Chapter 8: Saiyans? On My Planet? (It's More Likely Than You Think)
(Scene changes to outer space, where Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods are seen arriving at Earth.)
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
"Don't you start," Lucy commanded as she stared at Happy. The blue cat gives her a cheshire grin in return.
VEGETA: (slightly annoyed) No.
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA/No: (more annoyed) No.
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA/Lucy: (really annoyed) No!
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA/Lucy: (now irritated) NO!
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA: (relieved) Yes.
"FINALLY!" Lucy releases a huge load of stress.
"Awwwwww" Happy's disappointment rings out.
(Space Pods crash through a building and land in the middle of the road, forming two huge craters)
NAPPA: Yaaay!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene cuts to Vegeta and Nappa landing on the street, in front of a group of shocked citizens)
NAPPA: Hey look, Vegeta, more locals.
"Please don't tell me it's gonna be the bug planet all over again," Wendy hopes.
(citizens are shown to be completely scared with most of them whimpering)
CITIZEN: ...So, are you guys alien-
(Nappa destroys the entire city, leaving nothing but a gigantic crater)
"Holy shit…" Gray breathes out in shock.
The entire guild's jaw drops in surprise at Nappa's destruction.
"He just killed all those innocent people…" Natsu's shock turns to anger.
NAPPA: Ahhh, I hate awkward silences.
"And that excuses mass genocide?" Erza's malice seeps through her words.
VEGETA: Dammit, Nappa, think before you act! What if you'd have blown up one of the Dragon Balls?
NAPPA: The what now, Vegeta?
"Not surprised he forgot," Cana says out loud trying to get everyone's minds off the previous scene.
VEGETA: The Dragon Balls, Nappa. Don't you remember our wish?
(flashback of Goku talking to Raditz about the DragonBalls)
GOKU: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want- like immortality?
OOLONG: Or Bulma's panties!
(back to present)
NAPPA: Yeah, pandas…
"And that proves he's dumber than Natsu," Gray goads at Natsu.
Natsu turns his attention towards Gray, momentarily forgetting Nappa's actions.
"WHAT WAS THAT ICE-POP!?"
"YOU HEARD ME FLAME-STICK!"
Erza doesn't say a word before she forces the two back into their seats.
VEGETA: You know what, Nappa? One of these days you're going to die. Then you'll be out of my hair forever. (caption appears at the bottom of the screen saying "Epic Foreshadowing") Now let's just go. (Vegeta and Nappa fly off towards the Z-Fighters)
"The only matter is how," Levy mutters, chewing on her pen.
(scene changes to a barren wasteland)
PICCOLO: (senses the Saiyans' ki) Gohan, on your guard! They're coming right towards us.
GOHAN: But, why would they be headed our way?
PICCOLO: They're probably seeking to eliminate the strongest power level.
GOHAN: (not catching on) But... my dad's dead.
"Never change Gohan," Mira chuckles, enjoying Gohan's back talk.
Lisanna sighs at her sister's behavior.
PICCOLO: (getting irate) I was referring to me!
GOHAN: Oh, well by that logic, I suppose you would have the strongest power level on Earth.
MR. POPO: (appears as a tiny speck on top of a faraway plateau) Hah!
Chills run through the entire audience.
(Krillin arrives at the battlefield)
KRILLIN: Hey, guys, Krillin's here!
"Yay Krillin!" Natsu and Happy cheer.
PICCOLO: Oh, I thought I sensed someone else coming. Good, it seems you've increased your power since we last met.
"So, he can complement people," Lucy's eyes widened.
KRILLIN: I know! Isn't it great? I-
PICCOLO: You're almost as strong as Gohan now.
"Nevermind," Lucy sighed.
KRILLIN: I- Wait, b-but he's only five...
GOHAN: It's because I'm a Saiyan!
"That's gonna be the explanation for a lot later on isn't it?" Romeo asked.
"I can see it," Levy sighs.
KRILLIN: Well, at least there's only two of you. So, uh, how bad was the training with Piccolo?
GOHAN: Well, the training wasn't that bad. Mr. Piccolo's actually really nice after you get to know him.
"We're using the word nice loosely right?" Carla asked with a raised eyebrow.
(flashback of Gohan training with Piccolo)
PICCOLO: Gohan, I've brought you a sparring partner for today.
GOHAN: Really? Who?
(scene cuts to Gohan getting chased by a dinosaur)
"If I ever meet that green man I'll show him hell," Mira mutters, a dark aura forming around her again.
(back to present)
GOHAN: So how was your training, Krillin?
(Krillin begins whimpering while Mr. Popo can be heard laughing and his eyes comes up behind Krillin.)
"I don't think I'm sleeping at all tonight," Romeo says, shivering.
"I don't think anyone is," Wendy retorts, also shivering.
KRILLIN: (breaking down crying) First rule of Popo's training: Do not talk about Popo's training!
"He sounds like an abuse victim," Juvia notes.
GOHAN: (puzzled) Krillin, why are you crying?
KRILLIN: (voice starts breaking down) Second rule of Popo's training...
PICCOLO: Aw man, he's already crying- and the Saiyans aren't even here ye-
NAPPA: Yeah we are!
(Vegeta and Nappa has arrived at the battlefield as Mars: The bringer of War by Gustav Holst plays in the background)
"How did they not notice them?!" Lucy's shock reappears.
"Talking can be a very good distraction," Makarov answers.
"The fight is about to start, everyone pay attention," Erza commands.
NAPPA: Hi.
(Vegeta and Nappa land in front of the group)
PICCOLO: So, you guys are the Saiyans?
NAPPA: No.
"Then what are you?" Lily asked sarcastically.
VEGETA: Don't be rude, Nappa.
KRILLIN: And you're here for the Dragon Balls?
NAPPA: No.
"Then why are you here?" Lisanna asked.
VEGETA: ...We are. And I am the prince of all Saiyans!
PICCOLO: You're a prince?
Levy writes it down.
NAPPA: No.
The audience rolls their eyes.
VEGETA: ...F**k you, Nappa.
PICCOLO: So what do we call you?
NAPPA: I am Nappa, and this is Vegeta. He was a prison...
VEGETA: (interrupting) Shut up, Nappa!
NAPPA: (whispering) ...bitch.
Natsu and Happy laugh a bit.
VEGETA: (Through clenched teeth) Dammit, Nappa.
NAPPA: (notices Piccolo) Oh look, Vegeta, it's a Namekian.
KRILLIN: Hey, I take offense to that.
"He's not talking about you," Lucy facepalms.
PICCOLO: He's referring to me, you idiot. And it's not an insult; the Namekians are a fine, proud race of-
NAPPA: That means he doesn't have a penis, right Vegeta.
"That proves even more as to why he didn't recognize Gohan's," Levy explains, jotting down the info.
"You're really gonna write that down," Gajeel asked with a brow raised.
Levy simply nodded her head.
(Piccolo stands gaping his mouth in shock as snickering from Krillin can be heard off-screen trying not to laugh)
VEGETA: (Amused) Eunuchs.
Lucy's brows lower in a straight line.
GOHAN: So what exactly does that make you, Mr. Piccolo? You survive mostly on water- Does that make you a slug or a plant?
"He really is a nerd huh?" Gray says nonchalantly. He receives a slap to the back of his head courtesy of Mira.
PICCOLO: (trying to restrain his anger) Gohan, not now!
GOHAN: And do you also conduct photosynthesis or do you-
PICCOLO & NAPPA: NEEEEEERD!
GOHAN: Wait, what?
"Be nice," Mira reprimands.
"They can't hear you sis," Lisanna whispers to Mira. The older sibling glared as a response.
(a couple of news helicopters arrive at the battlefield)
"Why are they there!?" Wendy shouts in concern.
"Just humanity being dumb again," Cana answers.
MR. KENT: These are them, folks- the terrible monsters who destroyed West City! Jimmy, hurry up and get a shot of the bald one.
"Which one?" Romeo says.
JIMMY: (looks at Nappa, Krillin, and Piccolo) Um, Which one, Mr. Kent?
NAPPA: Look, Vegeta, the Paparazzi. I have to protect my image! (destroys a cargo robot)
"What image?" Carla asked.
JIMMY: Oh, my God, he blew up the cargo robot! And the cargo was people! (the rest of the news helicopters leave)
The mages grit their teeth in anger at the senseless violence.
NAPPA: Good, now I'm gonna read their power levels, Vegeta.
(Nappa uses his scouter to read Gohan, Piccolo, and Krillin's power levels, which reads 0.8 Raditz for Gohan, 1.1 Raditz for Piccolo, and 0.9 Raditz for Krillin)
VEGETA: (removes his scouter) Nappa, don't you understand? They can hide their power levels- those readings are useless.
"I thought they needed weighted clothes for that," Natsu comments confusedly.
"I guess it's a skill they learned during training?" Lucy says as a question rather than a statement.
NAPPA: (also removes his scouter) You mean like YouTube friends?
VEGETA: Yes, and I have a better way of testing their power levels. Plant the Saibamen.
NAPPA: (plants a seed at the ground) Yay!
(six Saibamen erupt from the ground)
"Are those vegetables?" Wendy asked, confused.
Romeo and Asaka blanch at the mention of vegetables.
NAPPA: Ta-da!
PICCOLO: (shocked) Wha-what are those?
VEGETA: They're cultivated life forms. All with the same power level as Raditz. That's right; he was so weak, we could actually grow Raditzes!
"That's actually terrifying," Macao says.
NAPPA: But, Vegeta, then you have to worry about the Fraggles.
"Huh?"
VEGETA: Oh God dammit, Nappa, nobody's going to get that.
"True, we didn't," Gajeel agrees.
TIEN: (off-screen) As a matter of fact...
(Tien and Chiaotzu arrive at the battlefield)
TIEN: I did.
"At least someone did," Gajeel continued.
"Yay! More help!" Happy cheers.
VEGETA: (sarcastically) Oh, goody, more of them. Who the hell are you?
NAPPA: Vegeta, look, more bald people, (looks at Krillin) the small one, (looks at Piccolo and Tien) the two tall ones, and- (looks at Chiaotzu) Ah... Ah... Vegeta! Look, a Pokémon.
"A...what?"
CHIAOTZU: I'm not a Pokémon! I'm Chiaotzu! Chiaotzu!
NAPPA: Did you hear that, Vegeta? It's a Chiaotzu. (holds a Poké Ball) I'm gonna catch it!
CHIAOTZU: I told you, I'm not a Poké- (gets hit by a Poké Ball) OW!
"Still don't get these references," Lucy and Levy say at the same time.
NAPPA: Awwww, it didn't work, Vegeta.
VEGETA: That's because you have to damage it first.
NAPPA: Alright, let's see if I can get a critical!
"It's about to start!" Natsu yells, ready for action.
(Chiaotzu flinches in response; Yamcha arrives at the battlefield)
"Oh, it's just Yamcha," Natsu says in a bored tone.
YAMCHA: Hey, guys, I'm here now.
KRILLIN: (joyfully) It's Yamcha!
YAMCHA: That's right- don't worry, guys, we worked ourselves half to death with our training, so I know as long as we stick together, we'll take on these Saiyans, and WE WILL WI-
(Saibamen latches onto Yamcha and self-destructs. All that's left after the explosion is Yamcha's corpse.)
Silence over takes the entire guild.
"Holy shit," Was the collective thought in everyone's minds.
Levy looks back down at her notepad where she wrote each one of the Z-fighters names. She crossed off Yamcha's name.
KRILLIN: (off-screen) Yeah...! Woooo...!
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(Nappa is naming the remaining five Saibamen, with an arrow pointing to the first four from right to left)
NAPPA: And that one's Snuggles, and that one's Foofoo, and that one's Cabbagehead, and that one's Other-Cabbagehead, (shows a Saibamen struggling to get up) and that one's Vegeta Jr.
"Oh, they have names!" Wendy and Lisanna cheered, getting over Yamcha's quick death.
[Vegeta kills Vegeta Jr.]
NAPPA: Vegeta Jr., Nooooo!
"And Vegeta killed one," Gajeel laughs.
Chapter End