Cordelia went to bed that night positively floating with happiness. She could hardly believe that she'd successfully been able to convince Misty to ignore the risks and continue their friendship, and she felt as though a weight had lifted off her shoulders. The days without Misty had been long and lonely, even though she had Zoe to keep her company. She realised that Misty was the one thing keeping her sane in this poor excuse for a school.
"Cordelia?" Zoe asked, her voice floating out of the dark room. "Are you awake?"
"Yeah," Cordelia replied, wondering what Zoe wanted.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
There was a slight pause, as if Zoe was reluctant to ask her question. "Do you like Misty?"
If Cordelia had been drinking something, it would have spurted out of her nose. "Why do you ask? What do you mean?" Had Zoe figured it out? Oh, god, she hadn't been careful enough. You idiot girl, said her inner Fiona.
"I mean, do you like her?"
"Like, as a friend, or-?" What if Zoe hated her? What if her friends here turned against her just like they had at home?
"Romantically."
Cordelia laughed nervously. "I don't know why you're asking."
"You look at her like she's the only person in the room."
"I do?" Cordelia asked. "I mean, no I don't."
"Yeah, you do. It's alright if you do like her, you know."
"It is?" she said quietly.
"Yeah. My aunt's a lesbian," Zoe said, matter-of-factly.
"She is?"
"Yup. I don't talk to her much – Dad doesn't like her – but we were close when I was little. Anyway, it's okay."
"Oh."
"So, do you like her?"
"I don't know," said Cordelia, wishing Zoe would drop it. Yes, she did like Misty, but if she said it aloud it would make it real, and she didn't want to admit it to herself. What if it all went to shit, just as it had at home? What if she lost everyone again? Cordelia didn't think she could survive that happening a second time.
"Oh, come on!" Zoe said, and she sounded genuine.
Cordelia was scared, but Zoe was her friend. And was way kinder than the people she knew at home. And did Cordelia really want to avoid thinking about her feelings for Misty? She wasn't sure, and after a moment of intense thinking she answered Zoe's question – truthfully. "Kind of. Yes."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"I think she likes you," Zoe said.
Cordelia nearly fell off the bed. "What? Why? Are – are you sure?" she stuttered, sure she had heard Zoe wrong. Why would Misty like Cordelia, of all people? What would beautiful, confident Misty want to do with lame-ass Cordelia?
"She looks at you the same way you look at her."
"Are – are you sure?" Cordelia asked again.
"Yeah, I'm sure!" Zoe said. "I know the look."
"You do?"
"Yeah. My boyfriend back at home, Kyle, is a total puppy dog."
"Aww!" Cordelia said.
"Yep! Anyway, that's what Misty looks like when she looks at you. And that's what you look like when you look at her."
Cordelia wasn't sure what to say, so she didn't say anything.
"I can find out, if you want. For real."
"Find out what?"
"If Misty likes you, duh!"
"Oh. No, that's okay," Cordelia said, and laughed, thinking of middle school, where having a crush was a big deal. She remembered how dramatic it all was, all the notes passed between desks. "It's not the seventh grade!"
"Alright."
Cordelia paused for a moment, and sighed. "I might try to find out. Or I'll tell her."
"Yeah? You should."
"She said – she told me why she's here. So I know – anyway, I'll try to find out."
"I'd say good luck, but I don't think you need it."
"Thanks, Zoe."
0o0o
Trying to push all thoughts of last night's conversation with Zoe out of her mind, Cordelia showed up early for her library detention. The last one, she realised with some sadness – it was, after all, the only time she and Misty were allowed to be together. She didn't mind sneaking around abandoned classrooms – but it was nice being able to talk to Misty in public without worrying about getting the cane. Though, god only knew what would happen if they were found in abandoned classroom alone together.
She had come to love the detentions. The library was quiet – sometimes with a few students quietly tucked away in armchairs, either studying or just trying to escape their roommates for a bit. But more often than not, it was just Cordelia, Misty and Myrtle in the library. Sometimes it was even just Cordelia and Misty – they liked it best that way.
There usually wasn't much to do, so they spent the whole time putting books away, and reading to each other.
"Have you ever heard of Emily Dickinson?" Misty asked, looking up from her book at Cordelia.
"Yeah, we read some of her poems in Literature at my old school. But I guess I didn't read beyond the ones I had to study."
"Can I read you one? I just adore her. Her words speak to my soul."
"Of course," Cordelia said, setting her book – about flowers – down beside her.
Misty smiled at her, and began to read, her voice tremoring slightly. "So bashful when I spied her, So pretty, so ashamed! So hidden in her leaflets, Lest anybody find;
So helpless till I passed her, So helpless when I turned, And bore her, strugglin', blushin', Her simple haunts beyond!
For whom I robbed the dingle, For whom I betrayed the dell, Many will doubtless ask me, But I shall never tell!"
"Wow," Cordelia breathed. The words had spoken to her – she couldn't quite explain it. Maybe it was because it was Misty who had been saying them – Misty had a way of doing that. She could say anything and it would made Cordelia's heart flutter.
"Doesn't it just penetrate your soul? Tell you the truth about everythin' you ever heard and more?"
"Yes," Cordelia said honestly. "Yes, it does."
Misty paused to think about the poem for a moment, before laughing softly. Cordelia loved the sound. "You know, they say she was a big ol' lesbian."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Bet they didn't teach you that in your Literature classes."
Cordelia laughed. "They definitely didn't, I would have remembered for sure."
Misty laughed too, and then she sighed, sounding suddenly sad. "We think how bad it is now for folks like us, imagine how bad it must have been then."
"I don't want to imagine." Cordelia replied. "I wonder if things will ever change?"
"I sure hope they do."
"Hey, Misty?" Cordelia asked heart beating.
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to go to the classroom after detention?" she asked, saying it all in a rush before she lost the nerve. "We can read some more poetry."
Misty smiled, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners. "I'd like that."
"Cool," Cordelia said, wondering exactly what she had gotten herself into. But instead of letting the little voice in her head bully her, she simply ignored it. She refused to believe being with Misty was a bad idea – how could it be, when she felt quite possibly the happiest she'd ever been around Misty?
0o0o
The second the classroom door was closed, Misty turned to Cordelia. "Cordelia, I can't do it anymore."
"Do what?" Cordelia asked, not daring to dare.
"Pretend there's nothing between us."
"Th-there-"
"Can't you feel it, too?"
"I feel it," Cordelia whispered, realising that Misty was talking about the electricity that crackled around them whenever they were near each other.
"So let's stop pretendin'."
"Yeah. Let's stop," Cordelia agreed. She realised how close they were standing – their noses were perhaps three centimetres from touching – but some brave, buried part of her told her not to move away. Told her to forget Mabel, and Fiona, and Miss Robichaux. She and Misty were the only two people in the world. "You're so pretty," she whispered, and reached out and touched a lock of Misty's golden hair.
"No more than you," Misty whispered back, and she was leaning in and Cordelia was leaning in, and Cordelia could feel Misty's soft breath on her face.
Misty's lips were chapped, and her hair was soft and messy and sweet-smelling. Cordelia knew that she never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again.
YOOOOO FINALLY THEY KISSED WHOOHOO YESSS I AM SO HAPPY
Sorry this took so long, I've been really busy and have been focusing on finishing one of my other WIPs. I'll try not to take as long on chapter 8
Chapter title comes from 'Rhiannon'. I do not own Emily Dickinson's poem.