The Dormouse

Lily Evans Snape Potter had not died with dignity.

She had not known, or cared, that she lacked dignity the first time around. Now, as she watched the memory unfold inside her mind, she found she was embarrassed.

Lily watched while her past self sobbed and pleaded and begged. Ugly tears had soaked her ruddy face, and snot had dripped from her nose. When it became clear Voldemort could not be moved by pity, she had dropped to her knees before him- before her hated enemy, who had killed James, and whom she had believed to have killed Severus- to offer herself to him.

"Please," she had gasped through the tears. "Not Harry. Me- kill me instead."

Voldemort had looked at her with disgust as he raised his wand.

The scene shifted, and the dream bore her mind on an even darker course. She saw a small boy, sitting in a cramped cupboard, crying alone. She reached out to comfort the boy, but she could not touch him- her arms seemed to pass through him entirely. She was helpless to do anything but watch until the child cried himself to sleep. He was utterly alone, and nothing she could do would change it.

The scene shifted once more, and Lily saw a man with lank, black hair, sitting in a bare office in the Hogwarts dungeons. He stared into the fire, an empty look in his eyes, as the clock behind him ticked by hours, days, years… he, too was alone. He, too, could not be reached.

The dungeon shifted- became darker and dirtier, with bars on the windows. A dog lay curled up on the filthy floor and whined softly. A shadow fell over the scene, along with a chilling frost.

The dementors.

Lily rushed to the dog, but he disappeared like a mist.

Now, Lily found herself in a dark room, facing folding table. On top of the table was a three-dimensional chess board, which was regarded by two opponents. One opponent was a wizard with flowing purple robes and a long, white beard. The other opponent was a scientist with a tweed jacket and a mop of thick brown hair.

"You know, Carl," the old wizard said. He reached out one hand, hesitated over a piece, and then put his hand back in his lap. "I didn't think you would give me this much of a challenge."

"Take your time, Albus," the scientist said serenely. "I have all the time in the Universe."

"Billions of years?" Albus Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

"'Billions' is little more than nothing on a cosmic scale," the scientist replied.

"What a terrifying thought," Dumbledore said.

"It's only terrifying in a static universe," the scientist replied. "But think how much there is to explore and understand in a universe that always changes. You and I were once made of stars. Perhaps one day we will collapse into a white dwarf. Perhaps one day our matter will disperse, and then re-collapse and ignite, and we will become stars once again. Perhaps one day, we will collapse into a black hole."

Dumbledore settled on a piece- moved it up a level. "In what way, Carl, is that not terrifying?"

"There may be another universe beyond that black hole for us to explore. You yourself said that death is but the next great adventure."

"That is not the sort of adventure I had in mind. I meant to remain as I am- a man- not a star."

"I feel sorry for those who remain as they are. Stagnation is the one true death, my friend," Carl said, moving a piece. "Checkmate."

Lily held her breath, expecting the scene to shift as every other had, but instead, the scientist turned to Lily and smiled.

"Ah- there's a bright, new star now."

"No," Dumbledore groaned and turned away. "She's too bright. I cannot look."

"It may help if you simply observe the absorption lines."

"They are so dark- so many."

""I'm – I'm a star?" Lily whispered.

The scientist nodded sagely, and all at once Lily felt hot all over, as though she were about to burst with light and magic.

And then she woke to a tremendous flash.

#

Lily opened her eyes, blinking in the morning light.

"Lily- Lily?" Lily felt herself being jostled, and it took a few moments to realize that James was shaking her.

"Darling, are you alright?"

Lily turned over, groaning as the morning light dazzled her. She rubbed her eyes, but her vision refused to clear. James stood over her, his hair shining so brightly in the morning sun it seemed almost white.

Actually, it was white.

Lily sat up. "James- what did you to do your hair?"

"What did you do to my hair, you mean," he said. He turned to look into the mirror over the bureau, and then made a face. "Mine's just like yours. Have a look."

Lily nodded and went to the mirror, grimacing when she saw her hair was also bright white, from the roots all the way to the tips. What's more, her pajamas, which had been navy blue the night before, were also white. She turned to the bedclothes, which was covered in a large white spot, as though someone had poured bleach on them.

"You were tossing and turning in your sleep, and then there was this huge burst of magic that bleached everything- even my boxers. It was rather impressive, actually. Think you could turn it back?"

Lily sighed and held her hands out. She had always been able to do charms wandlessly, but transfiguration was another matter. Still, if she had done it in her sleep, shouldn't she be able to do it while awake?

She concentrated for a few moments, a small pinch forming between her eyebrows. Eventually, she sighed and lowered her hands. "It's no use. I'm sorry."

James waved his wand, and the color slowly drained back into his hair, his clothes- as though he were a photo that was developing. "Don't be sorry- no harm was done. Besides, I'm sure that took a lot out of you. Why don't you go downstairs and have a little something, while I fix the rest of the room?"

Lily nodded, and allowed James to kiss her forehead before she turned to go downstairs.

Downstairs she could hear voices coming from the kitchen. She peeked around the doorframe, and saw Harry and Severus huddled together at the kitchen table, the remnants of their breakfast pushed aside. Severus held a quill and penknife, and Harry leaned forward, watching Severus's motions intently.

"To make a nib, you want to scrape with just the slightest angle- like so. Make sure the cut is clean."

"So you hold the knife… like this?" Harry reached out to take the penknife from Severus, who adjusted his grip.

"There you are. Now, I think, I will have a better chance at reading your essays."

Lily was about to step forward and cheekily add 'or just use biro,' but then thought better of it. She had never seen Severus and Harry work together, as teacher and student, and was reluctant to spoil the moment.

"That does mean you'll grade the essays fairly, right?" Harry said, drawing back warily.

"I consider that a matter of professional pride," Severus said with mock severity. Then he cocked his head, smiling tentatively at Harry's scowl. "I promise that I will grade all of my papers fairly, and I will strive to be fair in class, as well. Of course, I expect you to do your best, in return."

"I will," Harry said, handing the penknife back to Severus.

"Keep it."

"Thanks," Harry said, folding the knife gingerly and putting it in his pocket. "I have some homework to do after we've cleared up. And I guess I have to start those occ- occulisty…"

"Occlumency lessons."

"Yeah- that. Are you sure you have to teach it? Could Mum or Dad teach me, instead?"

"If you prefer, your mother or father could teach you. They are both quite adept," Severus said. "Your grandmother believes that I would be the best choice, however, since I am the most skilled of the three, and you are so very young."

"I wish my grandmother had stayed around- I'd like to meet her," Harry mumbled. Then he sat up. "I'm sure she's right, and all, it's just that… well- I won't get it right away. You'll be able to read my mind, wont' you."

"I will. That's why the choice of teachers is yours. If you don't trust your teacher…"

"I don't mean to imply-" Harry began awkwardly, and then he sighed and slumped in his chair. "No offence, but you are a Slytherin."

"And as a Slytherin, I am well acquainted with the importance of secrets," Severus said with an air of affronted dignity.

Harry stared up at Severus for a while, and then he spoke in a voice barely above a whisper.

"I'll think about it."

Lily waited through a few more seconds of silence, and then she strode into the room as nonchalantly as she could.

"Good morning," she said in her sunniest voice. "How did you sleep?"

Severus and Harry, however, merely stared in return, an oddly similar look in their wide eyes.

"Er- Mum…?" Harry began.

"What?" Lily said hesitantly. Had they caught her listening?

"What did you do to your hair?" Severus asked.

"My hair… oh!" Lily sighed and relaxed into the nearest chair. "It was just a bit of accidental magic. You know the strange dreams I get, after staying awake for too long."

"I'm sorry. I hope they weren't too-"

"No, nothing too bad. No worse than I expected," Lily said quickly, cutting Severus off. "So- what's the plan for today?"

"I finished brewing the potions that Madame Pomfrey needed," Severus began slowly, "and Dumbledore isn't going to floo me this until evening, so that means I have the day free."

"But- don't we need to start my occ- occlumency lessons today?" Harry said hesitantly.

Severus nodded. "If you wish."

"I- I do. Thanks." Harry said, blushing a little.

"Good. If you make a good start on your summer homework when we're done, I daresay your father will be happy to take you flying this afternoon."

"Yes!" Harry said, his eyes shining.

"Ah- in that case," Lily began awkwardly, "I guess I'll stop by the ministry while you two are working. Unless you need me to stay," she said pointedly to Harry.

"No- we'll be fine," Harry said quickly.

"Alright- I'll grab some coffee and then-"

"I think you're forgetting something," James said, padding barefoot into the kitchen. He flicked his wand, and Lily's scalp tingled with magic as her hair went from white to her natural red. "You don't want people to think you're an imposter."

"No- I guess not, though I'm not looking forward to facing the wizarding world without a disguise," Lily said with a grimace.

"Unfortunately, the ministry doesn't allow them in the building," Severus said.

"Then I guess I'll get dressed and be off." Lily stood, allowing James to take her place at the table.

#

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Potter," the receptionist repeated in a monotone voice, "but without an appointment-"

Lily groaned, putting her head in her hands. She had walked into the ministry building an hour ago, and after her 'wand' was checked at the front desk, she had been bounced from reception area to reception area. Her destination was the department of mysteries, which she knew to be on the basement level of the building, but somehow, the path of red tape seemed to be taking her higher, toward the minister's office, as she was sent from queue to queue.

"Mrs. Perkins, I just can't imagine why I would need to make an appointment with a muggle liason in order to get a pass to enter the department of mysteries," Lily said. "I already have an appointment to see Ms. Patil about mymana-telescope."

"An object which is classified as a muggle artifact," the receptionist intoned.

"I don't see why, considering its purpose is to detect magic…"

"Making it a highly dangerous muggle artifact," the receptionist said. "I'm afraid you cannot access that object until Arthur Weasley clears you, and he's not available until-"

"But I invented it. It's mine."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Potter, but the rules state-"

"Is this really how the muggle artifact office deals with people of importance?" A light, airy voice spoke from behind Lily. "What a disgrace!"

Lily turned around and blinked in surprise. Narcissa Black- no, it was Malfoy now, wasn't it- stood behind Lily, wearing a bemused smile. As beautiful and elegant as Narcissa had been in school, she was devastatingly so, now. Her platinum hair was 'turned up' in a style befitting a married woman, her expensive robes were smartly tailored, her makeup and manicure were just so. Lily, dressed in what she'd thought was a smart blazer, suddenly felt like a hopeless frump.

Narcissa, however, did not look at Lily's clothes. Instead, she smiled and stepped forward.

"I'm so happy to see you again, my dear. Look at you- you're positively glowing with health and vitality. One would never have thought.. well- nevermind. It wouldn't do to bring up unhappy subjects on such a happy day."

"Mrs. Malfoy. I never had the chance to congratulate you on your marriage," Lily said stiffly.

Narcissa relaxed so slightly that anyone unfamiliar with Sytherins might not have noticed. Lily thought perhaps Narcissa hadn't been sure how Lily would receive her attention. Nevertheless, she persisted.

"Come with me, Mrs. Potter. I've long since learned how to cut through red tape. Let's talk to someone with actual authority."

The receptionist turned away sharply, and said nothing more.

Narcissa took Lily's arm, as though the two of them were intimate friends, and led her into a gold-plated lift. When the doors closed, she turned and looked at Lily with an expression of frank respect.

"I heard all about it, of course," she whispered. "You're a lot more sensible than I'd given you credit for."

"You mean the telescope?" Lily said evenly.

"No- I mean the fact that you were censured by the ministry for performing dark magic," Narcissa said. "It seemed strange, but then I realized what must have happened. You cast the spell that defeated the Dark Lord, and since the rules against unforgivable curses were relaxed during the war, you must have used a powerful dark ritual that the minister couldn't ignore."

"It wasn't really dark," Lily said carefully. "But-"

"But it was forbidden," Narcissa said. "And a little bird told my husband that you have been staying with Severus Snape since you came back."

"A little bird named Albus Dumbledore?" Lily said.

Narcissa laughed- a sound that echoed like crystal in a ballroom. "Dumbledore wants to weaken Severus's ties with Slytherin, I think. He won't succeed so easily. I remember how close you and Severus were in school, and I know that you are Severus's muse. He is inspired by you, he learns from you, and I think that you have learned more from him that you let on."

Lily said nothing, and then belatedly realized that she may as well have confessed her whole relationship with Severus.

Narcissa laughed again. "Don't worry, Lily dear, I don't judge. I haven't forgotten what you did for me in sixth year. I always repay my debts."

The lift stopped, the doors opened, and Lily found herself strolling along a plush, carpeted hallway with Narcissa, arm in arm, to the Minister's office.

Narcissa completely ignored the Minister's undersecretary, his secretary's voice croaked out behind them as they passed, and then the Minister's office doors swung open, revealing Cornelius Fudge and Lucius Malfoy, who were chatting over a bottle of brandy.

"Look who I found, my dear," Narcissa said, sweeping Lily into the room. "Some dreadful receptionist was giving her the runaround, so I rescued her."

"Mrs. Potter!" Fudge spluttered as he stood. "It's an honor. I've been meaning to thank you, on behalf of all Britain-"

"My dear Mrs. Potter. This is a welcome surprise," Lucius Malfoy interrupted with an elegant bow.

"Please, be seated," Fudge continued, gesturing to an empty chair.

"Thank you Minister Fudge- Mr. Malfoy," Lily said with a nod of her head.

"So, what brings you to my office on this fine day?" Fudge asked.

"I'm here by invitation of one of your unspeakables, actually," Lily said, careful not to mention names. "An invention of mine has made its way to that department, and they wanted to discuss my research on the device."

"The mana-interference radio telescope?" Lucius said. "Arthur Weasley has been puzzling over that contraption for years. I'm glad to hear he's given it over to a competent department."

"Arthur Weasley is the head of the muggle artifacts department?" Lily confirmed.

"Oh yes- though he knows nothing about muggle artifacts himself. He's never even lived in the muggle world," Narcissa said.

"He likes to pretend he isn't a pureblood," Lucius said scathingly.

"Yes well, he does like to tinker. He even knows how to drive one of those autobile contraptions," Fudge said, laughing.

"The fact that he had my invention for so long seems to have caused a crisis of bureaucracy," Lily said, diplomatically changing the subject. "I'm told I can't get a pass to go into the department of mysteries until I'm given permission to handle the object I'm there to see, and I'm told that I can't get permission without making an appointment with a muggle liason a month in advance."

"But- you invented the device," Fudge said in astonishment.

"Yes, but when I was legally declared dead, all of my authorizations also went kaput." Lily said bluntly.

"I see." Fudge spun around toward his fireplace and threw a handful of powder into the flames. "Ms. Umbridge, please draft an unspeakable pass and an unlimited muggle artifact authorization for Mrs. Lily Potter."

A voice echoed out of the fireplace. "Hem hem - did you say unlimited?"

"Indeed I did," Fudge said. Then he turned to Lily. "She can be trusted with muggle artifacts, I think. She is muggleborn, after all."

"Very well," the voice replied, and then the flames died away.

"Thank you, Minister Fudge," Lily said. "Though, as I said to the receptionist, I'm not sure why this is necessary. My device really isn't a muggle device."

"Isn't it? I've certainly never heard of such a thing," Fudge said.

"It's my own invention. It uses some principles muggles have discovered, but the discovery I made with it is magical in nature."

"Indeed- well it sounds fascinating," said Fudge, though a slight yawn belied his statement. "Ah, Ms. Umbridge, there you are."

A squat woman, dressed all in pink, entered the room, bearing two slips of paper. "Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy! It is such a pleasure to see you both," she simpered as she went. Then, ignoring Lily, she handed Fudge the slips of paper. "If that is all, Minister-"

"Ms. Umbridge, I've been meaning to speak with you," Lily said in a strong, clear voice.

"Oh yes- Mrs. Potter. How else can I help you?" Umbridge said with a strained smile.

"I just wanted to thank you for your letter," Lily said. "You gave me an unforgettable welcome back to the wizarding world."

Ms. Umbridge's eyes glittered as she sneered. "You're quite welcome, Mrs. Potter."

"On that note," Narcissa interrupted in a soft voice, "I had meant to ask- was it really necessary to censure Mrs. Potter for her actions during the war?"

Ms. Umbridge froze, and then her mouth gaped open once or twice, like a frog who found himself unable to croak. "Mrs. Malfoy, you must understand, under the circumstances…"

"Do you have any children?" Narcissa asked.

"I have not been blessed with any," Umbridge said smoothly.

"Then perhaps you don't understand, but a mother will go to any lengths to protect her child," Narcissa said. "Perhaps the ministry ought to reconsider its position, especially considering the good that Mrs. Potter was able to do as a result of her actions."

"I- I…" Umbridge faltered.

"I quite agree with you, my dear," Lucius said.

"We shall look into the matter at once," Fudge said decisively. "Here you are, Mrs. Potter. If you have any other problems, come see me or Ms. Umbridge."

"Thank you, Minister," Lily said, trying not to show her own surprise as she took the two slips of paper.

"Won't you stay and have some sherry, or-"

"I'm sorry- I really must be going. I'm already a half-hour late to my appointment," Lily said gently.

"I'll walk you back downstairs," Narcissa said. "Good afternoon, Minister. I'll see you at home, dearest."

Narcissa took Lily's arm again, and led her back down the hall.

"You really must come to tea at the manor," Narcissa said as they went. "Bring Severus with you. We haven't seen him since last term began."

"And Mr. Potter?" Lily said lightly.

Naricssa paused, and then said, "James, too, if he wishes. I know how he feels about Slytherins, so I would not wish to impose."

"That was a long time ago," Lily said mildly. "We were children then, really."

"Indeed," Narcissa said. She gave Lily a long, searching look. "He must have changed a good deal, if he's willing to live with Severus."

And then they reached the lift, and Narcissa gestured for Lily to enter first. As she stepped inside, Lily found herself wishing that she'd learned to play three dimensional chess.