It was going on 7 pm the next day when Natalie pulled up her in front of her house. She locked her convertible and slowly walked towards the entrance door, rummaging for her keys in her bag on the way. Natalie unlocked the door and entered the dark hallway. The house was quiet, and Natalie waited a few seconds before she switched on the lights; she was relieved to be home where she finally would have some much-needed privacy so she could process her conflicting feelings which had been bothering her all day. Looking into the dark hallway, Natalie thought about how even though she didn't know Jason's whereabouts, she no longer cared. For almost two decades, she had known Jason's schedule as well as her own – even during those troubling past weeks, after they had stopped being a couple.

Natalie eventually switched on the lights, slowly walked across the hallway and thought how even though she was already craving a large glass of red wine, tonight wouldn't just be another lonely night during which she would be drowning her loneliness in more than one bottle of wine. For once, she actually felt glad that Jason wasn't at home and likely wouldn't return anytime soon. After rushing from one disaster to another at work all day, she was now finally all by herself and would find some time and space to think about what had happened between the two of them last night, and, most likely, in the days and weeks before.

Natalie stopped in front of the hallway closet, opened it and hung her coat. Then, she paused when she noticed her image in the mirror on the inside of the closet door. She thought about how she had woken up next to Joe this morning. Joe had been awake already, watching her sleep. According to their agreement it was his choice to have sleepy, slow, morning sex. At first, Natalie had grimaced and told him how this wasn't what she was in for, but Joe had reminded her that it was his right according to her rule from the night before. But then, and although she would never have admitted it to him, she discovered how much she enjoyed being close to – him, to Joe. She had enjoyed being entangled in his musky scent, feeling his stubble scratch her skin and feeling his kisses and murmuring words of affection all over her face and neck. Even now, hours later, just thinking of that moment caused her skin to tingle and she felt the shivers of excitement Joe's caresses had caused her.

Once they were done, though, Natalie had suddenly felt overwhelmed from everything; the closeness and intimacy, her feelings toward Joe and his warm and tender embrace. So she had left the bed, and almost fled his house. It was as if her flight instinct had kicked in. She had made up an excuse of being late for an early meeting, but all she had wanted was getting out of his place. Now, all alone in her silent house, Natalie could no longer escape the truth: She was beginning to develop serious feelings towards Joe, and it made her feel uncomfortable. It had been a very long time since she had had feelings for another man. Jason was the only man she had ever truly loved. She had had a few flings, even during their marriage, but these had meant nothing, had only been momentarily outbursts of lust, or means to get rid of the loneliness that came with being the wife of an ambitious lawyer and politician. And now Joe. Joe, who was probably the most unlikely man for her to be attracted to. She had not felt as comfortable and appreciated as she had last night in months, if not years, and it puzzled her how Joe Caputo, of all people, should be able to elicit these kinds of feelings from her.

Natalie groaned and closed the door of the closet. Then she rummaged through her bag which she had set on the small bureau next to the closet until she found her phone. Next, she stepped out of her shoes, kicking them towards the wall, and walked into the kitchen where she switched on a single lamp hanging over the kitchen island in the middle of the large room. She made a beeline to the wine cooler in the back of the room and took out a bottle of red wine which she placed on the adjacent counter, together with her phone which she still carried. Then she took a wine glass from a cabinet on the wall, opened the bottle and poured herself a generous helping, turned around and casually leaned against the counter before taking a large sip of the red liquid.

She remained there for a few moments, slowly sipping her wine, enjoying the silence. After a few minutes, Natalie put down her now empty glass and refilled it and took another sip before walking over to the counter in the middle of the room where the housekeeper had put their mail. Natalie skimmed through the pile of envelopes, relieved that nothing seemed to require her attention. Then she looked around in the kitchen, which was as spotless as ever. It was the largest kitchen they ever had in a house, and Natalie thought how it was now of no use to them. With all her eating disorders, she had always had a difficult relationship with kitchens. Jason was a reasonably good cook, but he hardly ever got do to some cooking, not since his career had picked up speed, and not since he had begun spending so much time out of the house.

Natalie breathed out and turned towards the fridge. She opened it and quickly scanned its contents, checking whether the housekeeper had done the grocery shopping as per their preferences. Natalie briefly considered having something of the couscous salad she had asked Maja to buy but then decided against it. The wine already had enough calories, she needn't add any more carbohydrates. So she closed the fridge and went back to where she had put down her phone. She briefly checked the lock-screen and found there was no new message. Despite her being troubled by the events, Natalie had half-expected a call or a message from Joe (she hated receiving calls, and kept asking him to message, which he never did, with resulted in her to have to bother to listen to her voicemail all the fucking time). But there was neither, no call, no message, and she hated to admit that she was disappointed about not hearing from him.

Upstairs, Natalie walked straight into the bathroom which was connected to her bedroom, placed the wine bottle and glass as well as her phone on the floor next to the bathtub and drew herself a bath. Then she returned to the bedroom where she took off her clothes which she tossed onto the bed.

Now naked, Natalie went back into the bathroom where she took a towel from a small sideboard at the wall and put it down next to her wine and phone. Then she stepped into the tub and slowly let herself sink into the hot water, sliding in until the water reached her neck and chin. She never added any bubble bath or soap or the like, she liked plain hot water. After a few seconds she sat up again and turned off the water. Then she wiped her hands at the towel on the floor, took a few sips of wine and unlocked her phone. No message. She opened the Spotify app and set "I'm on fire" on repeat. "Fuck you, Joe" she thought. How did he do this, she hated Springsteen, always had, and still did, but since last night, this particular song suddenly had taken on a whole lot of meaning for her.

With a soft moan, Natalie let herself slip into the water again. She began to lightly move her hands over her belly and her breasts and back again and down to Tracy. She slowly began circling her clit with two fingers of her right hand and started softly pinching her left nipple with her left. It didn't take her long to get herself off and she noticed that during all the time she was masturbating, she had been thinking of Joe's face, the one where he was grinning mischievously when he wanted her to come up to the stage in that karaoke bar.

For a long moment after her climax had ebbed off, Natalie quietly lay in the hot water, watching the ceiling and trying to make sense of what she was feeling. Fuck, why did she have to think about Joe all the time? He used to be that stupid caveman, a subordinate whom she had despised from her first day at Litchfield, many many years ago. They had butted heads countless times and she had never tired of complaining about that primitive ignorant asshole, with his community college degree, completely lacking any talent or ambition, who was jerking off on the poor women under his care and playing some horribly amateurish rock band with a bunch of other idiots.

When exactly had this changed, Natalie wondered. When had her feelings toward Joe changed from contempt to – what, exactly? Well, obviously they had realized at some point that they were a perfect match in bed. For her, this had come at a very low point in her life, not long after she had discovered Jason being in love with another man. Realizing how fucking much she could Joe off with just her presence, not even taking off her clothes, had made her feel wanted again, and given her the kind of reassurance of her femineity that she so desperately needed but her husband could give her no longer.

She had only agreed to go on a date with Joe out of boredom; at least she had told this to herself. Secretly, she knew this was a lie. She had been pleased to be asked out, and she had not only hoped the night would end with a good fuck. She had been looking forward to spending some time, doing just about anything, with Joe. Hell, and then, last night had turned into the best night she'd had in a very long time, resulting in her thinking of Joe Caputo constantly since she had left his goddam house this morning.

"Fuck you, Joe", Natalie shouted suddenly and almost jumped out of the bathtub. She violently rubbed herself dry, put on a pair of yoga pants and a sweater she retrieved from her wardrobe and returned to the bathroom where she drained the bathtub and took her wine glass and bottle with her back into the bedroom. She refilled her glass and snuggled up in her bed after she had taken the remote from her nightstand. She switched on the TV and started streaming another episode of "Younger" which she recently had gotten into.

It was 8:30 in the morning when Natalie woke up. She had to look at her phone twice out of surprise, because she hardly ever slept that long. Then she checked her phone again, just in case she might have missed a message, and, when she didn't, slammed her phone back on the nightstand, angry with herself for thinking about Joe first thing after waking up. She had gotten used to sleeping alone and she didn't mind most of the time, but it had felt very comfortable waking up next to Joe last morning.

Not willing to spend another day being troubled by her emotions, Natalie decided she needed to take her mind off of Joe and whatever it was that was going on between them. Therefore, she quickly got dressed, packed her gym bag and drove to her gym where she ran the treadmill for an hour, followed by another thirty minutes swimming in the pool. After having showered, she briefly returned home to change her clothes and have a quick lunch – after all the exercise, she felt she had deserved eating the couscous salad.

After a short break filled with two more episodes of Younger, Natalie went shopping. She and Jason were going to attend a dinner party this evening; something they had agreed on a while ago. Even though they were practically separated, Natalie had agreed to keep appearances for the time being and still accompany Jason to certain events. In return, he readily paid for whatever new pieces of wardrobe she bought in her function as as "Mrs State Senator".

Natalie normally liked to shop around a few of her favorite stores during Saturday afternoons, but unlike her, on this day, she bought the first dress she tried on, a navy-blue long dress with a low neckline and short sleeves. It was much plainer than what she usually preferred, but she noticed how she just wasn't in the mood for shopping, yet felt Jason owed her another dress. Once she had paid for the dress, Natalie bought herself a cup of coffee and walked through the upscale mall, trying to kill some time before she had to be back home in two hours time in order to get ready for the dinner invitation. When she passed a lingerie store, Natalie suddenly stopped. She paused for a brief moment, then entered the small boutique. She had a look at a few new items and then, in a spontaneous shopping frenzy, bought all of them, still on Jason's credit card.

Feeling light, Natalie then left the store and the mall and went home. There, she was surprised to find Jason on the couch watching some football match.

"Your're early," she stated matter-of-factly, not bothering with a proper greeting, while standing in the door-frame of the living room.

"Hey, I thought we'd have lunch together," Jason said while turning to face her. "Seems I was late."

"I thought we're up for dinner," Natalie replied snarkily.

"Hey, good to see you, Nat," Jason said, switched off the TV while jumping up from the sofa and approaching her with open arms.

Natalie let him embrace her but did not return it.

"You look great," Jason said while staking a step back and looking her up and down. "Thanks for coming along tonight."

Natalie rolled her eyes. "No reason to thank me. You know I know how much we owe Robert. But just don't think I am going to have fun. I'll be stuck with boring Catharine, and this is the really bad part of it. At least they always have good wine."

Jason playfully nudged her left upper arm with his hand. "Yeah, I know. I am sorry. As much as I love Rob, Catharine always meant well, but she's just a bit too much."

Natalie rolled her eyes. Rob was Jason's former boss at his law firm, and a major supporter of his political career. They had dinner every few months, and Natalie usually sat with Rob's wife Catharine while the men were talking politics. Natalie would have preferred to join their conversation, but Catharine hated everything that had to do with politics, her husband's job or other societal topics. She usually expressed her surprise about a beautiful woman like Natalie working in a men's business such as corrections and then went on to talk about her numerous children and grandchildren, showing Natalie all the latest photos and drawn pictures and so on.

"Yeah, well. It's part of the deal, and I made you pay for a new dress," Natalie groaned.

Jason chuckled. "See, each of us gets their benefits out of it."

A few hours later, just after midnight, Jason and Natalie were on their way back home. "Thanks, Nat, for putting up with this, you know I appreciate you backing me up, after all that I have done."

Natalie huffed. "Yeah, I don't know why I am doing this but I guess it's for old times' sake."

There was a long moment of awkward silence, before Jason said: "Listen, I am going to drop you off at the house and go over to Gavin's."

Another moment of silence passed, before Natalie replied in a hoarse voice: "Do whatever you have to."

"Look, I am sorry. We said we'd keep these things from each other. But he texted me a few times this evening. He's not feeling well. His mom had a stroke this afternoon, and he only got a flight for tomorrow morning. I just… I need to see him. Make sure he's alright, okay?"

Natalie let out an audible breath but didn't say anything. She didn't feel like getting into an argument. She was tired, and had to deal with her conflicting feelings towards Joe and for once was not up to get into the details of her fucked up marriage to a gay man.

So they spent the rest of the drive in silence and kept their good-bye short once they had reached the house. As the night before, Natalie entered a dark and empty house, but just as last night, Natalie didn't really mind, she was quite happy to finally have some peace and quiet after having had to listen to Catharine's blabbering for five hours straight.

Natalie went upstairs and quickly got ready for bed. But after she had switched off the lights she found that she wasn't able to sleep, because even though her body was tired, her mind was still wide awake. After tossing and turning for a while, she finally reached for her phone, and typed a message. She deleted it and typed again. She needed five attempts until she pressed send, having written

"Thanks for the date. I had a great night."

She didn't really expect a response, but after only a few seconds, Joe replied

"I thought u didn't want to get in touch again. Glad you liked it. U on for another date?"

Natalie grinned. Of course she was.

"Yeah, how about Tuesday night?".

Again, his reply arrived within a few seconds: "Why r u still awake?"

"Just back from dinner invitation"

"Was it good?"

"Food or company?"

"Both"

"Neither"

"sorry bout that"

Natalie put her phone down. She was still grinning like a teenager, and it troubled her. Still, it felt good. She wasn't certain what to write, and also why she had written to him in the first place. She considered just putting her phone into flight mode and try to go to sleep when another message arrived.

"Hey, if u r like me & can't sleep, wanna come over?"

"No!" Natalie exclaimed, but at the same time, her belly felt warm all of a sudden. And the thought of slipping into bed with Joe, sleeping next to him and waking up together, wasn't that appalling at all. She didn't have any plans for tomorrow. If she went over now, they would have plenty of time for fucking. And she wouldn't have to spend the day in the same house as a worried Jason who would certainly check in with Gavin every five minutes. And anyway, he would be leaving for Missouri in some ten days, it wasn't as if this was really getting somewhere. She'd merely make the best out of the few days he'd still be around.

Natalie switched on the lights and got up again. She quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a cashmere sweater, packed a few clothing items and toiletries into a bag she took from her wardrobe, and went downstairs.

It was about 45 minutes later when she rang Joe's door bell. It took him a while to open the door and from his look he had just woken up, his face was sleepy and he was wearing a wrinkled T-Shirt and his boxers. When he saw Natalie, Joe's face showed an expression changing between surprise and relief. Eventually, he grinned widely and said: "Fig! I didn't think you were really coming."

"Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep anyway, so I thought the drive over here might do the trick and make me sleepy," she replied, trying to sound annoyed, but there was a certain lightness to her that even Joe could detect. "But I see that you fell asleep in the meantime. So I might just head back," she continued, partly serious, partly mocking.

"Like hell you will," Joe cried, and opened the door, ushering her inside. Natalie entered the hallway and put down her bag, shrugged off her coat and stepped out of her shoes.

"What's in the bag?" Joe asked.

"Oh, I thought I might stay another night to save me the commute on Monday morning. That is if you don't mind?" Natalie looked at him questioningly.

Joe grinned and shook his head. "That's not a real question, is it?" he said, and then asked: "Want a drink? Something to eat?"

Natalie shook her head. "Actually, I could do with a bed. Just sleep. I wasn't joking when I said that the drive made me tired." After what she had had at dinner, she would probably not have been suitable for driving anyway, but she certainly would not tell Joe.

The two went upstairs and Joe watched Natalie getting ready for bed. They both slipped under the duvet simultaneously and Natalie said: "Ok, no touching, I really want to sleep."

Joe grinned and kissed her on the cheek. "Alright, and I'll grant you the authority to decide what we are doing after waking up," he murmured into her ear.

"Good night, beer can," Natalie grunted. "And by the way, don't think it's a good idea making me breakfast. I never have breakfast, just coffee."

Joe grinned. She was back.