Chapter 7: Forms of Love
She's a bad woman, Amy decided about herself. Instead of getting a life of her own, there she was subconsciously fantasizing about a committed man. She wanted to throw up on herself. But how can she possibly stop these vivid dreams?
Bernadette looked at her helplessly across the table. They're out for a drink. She called her up the moment she's back home.
"I'm gonna move out to Boston," Amy said.
Her friend reached out and squeezed her hand.
"Alright," Bernie replied, giving her an understanding look.
"Sometimes, I could still smell him on my sheets, you know?" Amy sounded so wistful. "In the mornings after... Like he was really there with me… But I know it just wasn't true. It couldn't be true. And I'll hurt a bit more... How could you ever want someone so bad?"
Bernie didn't have the answer so she ran her fingers on the lip of her glass to have something to do.
"Do you think I'm going crazy?" genuine alarm seeped into Amy's voice.
Bernie dismissed it immediately, "No, of course not! Because, I don't know... you've studied addiction before... Do you think that maybe, this is just a withdrawal stage? You know how often they compare love to addiction... maybe it's got something to do with that?"
That sounded like something Penny would say.
"You know that's not true," Amy said quietly. And more to herself added, "Loving can only ever be good."
"I didn't know someone could borrow that many books from the library," Amy almost dropped the pile on her arms when she heard that voice. She walked to the nearest table to set them all down.
"Prof. Wilson, nice seeing you here," Amy greeted the old man. It's a Friday afternoon at CalTech.
"Well, I visited Dr. Cooper today, thought I'd check out his playground," Prof. Wilson winked good-naturedly.
"I'm going to donate these actually," she said, hand moving over the pile. "I can't take them all with me when I move out."
He seemed to want to ask but changed his mind at the last minute, "Say, Dr. Fowler, I've the whole afternoon free. How about I introduce you to another brilliant brain scientist nearby?"
Filled bookshelves lined the far wall from end to end. On the left were different portraits - wedding photos, family events, awards, signed prints of Cajal's astrocytes. There's a large window to her right. She walked over to the great leather sofa at the center of the room, all the while Prof. Wilson stood beside the study table watching her every move.
"This is my late wife's study," the old man began. "She's a fan of Cajal's works. She's a good neuroscientist, too."
"I'm honored," Amy can't think of anything else to reply.
She moved towards the portraits and saw their wedding photos up close. "She's really pretty," she commented, all the while thinking why the woman in the photo looks very familiar.
"She was. My granddaughter looks so much like her," the old man said fondly.
"Well, you must love your granddaughter very much."
"I do," he answered, tracing the frame of a photo taken some twenty years ago, where everyone's smiles were big, but not as big as the littlest person was wearing, oblivious about her missing front teeth.
They filled the afternoon discussing the works of the professor's late wife. There were also some promising studies that she didn't get to finish. Amy thought she may take them up and publish them posthumously.
Soon it was time for tea. And his tea set strongly reminded her of Aunt Doe immediately. "Oh, my Aunt owns a similar one!"
"Well, she has good taste," Prof. Wilson said approvingly.
"This is my granddaughter, by the way," he then pulled a photo from his pocket excitedly and showed it to Amy.
Now she knows why the little girl in the picture looks familiar.
"Vanessa's turning 25 this year."
Amy's got nothing to say. Her mind's blank. Nothing is coming up.
"I think you can be good friends with each other," the old man continued. "I understand you've been with Dr. Cooper for a few years. And you've met my granddaughter, right? She's interested in him."
There was just wool in Amy's head now. And static. Lots and lots of static.
"Dr. Fowler? Amy? Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, are you okay?"
"Yes," that word took all of her just to say. "I think I should go."
"But I thought we're having a lovely time?"
"I don't know how you came to know about me and Sheldon, but you don't really have to worry about me bothering him and Vanessa, I promise. I'll be leaving the state soon, so there's no need to size me up and do all of this," Amy said firmly.
"But my child, you misunderstand," he said, putting his cup down. "I never thought of you as a threat."
"I've upset you," Prof. Wilson began, attempting to recapture the good mood they started with. "Vannessa's affairs are her own. And I try not to meddle as much as I can."
Amy's about to retort when the professor raised his hand, signalling he's not yet done. "I only wanted to meet the woman Dr. Cooper thinks he's not thinking about whenever anyone's around."
"I don't understand," Amy shook her head.
"That's what I said," the old man smiled briefly. "I've been working with him for a while now. To call him odd is an understatement-"
"Quirky," she interrupted. "The University prefers quirky."
"Fine," the old man acquiesced. "It's just amazing how his reaction and yours are the same."
"What do you mean?"
"He paid no attention to Dr. Hillard until that time I told him he's making a pass at the neuroscientist who gave the lecture that afternoon... Made him so upset he decided to go down and join us at the bar. You see, Dr. Fowler, he's never joined us before.
Collaboration with him is strictly about work. He keeps to himself. Only speaks when necessary. Works independently. The only time I ever saw him truly smile was when he learned of my late wife's name - Amy."
Amy felt a surge of hope in her chest. But that instantly got wiped out when she remembered seeing Sheldon and Vanessa getting into his room together. Maybe the old man didn't really know his granddaughter that well.
"But they seem to be doing well together," Amy hid the bitter smile behind her cup of tea.
"Him, with Vanessa?" the old man asked, as if it's the most preposterous thing in all the world.
"Well, yeah..." Amy's voice laced with uncertainty, hoping she's not spending her afternoon with a deranged old man.
"That girl never stood a chance!" he laughed so hard, he actually wiped tears from his eyes.
This afternoon is getting weirder and weirder by the minute. Her feeling of wanting to leave returned, and this time for an entirely different reason.
He's still composing himself when he says, "He never wanted to share anything about himself. Sure, he's a know-it-all, never bothered about correcting other people. But you, you're like a treasure, heavily guarded, not meant to be shared. I was just happy I was able to get through him. And now, the only time Dr. Cooper freely speaks with me is when it's about you. Oh, and there's only one other thing that we agree on," he paused, wanting her to ask.
Amy just stared at him. He continued just the same, "Ever wondered why he's never settled on a pet name for you?"
She felt her cheeks flush. She never took up that topic with anyone, ever, and she doesn't wish to discuss it with this old man now. But his eyes looked so bright and merry that Amy couldn't help but lean in.
"It's because just your name is enough."
She's never thought of it like that. Sheldon's not given to sentimentality as far as she knows. But just remembering the times he said her name, all the while thinking what it means makes her feel kinda faint.
Amy. Beloved.
But that's all in the past now. He needed to make Prof. Wilson see that it's all over.
"Prof. Wilson, I'm not sure if you're familiar with this or if ever your late wife may have said this to you in passing, but 'Nothing is so painful to the human mind than a great and sudden change'.
"As you said, Sheldon is quirky. He likes things a certain way. He keeps a routine because it grounds him. Familiarity is comforting to him. And he'll do his best to keep everything as it is.
"Our relationship is over. And this has caused changes, disruptions in his life. It must have been so hard for him. It's hard for me, too. But it looks like he's been better the past several months compared to all the years we've been together. That's about the same time he met your granddaughter. So I believe Vanessa played a major hand on how well Sheldon is doing right now," Amy managed a small smile after her small speech.
Then more to herself, she added, "I could've never done it. I wasn't... I was never enough to hold his full attention... not enough to be a priority. I got tired of feeling that way."
"Oh," was all the professor had to say.
Amy just smiled. For sure, he understands now.
"I appreciate everything, Prof. Wilson. It's really a lovely afternoon," she said, getting ready to stand.
"Hold up, Amy," she wasn't sure how she feels about him using her first name, but she stayed seated to listen to what he has to say, "For love, beauty and delight, there is no death, nor change."
Her brows knitted together so the man went on, "There are always exceptions and some things are meant to endure. Our minds perceive change differently, I agree. But never forget that it can also be a deceitful thing.
"So maybe that is what you think is going on. But you can be wrong... you can be wrong."
Amy never liked it when she had to second guess herself, "So what do you want me to do?"
"Love," he answered simply. "Just love, because loving can only ever be good."
AN: Could you guess which literary couple I lifted the quotes from? Excellent, they're from Mary and Percy Bysshe Shelley. I hope you're enjoying this update. And please take your time, I'm gonna upload the rest of the story until the end this time.
To everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited this story, thank you so much. The feedback that I got is so helpful. And to you my anonymous reader, thank you for your time and for giving this fic a chance. I appreciate you.