Chapter 8

Jay and Hailey didn't get much sleep that night, the pent-up tension, that had been lingering between them for so long, was too much, kept them awake; they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Feeling the other so close was exactly what they both wanted and needed now; they were clinging to each other as if drowning.

It felt like a dream to Jay, finally he had this beautiful, clever, sweet woman in his arms, the woman he had been in love with for so long. And it was all he had dreamed of and more. Hailey was the perfect match for him, both equally emotional and passionate, she was hungry for him just like he was hungry for her. They kissed, made love, laughed, talked all night long.

He must have fallen asleep at some point in the early morning; and when Jay woke up, she was gone.

Was it all a dream? Jay briefly wondered. But no, it had all been real. He felt the warmth of her body, saw her impression on the pillow next to him, smelled the remains of her perfume in the sheets. It had been real. They had spent an amazing night together. He smiled.

Reluctantly Jay got up. Perhaps she was in the bathroom? Or the kitchen, the living room? No, she was gone, and her clothes with her. Disappointed he looked around the apartment, turned around to go to the bathroom to take a shower, when he saw a note written in her neat, completely un-girly handwriting on the kitchen table.

Sorry, babe, it said. I didn't want to wake you up. We have a lead, I have to go. I'll call you later. Love ya

He smiled sadly. He should be out there following the lead, with Hailey. He should have her back. Suddenly he worried, felt something like a looming dark shadow. He should have her back.

Jay shook his head to get rid of these dark thoughts. It was ridiculous, she wasn't alone after all. The rest of the unit was there too.

Still he would have liked to know what exactly was going on, and why she had to leave so early. Should he call? No, if she was out there, it might distract her, she wouldn't answer anyway. Perhaps a text? Yes, he would do that after breakfast.

Following an impulse he decided to go for a run before taking a shower and having breakfast. It would clear his head and help him fight this lingering sense of doom. And he could still think about the night, about this amazing night he had spent with Hailey.

Within a few minutes he was out in the street again, running along the familiar streets, and it was exactly what he needed. The cool air smelled of the coming spring, a promise of better days to follow the long winter. And for Jay better times had arrived already, because of Hailey.

When he returned home more than an hour later, he headed for the shower right away. He relaxed under the hot water, welcomed the exhaustion. Only when he returned to the living room dressed just in denims he saw his phone flashing. Right, he had wanted to send Hailey a text. Perhaps this was from her.

It wasn't.

He had missed several calls from the district. What?

The dark shadow was back at full force, engulfing him.

He called back, and Trudy answered the phone within seconds.

"Jay?"

"Yes, what's going on?" he asked. Her voice didn't sound good.

"Jay, Hailey's been shot, she's at Med."

Jay almost dropped the phone, had to hold it with both his suddenly trembling hands.

"I'm on my way."

He grabbed some clothes, dressed in a hurry, and jumped into his truck.

How long?

Why hadn't he taken the phone with him on that stupid run?

Why hadn't he checked before he took this long – much too long – shower?

Dammit.

He switched on the flashing blue lights, didn't care much for any speed limits. Yeah, the cops should try to stop him. He might not have his badge right now, but he was still a cop, and if this wasn't an emergency, what was?

Could it be happening?

Whenever something good was in his life, it was taken away from him right away.

Why?

Why hadn't he been there?

It was his fault.

If anything happened to her, it was HIS fault.

Only his stubborn mind, his anger, his strict refusal to apologize was the reason she was alone and shot!

It was all his fault.

At Med, he parked his car in the first empty spot he found and ran inside, frantically looking around. Where was everybody? Why didn't he see any familiar face?

Finally he spotted his brother.

"Will!" he yelled.

Will Halstead was at his brother's side within seconds.

"Where's Hailey? How is she? What happened?"

Will put a calming hand on Jay's shoulder. "Come with me, Jay."

"How is Hailey?" Jay insisted.

"Come, Jay."

"Answer me!" Jay got louder, more impatient. This wasn't good.

"She's in surgery, Jay."

Will took his brother's arm and guided him towards an elevator.

"What is going on, Will? How serious is it?"

"I don't know much, Jay," Will admitted. "Only that she was shot and is in surgery. I'll take you upstairs."

"Will!"

"Jay, I don't know more, I just arrived ten minutes ago."

The elevator stopped and the brothers ran down the hallway. Jay could spot cops in the distance, among them Trudy. As soon as she saw him, she stood up straight, walked in his direction. Jay was with her in a split second, and Trudy, in a very untypical move, put both her hands on his shoulders, squeezed them and made Jay stop, while Will walked on, towards the OR.

"Jay, you're here."

"Where else would I be," he answered, out of breath. "Please tell me she's okay, Trudy. Please"

Trudy shook her head. "I don't know, Jay. She's in surgery. Come with me."

She took his arm and guided him further along, to a quieter area. Jay briefly noticed his – well, probably his former – unit standing together, several other cops, and it felt as if everyone was watching him – blaming him for not having his partners back.

He followed Trudy around a corner, leaned against the wall for support.

"What happened, Trudy?" he pleaded. "Please!"

"They had a lead about Wills," Trudy explained. "Adam's CI had told them that Wills would be in this old warehouse to secure a deal with someone. That he wanted to sell stuff he took with him when he killed his first victims. That could have been the breakthrough. I don't know the details, but Hailey went in there alone and was ambushed."

"How?"

"I don't know exactly. An accomplice of Wills was waiting for Hailey and shot her."

"So Adam's CI..."

"We don't know yet, Jay." Trudy tried to calm him down. "It's not Adam's fault."

"No, it's my fault," Jay whispered, and then, afraid to hear the answer, asked. "How bad is she injured?"

"She wore a vest, so the shot into her stomach didn't go through, as I understand."

Jay exhaled, his eyes widened. "And?"

"A shot in the shoulder, close to the neck. Not sure if it grazed an artery or hit a nerve. Doctor Marcel is performing the surgery, trying to remove the bullet and repair the damage."

"How long?"

Trudy stared at him, thinking, then checked her watch. "She arrived 40 minutes ago, so a bit over half an hour. Too soon to say anything."

Jay hit the wall in despair. "Dammit, I should have been with her. I would have had her back."

"You don't know that, Jay," Trudy said. "Besides, no use blaming yourself now."

Jay rolled his eyes. Easy to say that when you weren't the one leaving your partner alone.

"How come that whenever something good happens to me, it's taken away immediately?" he whispered. "Always."

Trudy looked at him sadly. "Jay, you don't know that. The doctors will do all they can."

Jay looked at her, not believing it.

"Are you ready to join the others?" she asked. "You know you can't avoid them forever, don't you?"

Jay shrugged. "Let's get it over with," he decided.

"Good boy," Trudy said quietly. She slowly pushed him back into the waiting area, towards his unit. Voight, Kim, Adam, Kevin. They didn't see him right away, as they had their backs to him. Only as Trudy and Jay stood almost next to Voight, they all turned around and acknowledged Jay's presence.

"Jay," Kim whispered. "You're here."

"Of course I am here," he answered defensively. He was about to shut everyone out again, but tried hard not to – for once.

"Jay," Voight nodded.

"What happened?" Jay demanded to know. "Why was Hailey alone? Why didn't she have backup? Why wasn't the area secured before she went inside?"

"Buddy, calm down," Adam said.

"Hey, it was your CI!"

Kevin quickly stepped between the two of them. "Jay, it's not Adam's fault. Or his CI's. We split up, Adam was on the other side of the building, I was outside with Kim, securing the area. Nobody could see it coming."

Jay pulled himself together. "Did you get the shooter?"

"Dead," Kevin confirmed. "And Wills is in custody."

At least that.

Jay didn't dare to look at Voight, he was afraid he might lose it and blame his sergeant. But Voight didn't have it, he approached Jay directly.

"Halstead," he just said.

Jay nodded, not trusting his voice.

Before they could say anything else, Will came back into the waiting area, and Jay concentrated on his brother.

"She's still in surgery," Will explained. "It's not as simple, the bullet is in a difficult location, they haven't been able to remove it yet."

"What does that mean?" Jay asked.

"That means it will take a while longer. That's all I know."

"Will she...?"

"Jay, Crockett is an amazing surgeon, he's doing all he can."