For four years, I was just a shadow of myself, sleeping with all the bar girls in South America. I drank a lot. I didn't even know if it was blues or a choice but the point is, I wanted to forget all the shit I had been in. I spent all of Neal's money on alcohol and a few prostitutes.

But I kept writing, I wanted to find success and I couldn't find anything better than to write a story about Annie, more exactly a somewhat fantastic romance which could have come true but which ended in a tragic way. It didn't tell my story, really, it was just an inspiration. I wanted to reach as many people as possible. This novel took me years to write, I wanted to put all my fears, all my feelings. I often had blank page syndrome and it was horrible. I often changed my mind and then sex and drinking didn't help. I was totally pathetic.

In Mexico, I swindled a rich man who trusted me. I pretended to be a real estate agent, and I stole a lot of money from him. During his absence, I didn't even hesitate to sex with his wife, without too much problem. When he discovered the pink pole, he exiled me to the United States and I gave him back half of his money. I then made myself promise not to return to this area of misfortune. I had also done other little scams before.

I ended up in Texas and it reminded me of the Island of Pleasures. Except I didn't take drugs. Turning into a donkey after smoking a pipe was quite traumatic. For a year I went to a pool club, I liked it a lot and I was not bad. I even made progress. I organized several competitions with so-called greats in the field like a certain Baltimore Reg. I was obviously betting a lot of money and winning my bets. I had a lot of groupies like a certain Sharon who was the first to support me and who encouraged me to continue.

But this recognition didn't suit me, when I succeeded in finishing my novel which I had entitled "The first hours of a love story", I had an enlightenment, my novel was good enough for me to make a living.

Other. I left the pool table and looked in the publishers directory. I found a freelance editor: Sam Loren, who had made a good reputation for working with Kaylie Cruz, his maternal granddaughter, a sixteen-year-old gymnast, who became the United States national champion and who was a real star in Boulder. This collaboration was very good for the publicity, even if some books had nothing to do with sport. He ran a bookstore. I managed to convince him to read my writing.

He called me back a week later as I continued to sex and drink while I waited. He was a man in his sixties, not very fit physically but who had a great zest for life. He introduced me to Kaylie who will become the muse of my novel.

As he was very busy with the store, he forced Kaylie to work with me for the editing and design of my book. Kaylie was a beautiful young woman, who had a lot of personality but who was very sensitive and sometimes lacked self-confidence. But at her age, doing what she does, a competitive gymnast, it was impressive to have come this far.

Although she didn't initially like working with a writer, we got along well, even though I was fifteen years older than her.

She told me how she got there: that because of her friend's accident, she might not be national champion since her friend Payson was the most gifted. She had also lost her best friend because the latter had sex with her boyfriend and Kaylie had been the last to know, not to mention that her mother had cheated on her father with her previous coach.

Nevertheless, she managed to concentrate more during the competition because she didn't want this kind of stress, she wanted to live her passion to the full, without having to depend on anyone and that's what made her feel so good has won.

Her situation reminded me of mine, I didn't even hesitate to talk to her about the origin of this novel and even about Emma and my father (omitting the magic, of course), she was very up to listen. Maybe I just needed a friend like her.

But I don't know why I decided to kiss her, I decided to take advantage of her. Don't get me wrong I just kissed her, at first I wanted to go further but she stopped me, for now. I started a friendly-romantic relationship with her.

But, a few weeks later, I have not heard from her, she had to prepare for several competitions. His grandfather was not in the curant of our relation. If he found out he would have fired me right away. I continued to work with him. The purchase of my book had accumulated five thousand readers in two weeks. It had become a real Best Seller. It was totally crazy. I wanted so much to tell Kaylie but she didn't answer to my messages. In addition, the three of us were invited to go to Washington to promote my book. His grandfather suggested that I visit her in her gymnasium, "The Rock".

All the doors were open, I went back to the main hall, there were tons of equipment, a lot of young beginners and professionals. I saw a young blonde girl with a corset, I understood that it was Payson, Kaylie's friend who had blocked her back. And I saw Kaylie, flying across the room, with a form of innate freedom.

Some people would stop what they were doing and stare at me in amazement. Kaylie was embarrassed to see me disembark. She rushed towards me and accompanied me to the exit.

"What are you doing here ? You shouldn't be there!" She whispered.

"Kaylie I wanted to talk to you", I said with a big smile, "good news: your father got me a book signing in Washington and you have to come to promote!"

She couldn't believe her eyes, she threw herself on me and kissed me. She hadn't called me back because there had been problems. Her former coach and her mother's lover now had to coach the national gymnasts and she and her friends were not allowed to compete in London. It had pissed her off, she felt very uncomfortable and this little getaway to Washington was going to do her good.

She invited her only friend who had not betrayed her: Emily Kmetko, last in the national team. This day was the equivalent of a detox for me especially by the arrival of an unexpected reader.

"A dedication for Annie Walker!"

I couldn't believe my ears. I looked up to see Danielle

"You didn't expect to see me."

I watched her swallow my saliva, almost scared

"What are you doing here ? "

I saw that there was the line behind her

"I have a break in lunch, can we talk, then?

Danielle waited for me in the local cafe.

"How did you know I wrote this book?"

"Lion Lager, it's not subtle at all ..."

It was the first beer we had drunk with Annie, anonymity was important to me after everything that had happened to me ...

"In fact, I didn't know it immediately, it was Annie who recognized your lines and your style immediately ..."

Annie had read my book about her, I was horribly embarrassed

"Is she the one who sent you?"

"No not really, I went there for myself but she knows that I am there. I enjoyed your book, August, very much. I am sincere."

"Thank you !"

"You know, I'm not a shrink, but living in the past isn't going to make it any better. Before I got in line, I watched you all morning, you were trying to fill your loneliness with this young girl, but you can't live like that all your life. And your father ?"

I wasn't looking at her, making her understand that she was right

"I was sure, you thought of something else and gave up on looking for him."

"It's more complicated..."

Danielle had somehow tried to get me back on the right path, I don't know if she was doing it for her, for her sister or for me, but she had helped me to see things more clearly and to stop be a jerk and a weakling.

I didn't say anything to Kaylie about my discussion with Danielle. As soon as the dedications were over, I went to my hotel room and found Annie's bracelet. I thought about her for a few moments, wondering what she would have wanted me to be, with or without her. I hesitated to burn this bracelet but I told myself that it meant something important: that mistakes are part of life and that without these mistakes, life would have no interest and that all of this can force us to to become better and to surpass ourselves and I was really ready to make it, for once. And for Emma, it is the same thing.

Shortly after, Kaylie arrived in my room. She threw herself on me and kissed me passionately, I couldn't stop her. She took off her T-shirt and stroked my thighs.

I took her hand and pushed her to the side of the bed.

"Kaylie, Kaylie, please stop, you are doing this because you are angry and you would like to give yourself the illusion of having control."

She got up from the bed and yelled at me

"Why everyone has the right to lie, to sex and to betray themselves and that I never have the right to do what I want. It shouldn't be like that at all, I'm the national gymnastics champion, I should be on top of the world, for everyone to see, and no I have no right to be too satisfied in front of Payson, I don't have the coach I want and I'm lost around a lot of betrayals and a lot of horrible secrets, I won and finally we should take care of me a little and no it's again and again for others. And you and me, I don't even know what we are anymore?"

"We are friends Kaylie!"

She stretched her blow behind her, annoyed

"You wanted to sex with me, before but now you preferred to move on with this chick with whom you were going to lunch, I'm starting to understand you you're just a simple profiteer!"

"Danielle, no you're completely wrong but it's true, I admit it, I'm just a profiteer, anyway, that's what I was at the beginning when we met but I have to stop it and the first good option is not to take advantage of you and your suffering."

She went to the hallway, I took her hand and carried her into the bedroom, I closed the door and took her shoulders.

"Kaylie, listen to me please, you're better than that. You have the right to hate me as much as you want but I will never let you give up like that. I am sincere, you are my friend, talking with you is a moral need. Yes me too, I can't stand this shitty world and the way it works, but that's no reason not to move forward. You are a leader Kaylie, so stop playing your poor teenager, it's up to you to set an example. And yes, in life we don't always have what we want or what we think we deserve, but we can choose to make the right choices. Do you realize all the girls your age who would dream of being in your shoes?"

"Maybe I want to be like every girl my age, finally lose my virginity", she said under her breath.

I started laughing

"Kaylie, listen, you have all your life to sex and find the good person and I can assure you that it is not with me that you will get there but you only have one chance for the Olympics so don't waste your time. life for simple sex stories, it is ridiculous."

"So why did you kiss me the first time? Why all this fuss?"

"Because of who I am but it has nothing to do with you. I've spent the past five years tarnishing myself in alcohol and sex and at what cost? Nothing at all. And, to be completely honest, I'm not proud of it and I'll tell you, I lost something very important that is going to take me a long time to get back ... My dignity ... and I know that I'm not the best person to lecture you, I agree, but I refuse to let you lose your focus, because of me. You may not realize it but you have helped me a lot and I don't want to accumulate everything while still enjoying you, as I admit having done a little. I like you very much, Kaylie and not as you imagined. You gave me hope. Because you have a real purpose in life. And I don't want to see you waste your talent especially seeing a stolen girl, I've never seen that" (since the blue fairy), I laughed.

"Yes but it's Payson who should have been the national champion, not me, I have so much pressure at the moment that I am afraid of not making it, and every day I wonder what I am doing. have deserved? You wait for me to do miracles but it's hard. How do I do if I don't do it? I'm really scared and if I disappoint everyone, what will become of me? Everyone treats me like a super star but I'm not."

"It is very human what you feel and it's good to be afraid, it means that you have passion. So you can surpass yourself. It takes a lot of work but you can and you have to do it because it's your dream, and not just that of your parents. You've worked so hard your whole life. If you waste your life with one boy, me or another, you risk ruining everything. And, you know what, you're trying to be realistic but I also believe in higher forces, higher than this reality for the moment, and if you have faith, it will work, I assure you. In any case, I believe in you, Kaylie. You are so talented and I know that you can beat any gymnasts that will come your way, if you give yourself the strength and motivation. You are the national champion, it is marked in big on your gymnasium, you must be proud and especially not apologize for it. If you were a champion once, you can do it again. Kaylie, you are a heroine, you can do things that it is impossible for me to do, not necessarily with your body but with your heart, you have a lot of guts. You see me as a very intelligent person so will you believe me if I tell you that I am sure you will achieve your goal?"

"I believe. Thank you. And you ? What is your dream ?"

"Before, it was recognition through writing and I achieved it thanks to you but now I have to think about it but I think that finding my father, take care for the baby I gave up, and forgiving myself would be good enough, I need to get back who I really was."

"So do we promise one thing? Let us put our worries aside and live our life as it should be lived and not as we wanted to live it. Find your father and this baby you abandoned twenty years ago, they need you, and I have to win gold", she said proudly.

"Exactly! You see, you behave like a champion. In 2012 I will see you on the top steps of the podium, and I will be absolutely proud of you. You know it's your destiny. Goodbye, Kaylie, take care of yourself!"

She hugged me for several minutes. She then left my room with a big smile.

You who know what happened to me in 2012, you know that at that time, I could not follow her to the Olympic Games but while writing this chapter I did research on Kaylie Cruz and she had really won the gold. She had been adored by everyone. She was finally at the top of her sport.

Maybe I was there for something ...