A/N: I am sorry for how long it has taken me to get this chapter out, I was having someone who is from England "BritPick" my chapter. I figure I am writing Alfred as an american would write a british person and not accurate to how they speak or their mannerisms and I felt like it was probably a little insulting to anyone from England who would read this. So I wanted to try it out. However this man was extremely busy and it took a bit. But I appreciate him.
One day later- Raven
I haven't eaten with everyone in what feels like forever, so when I walk into the dining room the surprised look on Dick's face was enough to let me know that they didn't expect it either. I take my seat where I normally sat before. Jason used to sit right next to me, I still remember his hands wondering to my thigh during conversations or when he would just hold my hand underneath the table. It's a feeling I didn't think I would ever crave so much. I give everyone a shrug and scoot in my chair.
"Is there a problem?" I monotone. Dick hastily shakes his head.
"No, I don't think we expected you, is all...you have been kind of...shut off," He says, I swallow hard and hear Bruce put the newspaper down which is our cue that Alfred is bringing out the food.
"Master Grayson, leave Ms. Roth be," he gently scolds. "Polite young gentlemen do not draw attention to another person's suffering."
Dick nods, silencing himself and looking down at the empty plate in front of him. I know he means well, he has been going through it all too. Not knowing if Jason is okay or if he has already succumbed to the gas's deadly side effects.
"Sorry Alfred" Dick mumbles like a small child.
Alfred sets the platters of french toast in front of us, he hasn't made waffles since it happened...I bet even on his side making them would be too hard since he makes with Jason. I swallow hard grabbing a couple with my fork and setting them onto my plate. Damian and Tim do the same but Dick just stares at them. Alfred disappears into the kitchen leaving everyone to their meals and to eat his own. Just once I want to see him eat with us. I feel a small kick under the table and look over to the culprit. Damian sits with a soft look on his features.
"Bist du in Ordnung?" Damian asks, I look at him as if I am impressed. I never thought he would pick up German so quickly but apparently he's been working on it.
"Nein" I reply honestly. He sighs, prodding his french toast with his fork. I think it is sweet of him to ask if I am okay, even if he is too worried to say it in English where everyone knows he isn't the hard, stubborn boy he pretends to be. The rest of the breakfast is silent, the forks scraping up the last bit of scrambled eggs and french toast is all I can hear, which is fine because I don't want to hear anything else. When I finish I get up from my seat heading into the kitchen. Alfred sniffs over his french toast and gathers himself at the sight of me.
"You don't have to hide it, Al, I can sense it" I reply. He clears his throat,
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, Ms. Roth," he says with a veneer of sincerity.
I go to rinse my dish off in the sink, but he appears behind me and reaches out his hand to take it. I ignore the gesture, moving away from him.
"Go finish your breakfast," I demand.
"Ms. Roth," he chides, "whilst you are in this house, seeing to your well being and comfort is my duty. Please, allow me to do this."
"Well I'm not going to allow you. I am telling you to go eat. I have two arms and two legs."
He gives me a look with one pointedly raised eyebrow before turning back to finish his own food, sitting down at the breakfast bar.
"I prefer to keep myself busy, Ms. Roth. It allows me to distract myself from thinking too much about the matter at hand."
"And what a matter it is..." I sigh. He doesn't argue, not that he would.
"Do you think we'll get him back?"
"I try not to give in to speculation, Ms. Roth. I lost him once before, and it would be unfortunate if it were to happen again. Just as he finally managed to get his life somewhat together." I don't stop the soft smile from forming on my lips.
"Do you miss him too?" I ask feeling a lump form in my throat.
"Terribly, Ms. Roth."
I can feel that he's telling me the truth. He appears behind me, placing a large glass bottle of coke on the counter beside me.
"I think you could do with one of these."
"I do… God, I do." I reply. All this has taught me is that it's hard to not drink when life is going good...but when life has hit the fan, it's harder. All I want is to get drunk and not worry about anything, allow myself to numb myself from all the shitty things in this world.
"You know, all I had to do was talk to him, tell him about my vision. I should have known he would never work with the Joker. Not after what happened to him. Now he's being forced to. If I went with him I could have teleported him out of there… He never would have gotten hit with the Mind control gas."
The words tumble out of me, and I feel Alfred's comforting hand on my shoulder.
"Ms. Roth, you mustn't dwell on these things. What you should or shouldn't have done hardly matters now."
I know he's right. But I can't help but feel guilty...I let down the one person I told myself, I promised myself I would never let down. Alfred returns to his meal and I set the dish down in the sink, giving up because I know Alfred will only wash it again when we leave. Grabbing the soda from the counter I walk through the dining room not making eye contact with any of them. I don't think I could. I let everyone here down. I find myself back in Jason's room staring at the room looks like he still lives in here, it's clean and neat. His bed is disheveled from the amount of times I have walked in here just to smell his cologne on his pillows. I walk through the room and to his closet grabbing one of his t-shirts from the hangers. I walk back out and to my own room walking through to the bedroom. I grab one of my pillow putting it inside the t-shirt. I lay it down on the bed and I lay down next to it smelling his cologne on the pillow. It makes me feel like he could actually be here for a moment.
xxx
I didn't even realize I fell asleep. Until I am awoken by my phone vibrating on my nightstand. I groan lifting it up to see who it was, my sight is blurry and I have to rub them before my vision clears up. That's when my heart drops into my stomach. Jason's name pops up on my screen. I slam my thumb into the green answer button swinging the phone to my ear.
"Jason?" I ask frantically
"I need your help, I don't know where I am...I don't know what's going on. The Joker is here and I think he is going to see I am missing any moment." His voice rings through the phone. I swallow hard nodding.
"Jason I need you to focus, when you look around where does it look like you are" I ask silence on the other end
"I don't know a warehouse maybe?...it looks like a street in Gotham but inside walls" He says, he's at the warehouse and might not remember what happened to get him there.
"I'll be right there, make sure the lights are off" I say I rush to the closet grabbing out my uniform. I put it on as fast as I can using my magic to zip up the back zipper and to put my cloak over my head. I shove my feet in my shoes and rush turning off the lights in the room. As I do so I teleport myself to the warehouse squeezing through. I come back out and am smacked out by lights. I gasp for air as if the light has taken it from me. The amount of energy it took from me almost makes me nauseous. I can hear loud laughter coming from the top of the roof. I look up seeing the Clown prince of crime himself staring down at me. I feel strong arms behind me grabbing me into a bear hug. I groan fighting against the arms. I smell his cologne and stop fighting.
"I cannot believe you fell for that!" Joker laughs! I groan cringing at his laugh
"Let me go" I demand
"Why would I do that? I do that I don't get what I want" Jason whispers in my ear, it sends goosebumps up to my spine.
"You see little bird" Joker starts I flinch at the name "I need to screw boy wonder here up so badly that when I give him the little antidote to my gasses affect he is far too guilty to do anything other than die inside. Which will in turn kill Batman inside. Do you know what Jason here told me would ruin him like that?"
"Go fuck yourself" I bite back
"Ooh No manners this one, I should have Jason teach you some" He muses, I grimace shuttering at the thought. "He only said someone to kill you...I took it step further."
Jason pushed me to the ground and I can feel something in my wrist snap I yelp.
"I'm going to have him do it." He says with a wheezing laugh.
"How do you know I won't just teleport out of here?" I ask He stops laughing and looks up the lights. He snaps his fingers and a couple walks out hand in hand, the Father has a gun in his left hand.
"You do that, and well I'll tell him to shoot his wife" The Joker yells out I look between Jason and the couple.
"Jason please" I beg looking for anything in his eyes telling me he is still in there. He lunges for me grabbing my shoulders and grabbing me up he pushes me back into a wall which somehow feels like the real thing even though I know this is just a set.
"Shut up Little bird" He says, press my lips together hard at the nickname. I know he is the one who told Joker about it, he is the only one who knew Slade called me that. Hearing him say it hurts more than I would like to admit. I throw him away from me with a gust of my black magic. He growls lowly getting up from the floor. He high kicks me in the chest sending me back to the wall. I throw up a shield to keep him away but he starts pounding on it. Each hit cracking the shield more. I heave heavily underneath it.
"Please don't do this Jason" I beg He bangs his fist on the shield once more and it shatters before me, his hand shooting out and wrapping itself around my throat. I grab onto his wrists trying to pry his hand off my throat. He begins lifting me off the floor as he chokes me harder. My lungs scream for air and my head feels like I am about to explode. I throw my leg out kicking him in the stomach. He releases me and I feel myself hit the floor but I am far too dizzy to see it. I cough a couple times as a I grab air into my lungs. He swings a foot out and it connects to the side of me sending me rolling onto my back. I hear the Joker's laughing from the roof and see the green tint in Jason's eyes as he gets onto me sending a punch to my face. I thrust my hands out sending him flying off me again. My injured wrist screams loudly at me as I try to put weight on it to back away from him but it makes me slow.
"This is Quality stuff!" The joker calls out, I admit I am going easy on Jason. I don't want to kill him, I don't want to hurt him. I just might not have a choice. I beg for the energy to teleport away from Jason. I can get the gun from the mana and teleport them out of here but right now that doesn't seem to be happening. Jason aggressively walks back over to me sending a kick to my side again. I groan turning on my stomach. He kicks again.
"Stop!" I demand, another kick that turns me back over on my back. He grabs the collar of my cloak pushing me into another wall. He throws a punch which splits my eyebrow, warm blood leaks down my face and gets into my eye. I grit my teeth and close my eyes.
"Kill her Jason" Joker demands. He nods shoving me onto the ground. I turn to look at him the green behind his eyes is brighter and instead of the knife which I saw in my vision he pulls out his gun pointing it at my head. My eyes widen and I can feel my heart drop further into my stomach.
"Jason No...please...Please Jason I love you" I beg the green behind his eyes grows a little brighter. His hand shakes and the gun's barrel shakes with it.
"KILL HER NOW!" Joker yells, Jason's eyes blink a couple times and his eyebrows furrow as if he is thinking deeply. His gun lowers, then raises again, then lowers once more. I didn't realize how badly I was shaking until then either. He looks at me his eyes filled with so much and I couldn't read it all. I might not be getting out of this.
"It's okay baby...it's okay" I accept his features turn angry and he shakes his head. His gun moves in an instant from me to the gun in the man's hands shooting it out of his hand. It flies back into the wall and he turns back to the Joker. He shoots out a couple shots at him one landing in the Joker's shoulder but the rest miss since the Joker as started his escape. I release a sigh of relief and look down to the floor. I turn back to the couple to see them gone as well Jason looks at me grabbing me from the floor.
"We need to go, he rigged the place to blow" He says I nod wrapping my arms around him and getting to my feet. I force up enough energy to teleport us back to the darkest part of the Cave. When we come back out I feel the room spinning as I fall onto the floor, the coolness from the floor feels good but it's the last thing I feel.
Present Day- Jason
I don't know what brought me out of whatever was keeping me under his control. I knew I had been fighting it since Day 1 but nothing had worked. Not until I saw Raven, then I started fighting harder. I didn't want to hurt her but it was like I was just watching myself do it. I couldn't stop myself. Then she called me baby..she said she loved me and all of a sudden I was fighting harder than I had before. I wanted this be over. Now she is on the medical table being treated by Tim and Alfred. Alfred sneaking looks at me every so often. I can hear the rapid footsteps coming into the cave all their eyes stopping on me and it seemed like everyone had froze.
"Jason?" Dick asks confused.
"Todd? How did you?" Damian asks, Bruce just stands there looking like an idiot. I don't know what to say. I don't know if I should say anything. If there is anything I could say.
"Master Todd, what exactly happened?" Alfred asks listening to Raven's heart. I know it takes a lot of energy to teleport into and out of light spaces but I didn't think this was this bad. Had she not been meditating? Not been eating?
"...I tried to kill her" I say having the realization of everything hit me. The guild and anger bubbling up in my stomach was something I couldn't...no didn't want to handle. How did I let him convinve me to hurt her? All the mind control gas in the world should not have been able to do that.
"She might have internal bleeding...did you..kick her?" Tim asks awkwardly I swallow hard
"Yeah...a lot" I admit he nods moving over to the side of the table where her side is. He feels her side and says something I don't hear to Alfred who says something else in return.
"How did you..." Bruce finally says
"I think the pit helped me work through the Gas, we tried to get Duke's parents but they ran off with the Joker before we could. The place was set to blow so we had to get out of there" I reply he nods, he looks in between Raven and I. She is still out like a light on the medical table.
"Bruce, we might need to take her to an actual hospital...the internal bleeding is a for sure thing and I don't know if her self healing with keep up. She hasn't eaten well in the last week and a half" Tim says...dammit Raven.
"I think we should call Cyborg actually" Dick speaks up we all turn to him "He can Boom here and he can bring his medical stuff. I think he would be able to do it without the risk of exposure of us bringing in Raven in uniform"
"Do it" I say he nods pulling out his phone and calling someone.
"I told her she should keep her strength up." Tim says
"It's not your fault Tim, I shouldn't have put myself in that position" I admit, I know enough to know I did something stupid by getting my helmet kicked off, I just should have grabbed the parents and left. This is on me. I hear the Boom tube open up in the middle of the Cave, bright blue lights lighting up the area. Cyborg walks though with two big cases in each hand. Garfield running behind him with a third.
"What the hell happened?" He asked setting them down and rushing to Raven's side. He uses scissors and cuts away the fabric to reveal a deep purple and blue bruise I didn't see before. The fabric was already cut but now the hole is bigger.
"The joker had Jason under mind control" Dick says I swallow hard as Garfield looks back at me his eyes narrowing.
"So Jason did this?" He asks
"He had no choice in it Gar" Dick says, I know that is the reality of the situation but it still makes it hard to believe. I could see myself doing those things, I could feel everything. Even the rush I got when I hit her, it made me sick but it was a rush. One that was trying to force me to be okay with it but I wouldn't let myself be. Garfield's glare doesn't cease and I don't think I deserve for it to either.
"Gar I need you to get me a little more gauze, I can't see anything" Cyborg says, Gar leaps into action getting more gauze from the metal medical bag he came in. He rummages through it grabbing out thick layers of white absorbents.
I walk away from the scene, I can't handle looking at them opening up Raven's side to stop any internal bleeding that I caused. All my guilt is slowly being replaced with anger, anger for myself anger for Joker. Anger that Bruce didn't kill him when he had the fucking chance. I don't understand how they can just allow him to walk around like that and do this shit to people. I feel like I am suffocating right now, there is air all around me but it feels like I am not getting any.
"Jason? Are you okay?" Bruce asks
"Why is he still fucking alive Bruce?" I ask Bruce looks shocked at my response but doesn't reply. "This never would have happened if you would have buckled down and killed him when you had the fucking chance!"
"Killing the Joker wouldn't have solved anything" Bruce replies
"It would have stopped this from happening! I just almost shot the one girl I have ever loved like this in the fucking face because his mind control gas was too strong! I almost didn't fight through it!" I yell, my cheeks are burning hot and I can tell by the look in Bruce's eyes my own eyes have taken on the pits glow.
"Jason I am sorry. In no way is this okay. I am sorry that you had to go through this. But I cannot turn my back on the only thing that makes sense to me. I won't become the guys I fight against!" He replies his voice is more commanding and I can tell he is trying to lay down the "law". We have had this discussion enough times for me to know it's not going to get anywhere.
"So he gets to kill me, blow me up, makes me almost kill my fucking girlfriend and all of that is just nothing to you?" I ask
"Of course it's not nothing Jason...I hate how much Joker has put you through. He will pay for what he has done but the right way" Bruce says his self righteous bullshit is pissing me off more than I would like to admit. I give out a loud exasperated sigh throwing both my arms up in the air and turning away from him. I find myself going back up to the manor I don't know why but I go straight to Raven's room. I wonder if she would be mad I am in here. She doesn't like people in her room, even when we shared a room together she sometimes forgot it was ours and not only hers. I sit on the edge of her bed looking to her messy covers. I don't understand how she can leave it like this.
To my left I notice my shirt, it's over a pillow as if it was a suitcase and all that does is make the guilt stronger. What the fuck did I do?