February 15th - February 19th, 2007
Sam and Dean had been non-stop fighting since we started a new case a few days ago. It had been really getting on my nerves, but I had been trying to keep my cool. It was getting harder and harder, though, because we were always stuck together, and the incessant fighting was becoming too much.
I decided to get up and get myself a glass of water, but when I passed the trash can, I couldn't handle it anymore.
"What the hell?! You guys are such jerks!" I shouted as I pulled one of my Harry Potter books out of the trash.
"What are you talking about?" Dean asked while stuffing his face with chili-cheese fries.
"Dude. You mind not eating those on my bed?" Sam asked, annoyed.
"No, I don't mind." Dean smirked and shoved more into his mouth.
I held up my book. "Who did this? It's soaking wet."
"It wasn't me." Dean shrugged.
"Really? 'Cause..." I sniffed it. "It smells like beer."
"How do you know what beer smells like?" Dean asked, annoyed.
"'Cause you two leave beer bottles and cans all over the place! That's not the point, Dean!" I shouted as I grabbed some paper towels and started dabbing the book.
"I didn't do it!" Dean yelled.
"Ya know, I wouldn't be so mad. If you had just told me in the first place!" I yelled.
"Yeah, speaking of hiding things," Sam snapped, "This research would go a heck of a lot faster if I had my computer."
"Oh, get over it! Sam, no one touched your computer," I said.
Dean nodded. "Mm-hmm."
"Can you turn that down, please?" Sam asked, angrily, referring to the radio sitting next to Dean.
"Yeah, absolutely." Dean nodded and turned the radio up louder.
"Ya know what? Maybe, uh— Maybe you should just go somewhere for a while!" Sam yelled over the music.
I stomped over to the radio and turned it off.
Dean sat up. "Hey, I'd love to. That's a great idea. Unfortunately, my car's all screwed to hell."
Sam groaned. "Dean, I told you, I have nothing to do with—"
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Sam got up and peered through the peephole and then opened the door. "Hey, Bobby."
Bobby nodded as he walked in. "Kids."
Dean stood up and walked over to him. "Hey, Bobby."
"It's good to see you again so soon," Bobby said.
"Yeah, uh, thanks for coming. Come on in," Sam said, gesturing to the room.
Dean shook Bobby's hand. "Thank god you're here."
"So, um, what didn't you want to talk to me on the phone about?" Bobby asked.
"It's this job we're working. We— We weren't sure you'd believe us," Sam said.
Bobby scoffed. "Well, I can believe a lot."
Sam nodded. "Yeah, no, no, it's just, we've never seen anything like it..."
Dean shook his head. "Not even close."
Sam nodded. "And we thought we could use some fresh eyes."
"Well, why don't you start at the beginning?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah, um, all right." Sam spun a chair around and sat down.
Dean sat at the end of Sam's bed, and I sat next to Dean. Bobby picked up Dean's now empty fry container, tossed it to the side, and sat at the end of Dean's bed across from us.
"So, it all started when we caught wind of an obit. See, a professor took a nosedive from a fourth story window, only there's a campus legend that the building's haunted. So, we pretexted as reporters from the local paper," Sam explained, "So, I met a couple of students named Jen and Curtis. Here." He pulled out a tape recorder. "They let me record our conversation." He clicked the recording on.
"Yeah, we both had the professor for Ethics and Morality," Curtis said.
"Yeah? So, why do you think he did it?" Sam asked.
"Who knows? I mean, he was tenured, wife and kids. His book is like a really big deal. Then again... who's to say it was suicide?" Jen asked.
"Jen, come on." Curtis scoffed.
"Well, what else could it be?" Sam asked.
"Well, you know about Crawford Hall?" Jen asked.
"No, I don't, actually," Sam said.
"It's a bunch of crap, it's a total urban legend," Curtis said.
"Yeah, well, Heather's mom went to school here, and she knew the girl," Jen said.
"Wait, what girl?" Sam asked.
"Thirty years ago, this girl was having an affair with some professor. He broke it off, she jumped out the window and killed herself," Jen explained.
"You know her name?" Sam asked.
"No. But they say she jumped from room 669. Get it? You turn the nine upside down," Jen said.
Curtis laughed.
"So, now she haunts the building. And anyone who sees her? They don't live to tell the tale," Jen said.
"Well, if no one lives to tell the tale, then how does the tale get told?" Curtis asked.
"Curtis! Shut up!" Jen shouted.
"Ya know what, uh... thanks a lot, guys. Excuse me," Sam said, and then the recording clicked off.
"After that, I went off to find Dean. Only when I found him, he was taking purple nurple shots." Sam rolled his eyes. "I tried to talk to him, but all he cared about was introducing me to a 'feisty little wildcat' named Starla. She just turned out to be some sloppy drunk blonde girl in a miniskirt."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute," Dean interrupted.
"What?" Sam asked.
"Come on, dude, that's not how it happened," Dean said.
"No?" Sam furrowed his brow. "So, you never drank a purple nurple?"
"Yeah, maybe that, but I don't say things like 'feisty little wildcat.' And her name wasn't Starla," Dean said.
"Then, what was it?" Sam asked.
"I don't know." Dean shrugged. "But she was a classy chick."
"Really, Dean? She choked down her own vomit and claimed she was holding down her liquor," Sam said.
"Shh... shut up. She was a grad student, anthropology, and folklore. We were talking about local ghost stories." Dean continued the story. "She was wearing a sleek black cocktail dress, not a miniskirt, and we didn't take purple nurple shots, we toasted to ourselves with purple nurple."
"Does this have anything to do with the case?" Bobby asked.
"Hold on, hold on... it gets better," Dean said, "She said that she was so attracted to me, she couldn't concentrate, it was like staring into the sun." He smirked. "Then she started making out with me."
"Ugh, really, Dean?" I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, really. But then this one over here." Dean pointed to Sam. "Comes over with a bitch face, saying..." He put a prissy tone on. "'Dean! What do you think you're doing?'" He shrugged. "I told him to chill out and let me do my thing for a few minutes, but he just kept going on..." He put the prissy tone back on. "'Dean, this is a very serious investigation. We don't have any time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah Blah!'"
"Right!" Sam yelled. "And that's how it really happened."
Dean shrugged.
"I don't sound like that, Dean!" Sam yelled.
"That's what you sound like to me," Dean said.
I shrugged. "You can be kinda whiney sometimes."
"Okay. What's going on with you, kids?" Bobby asked.
I rolled my eyes. "They're just being babies because—"
"Nothing," Sam interrupted, "No... it's nothing."
"No, come on. You're bickering like an old married couple," Bobby said.
Dean got up and walked over to the kitchen. "No, see married couples can get divorced. The three of us, we're like, uh, Siamese twins."
"It's conjoined twins!" Sam shouted, "And twins only means two!"
"See what I mean?" Dean asked.
"Look, it—" Sam sighed. "We've just been on the road for too long. Tight quarters, all that. Don't worry about it."
Bobby shrugged. "Okay."
"So, anyway. We figured it might be a haunting, so we went to check out the scene of the crime," Sam explained, "We posed as electricians, and the janitor let us in." He nodded. "The janitor explained that he knew the campus and the professors pretty well because he had been working there for six years. He told us the professor wasn't alone the night he took the swan dive." He rolled his eyes. "While I was trying to do my job, Dean was stuffing his mouth with chocolates he had found on the professor's desk. But anyway—"
"Come on! I ate one, maybe two!" Dean shouted.
"You looked like a damn chipmunk, Dean!" Sam yelled.
"Dude, quit it with the dramatics!" Dean yelled.
"Are you sure he's being dramatic? I mean, I saw how you devoured that plate of chili-cheese fries earlier," I said.
"Whatever, just tell the story right, if you're gonna tell it!" Dean shouted.
"Just let me tell it, okay?" Sam asked and then continued, "The janitor told us that the professor of morality wasn't very moral. He had brought tons of girls up to his office in the past, and the night he died wasn't any different." He sighed. "He also told us that there was no such thing as room 669 because the building only had four floors."
"They came back to the motel shortly after that," I said, "There was no EMF, so I suggested that they looked into the history of the building... to see if a girl had even ever killed herself there." I sighed and shook my head. "That's where it went south."
"No! It went south when Dean thought it would be a good idea to touch my laptop!" Sam yelled and pointed at Dean.
"Are you sure you didn't get it frozen on that website? Sammy, it's okay, just admit it. We won't judge you." I smirked.
"No, because I've caught Dean on before," Sam said.
"Dude, come on. It wasn't me," Dean said.
"This would be easier if you just didn't touch my stuff!" Sam shouted.
Dean rolled his eyes. "Why don't you control your OCD?"
Sam's face became red, and I swear a vein was going to pop out of his forehead. "Okay, ya know—"
"All right. All right. Did you dig up anything about the building? Or on the suicidal co-ed?" Bobby asked.
Sam took a deep breath and shook his head. "No. History's clean."
"Then it's not a haunting," Bobby said.
"Maybe not." Dean shrugged. "Tell you the truth, we're not really sure."
Bobby furrowed his brow. "What do you mean, you're not sure?"
"Well... it's weird." Sam sighed.
"What's weird?" Bobby asked.
"This next part, we uh, we didn't see it happen ourselves exactly, but it's pretty friggin' weird. Even for us," Dean explained, "That kid, Curtis, from Sam's recording earlier? Yeah, he said he was walking through campus, and he..." He took a deep breath. "He was abducted by aliens."
Bobby got up and started pacing. "Aliens?"
"Yeah," Dean said.
Bobby shook his head and continued pacing. "Aliens?"
Dean nodded. "Yeah."
"Look, even if they are real, they're sure as hell not coming to earth and swiping people," Bobby said.
"Hey, believe me. We know," Dean said.
"My whole life, I've never found evidence of an honest-to-god abduction. It's all just cranks and pranks," Bobby said.
"Yeah, that's what we thought. But... we figured we'd at least talk to the guy." Sam shrugged. "So, we met Curtis at the bar, he wanted to drink his memories away. He explained that he blacked out and lost time until he woke up on a medical table to aliens standing above him. They did tests, and they, uh..." He cleared his throat. "Probed him... a lot."
Bobby and I cringed.
"He said that that wasn't even the worst part," Sam said.
Bobby shook his head. "What could've been worse than that?"
"He said after they finished..." Sam cleared his throat. "Probing. They made him slow dance with them to 'Lady in Red' with disco balls above their heads."
"You guys are exaggerating again, huh?" Bobby asked.
Sam shook his head. "No, no."
Bobby shrugged. "Then, this frat boy's just nuts."
Dean shook his head. "We're not so sure."
"The next day, we went to investigate the abduction site. And well..." I shrugged. "We found a huge, perfectly round scorch mark on the ground."
Bobby raised his eyebrows at me.
"We had no idea what the connection between the angry spirit and sexed-up E.T. could be." Dean shrugged. "But what could we do? So, we just kept on digging. So, we brought Maddi back to the motel and talked to some students who knew Curtis."
"Pretty much, they all thought Curtis was crazy," Sam said.
Dean nodded. "Well, it didn't help that Sam was saying stuff like, 'This all must be so hard for you.' And 'But I want you to know... I'm here for you. You brave little soldier.' And 'I acknowledge your pain.' And 'You're too precious for this world.'"
I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
"I never said that!" Sam yelled.
Dean scoffed. "You're always saying pansy stuff like that."
"Whatever." Sam shook his head. "Some of the students told us that Curtis was their pledge master, and he had put them through hell." He shrugged. "They said they were happy that he knew how it felt now."
I nodded. "After they finished talking to the students, they came back to the motel. The only connection we could come up with was that both the professor and Curtis—"
"Were dicks," Dean said.
"But then Sam went berserk." I gave Sam a dirty look.
"No, you and Dean need to learn to not touch my things," Sam said.
"No one touched your laptop, you freak!" I yelled.
"One of you did, I bet you hid it somewhere together." Sam accused us.
I rolled my eyes. "Okay, conspiracy theory."
"Yeah, but after that, he threatened baby," Dean said.
Sam rolled his eyes. "I was trying to prove a point, Dean."
"Oh, I've got a conspiracy theory for you." I looked at Dean. "He thinks we took his laptop and look what happened to baby and now my book." I shook my head. "Sorry for blaming you, it was clearly Sam, finishing his revenge."
"Oh, yeah. Nice. Didn't even think about that." Dean gave me a high-five and then pointed at Sam. "You're evil."
"All right, shut up. Did you take his computer?" Bobby asked.
"Serves him right, but no. Neither of us did," Dean said.
"Well, I didn't lose it. 'Cause I don't lose things," Sam said.
"Oh, that's right, yeah, 'cause he's Mr. Perfect." Dean rolled his eyes.
"Okay, okay. Why don't you just tell me what happened next?" Bobby asked.
"There was one more victim," Dean said.
"Right. Now we— we didn't see this one ourselves, either. We kind of put it together from the evidence. But this guy... he was, uh, he was a research scientist. Animal testing," Sam said.
Dean nodded. "Yeah, you know... a dick. Which fits the pattern. So, we went to the morgue. Cops didn't release the cause of death 'cause they had no clue what the cause was. Except that they found bits of him in and out of the sewer drain."
"So, we checked it ourselves," Sam said, "He was only a mangled mess of random body parts in a box when we found him. But when we took a closer look, we found a belly scale."
"A belly scale? From what?" Bobby asked.
"An alligator..." Sam said, unsure.
Bobby shook his head. "Oh, come on."
"Well, it's a classic urban legend. So, we decided to search the sewer anyway, so we split up, each taking one end of campus," Sam said.
"Did you find anything?" Bobby asked.
Dean nodded. "Yeah, Maddi and I found something, just not in the sewer."
"After we finished searching, with no luck." I cringed. "We made our way back to the Impala—"
"All four tires were flat, and I found Sam's money clip on the ground next to it," Dean said, giving Sam a dirty look.
"I told you. I didn't go anywhere near your car!" Sam yelled.
"You can't let the air out of the tires, you'll bend the rims," Dean said.
"I didn't touch the car! And by the way, I'm still waiting for you to give my money back," Sam said.
"That's not gonna happen. I already told you, I'm keeping it," Dean said.
"Yeah, for emotional trauma." Sam rolled his eyes. "Give me a break."
"After that. They full out got into a wrestling match," I said.
Sam shook his head. "It wouldn't have happened if Dean just—"
Bobby interrupted. "Okay, I've heard enough."
"You showed up about an hour after that," Dean said.
Bobby shook his head. "I'm surprised at you three. I really am. Sam, first off, neither of them stole your computer."
Sam furrowed his brow. "But I—"
Bobby held up his hand. "Shh, shh, shh! And, Dean, Sam did not touch your car."
"Yeah!" Sam yelled.
Bobby put his hand up again. "And, Maddi, Sam did not touch your book."
I furrowed my brow at him and then gave Sam a dirty look.
"And if you kids bothered to pull your heads outta your asses, it all would have been pretty clear," Bobby said.
Dean shook his head. "What?"
"What you're dealing with," Bobby said.
Sam furrowed his brow. "Uh..."
Dean shrugged. "I got nothing."
Sam shook his head. "Me neither."
"You got a trickster on your hands," Bobby said.
Dean pointed at Bobby. "That's what I thought."
"What?!" Sam shouted. "No, you didn't."
Bobby nodded. "I gotta tell you... you three were the biggest clue."
"What do you mean?" Sam asked.
"These things create chaos and mischief as easy as breathing, and it's got you so turned around, and at each other's throats, you can't even think straight," Bobby said, "It knows you're onto him, and it's been playing you like fiddles."
Dean shrugged. "So, what is it, spirit, demon, what?"
"Well, more like demigods, really. There's Loki in Scandinavia. There's Anansi in West Africa. Dozens of them. They're immortal, and they can create things out of thin air. Things as real as you and me. Make them vanish just as quick," Bobby explained.
"You mean like an angry spirit or an alien or an alligator," Dean said.
"The victims fit the MO too. Tricksters target the high and the mighty, knock them down a peg, usually with a sense of humor... deadly pranks, things like that," Bobby said.
"Bobby, what do these things look like?" Dean asked.
Bobby shrugged. "Lots of things, but human, mostly."
"And what human do we know who's been at ground zero this whole time?" Dean asked.
Sam frowned and then realized. "The janitor."
The four of us set off for the college, Bobby kept a lookout by the Impala in the parking lot. I kept watch on a bench in front of Crawford Hall, which was where most of the activity was happening. Sam and Dean went in dressed as electricians again to talk to the janitor.
The plan was to make the trickster think we didn't know he was causing us to fight so we would keep up the fighting while he was around.
Sam and Dean came out of the building after about fifteen minutes, arguing.
"Just 'cause he reads the Weekly World News doesn't mean he's our guy. I mean, you read it too," Sam said.
"I'm telling you, it's him," Dean said.
"Look, I just think we need some hard proof. That's all," Sam said.
"Okay, another thing Bobby mentioned was that these suckers have a metabolism like an insect, a real sweet tooth," Dean said.
Sam shook his head. "Well, I didn't find any candy bars or sugar. Not even Equal."
Dean shrugged. "Eh, that's probably 'cause you missed something."
"I don't miss things," Sam said.
Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh, right, 'cause you're Mr. Perfect."
"What?" Sam put his arms out. "Are you really still pissed at me 'cause of what the trickster did?"
"You been a tight ass long before that trickster showed up," Dean said.
Sam and Dean stared at each other for a moment.
"Look, just... stay here, keep an eye on the janitor. I'll go to his place to see if I can find any actual evidence before you go barging in and staking the man! Just wait 'til I get back, okay?" Sam asked and then raised his eyebrows. "Okay?"
"Okay!" Dean shouted.
Sam turned away and walked off.
After it got dark, Dean and I walked into the building. We made our way down the stairs with our flashlights out, but when we reached the bottom, there was a locked gate.
So, we decided to go to the top floor. When we rounded the corner to the last set of stairs, Dean pulled out a large stake. "Are you ready?"
I nodded, and then we started up the stairs, but then Barry White started echoing through the halls behind us. We turned around and entered a room with double doors. When we opened the doors, it led into a theater.
As we entered, there was a round red bed with a tacky canopy and a rotating disco ball above it on the stage. Two half-naked women sat on the bed, which caused Dean to quickly tuck the stake into his jacket. We made our way down the aisle to the stage.
"We've been waiting for you, Dean," the brunette woman said.
"Y— Y— You guys aren't real," Dean stuttered.
"Trust me, sugar, it's gonna feel real." The brunette smiled.
Dean laughed nervously.
"Come on, send the girl outside. Let us give you a massage," the blonde said as she rubbed her legs.
I frowned.
"Wha— You know, I'm a— I'm a sucker for a happy ending." Dean cleared his throat. "Really, I am, but... I— I'm gonna have to pass."
"They're a peace offering," a man's voice came from behind us, causing us to turn around. "I know what you do. I've been around a while. Run into your kind before."
"Well, then you know that we... can't let you just keep hurting people," Dean said.
"Come on! Those people got what was coming to them. Hoisted on their own petards. But you and Maddison and Sam... I like you. I do." The Trickster smiled. "I've got something special for Maddison in the next room, to give you some time alone with these lovely ladies. So, treat yourself... long as you want. Just long enough for me to move on to the next town."
Dean shook his head. "Yeah, I don't think I can let you do that."
"I don't wanna hurt you. And you know that I can." The Trickster raised his eyebrows. "Look, here's a little tease of what's in the next room." He snapped his fingers, and a small, fluffy Golden Retriever puppy appeared in front of me.
I gasped, covered my mouth, and quickly scooped the puppy up. "Aw, you're so cute."
"Look, man. That's real adorable and all and I— I got to tell you, I dig your style, all right? I mean..." Dean chuckled. "I do. I mean... and the slow-dancing alien—"
The trickster burst into laughter. "One of my personal favorites. Yeah."
"But, uh, I can't let you go," Dean said.
"Too bad. Like I said, I like you. Sam was right. You shouldn't've come without him," the trickster said.
"Well, I'll agree with you there." Dean nodded, and then both sets of double doors burst open. Bobby standing at one and Sam standing at the other, each holding stakes.
"That fight you guys had outside... that was a trick?" the trickster asked.
Dean smiled.
The trickster nodded. "Hmm. Not bad. But you want to see a real trick?"
He snapped his fingers, and then a large masked man with a chainsaw appeared behind Sam. Then the two women started attacking Dean. Suddenly the once adorable puppy that sat in my arms started twitching and freaking out.
When I let go, it landed on the ground and turned into a full-grown snarling and drooling Golden Retriever.
The trickster clapped and laughed in amusement.
I took off running as Sam did the same, running from the chainsaw man. Dean had dropped his stake when the women attacked him, so I swiped it as I ran by, trying to fend off the dog with it. The women threw Dean into the seats in front of the trickster.
The trickster clapped and laughed. "Nice toss, ladies! Nice show."
Then the dog jumped at me and pinned me down while I tried to keep its snapping jaws away from my face by holding it off with the stake.
"Good boy, Cujo!" The trickster laughed.
I looked over to see if anyone could help, but Bobby and Sam were fighting off the chainsaw man while Dean was trying to fight off the women.
The trickster stood up. "Dean... Dean... Dean... I did not want to have to do this."
Sam tossed Dean his stake.
"Me neither," Dean said as he stabbed the trickster in the chest.
As Dean stuck the stake in deeper, the chainsaw man, the women, and the dog disappeared. Dean pulled the stake out of the trickster, and he fell back into his seat, dead. I caught my breath as Bobby walked over and helped me up.
"You guys, okay?" Dean asked.
"Yeah. I guess." Sam shrugged.
I looked down at myself. "Yeah, looks like it."
"Well, I gotta say..." Dean shrugged. "He had style."
We all wandered outside to the Impala.
Sam sighed. "Bobby, thanks a lot. We really couldn't've—"
"Hey, save it! Let's just get the hell out of dodge before somebody finds that body," Bobby said and then opened the back door and got in.
"Yeah." Dean nodded.
Sam opened his door and then paused. "Look, guys, um... I just want to say that I'm, uh... um..."
Dean nodded. "Hey. Me too."
We all looked at each other, and then Sam and Dean both turned and stared at me.
"What?" I shrugged. "I'm not apologizing for anything."
Bobby got back out of the car. "You guys are breaking my heart. Could we please just leave?" He climbed back in the car and slammed his door.
The three of us laughed and then got in the car and drove away.