PART 15
The glass case with the stuffy was just outside the gift shop. Flamel sat in there, looking very dead and stuffed.
"You know," said James. "There are people who steal Jeremy Bentham's body."
"I think you should choose between the stuffy and the duck's penis," said Sirius.
"You're not my mother."
Fletcher touched the glass case.
"Flamel. Stuffed. Toe. Let me search those shoes! I need a diamond and some gum!"
Sirius had a diamond in his cobra earring and Remus had gum. Fletcher stuck the gum to the glass case. He looked at the earring.
"I'll be really careful."
"That is really ancient and worth several fortunes and it's full of secret powers," said Sirius. "So please break it. Please. I beg you."
Fletcher glanced at the earring again.
"Can't you just give it to me if you don't want it?"
Sirius shrugged.
Fletcher stuck the earring in the gum and then he whacked it with a fire extinguisher. The glass case didn't even scratch. Fletcher put down the fire extinguisher.
"What is brown and sounds like a bell? What is brown and sounds like a bell? Oh it doesn't fit!"
"Don't worry about it," said Remus. "You know that the Shirley Templars was just an excuse for-"
"Old people rompy pompy, you're right. It's a beautiful thing, is it not?"
"Ok."
"Funny thing..."
"What?"
"We never actually rang that bell out there."
By jove he was right.
"I can go and ring it, if you want."
"Hmmm. Naaaaw. Welll... Would you?"
So it was decided. Remus was going to go and ring the bell, because who knew, maybe it would make a wildly unexpected sound. But it seemed like good practice to have someone come along, despite what he claimed his own magic capabilities to be (awesome.). So James went with him, and Peter as well.
Sirius and Fletcher passed the wait playing exploding go fish in the gift shop.
"Go fish yourself," said Sirius.
Fletcher plucked a card from the puddle of cards between them.
"Oh no I got the fish joker!"
The fish joker jumped out of the card, slapped Fletcher in the face with its tail, making him smell a lot nicer.
"That makes me King Trout again. You lose," said Sirius, putting down his cards and getting up.
"Best of fourteen?" Fletcher asked.
"What's taking so long?"
Fletcher shoved the cards back in the box, and put the box back among the other gift shop card sets.
"My throat is itching. Can I borrow that lovely scarf of yours?"
"You had it last."
"Oh right."
Fletcher searched his duffle coat. Then he searched it some more.
"Woopsie?"
"What?"
"I think I lost it."
"You lost it? That scarf belonged to my mother's mother's mother's mother's mother! She will be livid, my mother's mother's mother's mother's mother!"
"I'm sorry!"
"It's fine."
"I will look for it!"
"Really, you mustn't bother."
"In fact I probably left it on the plane."
"I threw it out, it was covered in sick."
"Did your brother get sick all over it?"
"No I just saw a puddle of sick in the street and rubbed the scarf in it."
"I thought you had washed it!"
Sirius was getting impatient. No he was getting more impatient. He was impatient. Just what was taking so long?
Fletcher laughed.
"It's so funny!"
"What is?"
"I thought you were a werewolf!"
Sirius fixed him with his shimmering mother-of-pearl eyes.
"I am a werewolf."
His eyes glowed like moons so it had to be true! Fletcher screamed and ran out of the gift shop.
"It was a joke! Come baaaack!" Sirius yelled after him.
The walls began to shake and he wondered if Iceland was prone to earthquakes. Then he could hear the bell loud and clear:
BUNIONNNNN!
Glass shattered everywhere; the windows, glass souvenirs and, most important of all, the glass case containing the stuffy of Nicholas Flamel.
The shaking stopped after a short while.
"Right," Sirius thought. "Bunion."
It couldn't get any clearer than that. Sirius knew that he had to remove Flamel's smelly boots and search them.
He approached the stuffy that had fallen off its chair during the violent shaking and now lied in a puddle of glass shards. And boy did it smell. Formaldehyde and Stilton. Sirius had never encountered a cheese he didn't like until he had tried Stilton. Now he wished he had his gran's wedding robes to take his sick. Alas he did not. He would just have to keep it down for later.
He had over the course of the day gotten used to the potpurri of odours that was Fletcher. But he'd never get used to this, so he would just have to pinch his nose with one hand to prevent himself from going the way of Jimi Hendrix. With his free hand he removed first the shoes and then the socks.
What had he even expected to find? The stuffy had five toes on each foot and no bunions. Was he supposed to break one of them off? They all looked like they had been nicked and then reattached several times.
Fletcher poked his head through the door.
"You sure it was a joke?"
"Yes! Help me!"
Fletcher had returned not a moment too soon. The stench was killing Sirius. He needed fresh air.
"I'll be in here," he said and had a smoke inside the gift shop, which had a window.
Fletcher seemed entirely immune to the smell. He picked up a boot and turned it over. A small parcel fell out.
"This has to be it!" he said, ripping off the paper.
"What is it?"
"It's the Philosopher's Stone!"
"Which one?"
"The Philosopher's Stone!"
"Is it a toe, or a stone?"
"I don't believe this!"
"What?"
"You have to look for yourself!"
Fletcher gave the parcel to Sirius.. At first Sirius thought he had found the actual stone, which was very good news and the only interpretation he was interested in. But there was more to it. Like those amber stones with insects inside, this appeared to be some kind of red amber with a toe inside!
James and Remus came running. Peter would join them minutes later.
"Did you find it?" James yelled.
"Sure did!" Sirius yelled back.
"Awesome! Can I see?"
Sirius came out of the gift shop and threw the stone across the hall. James put on a blindfold and caught it. He removed the blindfold.
"Now that's what I call a satisfying compromise! Now let's go and find the duck penis and then get out of here!"
They were all about to leave when it began to rain gummy bears.
"Aaahh gummy bears everywhere!" they cried, as they warded off the gummy bears.
"Not so fast!"
That was the unmistakable voice of the main antagonist. He was standing on a tall round-tipped obelisk, a chap in a black cowl, his self-flutteing cape fluttering.