Chapter 7

"Ms Summers, you have a Mr. Pratt here to see you", her intercom buzzed.

"Send him in".

Moments later she hears a knock and tells him to come in. She looks up to see him enter her office apprehensively.

"Hi…" he greeted.

"Hello".

"I um bought you these. I remembered how much you liked them", she looked at the box of pastries he placed on her desk.

"Thank you. Why don't you have a seat?"

"Thanks".

"So, you wanted to talk?" she asked after he settled.

"Yeah but we haven't seen each other for like almost a month. How have you been?"

"Spike, I have a meeting in 20 minutes so I don't really have a lot of time to play catch up, sorry".

"Right, of course…you said you were busy. Ok, um…guess there's no other way to say this..uh...Dru knows about us".

Buffy was expressionless, sitting back in her chair, taking in the information. It wasn't the first time a wife or girlfriend found out about her. All of the time, the men would choose to end the affair and try working things out with the spouse or partner and she's okay with that. Whatever they had was purely sexual and there were no attachments.

Thinking that Spike would do the same, she anticipated a similar conversation to ensue. A part of her was relieved because she already had the intent to end their tryst.

"I'm sorry", Buffy said genuinely.

"Don't be. It was a choice I made that led us here."

"You didn't have to come all the way here to tell me all that. If you want to work things out with her, I'd understand. I mean, she's your wife".

"She asked for a divorce".

"She's upset. Give her some time".

"I'm granting her the divorce".

Buffy' mind was racing. Okay, this was unexpected but she was still grim faced, not showing much emotion.

"Buffy, I know what you said but you can't tell me that all this time we've been together you don't feel anything."

"Spike…"

"Just hear me out, okay. When Dru found out, I was relieved because I think for some time, I wanted her to know. She started telling me how much she loved me and I felt nothing. Buffy, when she asked for a divorce, the only thing I was worried about were my kids…how they would take it…if I will ever see them again but I felt nothing with her. This is a woman I was with for 16 years and I felt nothing. All I could think of was you…I can't stop thinking about you. You're in my head everytime…I'm drowning in you and I can't do anything…this month away from you was torture. I know that you're non-commitment girl but just…give us a try, please."

Buffy got up from her chair, feeling frustrated and helpless by his confession. She rubbed the back of her neck, trying to form the right words to say before realising that nothing she says can make this any better.

"Spike, you know how I feel. I told you before. We had a good time together but this is it. This is all there is. I'm sorry if I should feel something more but I don't…I'm sorry".

"So, that's it? You won't even try?"

"This isn't about trying. You're talking about feelings and I don't feel the same way. What I felt was lust, sexual and that was all."

"All this time…all the things we talked of…you're saying you don't feel anything?"

"I don't".

"Stop lying to yourself!" Spike said, feeling anger coming over him.

"I could say the same about you."

"How can you say that there was nothing? We've been together for months, how can there not be anything?"

"We were not together Spike. We've been fucking for months and that's all it was. I don't feel anything for you and it's really nothing personal because I don't feel anything for anyone. Do you know how many men I've slept with? I can't even count if I wanted to. If feelings were the reason why I fucked them, then…"

"I don't accept that!"

"Well, you're gonna have to! This…this is who I am, Spike!

"I'm leaving her, Buffy. I want to be with you".

"I don't."

Spike looked at her feeling his heart break. How could she say there wasn't anything? All those times…nothing? He was hurt and confused.

"So, that's it?...I can't believe you're so heartless", he mumbled, knowing his comment was weak and spiteful but emotions were getting the best of him. Buffy's anger flared feeling his comments towards her wasn't justified. He wasn't in the dark that all this was just two people getting their sexual fix. No strings attached.

Like the start of most of her affairs, it began with an attraction and that was what she felt when she saw Spike. She was a part of a panel of legal advisors to oversee some major contracts her client was dealing with Spike's company. He's blonde, fairly athletic and runs his own business. She was attracted by the confidence he exudes in their meetings. It all started one night in his office when his company was holding an appreciation dinner for all his partners and he personally sent an invite to her. As the night went on, both of them had a little to drink and they somehow ended up locked up in his office with him fucking her against the wall and the rest is history.

Spike knew of her sexual appetite and knew of the existence of her multiple lovers. She never tried to hide it. There were a few times he bumped into them in her office or she turned down their rendezvous because she was with another lover.

"You knew from day 1 that this was nothing but lust…you knew!"

"Yeah but I never expect I'd fall for you!..."

"Then how is that my fault?"

"How can you not feel anything?"

"I just don't!"

A knock on her door broke their heated confrontation and her assistant head popped in.

"Sorry to interrupt but your 2 o'clock is here".

"Thank you".

Her assistant nodded and closed the door.

"You should go", she said.

Spike huffed in frustration. He had just lost his wife and from the looks of it, he lost the one woman he had recently fallen for too. Defeated, he walked towards her door and gave her one last look, hoping to see some sort of reaction from her but she simply turned away. Disappointed and hurt, he closed the door and left.

After Spike's confrontation along with the meetings and work she had to clear, Buffy was emotionally and physically drained. She kicked off her shoes the moment she entered her apartment and threw her jacket on the sofa.

She poured herself a glass of wine and turned on her favourite Sarah McLachlan album before sitting in her favourite chair. Her mind wandered off to the afternoon. Spike's comment about her being heartless struck a chord. Why, she didn't know but it got her thinking…was she really not capable of feelings?

Her mind was a blank state trying to find reasons and logic behind his accusation. She sighed and wished she could ignore the uneasiness bubbling in her. Her phone ringing broke her out of her thoughts. The person calling her was the last person she expected but she found herself immensely happy to see his name.

"Hello"

"Hey, did I catch you at a bad time? I know it's late".

"I just got home actually".

"Wow Ms Summers, you're a workaholic".

"Not by choice, believe me".

"Hard day at work, honey?" he said jokingly.

Buffy smiled at the endearment.

"Sort of".

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"I'm a really good listener".

"You sure are. Thanks for the offer but really, I'm okay", Buffy chuckled.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…so, is there a reason for your call?" Buffy asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Umm….not really. I just…I want to hear your voice".

A comment that usually doesn't affect her twitched something inside and she found his honesty moving, rendering her speechless.

"Have you eaten?" he asked a moment later, saving her from replying.

Buffy caught herself and answered, "I literally just walked through the door".

"You know, there's a nice deli I know that opens until late. I could grab something and come over".

"You don't have to do that".

"They have this really nice meatball sub".

"Honestly, I'm just really tired and exhausted. I think I'll just go to bed".

"Hmmm…You do sound like it".

"I am".

"Can I…um, see you tomorrow?"

Buffy almost said no but he was always a good distraction and she really needed that.

"Sure", she found herself answering.

"Great! How does 7 sound?"

"Sounds good".

"Ok, I'll let you get your rest. Good night".

"Good night, Angel".

Buffy swayed to the music, her steps slow and gentle being led by the man in her arms. Her head was resting on his shoulder with her eyes closed, completely relaxed. He crouched over her, buried his face against her neck, breathing in her unique, tantalising scent with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

After meeting for dinner, Buffy and Angelus decided to have drinks at Teal. When a ballad came on, Angelus took her hand and led her to the dance floor. Holding her close in his arms, the gesture threw Buffy a little and she tensed for a few moments. Angelus noticed but was undeterred and gently rubbed her back, knowing how it usually calmed her. With the ability that probably only he had, her body began to unwind on its own accord to his affectionate gestures.

Buffy still could not understand this unsettling feeling she had when it comes to Angelus. In her book, he was supposedly just another lover and yet, he made her feel things none of her other lovers had. The gentleness, warmth and friendship he offered were genuine and sincere. It was not something a woman like her deserved but in the mere weeks they knew each other, Angelus was able to provide her a sense of comfort that allowed her to be open. It wasn't like her to open up to people easily, not even her friends can claim to truly know her. Lindsey can probably make that claim but it took him years and even then, she only showed Lindsey what she wanted.

But Angelus whacked her self-control, breaking the walls she'd built, making her feel vulnerable; a trait no lover of hers was allowed to see…not even Lindsey. And yet, at the same time, he made her feel safe and comforted, showing her it's okay to be herself, it's okay to bask in the warmth and tenderness from another.

She lifted her head and stroked his neck making Angelus straighten up. Buffy stared into his eyes, mesmerized at how she always could not turn away. He gave her a gentle smile and rest his forehead against hers.

Something suddenly clicked in her. Perhaps it was the alcohol messing with her head or the need to invalidate Spike's opinion of her. She decided at that moment to go against her MO and not question these confusing thoughts and feelings, opting to just go with the flow. Whatever this was with Angelus, she'll just wing it and see where it goes. She smiled wistfully, partially nervous but primarily afraid of the unknown that this decision will lead her to.

In spite of her uncertainties and muddled mind, she asked Angelus, "Stay with me tonight?"

Angelus, oblivious to the chaos in her mind, widened his smile, and wrapped his arms tighter around her.

Later that night

She woke up feeling parched, probably from the alcohol she had. She turned to see Angelus on his back still deep in slumber. When they reached her apartment, they wasted no time disrobing and satisfied their desire several times before finally falling asleep to exhaustion. Tonight was amazing as it always was with Angelus but it was also slightly different. Perhaps she no longer irked at his tender affections nor tried to push away his warmth. She allowed herself to bask in it and it felt wonderful.

Quietly slipping out of bed not wanting to wake him, she was rummaging through her closet in the dark for her silk robe that she knew was somewhere in there before something caught the side of her eye. She smiled and picked up his blue shirt on the floor, slipping it on before making her way to the kitchen to quench her thirst. When she came back minutes later, she found herself standing by the bed drinking him in. With his hair in disarray, his lips slightly parted in slumber, the bedsheet was haphazardly strewn by his waist, allowing her to ogle at his fit physique, she thought…God, he was such a beautiful man.

She crawled up hovering over him, letting her eyes rove over his features up close for a moment before laying herself on top of him. The act stirred Angelus from sleep and he looked down seeing her head settling on his chest.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked sleepily.

"I am now", she answered against his chest.

Angelus wrapped his arms around her back and waist, holding her securely and kissed her temple before letting slumber take him again. Buffy smiled and nestled into him before falling asleep moments later to the sounds of his heartbeat.

"Delivery for Buffy Summers", a voice broke Buffy's attention from the documents currently scattered on her desk.

"Willow", Buffy exclaimed, surprised by her visitor.

"I was in the area for a meeting and thought maybe we could do lunch but knowing you, I figured take-out worked better for your schedule. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Um…no, I have about an hour and a half before I need to meet the DA. Come on in."

"Big case?"

"Well, you know…same old same old. So, what did ya bring me?"

"I've got you your favourite, Sushi and Sashimi from Okinawa's".

"Wow. You're spoiling me".

"That's why you love me".

Buffy laughed and helped her take the food containers out of the bag and set it on her desk.

"So, your office is quiet today", Willow remarked as they began to eat.

"They're all probably out for lunch".

"How come you're always the hardworking one around?"

"Well, I have 3 of Wolfram Hart's biggest clients after one of the senior partners retired so I've got a lot on my plate at the moment".

"Sounds brutal".

"It's gonna be okay. They're gonna have one of the lawyers take off some of my load so it'll be okay".

"It's good you're optimistic".

"With the level of stress I'm under, you have to be".

They ate in comfortable silence before Buffy put down her chopsticks and looked at Willow inquisitively. She wasn't under the assumption that her friend was just here for a lunch visit.

"Why are you really here, Will?"

"For lunch", Willow replied truthfully.

"Really?"

"Really", Willow's voice went high-pitched.

Buffy knew that tone. It was how she sounded when Willow tried to be extra convincing. Buffy crossed her arms giving her a knowing glare and mere seconds later, "Okay okay! Stop with the third degree", Willow caved.

She sighed before continuing, "We're just worried".

"We?"

"Me and Faith".

"Right…about what exactly?"

"Well, we haven't seen much of you lately and you haven't been picking up our calls sometimes plus you've been missing out girls night. Is everything okay?

Buffy looked at her incredulously, "As you can see, I've been busy and I've missed girls night before…several times in fact".

"I know but lately, we can't even get in touch with you. I mean, I had to come out here for lunch to see you. We just want to know that you're okay".

"As you can see, I'm still alive and kickin".

"I know, we were just worried".

"I'm really fine, Will".

"Are you sure? If you ever need to talk…"

"Look, I appreciate the gesture but I am honestly okay…seriously".

Willow was doubtful but knowing Buffy wouldn't let her be privy unless she wanted to, so there was nothing she could do but let it go.

The rest of the lunch was resumed in casual talk.

"Can I top that up for you?"

Spike answered without looking up, "Yeah, thanks".

"Rough day?"

"Rough life".

Spike sipped the scotch and winced when the burning sensation hit his throat.

"You want to talk about it?"

He looked up and it dawned on him that she was new to this bar that he frequents.

"I haven't seen you around before".

"Just started last week. My name's Amy", she said, holding out her hand for a handshake that he graciously accepted.

"Hello Amy. You can call me Spike".

"Spike? That's unique. Is that your real name?"

Spike studied her, wondering if he should talk to some stranger about his misery. Since the confrontation with Dru, finding that she will never be able to trust him nor see him the same way, she went ahead with the divorce and asked that Spike move out of their home. Spike has been staying at a hotel while trying to look for a more permanent dwelling.

From picking up whatever pieces that's left of his life along with missing his children, his divorce and the heartbreak with Buffy, he was forlorn and lost so, he was here wallowing his sorrows away.

"How do you like it here?" he asked, not answering her question.

"It's okay so far. Pays better than my last job", she smiled.

"I would kill for a job like this."

"Hmmm…expensive watch, branded shoes and I'm willing to bet that the shirt off your back costs about a week of my pay…I think you got it the other way around, bud", Amy analyzed.

Spike laughed a little, feeling as though it's been some time since he laughed.

"Yeah, well if you only knew my story, sweetheart".

"Well, I've got all night", Amy said softly, her eyes compassionate.

The ringing stirred her slumber. She quickly reached for her bag on the floor and rushed to the bathroom, not wanting to wake the man next to her.

"Hello", she answered once she locked the door.

"Hey".

The voice on the other line made her smile.

"Hi".

"Why are you whispering? Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No, I just woke up".

"Hmm…what are you wearing?" he said huskily.

"I'm not telling you that", she teased.

"Can I guess?"

Buffy giggled, before telling him, "Okay, I'll play. You have 3 chances".

"What happens if I don't get it right?"

"I'll make you pay the next time we meet".

"Ooooh…maybe I don't want to get it right so you can have your way with me".

She giggled again before continuing, "Guess no. 1".

"Your champagne silk robe".

"No".

"The black one?"

"Is that guess no. 2?"

"No, that's just a variation of guess no. 1".

"Really?...well, I'll let you off this one time wise guy".

"Hmmm…my white shirt?"

"What?"

"Don't think I don't know. I have a white undershirt missing from my closet and I can only deduce the culprit to be one person".

"You have like 20 of them, how could you possibly know that one is missing?"

"So, you do know I have 20 of them and guess what, last I count I had 19".

"You're lying".

"And you're stalling…so, am I right?"

"Nope".

"Now, you're lying".

"I'm not. Come on, you know when I'm lying".

"Hmm…that is true…well, there can only be one other answer."

"What's that?"

"My favourite…your birthday suit".

"And the winner takes the prize".

"What's the prize?"

"Anything you want".

"Well, I want what I've always wanted since we met".

"That is?"

"You", honesty lacing his voice.

Buffy was silent for a few moments before answering, "Well, then I guess you get me".

"Can I pick you up in an hour?"

"What? Angel it's…" she got off to look at the time on her phone."...8 in the morning".

"…on a Saturday."

"That's right. It's too early".

"Come on, I'll make it worth your while".

"Angel…"

"Hey, I won the game fair and square so I'm gonna claim my prize".

"Well, your prize isn't awake yet".

"I'll be there in an hour with coffee and bagels".

"You're really not giving up are you?"

"Well, you should know by now that I'm nothing but persistent".

"That's true".

"So, I'll see you in an hour".

"Okay".

Buffy opened the door and started gathering her things. In the midst of her rush, her lover began to rise, rubbing his eyes watching her.

"Where you goin, baby?" he asked.

"I need to go".

"So soon? There's still much fun to be had".

"Sorry, Linds but I really have to go".

"Come on, it's been like what…a month since we last met? You're really gonna go now?"

"Hey", he reached out to grasp her wrist.

"What's with the rush?" he asked.

"I was hoping we could spend the whole day today", he said wishfully.

"Linds…" Buffy pried away.

"What's up with you?"

"What?"

"You don't answer my calls or reply my texts, you ignored me for a month. I mean it's a good thing we bumped into each other last night or god knows when I'll see you again".

"God, you sound like we're dating or something. Chill out".

"I was worried. You know, you would understand if you had some form of feelings in ya".

"What?" Buffy whirled, looking at him angrily.

"What the hell did you just say to me?"

Lindsey returned her glare before sighing and turned around to put his pants on, feeling a bit guilty from his outburst. He got out of bed and walked towards her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's just….", he reached out to cup her face but she turned her face away.

"I was just really worried. I mean, not having heard from you…"

"God, why does everyone think that something's up with me?...is it a crime to miss a call or not answer a text?"

"It's not but something's different about you and if someone else is noticing besides me, then that's saying something".

"Get out of my way".

"You were different last night too".

"I was drunk! I had too much to drink…god, I don't even remember how I got here, what more how the night went."

"Come on, B, we've done it drunk…heck, we've done it plastered and every time, you were right here with me but last night…last night, you were distant."

"Distant? Linds, the only time you were close to me is when your dick is inside me".

"Wow", he said breathlessly, appalled at her behaviour.

"You know what, Buffy, we're done".

"Done?...we have nothing to even start with!"

"Yeah, we're just fucking right…no feelings, no strings attached".

"That's right".

"Well, in the six years, we've been fucking, I'd like to think I was a friend but obviously I thought wrong. I guess it's my fault for expecting more from you".

"I guess it is", Buffy said before grabbing her bag and leaving, slamming the front door making Lindsey flinch.