, "You'll go anti-clockwise and we'll go clockwise?"
"Rock and rolling anti-clockwise, buckaroos!" Shane confirmed.
Yeah, definitely not Brits, let alone cops.
"I'll… I'll listen on the radio for anything new," Ryan added, "No Shane, it's not the spirit box, it's the cops' stuff. I'm still picking up signals, but they're not coming in clear yet."
"Spirit box?" Jaxx wondered.
"From our paranormal show," said Ryan, "Long story."
Ell gently flicked the reins and led the deer slowly to the left.
Jaxx tried not to crush his phone as he took it back from his sister and let the call keep going, but he needed to hold something to stop his hands from shaking…
"Hey guys?" Ed spoke up, not even halfway through their first loop, "What's that coming out behind the building?"
"Oh yeah, I see it too," Ryan confirmed, "On your right. Wait, are those the cops? I thought they must've died in the building!"
"Huh!" Shane snickered, "It's like one of those old vans from a hundred years ago!"
Down below and in front of a group of shambling cops, was a dirty pinkish-grey shell of some vehicle trundling in the snow.
"I'll get a closer look," Ell decided, "You two stay back. Ryan, anything on the cop radios?"
"Not yet, but gimme a moment and I might tune into the right frequency."
From what Jaxx could see, the cops were bloody and bashed, somehow still staggering through the snow and after the van.
"How the fuck are those guys still alive?" He muttered, "And what's with all the goddamn moaning? It isn't clear from here, but... "
"Moaning?!" Ryan blurted, "I've caught it on a frequency too!"
"Well let us hear it!"
"Ooh, kinky!"
"Shane, that's not what I fucking meant. Here, take a listen."
The sounds were staticky from radio to phone, but the deep, droning moans playing over the call were instantly recognisable to Jaxx and the twins. They'd seen enough films and heard enough of the family stories to know what happened to those cops.
The trio shared a look and shook their heads, Ell especially looking extra grim.
"I guess we know how Krampus cursed Zanta eleven hundred years ago."
Jaxx shuddered.
Fuck.
Still, it wasn't enough. Ell led the deer closer to the van, just enough to hear it clunking and bumping through the snow.
There were large pieces in the back of the van, but Jaxx couldn't figure out for the life of him as to what the fuck they were. Meanwhile, the figure driving at the van's wheel was hunched over, their head looking… Well, not-human.
"That's fucking Krampus alright," Jaxx mumbled, "But why would he…"
Even before they got closer, he realised the van kinda looked similar to some old illustrations their dad made from one story about…
Wait a fucking minute.
Oh no.
Oh. No.
Oh… No.
"What's going on, sleigh gang?"
"Ryan, Shane, I think it's really your cue to leave. Look, I don't know how to explain this, but things might get very hairy soon. Those guys aren't cops anymore, and Krampus driving that van is more bad news than you think."
"Jaxx, how the fuck-?"
"Shane, let's not question it."
"Ryan, I am absolutely questioning it-"
"Alright! Good luck to you three," Ryan sighed, "I don't know what you're talking about, but we're taking your word for it. Happy holidays. Hope you guys get out of this alive."
"Thanks." Jaxx nodded, "You guys better stay safe this Christmas."
"Oh definitely, we will." Shane chuckled, "Though I think Ryan may need a new pair of pants as a present."
"Shane?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut the fuck up."
"Never!"
Beep.
The van kept trudging through the snow.
"Jaxx, what the fuck were you talking about with Krampus in the van?" Ell wondered as the hovercar flew away.
"Ed," Jaxx tried to think, "You know that one Christmas story, right?"
"…Which one?"
The van came to a stop. Zombified ex-cops started to surround it.
"Come on…" Jaxx growled, trying to remember while snapping his fingers, "Dad even illustrated moments of it. The one where Zanta's sleigh was supposedly destroyed when Thomas Richwells the First rode it on the second or third time our ancestors met up with him. Surely, you remember that story, right?"
"…Shit," Ed frowned with wide eyes, "I get what you're talking about with the van being a thing but I can't quite remember what it was! Dammit, what happened…"
Jaxx's shaking hands turned into rapidly bouncing legs. He even noticed Ell's grip on the reins getting tighter. Out the corner of his eye, he saw the zombies breaking through the van windows.
"Come on, come on!" His frown deepened and he rapped his knuckles on the sleigh edge as he tried to remember, "What the fuck was it called?!"
CLANK! Whrrrrrrrr…
An icy shiver zipped up Jaxx's spine.
Thwooop… shzooom!
He didn't want to look down below… no, right before him…
Shhhzoom! Shhzoom! CLACK-Whiiirrrr… CLANK! CRASH! CRASH! SHLACK!
Zombies thumped, thumped, thumped to the ground, falling off the giant metal beast which now stood before Zanta's sleigh.
Steel head with angry window-eyes. Missile-launchers raised out the shoulders. Two giant red arms had broken through the sides of the rectangular body underneath the original grey ones: all of them ready to strike.
A pair of red metal horns piercing through the top of the boxy head made all the more flair for the Christmastime Killer.
"Son of a motherless fucking goat…" Ell managed, the giant mech making eye contact over them, "The Boxmas Bot. They called it the Boxmas Bot."