Disclaimer: I own nothing in regard to GWTW
Author's Note: As always, all reviews and inputs are appreciated.
Chapter Nine
After two months of putting her daughters down for their naps she wondered to herself why she didn't love them like other mothers loved their children. She had started doing it hoping to feel something special for her children. She had chosen to do it because Rhett was at the bank and she thought maybe the reason she didn't feel anything special for her children was because Rhett was always there. It wasn't. She hadn't bonded with any of her children. She had thought it was because Wade and Ella looked just like their fathers and she had not liked their fathers but Bonnie looked just like her. She loved them all. Bonnie was her favorite but she really didn't feel much more for Bonnie than she did Wade or Ella. She was just going through the motions. She was doing it because that is what good mothers did not because she wanted to.
She had wished she was more like her mother. Although when she thought about her childhood, she couldn't drag up a single happy memory involving her mother. Her Pa or Mammy were who always came to mind when she thought about her childhood. Even when she had morning sickness with Wade it had been Mammy who told her she was pregnant.
Her mother had always been too busy running the plantation or visiting the sick. She had left the raising of her children to Pa and Mammy. As far as her children were concerned, she was just like her mother. She was busy running her businesses and was leaving the raising of her children to Mammy and Rhett. To be honest she couldn't think of a single happy memory with her mother. Her mother had taught her how to be a proper southern lady and what her duty was. She had never had a real conversation with her mother and it wouldn't have mattered if her mother had lived longer. Her mother had never sat and played with her. Her mother had been all about duty. Scarlett had been all about duty also.
Her Pa teased and played with her and she smiled and thought just like Rhett. Ashley was like her mother. They were strait laced and proper but not any fun. All her life she had been trying to be strait laced and proper like her mother while knowing in her heart she never would be. Rhett wanted her to be herself. Rhett accepted her for who she actually was while Ashley had an idealized version of her as she did him. If she was married to Ashley everyone would think she was proper also or at least that is what she had thought. She had thought she would be a grand lady just because she was Mrs. Ashley Wilkes. She may have managed to be proper all the time and have become a grand lady but her true self would have died a slow death. She smiled to herself Rhett wanted her to be Scarlett Butler, a force to be reckoned with. Rhett knew her worst secrets and loved her any way or maybe because of them.
She giggled when she thought how boring Ashley would be all the time but especially in the bedroom. It would have been just like with Frank, in the dark, in our night clothes. Ashley would never do any of the things she and Rhett did in the bedroom. She giggled again and thought she would never have known any different.
In a lot of ways, she loved her children as a father would love their children – from a distance. Rhett loved the children, all the children, like a mother loved their children. Rhett and she had switched roles and she knew as sure as she was breathing that Rhett was alright with that. All Rhett wanted was for her to love him and be happy. Scarlett didn't know how she knew this but she knew that Rhett needed her love. He needed her love to feel and be whole. Just as she needed his love to feel and be whole. They were two parts who needed to be together to be whole. Rhett needed her to be complete. She needed Rhett to be complete. They would be one together.
She and Rhett would be alright. They would have more children because Rhett wanted them and would provide for them. Now that she knew that all she had to do was birth them and from then on Rhett would take care of them she would have a dozen. She had not wanted more children because she had not wanted the responsibility of providing for them and raising them. She would be a good mother because Rhett wouldn't let her be anything else. Rhett would nag at her to spend more time with the children because it was what was best for the children. She would be a better mother than her mother because she wanted to be a good mother. She smiled when she thought about Rhett making her be a better mother. He would tease her and badger her until she relented and spent time with the children. She would love them all in her way. She wasn't worried about her figure any more Rhett would always love her. She no longer needed to be the cutest thing in shoe leather. She smiled. Everything was as it should be.
She was gladded that she had discovered she loved Rhett. NO! It was Rhett who loved her! Not the other way around. It couldn't be true but she knew it was. That was why she wasn't mad about being pregnant. It was why Bonnie was her favorite child. Not because Bonnie looked like her but because Bonnie was Rhett's child. She could never tell him but considering he could read her like a book he would know before long.
She wasn't going to think about this anymore. She was going to go talk to Wade. He had been telling the story of King Arthur and she wanted to hear the rest of the story.
That night at supper Scarlett thought, 'Things are going so well. Bonnie is happily sitting in her own chair and is slowly learning to eat with a spoon. Ella has settled down and doesn't ask a thousand questions anymore. Wade looks so grown up. He is a young man. When did that happen?' She looked at Rhett and she marveled that he loved her. His face took on that expectant expression and she suddenly knew what it meant.
She was no longer worried about who had the power in the relationship. They both had an equal amount of power because they both needed each other so much. They could both make each other very miserable which they had already managed to do or they could make each other very happy which they had managed to do for the last few months. She knew that as long as she had Rhett, her other half, she would be alright and she didn't need to worry about the future. She would put Rhett out of his misery and tell him she loved him tonight.
That night as Scarlett and Rhett were lying in the bed while Rhett was telling his stories Scarlett interrupted him by saying, "I love you, Rhett."
Rhett was silent. He didn't know what to say. Scarlett lifted her head up and said, "The correct response is 'I love you, too."
Rhett knew in that moment he had told her he loved her that night so long ago. She had not used his love against him actually it was the opposite she had become more kind and caring with the knowledge that he loved her. He looked at her and said, "I love you, too."
Scarlett then laid back down on his chest and said, "Go on with your story."
And Rhett did. He was a little bit stunned but he was also very happy. In the days that followed nothing changed in Scarlett's attitude or actions and Rhett finally decided that she did love him and she was not going to use his love against him. At least not any more than any other wife did against their husband. Rhett didn't change either. He remained a loving husband who doted on his wife. He was happy, truly happy, for the first time since he couldn't remember when. He finally felt accepted. He finally had what he had wanted most in the world; Scarlett's love.
In January of eighteen seventy-two Bonnie's worst nightmare came true. Her mother gave birth to a little boy. They named him Gerald Kennesaw Butler. His father was already besotted by him by the time he was placed in his father's arms. His mother just smiled at her husband and thought, 'What a baby crazy man he is.' Scarlett was no more excited by Gerald's birth than she had been by any of her other children's births. She was just glad it was over. Gerry's conception was special to Scarlett for it was when she discovered real love.
Much to his parents' disappointment Gerry looked just like his mother except for the blue eyes. In other words, he looked just like his sister at least until his father took him out in the sun. Then the young man's skin turned swarthy like his father's much to his parents' happiness. At four weeks the dowagers were at the door to see the new arrival and much to their discomfort Captain Butler and Melly sat in on all of these visits. Scarlett seemed happy to have them with her. When Gerry smiled at the dowagers their hearts melted and everyone of them mentioned that he had his father's smile.
Scarlett would smile at Rhett and Melly's not too subtly little battle to see who got to hold Gerry. Rhett would always not very graciously give in. Scarlett didn't care as long as she didn't have to hold the child.
The good people of Atlanta never did decide conclusively what had happened at the mill that day. They knew that Ashley Wilkes had his arm around Scarlett Butler and that was all that they all agreed on. Most people led by Dolly Merriwether believed that Mr. Wilkes had behaved inappropriately with Scarlett and only the fear of an ensuing scandal had kept Rhett Butler from calling him out. It was his guilty behavior that led them to this conclusion. The other much smaller camp led by India Wilkes believed that Scarlet had thrown herself at Ashley and his arm around her was him fending her off. They claimed that Mr. Wilkes's behavior was not that of guilt but of embarrassment and shame. What they did know was that both spouses had stood by their mates and declared their innocence to anyone who would listen. What they also knew was that the Wilkes and the Butlers were never seen socially together again. They also knew that the Butlers's marriage that had always appeared to be just a sham seemed to now be loving and unified. The Wilkes's marriage seemed to be better also. The dowagers had finally decided that Scarlett would still be received by polite society but she was one incident away from being ostracized, after all they didn't want to hurt the children. The children were so very cute except Ella Kennedy but she was so very sweet. No, the dowagers decided they would not hurt the children. They had enough troubles for they had been unfortunate enough to be borne to such a woman as Scarlett Butler. Scarlett Butler who was so busy running her businesses that she was neglecting her children. Why she ran a business nobody knew. Wasn't Captain Butler one of the richest men in Georgia, afterall.