Karyn rolled over, slamming her hand into the comm.
"Faro."
"It's Thrawn. He's in the dojo." Hammerly said, her words slurring. It was 3 am.
"Again?"
Silence.
"Alright. Faro out."
She grunted and pulled on her robe, kicking her feet into her untied boots and heading off. This was the only time she could hear her own footsteps in this corridor, the busiest corridor on the Chimera. But now it's lofty, shined surface gleamed, devoid of any evidence of life. She pushed open the door to the dojo. Thrawn had a fighting stick in his hand, going over drills in quick precise succession. He was entirely soaked in sweat, beads flying off his head and onto the mat with each strike.
She opened her mouth to speak, but he turned.
"Why is it you continue to join me each time I come here?" He asked, his eyes finding her. But they weren't their usual vibrance. They were dull, fogged by exhaustion.
"The crew, sir, they worry about you."
He half smiled, a dangerous, jaded smile full of contempt. "Please, Commodore."
She pursed her lips.
"Is there something I can help you with? Whatever's keeping you up?"
"I simply need less sleep than humans." He said, hitting the dummy with a thwack.
"Is it a project?"
Thwack.
Was something said to you?"
Thwack.
"A nightmare?"
He paused. He walked over to the wall, setting the stick down and lifting his towel. He was thinking, that she knew. The man was always calculating, cautious.
He started toward the hallway and Karyn followed. "Sir, I know it has been hard for you, for all of us, since Vanto vanished but, I do want you to know what I said was sincere. The crew does care about your well being, sir."
He stopped.
"Thank you, Commodore." He said quietly.
"Of course, sir. And know that I am always available should you wish to discuss anything, on or off the clock."
He nodded once, curtly, and left her staring after him, his footsteps nearly silent.
Thrawn,
I know this doesn't even begin to compare to your journal, but I wanted to offer you a little advice myself. There are things I've happened to observe as well.
Don't let yourself get caught up in politics. I know it scares you, but it's going to come up and bite you one day if you ignore it. You have allies, Karyn, Hammerly, Linnia, Yularen.
I know that, somewhere in there, Linnia means a lot to you. Her letters bring a light to your eyes that nothing else does (except maybe art). you've told me a lot about the unforgiving politics of the chiss in everything, but humans are more forgiving. Don't be afraid to talk to her, to take some risks. You deserve to think about yourself sometimes. Just go with what you do know instead of what you don't.
Maybe I misread you, if so forgive me, I'm just wishing you some happiness.
Good luck, Thrawn. I owe you everything.
Eli
Thrawn growled and set his datapad down. He'd read eli's letter more times than he cared. He wasn't sure what it was eli wanted him to do to accomplish his wishes, but without him present to ground his thoughts, thrawn found himself floating about the rest, unsure of how to sort his own thoughts from those he imagined others to have. Reading people had always been his downfall, yes, but now, now that he'd experienced what it was like to have a buffer, a translator almost between him and everyone else, it was almost painful to have to return to his own futile efforts.
He didn't know what he was doing.
If he could somehow work alone, or without the pressures and constructs of others…
He stopped himself. It wasn't possible so why contemplate it?
He rubbed his hands over his face. He hadn't slept again. Karyn had, of course, come to check on him, and only then did he realize how late it had been. His nightmares since Eli had gone had grown more vivid, more violent.
This time, Ar'Alani and Eli had died by the hands of the Empire, and he needed this time to sort through his thoughts.
Don't be afraid to talk to her, to take some risks. You deserve to think about yourself sometimes.
Thrawn had never once thought about himself. His mind always diverted to what he wanted was what the Ascendancy wanted, because without the Ascendancy there would be no Thrawn. He owed them everything, every thought, every drop of blood and sweat he spilled was for them.
But he was alone. Eli was gone, and for the first time, he felt truly alone.
He sighed. He needed to get space from the crew, the Chimera, the Empire.
He needed air.
He looked at his calendar. He and Faro had to attend a charity gala on Coruscant in two days time, then he was free for the following week, the week of the Chiss holiday, Ascension day.
Take some risks.
Think about yourself.
Thrawn buttoned the final button on his tunic, pressing the sealing strip. He wore his formal uniform reserved for such events. He dread this event, but at least this time he wouldn't be attending alone. Faro was attending as well but due to politics, they could not attend together, even as casual teammates.
He walked out into the sitting room of the hotel suite, and sat on the sofa. He'd purchased the presidential suite, the one with two separate bedrooms with their own freshers. In the center, beneath the crystal chandelier was the circular sofa and the large kitchenette. The room was gold and white marble from head to toe, fresh flowers in a half dozen vases throughout the suite. It was gorgeous, but marred by what was to come.
He tapped his foot. The last time he attended a gala at this venue was when Korma had left him in the alcove. He frowned. He disliked the attention he got at these events. He was the only alien, and it was made clear.
The door to the other bedroom slid open and Linnia stepped out. The back of the gown was to the floor, the front to her knees. It's black glitter shone blue in the light, her hair curled and pulled to one side. She wore makeup, her heels making her several inches taller.
Thrawn swallowed. All this was for him.
No. It was for the politics of the party.
What was the next step? Eli had told him to go with what he knew.
"You look great." She smiled.
"As do you." He said, his voice softer than he wished.
"You ready?"
He sighed. "I suppose I am."
They walked to the lift, riding it down in silence. When it opened, people had cocktails, gathered in the grand entrance, a large chandelier above them.
He watched other couples, noticing the women had their arms around the men's. Was it rude not to? He wasn't sure. She was looking around, her eyes glimmering in the light with a small sense of awe.
"Would you like to remain out here or find our seats?"
She looked up at him, taking his elbow as she searched the room.
"Its up to you, I don't care."
They made their way into the ballroom, the many tables scattered throughout the large ballroom covered in glimmering wine glasses and towering floral displays.
Thrawn looked down at his seating card, finding their table. Thrawn pulled out Linnia's chair, watching Yularen's face grow steadily more curious, more amused.
"Admiral Thrawn." Yularen greeted.
"Colonel Yularen, this is Doctor Linnia Remda."
"An absolute pleasure." He greeted and she inclined her head.
"It's a pleasure."
Governor warner joined them along with Karyn and her date, first weapons officer, Shyri.
"Commodore Faro, this is Doctor Linnia Remda." He said, watching her face for surprise. He saw it flash across her features briefly before it disappeared.
"It's so wonderful to meet you. Please, call me Karyn."
"Linnia. It's wonderful to meet you as well."
Linnia smiled, touching Thrawn's arm gently. "Between Thrawn and Vanto, I feel like I already know you."
"I'm honored."
Thrawn poured her a glass of champagne, setting it gently before her. She was still speaking to faro, her hand resting on thrawn's forearm. It was so casual, but his heart was pounding in his ears. In front of others it felt so intimate. He felt giddy, like a little boy.
He looked into his wine glass.
"Tell me, Linnia, how did you come to meet Admiral Thrawn?" Yularen asked.
"Thrawn and I actually met in the academy."
"Really?" He smiled, sipping his wine.
"Yes. We lost touch when I was injured and had to quit the academy for a time, but we're back to where we were then." She smiled, looking back at him. She was so terribly good at this. At playing the game. Politics.
"How wonderful," he responded, draining his glass and rising in search of another, leaving Thrawn with Linnia and Faro.
"How are you doing?" Linnia asked and Thrawn raised an eyebrow. She crossed her leg toward him, her arm resting on the back of her chair.
"I know you hate these."
He smiled slightly. "I'm doing well. Your presence assures so." He admitted.
She smiled. "Good. That was my goal. I hope I haven't said too much-"
"No. Thank you."
She sipped her champagne.
Others joined them at that table, including the boisterous Governor of some distant colony that Thrawn had been careful to avoid in the past. Yularen kept him and his wife occupied, for the most part, allowing him to enjoy the music and the solitude Linnia allowed with her careful and calculated conversation with the others. She was like Eli, she knew how and when to say things. But as the meal progressed and the attendees grew more intoxicated, manners made way for more blunt conversation and dancing styles.
Thrawn watched on occasion for any signs of boredom or misery on Linnia's face, but she seemed content, chatting with Faro about some kind of machinery the frigate had just received. Faro had an appreciation for technology and its progression, and the medical field was at the forefront of such advances. Thrawn was listening as well, the machine's abilities extraordinary.
Yularen left the table quietly, and the governor looked over at them with a smirk that spelled trouble.
"How did Thrawn blackmail you into joining him tonight, Doctor?" The governor asked, making himself and the others laugh. Karyn frowned.
"I asked Admiral Thrawn to be my date." She said firmly.
The governor laughed, and Thrawn looked down at her, mild surprise in his gaze. What?
She turned to Thrawn, "Can we…?"
He inclined his head. "Excuse us." he said Before leading her away.
The governor called to their backs, some kind of excuse about joking and not to be offended, but they tuned him out.
"Why did you lie?"
She sighed, "Thrawn, he was insinuating that you couldn't actually get me to come unless you held something over my head. It was to prove otherwise."
He nodded. "I apologize."
She frowned. "Why?"
"My attendance at events tends to bring these types of confrontations. I'm yet to attend one without incident."
"Don't apologize. Its not your doing and I don't mind." She grinned. "Lets go dance."
"Dance?"
She pulled him toward the floor.
"It's a slow song, it's easy." She promised, quickly positioning his hand on her waist. Her warm hand found his shoulder and be stared at her, wide eyed.
"I only know Chiss dances."
"So let's do a Chiss dance." She said, as if it were nothing at all. As if he wouldn't look even more out of place.
"Teach me."
He took her hand, warm under his own cold one, moving it higher to his neck. He explained it was very similar to their own waltz, leading her. It had a surprising step between, one that made her laugh in surprise.
He looked back at the table, the governor watching with mild surprise.
"Do you find my appearance unnerving?" He asked softly. He wasn't sure what made him ask, but the stares and snickers of others that were meant to be his colleagues had a way of cracking his shell… of making him feel alone.
"Not at all." She said, looking out over the room.
"Do you find mine unnerving?"
"No. To humans, my features are harsh in comparison to yours." He explained.
She shook her head. "Your appearance isn't unnerving to anyone. Your intelligence is. They're threatened by you, by your lack of respect for the game of politics. You can't be bribed or swayed."
He looked away thoughtfully, leading her across the floor. Dances were required in the Chiss military educational format, ensuring they wouldn't make the Ascendancy look foolish at events. She followed the best she could, stumbling around a bit, but she didn't seem concerned, so he continued. The song ended, and they looked back at the table, the governor drunkenly talking to Karyn and Shyri.
"The balcony is open."
He looked over, the door open out onto the pillared balcony, and he nodded. She followed him, the cool breeze of the night air helping to lift some of the weight of the night off of his chest. The sounds of traffic and the party battled on either side of them, leaving them in their strange world between the two, white noise and fresh air.
"Thank you for coming."
"Thank you for asking me."
She leaned against the stone rail.
"Tell me about your life back with the Chiss."
He paused. Her expression seemed to hold interest, curiosity. "I was born on a planet called Rentor to a poor family. He said quietly. "I got the attention of and was adopted by a very influential family, which is common in my culture."
She looked up at him. "Your family, what are they like?"
He pursed his lips. "Chiss families are not like human families. They do not support one another unconditionally. It is more of an alliance of convenience, and when it is not convenient, it becomes more of a challenge."
She frowned. "I'm sorry. That sounds terrible."
"It is difficult. Everything is dictated by politics and political standing, Never by merit."
"May I ask you a question?"
She nodded, the starlight glimmering in her eyes.
"What was the cause of your accident?"
She looked away, "I went on a training assignment on a medical frigate with other classmates. On the way back, the ship was attacked by pirates. The wall beside me was blown out, the brunt of it taken by my friend, who was killed. Most died, but myself and the other survivors were badly injured. I was in bacta for nearly six months. They were sure I would die."
He stared at her, unsure of what to say. She didn't let him worry long.
"Do you want to leave? I think it's an appropriate time people seem to be leaving," She said.
Thrawn closed his eyes briefly. "Yes. If that is what you would like to do as well."
"Yes. I hate crowds." She laughed, looking up at him.
They said their goodbyes to Karyn and Yularen and head upstairs. The usual same governors and generals stayed at the bar, hanging heavily over chairs and one another. A couple was making out in the same alcove where Thrawn had allowed Korma to make his move, and he clenched his jaw.
How desperate he had been for some sort of reassurance. Affection. He looked over at Linnia. How was this any different? He was still trying to win someone's care, he was trying to fill the void Eli had left. He'd convinced her to go on a short trip with him, in celebration of Ascension day. The Chimera was planetside for the week, he had no other duties, so he gave his crew the week to rest… why shouldn't he? He needed to get away from the empire for a time, things were getting sticky and he needed some space to reset his perspective, what was wrong with having Linnia join him? He trusted her and Faro, that was all, and Faro was his subordinate. Linnia gave him perspective. She didn't care about the politics of anything, but she understood them, giving him a sounding board for his thoughts. She was the only person he'd come across that didn't seem threatened by him, allowing him the space to think and absorb her thoughts and his own. It was like being with Ar'Alani again, in that regard.
The exited the lift, an officer trying to open his hotel room with a half naked woman kissing his neck.
"Quite a night." She smirked, diffusing the tension in his chest.
She opened the door, immediately kicking her shoes off. She took off her shawl, the severe raised scar evident over her shoulder and down the low cut of the back of her dress.
She turned and Thrawn averted his eyes.
"I don't know if you had any plans for the rest of the evening but I think I'll turn in."
"I did not." He said, searching her face for the unknown indicator of some insinuation he didn't understand. But he didn't see one, and she smiled instead.
"Alright, goodnight, Thrawn. I'll be sure to be packed by seven, like we talked about earlier."
"Yes. Goodnight."
She made her way into her side of the suit, leaving Thrawn. He sat on the couch his head in his hands.
He knew what their sharing a hotel room implied, and something about it excited him. If only there has been one bed.
He shook the thought, revolted with himself. They were friends. She brought him too much to risk destroying it with asking for more. What was it he wanted? The dreams beyond that of friendship were locked behind a wall that was crippling, give him glimpses and slips of what ifs. But why? What weakened this wall he'd built so carefully? He'd made himself promises when he'd waited for the empire to arrive on that forsaken planet. One of which was that he wouldn't grow attached to the Empire or it's goals. He hadn't thought about the people he'd meet, about Eli and Linnia and Karyn. If there was one thing he had learned it was waiting had its rewards. With time, answers would come to him. For now, his uncertainty had to yield to his duty.