We ate the sandwiches in silence, I want to say something but my head feels empty around him, I want this friendship to work out so bad that I'm scared to say the wrong or stupid thing to him that will push him away. Few knocks on the door interrupted our silence, I excused myself and opened it, it was .

"Hello Brandon." He says behind his huge glasses. Yes he calls me: Brandon, Matthew, sometimes Kyle. But rarely Winston.

"Hello ."

"Would you mind walking Poppet for me?"

Poppet is his dog. A chug -a mix between Chihuahua and pug breeds- . I usually walk it for him when the weather is cold because can't handle the cold.

I smile apologetically:" I'm sorry, I've got company now, maybe tomorrow?"

And I hear Monty's voice behind me getting closer: "Actually, we could use some fresh air."

looks at him suspiciously :"Who are you?! I don't want you to touch my Poppet."

I say quickly to clear the damage the rude old man has just caused :"It's okay he's a friend of mine, we can trust him."

And I look at Monty with the corner of my eye and he smiles at the mention of him being my friend.

We're equal now. You called me a friend and I did the same. It's official. We're friends, at least in my world.

relaxes a little with Winston reassuring words, he takes out his wallet and hands me $2 .

"Here Brandon, these for walking Poppet."

"Thanks!"

I take it quickly from him because I sensed that Monty wanted to comment on the wrong name.

Once leaves to get his dog I look at Monty: "Yes?" which means you're allowed to comment or ask any question before he comes back.

We put on our coats and he says: "I thought your name is Winston."

I look downward pretending to be busy with my hands, he's so close in this damn narrow hallway: "He doesn't always remember my name, I'm Winston, Brandon, Matthew and a lot more."

He points at the money in my hand : "And he pays you $2 for walking his dog? does he think we live in 1940s?"

I button up my coat and chuckle:" Stop being mean, sometimes he doesn't have a good grasp of our time, he thinks we're in the 60s or 70s"

"So how do you spend these $2?"

"I don't, I collect them separately and once they reach $10 or $20 I go up to him and tell that I saw him dropping them while walking, or that I borrowed them from him last month and now I'm giving it back."

"And he believes you?"

"Every single time, the medications he takes mess up with his head a little so it's easy to convince him with anything I want."

He looks at me with a relaxed expression, and a shadow of a smile drawn on his perfect thin lips. "Look at you, acting like a saint."

I blush and fumble with my leather gloves: " it's just the right thing to do, you know?" I should wear them quickly before my hands break in sweat. Wetness and leather are not friends. God where's ? What takes him so long?

"Does he live alone?"

I nod:" He doesn't have any relatives or friends"

"What about a wife?"

I shake my head :" no wife no husband for him"

And I purposely mention the 'husband' for a reason that I don't understand. Maybe I want the sexuality subject to be brought up and make him comfortable to talk about it now or in the future.

I button up the last button and I feel the need to say :" The world is cruel we need to take care of each other. I might end up like him someday, no family, no friends, no partner, and I would like it if someone was kind to me and help me out."

Monty was already wearing his jacket he says with a serious tone:" There's no way someone like you would end up being alone."

I'm not sure what he's implying but judging by the warm intense look he's giving me, I think he's complementing my look or my personality.

I blush and scream inside: what are you?! Stop confusing me? Are you straight? Bi? For god sake give me an obvious signal.

We left the building with Poppet and walked for 5 minutes in complete silence, I don't feel like talking, and he seems comfortable with it. Poppet walks ahead of us with his tiny legs while I'm holding his leash.

Monty clears his throat: "So, what happens now?"

I look at him: " We walk him for 10-20 minutes around the block then we get back."

He shakes his head smiling and I'm confused so he explains more: "I meant what will happen between you and your boyfriend."

"Oh!" am I stupid or he wasn't clear enough?! He seems to be unclear with everything, including his sexuality.

The last few days were like hell, I thought I can get over him quickly given the fact he's a cheater, but I thought wrong. You can't erase someone just like that, I believe the greater the love the greatest the suffer.

I was lost in my own thoughts that Monty took my silence as a pass to his question.

"Forget it, this is none of my business."

I say quickly:" no no, it's fine really, it's just .. I'm lost and I don't have an answer to your question now."

He nods in understanding. I proceed:" what would you do if you were in my place?"

He thinks for few moments then shrugs :" I've never been in a long term relationship. " he stops " I guess I'll follow my heart, and my heart will always tell me that once a cheater always a cheater."

I don't reply and I let myself get lost in my thoughts again.

"But that's just me, maybe you're the type of person who believes in second chances" He said.

"You don't believe in second chances?"

"Not everyone deserves them, and some mistakes can't be forgiven."

This conversation is way too serious for my liking so I change the subject:" How did you find my address?"

He smiles and looks at his walking feet:" I have my ways."

I don't press it but I assume he asked Jonathan for it, since they obviously talked about me and my family.

He suddenly stops in his track and says: "I've just realised something."

I look at him thinking: realised what?! That you haven't kissed me with those perfect lips, I wonder if they are soft as they look or rough like other guys', not that I walk around kissing guys, that's what I hear others say.

"We've never introduced ourselves properly."

He's right. We know each other names because Jonathan called us by them.
He stops and I do the same. He extends his hand: " Montgomery De la cruz, but call me Monty. "

I grin at him shaking his hand: "Winston Williams"

And I wish if the weather wasn't fucking cold, because I just lost my chance of feeling his bare palm. Damn you, gloves.

We resume our walk, back to silence

So what now? After this whole thing with Zach and heartache ends, will he retreat from my life? Is he around because he's stuck with me after telling me about Zach?! He can't do that, he can't leave after this whole thing resolved, I'm starting to get used to the idea of him texting me and checking up on me. It's nice to feel cared by someone who isn't fucking you. Yet.

This could be our last walk. I can't lose this opportunity to pry more on his life so I ask: "What does Monty live for?"

You can know a lot about someone based on their answers. Some people will go big and say fame and money, others will live for the world peace. Others will stay confined in their little world -which is fine- and say love, or ..

He buries his bare hand in his jacket's pocket and I desperately want to offer him my hand for warmth, but I should keep the creepy offer to myself

"Football."

He answered so simply and so quickly which means it's a big important part of his life.

"You play?" I couldn't hide my excitement.

He shrugs and says: "Yes, I mean .. I was but I'm banned from playing until further notice " and before I ask about the whys and hows he continues:" it's complicated."

When someone pulls the 'it's complicated' card, it's their nice way to tell you to stop asking and mind your own business.

"What about you?"

I take a deep breath and the mixed good and bad street scents attacks me but I smile :" Photography"

"Oh that explains your job."

"You thought my dream job was to work as an assistant for someone like Jonathan " I snort "please!"

He laughs and shakes his head :"He's not that bad outside the studio, he takes his job seriously that's all."

I agree with him after our last encounter but I'm not going to discuss this with him and waste this precious time. I should know him better before it ends. I should say things that will make him come back to me. But I'm not sure what to say. It's very hard to try to impress someone who is impressive himself. I'm just interested in his life, I want to ask him 100 question a minute.

"Any siblings?" I ask.

"One sister, younger than me"

"How does it feel?"

He jokes: "To fall from heaven?"

Was that a joke?! because judging by your perfect face, hot body, nice personality and Latin blood, you look like an angel to me.

I chuckle: "No silly, how does it feel to have a sister?"

He grins widely: "When we were young it was like nah one of us must go, leave the house to live with grandparents or something. We used to fight all the time over the silliest things, one time we fought because she was breathing fast and consuming my oxygen." We laugh at the stupidity of child Monty. He calms down :" but as we got older we developed an unbreakable bond." his grins disappears "we grew up with an abusive father, so we learned how to stick together and get each other backs."

I never took him like the kind of person who grew up in an abusive household, he's too kind and compassionate .

He needs a hug, he probably needs a hug right?! Should I give it to him, or stop being creepy and act natural?q

"And how does it feel? To be the only child?"

He asks and I put the idea of hugging him for later.

"Very lonely."

He looks at me and now I want to be hugged by him. Being the only child didn't really bother me, it was just lonely most of the time. Especially during school breaks. My parents used to send me to camps to make friends but I never did, kids were mean and they were already formed in groups of friends so it was hard to get inside those circles.

Poppet stops in the middle of the his walk, squats and he's doing what I was scared of, shitting.

We stop and I look away disgusted by the view and the smell now while Monty is looking at him with a sour face.

I put my hand in my pocket and takes out a small plastic bag that I always carry with me whenever I walk him. I don't want to get fined for leaving 'my dog's' shit on the sidewalk.

"Here." I extend it to Monty.

He looks at the bag then back at me trying to figure out what I'm asking him to do. Then he exclaims:" Hell no! You pick it up!"

"Come on, I always do."

"Not my problem, it's your neighbour's dog."

"True but it was your idea to get 'some fresh air' remember?"

"I didn't sign up for this" he says pointing at the piece of shit laying on the ground that soon will attract flies.

"Just do it, for God's sake my boyfriend cheated on me."

"Are we having a sympathy contest now?! Okay. Last week I got stood up by a blind date. She probably walked in and saw me then left."

I laugh: " That's hardly the same!"

But there's no way someone would see his face and stood him up. What's wrong with people these days?!
Wait! Did he say 'she'?! I suddenly feel like picking up Poppet's shit and throw it angrily at the nearest wall.
I should have trusted my gaydar. They weren't wrong signals, he was straight from the start. It's not just Julie, Martina didn't drag him into dating her friend, there are more of them that he voluntary dates.

He takes out a coin from his pocket and says smiling like he didn't just murder the idea of him being gay:" I know how to end this argument." he flips the coin and it lands on the back of his hand, he covers it with the other and asks me :" head or tail?"

Doesn't matter anymore, you're straight, you're dating girls, I'm going to pick Poppet's shit by myself like I always do. Just leave and never show your perfect face again. Because I'll be seriously considering a gender transformation for you, Mr.'Straight with mixed signals'.

"Head." I say quietly.

He uncover the coin:" Fuck, it's tail!"

I won, I should be happy, but I'm busy with my disappointment.

"You must be happy!" he says rolling his eyes while taking the plastic bag from my hand, with closed eyes he picks it up and jogs to the nearest bin to throw it. He rubs his hands on his jeans in disgust as if cleaning them.

Few drops of rains promising of more wetting the sidewalk.

"I think we better get back" he says. I nod in agreement.

We walk in quick pace until we reach the building where I live. I ascend the stairs expecting him to follow. But he's standing at the building door.

"Aren't you coming up?" I asked stopping at the third step.

"I should get back to my place before it pours heavily."

"Alright." I said with a hint of disappointment.

"It was nice seeing you, Winston."

It was nicer seeing you, trust me.

"You too, thanks for stopping by and for the food."

"It was nothing."

It was everything. I feel like talking and stall him more but I don't need to because -call me crazy- he doesn't seem like he wants to leave.

He looks around the place as if there's something interesting laying around here and there.

"So, text me if you need anything."

I feel like taking out my phone and text him right here at this moment to tell him that I need him right now, in my bed!

Concentrate, horny Winston. This guy is straight.

I say: "I will."

"Good, take care of yourself. " He waves his hand with a smile then leave.

I look at Poppet who was sniffing between the stairs rails :" Oh Poppet, what should I do?!"

I dropped Poppet at 's apartment who was about to give me another $2 because he forgot that he gave it to me in advance.

Once I closed the door of my apartment and hung up my coat, I was humming a song when I heard someone clearing his throat.

To my surprise I found Alex, sitting on the couch looking nervous. I haven't seen him in few days. He stands up and straightens his shirt to calm himself for my confrontation.

I pass him heading to my room but he stops me:" Winston.."

My back is facing him.

"Can we talk?"

I spin around and look at him with a bored expression. He wants to talk. Now. but he didn't want to talk when he slept with my ex and stabbed me in the back with their secret meetings.

"Please, it won't take time."

I nod and sit in the armchair, I don't feel like sitting in the same couch he's sitting on.

I keep gazing at him, and it must have made him uncomfortable. He's more nervous now looking around trying to figure out how to start this conversation. So I decided to help him out a little: "Why Zach?"

His eyes widens for a split of second, my question has knocked and scattered every thought he was preparing. He licks his lips stalling: "Zach and I have a history together before you came to his life.."

They were high school friends. That's all I know. I know nothing about any kind of history between them.

He continues:" After my failed suicide attempt.." he stops and I sympathise with him for a moment because this topic is a very sensitive one. Alex, Zach and the Jensens never talked about it in details. All I know is that he got depressed after a classmate committed suicide, Justin told me that Alex dated her for a short period of time and he considered himself responsible somehow for her death. Alex continues: Zach was the first and only one there for me, he helped me in so many ways, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Everyone else tried to distanced themselves, they didn't want to be associated with the weird depressed kid who failed at pointing his gun to the right place. I was too complicated for everyone, no one wanted to be friend with me, they thought I would do it again if they said the wrong thing.."

And I see a single drop of tears travels his cheek, he wipes it immediately, and exhaled: "That night, the night we ... we did it, we were both drunk, I started it, he tried to stop me but I was persistent so he gave in to me."

Am I supposed to forgive them? Is being drunk a good excuse for cheating?

I play with my fingers and say: "So that was a one time mistake. What about ... your secret meetings?"

I look at him because I want to see how his expression went from sad and depressed to shocked and guilty. He probably thinks I hired a private investigator to track Zach and fill me up with pictures and videos of their meetings. I'm not that creepy. I just happen to know the barista who works at the place where they had their secret meetings. Beside I don't have the money to hire one. Use your brain, Alex.

"I know everything Alex, you don't have to lie."

He quickly says: "We met, yes, few times. He didn't want to meet me secretly but I kind of pressured him" he runs his hand through his blond hair and I hate the color of it now, every time I look at it I remember that night when I was in Monty's manager's office looking at the recorded surveillance. He says: "I gave him the impression that if we don't end up together I might try it again .. "

Try what you piece of shit?!

"Try to commit suicide."

How low could you go, Alex?

"I didn't precisely threaten him with suicide, he somehow concluded it and I never corrected him or assured him that I won't do it."

Again, how fucking low could you go?!

I ask:" Does Charlie know?"

Poor Charlie, he probably doesn't know because yesterday he sent me a meme then called me up laughing to make sure that I got it and that I was laughing at it too.

"No, I'm not ..."

I interrupt : "What are you waiting for?!"

"I needed to have this conversation with you before telling him. I need to know what will happen between you and Zach?"

"What does Zach and I have to do with you two?"

He looks at the floor: "If you manage to forgive Zach and stay with him, then I'll keep the cheating thing between the three of us"

Why does he expect me to lie and hide something like that for him from Charlie?! I like the faith he puts in me although it's not really in its right place.

"And if we're over?"

He slowly raises his head, his blue eyes are full of tears in a matter of seconds and he says sobbing:
"Winston, I love Zach so much, I can't .. I can't imagine my life without him... please."

Please? Is he begging me to stay away from his way? Am I a threat to his happiness?!

"I can't get over him, I can't see him with someone else, I would do anything to have him! I need him so bad! He's my rock."

He was my rock too until you came between us.

He finishes his pathetic speech, still sobbing while wiping the unending stream of tears. Once he calms down I clear my throat to get his attention. He looks at me with puffy red eyes.

I nod slowly then I stand up, my eyes stings with tears but I'm not going to cry in front of him, I say quietly :" just .. break up with Charlie as fast as you can, don't lead him on anymore."

And that was my way to give him the green light. To tell him that Zach and I won't be together, and he can go and fuck him with clear conscious.

He nods in understanding, and I go to my room before I break in tears.

Next day Charlie texted me in the afternoon ..

"Hey Winston"

"Hey Charlie, what's up?"

"I don't know ... "

Those few dots at the end of his text doesn't seem good, probably Alex did his part of the deal.

I call him immediately, he picks up, his voice sounding different: "Alex broke up with me." He was crying.

This is what I hate about break ups, the first few days/weeks, they're the worst and the hardest.

"it's okay Charlie" no it's not, but it'll be "would you like me to stop by?"

He sighs :" I could use some company, we could recover together."

Oh so he didn't just break up with him, he told him the full version. The truth. I'm impressed by Alex's integrity .
Anyway, I did half of my recovery time in Monty's bed. I love how dirty that sounds although nothing happened except me sweating through his sheets .. oops that sounded dirty too. And the other half I did it crying alone between my couch and bed. I'm done recovering. I'm good.

"Sure, I'll be there in 30 minutes"

I hang up and got dressed, then I stopped by the nearest convenience store to Charlie's place and bought two boxes of ice cream. Which reminds me ..

"Did you buy Martina her ice cream?" I texted Monty once I was outside the store with the plastic bag in my other hand. Then I went to Charlie's place.

He opens the door and throws himself at me. I hug him back tightly. I expected him to be a crying mess but he seems better, puffy eyes, red nose but no tears. Good, I wouldn't know how to deal with crying Charlie.

He pulls away to watch my face while holding my shoulders and asks :"Are you alright?"

He's worried about me, how could Alex cheat on him?! He's such a sweet guy, too precious for this cruel world.

I nod with a small smile, we get inside and head to the kitchen. I take out 2 spoons.
He comes and sit on the island just like I did the other day, I was troubled and now he's troubled. Actually both of us troubled but I moved on, I cried myself to sleep multiple time then Monty came to the rescue.
while I was leaning against the sink
He sighs and takes the spoon and the ice cream from me: "I saw that coming. "

We all saw it coming, Charlie.

He digs his spoon in the ice cream and say while looking downward :"You know, my mom didn't like him when she met him, said he doesn't seem like he'll be sticking around for long, dad disagreed with her though."

"Mother's instinct never mistakes"

He snorts "Exactly." He sighs: " I was so close to get a tattoo of his face on my back."

I almost chock in my ice cream :" Charlie, please .. never get a tattoo of your significant one's name or face. That's an advice for the future"

"What future? I don't think I'll be dating anyone anymore, celibacy doesn't seem like a bad idea."

"Don't say that. You're a great guy, you'll come across someone special one day."

He sighs not entirely convinced with what I said, so I add: "It's not like you lost Romeo."

There I said it. I roasted Alex.

"Let's make a deal" he suggests excitedly.

He's partially back to his old self. I'm glad.

"Which is?"

"In 20 years if we don't find love we get married, you and I."

I think for a while, I wasn't really the kind of guy who dates a lot, Zach was my first official boyfriend. I've been with some guys in high school but they were just for fun, nothing serious. They wanted sex, I wanted sex and comfort so we messed around. After Zach I'm not really sure how to start the whole dating scene. Do I go to gay bars? Or better engage is online dating sites?

I suggest: "We don't have to get married, we can live together as friends."

"But I want marriage! I want kids and family."

"I can't marry you."

"Why?! I'm not hot enough like your Asian ex?"

You should see my new crush, the hot Latinx.

"You know what, we don't have to get married" he says "we can live together as friends but you'll include me in your will. If I can't find love I want to die rich."

I roll my eyes "how many times do I have to say that my family is rich but I'm not"

"They won't stay mad forever"

This is what Monty said, suddenly my heart beats faster when I remember him sitting on my couch eating his sandwich like he belonged there. It was a very domestic view that I could get used to.

Charlie's smile vanishes and was exchanged with a serious expression: "How are you so... calm about what happened? It feels like I'm the only one here who got cheated and dumped."

Should I tell him about Monty? Or is it too soon to talk about it? We're supposed to recover from this but I don't feel as broken as I should be.

A click of a door being opened, thank God. The welcomed interruption .Brenda comes out of her room and in the kitchen wearing nothing but black panties with her huge breasts bouncing free.

Forget about the welcomed part, this isn't what I want to happen.

Once she realised I'm in there she curses and try to cover herself.

Charlie quickly says:" It's okay Brenda, he's gay."

What the hell?!

She relaxes a little and walks to the fridge without covering anything, her body is mostly covered with tattoos, faces of people, symbols, and phrases. And I find myself fascinated by the art on her body, I can't stop looking, someone might think I'm lusting after her but I'm not. She takes a bottle of water and goes back to her room.

I look at Charlie :" What the hell was that?"

"I know, right?!" He shakes his head :"pfft! straight people with their fucked up gaydar. With that hair and the pink lip gloss it's stupid to think you're straight when in fact you're as straight as a cooked spaghetti!"

" I'm not wearing lip gloss!"

"You're not? So you got cheated on with those lips! Damn you, Zach Dempsy! How stupid are you?" Then he winks and kisses the air.

"Don't change the subject!"

"What?" He asks cluelessly with the spoon inside his mouth "Winston that's Brenda, you met her before."

Idiot!

"I know who she is. What's with the 'he's gay'?"

"You're gay, Winston. Relax it's not like you'll get turned on by the boobies and turn straight for them" and he chuckles, he finds himself funny. Great.

"I know, but .. does she know you are bi?"

He stops giggling, oh now he doesn't find himself funny. He comes down from the island with a panicked face and gets closer to me, he says with a hushed voice:" Shhh, keep your voice down!"

"She doesn't know! Charlie that's creepy, she walks around you like that thinking you're gay!"

"I know I know, I'm scared to tell her the truth, she saw me with Alex and assumed I'm gay, so I never corrected her." What a lousy excuse.

He asks and his face looks hurt: "Don't I look Bi to you?"

I'm not sure how Bi people supposed to look like.

I look him up and down not sure what to say to him.

He says: "Don't worry, I avert my eyes every time she walks naked in front of me."

"What an innocent son of bitch you are."

He flutters his eyes few times living up to the innocent description.

He leans against the sink beside me and gets back to his ice cream.

Ding

I take my phone out, a text from Monty, I find myself smiling:" Shiiit completely forgot about her, thanks for the reminder Winnie "

Winnie .. Winnie .. Winnie.

Stop it, stop calling me Winnie, Stop luring me with your charm. I can't fall for you.
I should block him, erase him from my life. but I don't want to.

"Charlie.."

"Hmm?"

"I think I'm falling for a straight guy."