Pam knows I'm sorry.

She knows that I didn't mean it, she knows.

She knows that I love her, dearly.

She knows... she knows.

What do I know?

That I was crazy, and drawn to someone I'd never expect to be so drawn to.

She also knows that I'm going to have lunch with him again today. I told her.

She didn't sneer, but she pursed her lips, and she looked at me with disbelief and fear. Her eyes were avoidant, and I felt terrible.

"I'll see you when you get back." Pam said with a sigh.

I tried to touch her hand, but she pulled away.

"I love you..." I said. She turned around.

"Is it the same kind of I love you as Alan Rickman when he said it to his wife in the movie Dark Harbor? That kind of deep, well thought out sentiment that is only meant to say goodbye? The kind of I love you that isn't about being in love, and saying it meant something real before, but there's someone else who is waiting... that is more real than you?" She trembled and closed her eyes tightly, and when they opened, she frowned and her eyes were full of tears.

I felt a trickle of pain run through my whole body; I tried to follow her, but she waved me off.

"Pam... please, you know that we are real." I said as she started walking out of the break room. It was good that no one else was there.

"That's not the point. I know that. The question is... do you want us to be real anymore?"

I looked at her helplessly. "Pam, sweetheart..." I didn't know what else to say.

She nodded with a hopeless smile. "You go now. You got somewhere to be, don't you, Jim?"

I felt ashamed and I walked out of the door.

When I saw Dwight on his front porch, I had a moment of regret. What was I doing? How could I do this to her? To our family?

He saw me, and waved. The most important thing for me to do at that moment was to go over to him... and I felt like I was free. I wasn't sure why, but I felt like it was home.

I went over and he said, "I called you last night."

"I know. I didn't realize it until this morning. I'm sorry."

"No... you're not sorry." Dwight teased.

I gave him a half smile. "You still have that stew?"

"Not after you ate all of it yesterday!"

I laughed. "Order a pizza. I'll pay."

"Okay "

We got inside and Dwight ordered the pizza.

He gave me some homemade lemonade and we sat down in the living room to wait for the pizza.

"This is a nice place. Your little Bed and Breakfast was pretty cool when I went here.. I mean, when Pam and I went here to stay."

Dwight gave me a strange look. "Thanks. Jim... tell me, what is going to happen with Pam?" He looked at me seriously. "She looks at me sometimes with the most... intense glare. Ugh... what's going on with you and her? I mean... I know what you told me yesterday. About not knowing each other."

"I don't know what I can do. I'm sorry about those looks she is giving you."

"Why though? Is it possible she's upset you're coming over here to my house?"

I shrugged. I still wasn't ready to tell him anything.

"I feel like there's something you're not telling me. Like... a really huge something." He stared at me and I looked away, and put my hand over my mouth.

"Aha! Your body language is telling me more than you ever could!"

I blushed and started sinking into the couch.

Dwight looked at me softly. "Sorry... I don't think you actually need to tell me. And please don't tell Pam I mentioned the looks. I still like her."

"I won't."

Dwight sat up more. "You want to watch Aquaman with me?"

"Sure. Sounds good."

He nodded and got up to put it on. Just then, the pizza was here. I gave him some cash to cover it and Dwight went to pay and brought it over to the coffee table.

He put on the movie, and we started eating right out of the box.

It was relaxing watching Aquaman and not worrying about how I look when I ate, and just chilling with no worries at all.

We kept saying little side commentary about the comics and the film comparison, and just little things we noticed.

It was really nice.

We finished eating and cleaned up together.

"Hey... you know I never told you this, but I always wished we had gotten along better all these years. At work. In general. I never understood you. Or us." Dwight said as he got us each a beer. "But... doing this kind of stuff is pretty awesome."

I nodded. "You're right..and I wish the same. I never realized we had more in common than we think. And... you know, all those pranks?"

Dwight gave me a sarcastic smile.

I chuckled. "Yeah. I know. My brother's started that. They used to tease me a lot. Prank a lot."

"That makes sense. All in all, your pranks were pretty creative.. even as I hated them."

I laughed. "Sorry. And that one time you stood between Roy and I... I really appreciated that."

Dwight said nothing but sighed.

"Why didn't Pam warn you?"

My eyes widened, feeling sick. "Wa-warn me?"

"About Roy? How angry he was?"

"I don't know why. She also told me that he broke something at a bar when she told him I kissed her."

"Whew! That's nuts."

I sighed. "Well... anyway, thank you."

Dwight looked at me questioningly. "For what?"

"For listening to me. For lunch yesterday. For just... being there for me."

"Hey, we're a great team, you and I. We can get through pretty creatively to a stubborn potential client... why not be in other arenas too?"

I smiled. "That's true. You're right."

"Damn right I'm right!"

I shook my head.

"We spent a lot of time being enemies, now let's begin this new chapter as best friends." Dwight said warmly.

I didn't think as I went over and hugged him suddenly.

We hugged for awhile, and I knew I was blushing again when we looked at each other again.

I bit my lip.

He took in a breath, and I looked down.

We were a few inches apart from each other.

"Dwight?" I asked breathily.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to listen to some music?"

Dwight laughed. "Music?"

"Yeah. Music. With me. We still got a little bit of time before we have to head back."

"Okay..."

I took out my IPod and ear buds. "What do you like? Oh... wait, you like heavy metal and rock? Right?"

Dwight nodded. "Yes. That's correct."

"Well... I got the Eight Mile soundtrack in here..." I teased.

Dwight shook his head. "What about... America?"

"The country or the band?"

"You know which one I meant."

I nodded. "I got Ventura Highway."

He agreed and I gave him my ear bud and I took the other one.

And we listened to it, at first quietly, and then Dwight started singing it.

Then, I started to sing it.

Loudly; we both sang it together.

And then, Dwight took over my Ipod and put on Sister Golden Hair Surprise.

I looked away and blushed as the song started because it kinda made me think about him.

"And I just can't live without you, can't you see it in my eyes?" The lyrics were just too annoyingly perfect.

And we kinda swayed... though we weren't even that close, it was incredibly easy to be this way... here; with him.

Just like Pam and I did outside that one time.

"Are you blushing Jim?"

I took out my ear bud and frowned. "No?"

Dwight got close to me. "Remember when you told me you'd make me fall in love with you?"

I chuckled nervously, looking down.

"Jim... tell me."

"What?"

"Are you really gay?"

I laughed loudly. "No!"

"Okay. Just checking." Dwight said but then he looked nervous and blushed too.

We stopped listening to music and we hugged again.

I left the house and I cried on the way back to work.

I decided that I needed a second opinion about this; like a unbiased person unassociated with any of this: Phyills.

When I got back to the office, Pam looked at me and said hello, but that was it.

I went over to Phyills and said quietly, "Would you.. could I please talk to you about something in private?"

"Sure!" She said with a smile, getting up. "Outside?"

I nodded.

We went around to the back of the building and she said, "So... you've been crying. I see that. What happened?" She put her hand on her hip as she said it.

I smiled. "You're sharp."

"Honey, I've been around. So... what's up?"

"Well.. can all of this never... ever get around to anyone else's ears?"

"Umm.. I can do that."

"Okay." I breathed in. "Okay... what do you think about Dwight?"

Her nose crinkled. "Uh...I wasnt expecting that. He seems very hard to understand at first. He's got these walls in front of his heart and his persona to protect himself. But inside, he's mushy and kind hearted. Especially for Angela. And... you, too."

"Why would you say.. say that?"

She looked at me sharply. "You like him."

I gasped uncontrollably. "What...what? No...I don't."

She smiled with a knowing gleam in her eyes.

"Okay. I do." I looked at her helplessly. "What do I do?"

"Okay... I'll give you a clue. One day, Dwight was on the phone with you. I was half listening but something he said was... very interesting."

I looked at her questioningly.

"I think you hung up. He was pretending to be on the phone still. Saying something about being the best and you acknowledging that. Then.. he said I love you. When he hung up... we all looked at him and he didn't say anything. No denial..nothing."

"But that doesn't really mean..."

She just gave me this look that said everything.

"He's marrying Angela though!" I said.

"I told Dwight this about Angela when they were going through a rough spot. Its completely accurate, usually. You got to just lay it on the line, Jim. You need to tell him how you feel. And then, his first reaction usually is correct. Sometimes, it takes time for the person to really understand how they feel, but usually, its accurate."

"What about Pam?"

"What about you?"

I realized she was right. Living a lie isn't living.

I thanked her and we went back inside.

It was time to start living.

No more being sorry.