Chapter 15 Disarm
"Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you"- Disarm, Smashing Pumpkins
"What can I help you with, Claire" Dr. Haupman looks up at the redhead, gestures for her to take a seat.
Claire is uncertain. But she feels like she is out of options.
"I wanted to talk to you about Nat… Alex" calling the woman by her name feels strange.
"Well, I will do what I can to help, under strict patient confidentiality of course. "
"Of course." Claire sighs.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"Honestly I don't even know where to begin. I need answers. But she won't talk to me. Or Moira."
The doctor leans back in his chair.
"Now, how do you feel about Dr. Wesker?"
"How do I feel about her? Why does it matter?"
"It matters because the way you feel about someone often effect the way you interact with them. Do you hate her?"
Claire shakes her head.
"I don't think so. I know a lot of people I knew died because of her but I want to understand why. I know about her work, her experiments but it doesn't really explain it."
"In other words you want to understand her. Am I correct?"
"I guess I do." Claire is surprised by this.
"That is admirable. But the path to understanding someone is a long and difficult one. But paths are made by walking. A quote from Kafka."
"What does Kafka have to do with it?"
"Dr. Wesker if I recall seemed be quite fond of his work."
"The strange quotes she would throw at us?"
"People often read books that they can identify with. " Dr. Haupman says. " Do you read, Claire?"
"Mostly news and magazines." She says.
"It shows that you are ground in the present. Good to be interested in current global events but it also shows that you lack imagination. "
Claire isn't sure how to take this.
"A book can be many things. To some it is a way to feel understood. To know one's self or simply to escape the harshness of ones reality into a world of fiction."
"Escape… that's what she said. In the tower before she. "Claire closes her eyes, tries to block it out.
"Was that the first time you witnessed somebody take their own life?"
She just nods.
"She said it again in the hospital."
"It's perfectly normal to be disturbed by what you witnessed."
She nods again.
"Now. I wanted to show you this." He puts the drawing in front of her.
Claire looks at it. it's detailed. The staircase looks just like the mansion. The same checker tiles. The man in the middle is clearly Spencer. The children in white that surround him.
"This was supposed to be a drawing of family. "Dr. Haupman says. "Do you notice anything strange?"
Claire scans it. Not sure what he means.
"The boy and the girl holding hands. Is that her and Wesker?" She wonders.
Dr. Haupman is quiet. Clearly this was not the answer. She looks again. Doesn't see anything. He points his finger to the side. Almost unnoticeable.
"There is another girl." He says.
Now she sees it. Dark hair, black eyes, black flowing down her face. She is the shadow of the stairs. Obscured. Her skin colored grey, blending in with the background. Claire look up at him.
"There is more he says."
"What?" she says almost in disbelief.
He points to the top of the drawing. The large window with stained glass. She has noticed the Umbrella logo. But that is not what he means. He turns the drawing upside down. What looked like frame or a fence now looks like graves.
"What does this mean?" She asks.
"One can only guess. Only Dr. Wesker knows the true meaning of this but I find this deeply unsettling."
"Anyone would, right? Still you must have some idea to what it means."
"Some kind of childhood trauma. Possibly related to the death of a sibling or love one."
"Come to think of it. Spencer never had any children. "Claire says looking at the picture. "But she did refer to him as father."
"Perhaps adoption then?" Dr. Haupman suggests.
"Maybe. So this loss you spoke of. Could it be.. Her parents."
"That would be a reasonable assumption. "
"And all these kids. Spencer adopted them? But it was only her and Albert left in the end. What happened to the rest?" She wonders.
"To that I cannot answer for certain. " He says.
Claire has a sinking feeling that whatever it was, wasn't good.
"Come think of it, this started around the time Natalia met Lucy." Claire says looking at the picture." That girl looks a lot like Lucy. Could it be related?"
"It is possible." He says." A situation similar to the one that was the cause of the trauma could act as trigger to many things. Change in behavior. Mental regression to the time when the trauma originally occurred. "
"I see." Claire recall the conversation she overheard." She does care for Lucy, even if she denies it."
"Denial could be a form of defense. But I think there is more going on."
"She doesn't trust us." Claire says.
"No, she does not. And would you trust her if your situations were reversed?"
Claire thinks.
"No. I guess I wouldn't. But how can I get her trust me?"
"Trust is something that takes a long time to establish and it need a lot of work. Show her that you care. Try to observer her, her habits, observation can reveal much about someone."
Claire wonders. It's like their roles have been reversed.
"Well I need to be going. Thank you for your time, doctor."
"It is my pleasure to be of help. Oh, and could you give her this." He hands her a wrapped package. " it was meant as a gift for Natalia."
"Sure." Claire says.
Gets in the car. Looks at the package. She had forgotten it's Christmas. Moira was at Barry's place celebrating. She stayed behind. Somebody had to look over Alex. Now she was slightly dreading to return home. Perhaps leaving her alone was not the best option. She opens the door. The apartment is dark. Small traces of light coming from under the door of the room. Claire opens the door. Alex is sitting at the desk writing something. Doesn't even look at her. Claire walks in. Places the package on the table. She turns. Looks at it. Then up at her.
"A present from Dr. Haupman." Claire says.
She looks over at what she's doing. Looks like math equations. A text book open next to the notes.
"You're doing homework? But's the holidays."
No response. Claire sighs. Leaves.
Alex puts the pen down. At least it gave her something to focus on. And she did miss a lot of home and school work while working on her little project. She had waited for Claire to leave. It had to be quick and leave no traces. Examining the files on the table, making sure not to move them from their place. Most of it was about her. The Wesker project. So Redfield was looking into it. Now all her attempts at talking were making more sense. Now that she knew what the woman wanted she could avoid giving it to her even by accident. It was tempting to hack into her personal computer but she put is off until she had a program for it. Beside the door to her room was locked. She was cautious after all.
Claire looks at the documents on the table. She had left them there. It was out of habit. She was used to being alone. She curses mentally. But even if Wesker saw them, she knew all this already. She opens the fridge, notices how empty it is. Claire never had to take care of anyone but herself, eating out when she saw fit. It occurred to her now- she wasn't alone anymore. She closes the door.
Alex unpacks the package. Just from the shape and weight she can guess what it is. The cover is white with a black cat on it. It's not an author she's ever read. But it gives her something to do, other than school homework. Claire enters the room with a cup in her hand. Notices that she has moved to the bed. Curled up in the corner with a book. Was that the gift? She tries to read the cover. Haruki Murakami. Places the cup on the bedside table. Notices her shift. She looks at Claire then at the cup.
"I didn't poison it, don't worry. It's hot chocolate. The kind my mom used to make."
She doesn't move. Claire sighs.
"I'm going to order take out. If there's anything you want…"
Alex hasn't felt hungry in the past few days, but the feeling has started to return. The sweet smell of hot chocolate was a reminder that she was still human. Starving to death would be a long and painful death. She preferred her end to be quick.
"Salad will be fine."
Claire almost smiles when she finally gives an answer. She still has so many questions to that woman but they will have to wait. She wasn't like Dr. Haupman or her, didn't know how to get into people's heads. Didn't like to sugar coat things. In many ways she was just like Chris. Rough, to the point. Some people would call her coldblooded. She didn't panic in the face of danger, she didn't freak out when people around her died. But deep down it still hurt. She had seen it so many times now. Sometimes she even wondered why she even bothered to have any friends. Every time they went on a mission she was half expecting them to not return. And it was even worse with him. He was her brother. But ever since Raccoon, no ever since the mansion he changed. He was not the same. There was something and she could feel it. After Africa it got even worse. It was Wesker. Always Wesker. He simply couldn't accept that the man was dead. Chasing ghost across the world. She could feel him slipping away from her. She didn't know how to help him. Not that he would let anyone help him. Not even Jill.
It occurs to her then. They were brother and sister. Wesker was to Alex, what Chris was to her. She recall the image of the boy and girl holding hands in the drawing. It's strange to think of her as a child. Imagine her, imagine him, the monster, as children. But they were once. She realizes something, though deep in her heart she had always felt it. He would die before her. She would outlive her brother. If it wasn't some strange new bioweapon it would be the wounds and viruses in his body. It makes her heart ache. What if tomorrow she were to receive news of his death? She doesn't want to think about it. What would she do? Continue his work, his fight?
It was no fight they could win. She was starting to feel like it would never end. They had taken down Umbrella, but it was only replaced by thousands of smaller organizations. New viruses, new monsters, new Raccoon cities. Were they fated to die fighting a hopeless battle? Never achieving a victory? Never saving anyone? The people they saved only end up dying somewhere else. It all feels hopeless. Like despair is all they could ever hope accomplish? She might not have been aware of it but in that moment she was closest to understanding Alex she could ever be.
This is the first time she really sees her as something more than the Overseer. What Dr. Haupman said ended up helping but not the way she expected it to. Now she felt miserable, thinking things she would rather not. The inevitability of losing Chris loomed over her. People die, it's normal. It shouldn't be scary, right? Alex had already lost her brother. Lost her family. Claire knew what that was like but she had Chris. He was there after their parents died. If he hadn't been. She wasn't sure what would have happened to her. Probably ending up in an orphanage and maybe getting adopted. Maybe that's what happened to Wesker. It could have happened to her, Claire realizes. If someone like Spencer had adopted. She could have turned out the same way.
The doorbell rings snapping her out her melancholy thoughts. The food has arrived.
She wonders if she could convince Alex to come out of that room. But decides against it. Brings the food to her room. She doesn't look up from the book. Too focused on whatever she's reading. She places the food down on the bed side table, next to the empty cup. So she drank it after all, Claire thinks. Maybe it won't be so bad. She leaves. Eats her pizza alone in the living room. Then prepares for bed. Goes in to check on her only to find her asleep. Open book next to her, still curled up in the corned. Claire put's the blanket over her. Takes away the empty plate. Checks the door. Makes sure her keys are in her room. Locks her own door. It was a precaution measure set up for her. But Claire doesn't feel like it's necessary. Doesn't think she would run even if she could get out. Even if she left her door unlocked, doubts she would try to kill her in her sleep. She had so many chances already.
Alex wakes in the dark. Doesn't remember where she is. Feels something on her. The dream had felt real. It was dark too. She finally manages to get one hand free, turns on the lamp. Remembers she's in Redfield's apartment. Notices the blanket covering her. It was something he used to for her. Whenever she spent hours working or reading and fell asleep. Nobody else ever bothered. Everyone else just left her alone. She would have never expected it to come from Redfield, but then she remembered the files. This was obviously a manipulation. A trick, to win her over. Did they really think she was that naïve?
She goes over to the desk. It wasn't just homework that she had been doing. It was cleverly hidden. Among the rows of equations were parts of her own calculations, her own work. It didn't stand out much. She needed to know what was going on with her. Doing most of the calculations manually was a pain. A computer would have been really useful for this. But she was afraid Redfield would catch her. The possibility of her own consciousness splintering during or after the transfer had never even occurred. Now she had to rework the equation with that in mind. Figure out how likely it was. It was the only logical way to explain the third existence inside her. And she still wasn't even sure if it really happened or not. Uploading her consciousness into a computer didn't pose any problems. It must have been the human element that interfered. Natalia.
Claire woke up after a night full of uneasy dreams. It was later than she thought. Dr. Haupman had wanted to speak to Alex himself. She quickly got dressed and went to get her. Alex was asleep, at some point she did change out of her clothes and go to bed properly. She looked peaceful. Claire was almost sorry to wake her. She placed a hand on her shoulder. The lightest touch of her fingers seemed to enough to wake her.
"Hey. It's okay. It's just me." Alex jumping awake gave her a scare.
"Redfield?" it was only a dream, she began to realize.
"You have an appointment with Dr. Haupman. " Claire said.
She says nothing. Gets out of bed, grabs her clothes and goes to the bathroom.
The ride is quiet. Alex sits in the back. Away from her.
Alex goes into the large room. Redfield walked her all the way to the door. It was embarrassing. She felt like she was being treated less than a prisoner and more like a child. She had never been treated like a child, even she was one.
She sits on the large sofa. Inspects the man sitting across from her. He is handsome. Not young but not old. The blond hair neatly parted on the right, some short bags falling on his face, but they don't obscure the eyes. A dark brown suit with dark red lines forming squares. It's obviously expensive. A well matched white tie with red pattern on it. He has money and class. Someone who is above others. She knows how to spot people like that.
"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Dr. Wesker." He addresses her. "I am Dr. Jozef Haupman."
"Yes. I know who you are. "
"Now, why don't we get to know each other a little better?"
"I don't need a psychiatrist. " She says. "I understand it was your job to observe Natalia and any changes that might indicate my awakening. I'm here now. It's over."
"Quite the contrary, Dr. Wesker. What you have accomplished is unimaginable. To transfer the mind of one into another. It hold incredible significance. "
"You want to study me for your own benefits."
"Please, excuse my enthusiasm. I believe this could be beneficial for both of us."
"How?"
"I have worked with the criminally insane for years. "He says.
"Are you saying I'm a psychopath?"
"Are you a psychopath, Dr. Wesker?"
The way he smiles, acts so relaxed unsettles her.
"Well, you're the expert you tell me."
He smiles.
"The general definition of a psychopath is someone who exhibits socially irresponsible behaviors, egocentricity, and lack of any remorse or empathy. Often highly intellectual, charismatic and manipulative. Have the tendency to lie and disregard law and the wellbeing of others"
Alex swallows uncomfortably. He smiles again.
"Does that make you uncomfortable?"
She says nothing.
"Just because a person exhibits some of these traits doesn't immediately make them a psychopath. True psychopaths are rare. Most I've seen had a physical abnormality in their brain that made them unable to feel to human emotion. Something one is born with."
She keeps quiet. He is observant. Studying every reaction she gives.
"I have worked on many cases with the F.B.I., the Interpol. I can help you, Dr. Wesker." He says.
"I don't need your help. If I wanted to see a physiatrist I would have done so."
"Oh, I think you need all the help you can get. I can help you build a case."
"You want me to plead insanity?" She is shocked.
"Perhaps your actions were not your own. Someone else was pushing you to do what you did." He says.
He is dangerous.
"What do you want?" she needs to know what he gets out of all this.
"I want to help you." He says in that calm, polite voice" I want to be your friend."
Her friend? She doesn't trust him. But what else can she do? Once Terrasave and the B.S.A.A. decide on what to do with her it might be too late. But this can also be a ploy to get her to confessing something that will be used against her in court. Is there even going to be a court. She doesn't know.
He can tell she is hesitating.
"I only want to help you. I hope that you will come trust me. "
She isn't sure. She can't trust him. Not until she knows what in it for him.
"Now as part of the standard procedure I will ask you some questions. Please answer as truthfully as you can."