Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides the plot and the possible OCs

It was tense. Shinichi had pulled up a device that Conan belatedly realized made the white noise in the background. Kudo Shinichi was aware this conversation was confidential.

Conan had picked up Mr. Cuddles from where it was lying on the floor beside the wall it smacked into when Conan threw it, and it was now living up to its name by being cuddled by the child on the couch opposite to where Shinichi was sitting.

In Conan's opinion, they should've had this talk while he was still in the hospital, but he could understand the caution of having a child reliving a potentially dangerous memory and result said child to have more psychological damage than what was necessary.

Conan liked to think he didn't need to be babied, but his behavior around the adults made him rethink this opinion.

"Conan."

His faux-name snapped him out of his thoughts and he looked over at Shinichi. The teen was waiting for Conan to start. Here comes his dillema. What should he tell him?

Conan settled with, "I'm not normal," he fiddled with Mr. Cuddle's round ears, "...they did something to me and I can't go back to the way I was before."

He didn't have to explain who it was that did this to him. Shinichi found him that day, and he knew his old self would connect the right dots. He could trust himself with deducing this without a problem.

His hands squeezed Mr. Cuddle's head as he continued, "I... I discovered what they were really after and I..." He stopped.

He shouldn't get his old self involved again. But he knew Shinichi was stubborn in his own right and leaving him wondering about the Organization was just as dangerous.

Shinichi was still silent, indicating that the high school detective wants him to continue, but Conan already made up his mind.

He looked Shinichi in the eyes, "You shouldn't mess with them, niichan." He pleaded.

Shinichi's narrowed eyes told Conan he'd drop that particular subject, but he'd be asking about it again in the future. Conan slumped in defeat. There goes his hope of plain time travel.

He wasn't like this in the past... This was his alternate self. In place of getting shrunk, this Kudo Shinichi seemed... not him, and Conan noticed he's less attention seeking even at this part of the timeline... less... arrogant. The lack of news reports were proof of this.

"Okay fine," Shinichi said, though his tone indicated it was anything but, "How did you know Kaitou Kid's real identity?"

Conan grimaced. He didn't expect to cry himself to sleep with the computer on while still hugging the picture frame. Though he was still unsure which of them were currently taking the monocle so it was safe to say, "I don't."

Shinichi wouldn't be able to tell if he was lying because he really wasn't. Conan knew his version of KID and he's pretty sure it was the young magician boy from the picture, but he really wouldn't know the identity of this universe's KID unless he sees him for himself. It was another reminder that his version was really dead...

He could feel Shinichi's stern stare, and he couldn't help but be defensive of his action, "How do you know that was my intention anyways?" The question was crap and they both knew it. But the teen's question only focused on one possibility which was unusual.

In his stress, he pressed Mr. Cuddles' buttoned eyes, "for all you know I was looking at it because you all look just like me and it made me think that maybe..." Gosh, why was his eyes stinging?

Shinichi's gaze softened and some of the tension washed away, "I know who he is," He said softly, "...but I don't think they have a relative with the surname Edogawa."

"My life is fake." Conan could claim that much.

"I'm smart, Meitantei." The corner of Conan's mouth twitched upwards as he used one of KID's nickname for him to address the teen across him, "I know who you are yet I don't. I am who you are, but I am different. I don't exist, yet somehow here I am. Everything I did came with a price, and someday I might lose myself in it."

He paused and took a deep shuddering breathe, "I'm not sure why I'm here in the first place."

Conan didn't know if the silence was a good or a bad thing. But that was okay. If he was physically the adult in this situation he would be skeptical too.

Conan scoffed as he realized that he was now playing with Mr. Cuddles. He was mentally twenty years-old, but somehow in this universe he couldn't control the way he act around adults.

But Conan could learn to deal with that, since the universe seems to take pity on his bad acting skills and probably did this to him so he won't screw up.

His hands stopped playing with Mr. Cuddles, 'Screw up what though?'

Shinichi stood up from his seat and sat beside him. Conan followed his movement, but he didn't expect to be picked up and twisted so he was sitting on Shinichi's lap, facing his chest. He looked up at his old self with wide eyes.

"Uhmm..."

"I called my parents," the teen started, "...just to make sure." Conan could see the awkwardness in his body language.

Conan only blinked as he processed this. Then he frowned, "Not possible."

Shinichi shook his head, "I'm not so sure about that. They told me dad had a record of being a donor..."

Conan's eyes widened. It wasn't possible because it was the rule of the universe. They were both a different version of each other, but they're still the same person. There shouldn't be two existing at the same time. Hattori said so. What could have been so powerful as to alter even the rules of the universe?

...or maybe Conan was still in denial.

Conan gasped, flung Mr. Cuddles in his haste to get off of Shinichi's lap and out of the library.

"Conan?!"

Conan didn't stop climbing up the stairs even when his guardian asked where he was going. He just slid to a stop in front of the guest room he was staying in and slammed the door open. He dashed to the nightstand where he hid the gem, violently pulling the bottom drawer.

"GIVE IT BACK!" he screamed at the gem that was now in his hands, then scrambled to stand up by the window.

"EDOGAWA CONAN DOESN'T EXIST! GIVE IT BACK!" He cried as he shook the gem under the moonlight, "PLEASE!" He wanted his real identity back more than ever.

It wasn't fair. It was his last connection to his most precious people he left back in his universe. Was this the payment for saving this version of himself?

Conan slammed his hands on the side of the bottom ledge windowsill.

"...you don't understand..." he whispered as he slid down to the floor, "Edogawa Conan doesn't exist..." He sobbed.

He heard a shuffle from his left and turned his head to see what it was. Shinichi sat beside him, back to the wall and his left leg extended while his right leg was folded up to rest his right arm.

Shinichi just looked straight ahead and he spoke up, "... I don't fully understand what is going on with you, but..." He turned to face him, "... I'd like it if you stay."

Conan only sniffled, his muddled mind not comprehending the sentence. He wondered what that had to do with his situation. Shinichi turned to face the opposite wall again, and he could see the way the teen seemed tense.

"You trusted me to understand you." Shinichi didn't question what he did and what he lost.

Conan could only stare at him.

"I do. Sort of." Shinichi's gaze told Conan he was telling the truth.

"... and I also understand you're stuck." Shinichi looked sheepish and lifted his right arm then rubbed the back of his head as he spoke up again, "I don't like living alone in this big house anyway."

Conan's mouth tugged into a smile against his will and turned his head to look down on his own lap.

"...Okay." He said softly.

Maybe losing it to save the Shinichi in this universe would be worth it in the end.