AN: Pop Pop catch this weekly update! Against all odds, and instead of editing a podcast, I have written another chapter, within the same month as the last one! Please hold the applause.
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"So all of your clothes were destroyed in a fire?" Rōzu had sat through his quick explanation about his outfit after returning with takeout. "But by some miracle, this is one of the only outfits that survived?"
"Yes."
"You could have told me earlier, this didn't have to be a today thing."
"No that would be rude to turn down an invitation" he was hoping to really sell this lie. "And besides, what's more fun than this outfit?"
"Wow I could feel the bile in your mouth while you said that, but hopefully some sushi, that you aren't allergic to, will help!"
"Oh I am deathly allergic to seafood actually."
"Shit" they looked at the two takeout boxes with despair.
"That was a joke" he grabbed one of the containers from them. "Sorry I probably should have read the room a little better."
"The switch from your tragic house fire story to joking about a deadly allergy is pretty dramatic" they went and grabbed some glasses and napkins. "I didn't plan ahead for dining in, so we have water and milk."
"I'll take some water given the choices."
"Smart man, the milk is kind of" they opened the carton for a whiff. "Oh no it's extremely past expiration."
After Rōzu grabbed drinks and Iruka cleared off the table a little, the two sat down to eat. Iruka decided to not fake an allergic reaction to the sushi even though he really wanted to. After a few minutes of eating and complete silence he realized maybe they should talk about something. He of course had no idea what to talk about. Panicking he discreetly looked around for something to use as a conversation starter.
"So that cast is pretty cool huh" he landed on that.
"It sure is keeping my bones wrapped up nicely" if they noticed how weird a thing to say that was, they didn't let it show.
"Ah cool cool, love it when casts do that."
"Do you often wear a cast?" luckily for him, Rōzu seemed just as bad at making conversation.
"Uh, can't say I do, no."
"Shame."
"It really is."
Another silence fell over them, this one noticeably more awkward than the first. He assumed it would be incredibly rude to try and interrogate them during fun Friday, but he literally had no idea what else to talk about. At the sound of some crinkling he slyly peeked over at them again. They were, with some discretion, reading a piece off the side of the table.
"So do you come here often?" as they said this, he knew they were reading off the paper.
"By here you mean your home?"
"I uh" their eyes flicked back down. "I meant uh, do you have any pets?"
"No can't say I do."
"Uh huh, so they um, you probably couldn't tell me names of these pets then."
"No I couldn't."
"How should success be measured? And uh, by that measurement who is the most successful person you know?"
"Who gave you this list?"
"I asked Kakashi and he gave me a book titled '250 Quality Conversation Starters' so I just tore a page out of it without looking it over."
"Wow" he may be only one step above doing that, but he was still above it. "We really don't know how to do this huh."
"It's very difficult not talking to you about like, Naruto or murder or secrets, like, what are people supposed to talk about if not those three things?"
"We could always talk about the Game?"
"Oh god right, the big Game. How could I forget about it."
"I'm a big fan of the Left team, what about you?"
"I'm partial to the Right team, but try not to get too invested since they do suck."
"True ever since they lost that one Good Player, it's been all downhill for the Right team."
"I know! Like it's so hard to root for a team that loses the Game so often."
"But root we must because who doesn't love the Game?"
"Gosh I hope nobody! I sure love watching and rooting for the Game!"
"Me too!"
The two broke down into laughter after that, Iruka had never met someone else so adept at faking knowing things about a sport. He of course was now out of conversation options that weren't about Naruto, murder or secrets, so he just tried to ride out the laughing for as long as possible.
"Ok I think" they were still somewhat laughing. "We should stop laughing now it's been like three minutes."
"Yeah that's probably" he wound his fake laughing down. "A good call."
"Should we just talk about Naruto?" Rōzu seemed out of things to fill the air with.
"I could try and fill you in on his school work, and maybe this time we won't make a trip to the hospital?"
"Well, no guarantees I'm only completely sober so anything could happen."
"Do you have questions about how he's doing in school?"
"Uh yeah totally, like uh, how are his grades?" they raised an eyebrow while saying the word.
"They are kind of bad, they are improving though, but overall very bad."
"Well maybe I can help him with whatever he's struggling with in the school, like uh, math?"
"We don't actually teach math at the academy."
"Well I wasted money on like two books, but um, what does he learn there exactly?'
"It's mostly history lessons and tactical stuff, we also teach them to do a lot of basic taijutsu and other training. We have them learn ninjutsu in the last year."
"Wow that's, huh" they seemed at a loss for words.
"What did you think we taught the kids exactly?"
"Again, not entirely sure since I never went to school, but like, the kid I used to watch was tutored in like math, science, geography and things like that. I just kind of forgot that the whole train children to be ninjas thing was your whole deal."
"There's the civilian school, for the kids who don't want to be ninjas, which is kind of what I assumed you went to."
"Nope, I was a cool kid and didn't go to school."
"But you were for some reason left in charge of a kid who did?"
"What no! I wouldn't watch some lame kid who went to school, she just had a private tutor."
"Not to derail this, but could you like, give me a little more details on that?" Iruka had tried to resist but they were tempting him with this juicy info now.
"The school stuff or the kid stuff?"
"Both?"
"Well, hm" they scratched the back of their head in thought. "I dunno I didn't really need to get formal training to become a ninja. My family technically immigrated to Yukigakure from the land of water before I was born, and my parents were ninja there."
"Ok so like, I now have a hundred more questions" Iruka wished he'd brought a pen and paper to fun Friday now.
"Well please keep them in your skinny jeans for now I still have to finish answering the first one!"
"They are not, fine whatever" he didn't want to derail them while they were willingly handing over info.
"So anyways, my parents decided to just teach me some basics, I think my dad was from a clan or something? He didn't really get too far into it before some other things happened. Anyways, instead of going to school I just had to take the genin exam they had and aced it because I'm very cool, hold the applause. It was incredibly boring for like, I dunno three years? I got promoted to a chunnin, and then got the 'mission of a lifetime' babysitting some kid."
"You're a chunnin?" Iruka sat up a little straighter, to display chuunin dominance.
"Oh uh no I got moved to a special division once I started being a babysitter. Sort of like the Anbu here but like, so much lamer."
"Uh uh" he slouched a little again, upset that he apparently was outranked here. "Did you defect then? Since you're very noticeably not there currently."
"That's kind of complicated? Depending on who you ask I am a defector yes, personally I don't see it that way."
"And how do you see it?"
"I am loyal, well, I was loyal to the real ruler of the land of snow. I'm sure if he was still alive he would be fairly annoyed with me for being here and not elsewhere though."
"So you're saying" Iruka was a little lost overall, but could piece enough of it together. "You're a servant of the land of snow's damiyo?"
"I was, he then died and gave me a final mission, which I have since been kicked off of."
"By who?"
"That's not too important really."
"It feels very important."
"Fine, he asked me to keep his daughter safe, which I initially kind of failed out, so big shout out to Kakashi for saving my ass there. After a good few years of traveling around to keep her safe she decided I was 'Too over protective' and 'Using my dead dad as an excuse to ruin her life' both of which were true."
"Alright, Rōzu."
"Yes?"
"When you started this story, could you not have just skipped to the part where you were tasked with protecting the daughter of a damiyo?"
"I certainly could have, but then you'd ask about the rest of the details leading up to it."
"Ok that is fair" he was very nosy. "But why exactly are you here then?"
"Because I was fired, did you even listen to my story?"
"How can you be fired from that? Why didn't you just ignore her and stick around?"
"Oh I did, we got into a very big fight, and the best course of action was for me to split off."
"Why?"
"Ok look, I've already told you way too much, so I can't spill all the beans about this. Nothing against you, but this is kind of a big secret."
"Well, when you put it like that" he could see how information about a land's surviving princess would be quite confidential. "I see your point."
"Good, now I do have to threaten you into secrecy because if my literal life mission is jeopardized I will kill you."
"Who would I even tell!" he did not appreciate the threat.
"I don't know? Someone! So just don't tell anyone!"
"I won't!"
"Good!"
For a third time in one evening a silence fell over them. Iruka tried to process everything they'd just shared. He was glad to get it all upfront, but admittedly it was a lot more than he'd expected. One thing stuck out in particular as very odd.
"Wait, why did you shout out Kakashi?' what role could he play in all this.
"That is a pretty long story, so do you really want that part right now?" they didn't seem particularly unwilling to share it.
"I'm already this deep into your secret past life, might as well go all the way right?" he of course didn't think that sentence through.
"Wow one fun Friday and you're already asking about going all the way?" they raised an eyebrow at him. "Maybe slow your roll a bit there."
"What?" it now dawned on him what he'd said. "No I didn't mean, like just, you know all the way with your story. Not with you."
"Well don't worry, with phrasing like that you're not hitting any bases today."
"I DIDN'T WANT TO HIT ANY OF THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE!" the earlier comments from Mizuki had put him at an edge that this discussion was now trying to kick him off.
"Well now my feelings are a little hurt so the bases have been withdrawn from the table."
"Wait, were they on the table in the first place?" he could not believe Mizuki might have been right.
"That is another secret for me to know and not tell you, and if you'd like the rest of the story I'll require some drinks now."
"What, but, I can't go outside like this!" he stood up to show his outfit once more, earning a snort of laughter from them.
"God it literally gets funnier every time I see it" they stood up and opened a closet. "I can give you a jacket, it might be a bit small, but it will cover more of you at least."
"Why not offer this earlier?" he would have gladly taken it.
"Must have slipped my mind" they offered a half-hearted shrug with that along with the jacket.
"Sure" he quickly slipped it on, he couldn't close it all the way but it covered enough he was willing to go out.
Now that he was slightly more covered up he didn't need to creep through the alleyways of the village. It only took a few minutes to get to a liquor store, which was one of the many he now realized filled the village. Unexpectedly he ran into a familiar face, well, eyeball.
"Oh hey" Kakashi was also waiting in line for the checkout.
"I see you're also having a fun Friday" Iruka gestured to his basket of drinks.
"Oh is that what we're calling drinking alone and crying these days?" the single tone he spoke it in gave away nothing to Iruka.
"No I meant like, I was invited to a fun Friday?" he was now very out of his depths.
"Oh, good for you."
Iruka wasn't sure what to do in this situation, but he felt like he should say something. A flash of insight gave him exactly the right thing to say.
"Do you have any pets?" this flash of insight was just something Rōzu had said earlier.
"Oh nice you also read '250 Quality Conversation Starters' I'm partial to number one hundred sixty-seven. What is the strangest themed restaurant you've heard of?"
"Haha yup, I love that book" he had forgotten of course that he'd given it to them. "So what are you actually up to tonight?"
"Oh crying and drinking alone."
"Ah" Iruka had thought that was some kind of dark humor thing. "Sure sounds like fun."
"Only on Fridays."
"Next please" the clerk called Kakashi forward.
Iruka just waited silently while he was rung up. He had very clearly messed up that social interaction and couldn't think of a good way to salvage it. A real flash of inspiration came to him as Kakashi was finished at the register.
"Would you rather come to fun Friday?" he decided to extend an invite. "Instead of you know, your other plans."
"Hm" Kakashi grabbed his bag. "Sure, I can always just fit in my usual plans later in the night."
"Great!"
"Sir can you please put you items on the counter, there are others in line" the clerk was now speaking to Iruka.
"Oh yes sorry" he hurriedly followed her instructions.
Kakashi waited with him while the clerk rung him up. Once he paid they left together and headed back to Rōzu's place. It was only as he got there he realized it might be very rude to invite Kakashi to someone else's place. Ignoring that thought he knocked on the door.
"Oh nice your back" they opened it up and looked at the two of them.
"I ran into Kakashi and decided to invite him if that's fine?" he grimaced internally.
"Wow you canceled your other plans for Iruka and not me?" they pouted at him.
"Sorry but I can only cancel crying alone drunk for a fellow leaf ninja" Kakashi headed inside with that.
"You invited Kakashi?" Iruka didn't expect that.
"Yea I asked him first since I saw him earlier in the day" Rōzu shut the door as he came in as well.
"Wait was I only invited because he said no?"
"What? Psh, no way."
"I am unconvinced."
"Oh nice milk" Kakashi saw the carton that had been left out earlier.
"Don't drink that!" they ran over to take it away from him.
Iruka realized he had probably postponed hearing anymore about Rōzu's past, but for a half second he heard something in Kakashi's voice.
"But I love milk" it was very slight, but Iruka was sure of it.
The three of them drank and had a mix of terribly awkward as well as somehow decent conversation. As the night dragged on and the drinks kept being poured he saw a side of Kakashi he'd never expected to see. The two of them also saw a side of Iruka they didn't expect, as he drank far too much too fast.
"I'd say this counts as a net good fun Friday" Rōzu was sitting in the bathtub while he puked into the toilet.
"Agreed" Kakashi was playing with the sink.
Iruka weakly gave them both a thumbs up. He'd be sure to reign it in if they ever did another of one of these.