Hi guys!

We're so glad you enjoyed the small respite in all the tension. Not that it didn't create another kind of tension, but we're all here for that, right? So, after being snuggled to sleep before Gilbert went to work... what happens? We hope you like this chapter and find it illuminating and entertaining in equal measure.

As always, here's the music!
Lazy - Hi Rollaz
La Ritournelle (Mr Dan's Magic Wand mix) - Sébastien Tellier
Got to be more careful - John Cleary
Friendship - Pops Staples
Teardrop - Massive Attack
Alien - Cary Brothers

Everyday we receive a new comment with theories or insight about the story it makes us smile and sometimes even laugh out loud at inconvenient places. Please keep it up? It makes our days :)

Chapter Text

When she woke up again it was mid-morning. The second sleep had been deep and dreamless, and for once she didn't care to be enveloped in his duvet. It felt like an airy, warm and soft hug and this morning she was not prepared or willing to part with it. In no rush for anything, she decided to stay there for a while and grabbed the tv remote. When drowsiness came, she didn't fight it: she was done fighting anything in this lockdown and felt more resigned and hopeless than anything else after the night battling nightmares.

That's how Gilbert found her when he came back past midday. He had expected anything but to see her there, hugging his pillow, an Are you still watching Gilmore Girls? message in his tv. The same cup on the table where he had left it before dawn. Taking off his shoes, he went to change and wash his hands, trying not to make much noise, and then went to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and found some leftovers. Putting soup to warm, he returned to the living room after some minutes when he turned off the stove. He sat down on the couch, turning off the tv.

"Anne?" he said softly, a hand on her bare shoulder. She mumbled and buried her face in the pillow she was hugging. But he knew now she was awake. "Come on, Anne. You won't sleep anything tonight if you sleep through the day. Time to eat."

"I don't want to move," she answered, or that's what he thought. He grabbed the pillow and tugged it, only to have her hug it harder. "No, leave me."

"I won't do that," he said, chuckling. "Come, up. Lunch is ready now" He got up, thinking she might follow him, but she just turned to give him her back. He grabbed the end of the duvet and uncovered her. She was all curled up, that flimsy camisole half way up and her legs mostly uncovered by those shorts she insisted on wearing. Fuck, she was so hot one day he wouldn't stand it, he had been trying to take her image off his mind the whole morning.

"Hey! That's not fair!" she complained, sitting up and hitting him with the pillow, all at once. He looked at her, grabbing the pillow before she could have it back. She looked so good, sitting in the middle of his bed, hair all tousled, a pout in her mouth. That camisole that left so, so little for the imagination. She looked unbelievably hot and he needed something to distract himself from that fact. He gave her a mischievous look, a new glint in his eyes. "Oh, no Gilbert. I'm not doing this. Look, I'm up" She said, standing quickly and letting go of the pillow.

"Good! Only there's not going back now, Anne" he said laughing, attacking her with it. She ducked quickly and grabbed one of the cushions he had piled neatly next to the sofa the night before and defended herself. The ensuing pillow fight was something that had them avoiding the attacks of the other, lunch forgotten. Gilbert repelled her blows methodically, keeping the cushions Anne was throwing him cushions without relent, and before long (it's not like he had an unlimited amount in the living room) he had an armful of them and Anne had none. He was trying very hard not to laugh at her now. "I think your strategy has a flaw, Anne," he said at last, laughing, when she looked around for more, clearly seeing her mistake before he started his own attack.

Anne ran off to the bedroom, him behind her leaving most of the cushions on the floor, and grabbed her own pillow when she arrived and kneeling in the bed, thinking it provided the protection of him not being able to come much nearer. Her own pillow was a shield against Gilbert's cushiony blows, but she was laughing so hard she wasn't able to do much. He was in the same predicament, trying to continue but failing miserably. He dropped his pillow in a fit of laughter and Anne saw the advantage and grabbed it.

"Oh no, Anne, that's mine!," he joked, and tried to retrieve it with no success. A tug of war with the pillow ensued, but Gilbert wasn't about to use his strength to gain the pillow back: Anne was still in his bed and would surely fall to the floor, and he didn't want that. Just as he thought of that (and therefore distracted himself) Anne pulled harder and took the pillow and also him, with her. Taken aback, he only managed to let go of the pillow to support his fall, so he didn't crush her completely.

The laugh died almost instantaneously.

Gilbert couldn't quite remember if there had been other times when he had been on top of her, even with a pillow between them. This close to her. He couldn't take his eyes off of hers, the blue shining with mirth, a smile still on her lips, her hair a mess after being in bed all day. But for all of him, he couldn't get himself to move, feeling her warm body beneath him. It was as if something was gluing him there. And she didn't seem to mind.

So he studied her face, her freckles, the biggish one of her chin especially, all in the eerie silence that had enveloped them. Thinking for the thousandth time if he was ever going to be able to kiss her and get away with it. Maybe if… They were just so close. If he kissed her, would she run? Would she kiss him back? He saw as she breathed, her eyes wide, feeling the warm air reach his face and make him want to kiss her more than ever. But she would run. He knew that.

Anne was breathless, not daring to move a muscle, seeing how the expression in Gilbert's face changed from laughter and joke to something she couldn't quite pinpoint. His eyes, this close, showed the most marvelous green speckles she had never noticed before. She didn't want him to move. She might be half crushed, yes, but it was a delicious feeling to be crushed by him. As she breathed, everything smelled like him. She could even feelhim breathe. God... This… whatever energy was in between them in this moment, this was life itself.

And then their phones buzzed both in between them (his, in his pocket) and on her bedside table. They almost jumped, so mesmerized they were. Anne didn't want to think about what could have happened if it wasn't for the buzzing. Gilbert did want to think about that, because he could not get kissing Anne out of his head and it was starting to become… a problem of sorts. And that would have been the perfect moment. Maybe? If he had been brave enough?

There again, their life was full of perfect moments with plenty of interruptions. Had been like that in high school, and it seemed it was still the same. They scrambled quickly, as if someone had just caught them doing something wrong. She scurried to the table and saw the incoming facetime call.

"No way I'm answering Josie right now, I'm not doing video calls," she declared, looking at the incoming video call, just as he answered without thinking. Because she was pretty sure she was flushed. Because right now she was too confused to even speak. Because she was wearing this camisole she'd had since Marilla sewed it for her when she was fifteen that was basically transparent twelve years later and…. Shit, Gilbert had seen her in it. Like she hadn't even covered herself like in the morning. And because she had been avoiding videos for the whole month trying to evade reality and not one of their common friends knew about this arrangement. Only Diana and Cole, and they'd rather have it that way.

"Hey, Jos," he said, too late now to hang up. And suddenly he saw other faces. Charlie. Cole with Roy. Ruby and Moody sharing one screen. Tillie. Diana. Shit . His hand shot to his nape, scratching it uncomfortably. How on earth were they going to get out of this?

"Tell Anne to answer!" called one of them. Anne felt like a bucket of cold water covered her. They were not supposed to know she was staying there! Only Diana and Cole knew, unless Gilbert or one of them had said anything. He looked at her as confused as she was, giving them away. He only had to look confused to the camera, not in her direction! If there was any sliver of doubt in the mind of anyone in the gang, there could be none now. Anne was giving him frantic looks as she looked everywhere for a hoodie. She finally surrendered and took one from Gilbert and put it on, answering the call. Hoping no one would know it was his.

"Hi guys! Nice way of inviting to a group call," she said, trying very hard to look cool and, Gilbert noticed, failing miserably. And of all his hoodies, she had to take that one . Great. Cole tried very hard not to laugh. Diana looked bewildered but with a smile. The rest seemed like Christmas had arrived. A shrill noise started sounding, probably because they were so close, and Moody spoke on the other side.

"Anne, Gilbert, one of you hung up. Or turn off the speaker, you just confirmed anything we wanted to know," he instructed, a very mischievous smile on his face. Wanting the horrible noise to stop, Anne did just what he said, ending the call on her phone, and the searing noise stopped immediately. "Now go somewhere and sit! We want all the details."

Anne looked at him. She didn't want to have this call. Her staying with him was not a public knowledge thing.

"Liv...dining room?" she proposed. They couldn't quite go to the living room. The sofa was still very much a bed and she knew their friends. Of all the days, they had to call today? A little notice would have been nice. Gilbert nodded and she followed him slowly, looking at her phone for the first time since she woke up after the nightmare and finding it full of notifications.

**Cole (10:54): Anne. Heads-up: Josie is planning a facetime call with the gang because I may or may have not spilled the beans about you staying with Gilbert when we all had a drink yesterday.

**Cole (10:55): Please don't kill me. I honestly thought everyone knew by this point. You've been there over a month. 🙈 🙈 🙈

**Cole (10:55): Remember you love me. 💔

**Cole (10:56): And I love you. Please, for your sake, be presentable for the call. You don't want to have much to explain. Neither Gilbert. They are already beside themselves and are thinking of you behaving like an old married couple. Don't wind them up.

**Bosom friend (11:06): Dearest. Cole ratted you out. There's nothing we could say that convinced them it was a mistake so… Josie is planning a video call. Because they think it's suspicious you haven't agreed on any so far and for her that confirms you're with Gilbert.

**Josie Avongang (11:30): Hey hey hey! So, call at 2:00? Facetime? I can't bear dealing with zoom one more time.

**Rubes Avongang (11:31): I can't wait! 💕 💕 💕 We'll be there, Moody is in rehearsal now.

**Charlie Avongang (11:40): I just want to see this for myself. I still don't believe Cole.

**Cole Avongang (11:42): Guys… go easy, ok? It's not like they asked for this. 😓

**Tilie Avongang (11:42): Go easy?! Cole, we've been waiting for this for the most part of a decade! So 2:00, Josie I'll wait for the call. Not so patiently.

**Jane Avongang (12:03): What call? What have we been waiting for? This is why I hate missing Friday drinkssssss I can't today at 2:00, I already have dreaded zoom with the family in Halifax… 😓

**Tilie Avongang (12:04): Anne has been living with Gilbert in Hamilton for the past month. You better invent some excuse for the fam.

**Jane Avongang (12:05): WTF?! 😱 Are you fucking joking? Anne can't be living with Gilbert. They haven't spoken since grad. They'll kill each other. OR ARE THEY FINALLY TOGETHER? 🎉

**Charlie Avongang (12:10): Join the call and see for yourself! It's what we all want to know. Cole wouldn't tell anything. I'm also curious about her silence today...

"Anne?" Gilbert called her. She looked up from her phone, still more than half of the notifications left. She did not want to participate in this. She shook her head.

"I'll make some tea. I'll join you in a minute," she answered, giving no space for debate and went to the kitchen. Gilbert stood up and followed her. As much as she had this spooked face, he felt uncomfortable as well because neither had wanted to tell anyone of this, giving it a chance to go into oblivion if it didn't work out. And he was so not explaining everything on his own. He put the phone against the microwave, the incessant chatter of their classmates on the other side.

"There. Hi guys. Sorry about that, change of plans," he tried to apologize as Anne grumbled and put water in the kettle, decidedly turning her back to them.

"Soooo tell us! Are you finally together?" asked Ruby, all heart eyes. Anne froze in place, her back to the camera.

"No, Ruby. I'm just lending the couch until PEI let people go back home," Gilbert explained with the same tone he had always used when explaining a complex problem in simple words. His teacher tone, Anne used to joke.

"But you are living together," Tillie asked.

"No, Tillie. I'm literally homeless right now, Gilbert was the only one in Ontario we could think of and he was kind enough to lend a hand. Remember I asked in March?," Anne insisted, still not turning and clenching her fists in fury at the whole thing. She tried breathing deeply. Cole was so dead. Gilbert tensed a little at her words. He knew, of course, that he had been a last resort for Anne. But it still hurt a bit to hear. And he wasn't going to be the one to point out that, for all legal purposes, she was living with him.

"Well, how is it going? How come you're both still alive by this point?" asked Josie, still skeptical. Anne finally faced the camera. They were all there. For the first time in years, she could say they were all together. Together apart, yes, but it was still nice to see something she hadn't thought would happen again. With that, she relaxed. Something good would come out of this. As long as they didn't dig too deep where there was no future.

"We manage, Jos. We're both adults now", Gilbert commented.

"He's gone most of the day anyway so it's like I'm under home arrest or something. And I just read, cook and try to write. I'm trying to remember Marilla's lessons in bread making and Gilbert eats the result, good or bad. There's been banana bread and I have a science experiment on sourdough on the counter. I was thinking of picking up some kind of sport or something… I'm just restless not being able to go out and the doctor here won't allow me to put a foot outside."

"It's not me. It's Hamilton lockdown rules," countered Gilbert from the other side of the kitchen, where he was serving the soup he had been warming up, kettle all but forgotten.

"There's always one thing you could try, you know?" Said Charlie, mischief in his voice. "Se…"

"Anne! You could try yoga!" Diana interrupted Charlie. But everyone knew what he meant. And Anne was so, so red. Gilbert was so, so still. "Or HIIT, I saw there are apps with discounts now."

"I'll try yoga… so, how's home?" She tried diverting the attention. Just then Gilbert got close to her, bowls of soup in his hands.

"Come, bring the phone so we can eat," he said quietly. This allowed a whole array of comments to ensue, as they hadn't heard him and just seen him speak quietly to her. Anne continued to be beet red for the remaining of the conversation about the island, how there were next to no new cases when the daily count in Ontario was rising each day, and a general teasing from their former classmates, who were giddier and happier for them to be in speaking terms than anyone wanted to admit.

"Ok, so, before we hung up… can I just say something?" Said Jane, who had joined the conversation a little while before. "Can we pleaaaaase use only one group? There's no need to have two of them if you're finally together. And it's tiring. I mean, I know we've have two groups since whatsapp allows to make groups but it just doesn't make sense."

"We are not together, Jane," Gilbert corrected before Anne could say anything.

"We're just talking again. Nothing more," added Anne.

"Yeah, talking ," sneakered Charlie.

"Can we just pick a group then? Let's flip a coin, we won't hear the end of it if not if we leave these two to decide which one is worthier," Jean said, laughing. "Who's admin?"

Cole has added Gil to Avongang

"There. Decision made. So, we'll talk next week?" Cole asked. "We want to know all the updates."

"There'll be no updates, Cole," Anne warned him. He was already deep enough in trouble to tease. "Ok, I love you all, but I'm going now," she said, getting up and picking the bowls to put into the dishwasher. She heard Gilbert say his goodbyes and a moment later silence, followed by some music he put on. She sighed. This was not how she had expected this day to go.

"So… they know, now." Gilbert commented, turning on the kettle again.

"Let's not speak about any of that ever again, ok?" She said. "I really should shower, I've done nothing but sleep the whole day."

"Anne," he insisted. He didn't think ignoring anything would make it go away. It hadn't worked before. She turned on the door. "We can as well face the facts."

"What facts?"

"For starters, that you live here. That our friends clearly think there's more into this arrangement than there really is. That there's clearly something going on..."

"There is nothing going on," she said confidently, because she honestly thought so and didn't want for there to be anything. She still wasn't that comfortable with being in his place, let alone talking to him. She couldn't even say she trusted him again, even if she was actually trying. Yes, when he had been on top of her a little while ago she had thought about kissing him, but that's just because he was so damn sexy it was annoying. Not because there was anything between them. Fuck, she did not want to give that impression. She was not happy here and just coping because there was no other way. Ugh, the nerve to imagine anything was changing...

"Anne. There's no need to be defensive. I just thought…" but he couldn't end the sentence as Anne, who suddenly looked furious, interrupted him. He couldn't be serious, she thought.

"You just thought what? That because I had to stay here I am happy? That magically I would forget everything? That's rich, Gilbert. Just rich. What would ever give you that impression?"

"Anne, calm down. There's…"

"I'm not calming down Gilbert Blythe until you explain to me what the fuck could give you an idea that there is anything going on between you and me. Come, let's hear it," she demanded, her voice full of sarcasm. He stayed silent, not wanting to participate in the discussion that clearly would just escalate if he gave in to what she was asking. He tried to think of any way to bring her to her senses. She hadn't spoken to him like that since… since she stopped talking to him for good. There again, maybe this time he could get some facts straight? Just maybe?

"If you would allow me to talk - please?" She looked at him, taping her foot on the floor, arms crossed. He sighed. So conducive to communication. "Anne… I truly believed that when you said you would give this a chance that we would be able to leave 2010 where it belongs- in the past. It was just a huge series of misun…"

"Don't you fucking say it was a series of misunderstandings, Gilbert Blythe. It was pure hurt- it is pure hurt. I just… Shit, I'm not talking about this" she felt like she was choking and swallowed a couple of times to get the feeling and the pain away. She would not cry.

"You are, Anne. We are. This has gone for way too long and I just need you to understand how there is no need for this to be like this."

"Easy for you to say, right? Damn, Gilbert, so easy. You got everything back then. Everything you wanted. So don't start with…"

"I didn't. I don't. I only wanted and I only want you," he insisted, stepping closer to her. Why couldn't she understand this? She backed, laughing. He looked at her. Was she seriously laughing at this?

"Of course, you wanted me. To tell me about fucking Winnie? Everything you did with her that I found out from every other single person in town? How you took her to our places just to have sex with her on our shared memories? To be able to laugh at me with Billy Andrews? Rub on my face how convenient I was for high school but just how inconvenient for every single other thing that was to happen after?" he was so impressed by the stream of words coming out of her mouth he couldn't find it in himself to answer. At the mention of the bully he had defended Anne from so many times (because only he knew how to get to her even in high school), he regained his voice.

"Why on earth are you mentioning Billy? Nothing you've said happened, by the way. Nothing. But why would I laugh with Billy? I only ever tried to get him shut," he said. Well. He was pretty sure nothing of that happened. He couldn't pinpoint now the exact places where he'd had sex with Winnie. And there was no way she knew about the forest.

"Don't fucking start denying things now, Blythe. Don't you dare do that shit. I had Josie Pie and Jane Andrews write me messages for weeks, even when I asked them not to. They just loved rubbing on my face everything they saw you doing with Winifred. I had Billy mocking me in graduation and you were not three meters from him, completely engrossed with Winnifred to even remember you once had a friend in freaking high school. And I saw you and her."

"Anne, what on earth are you talking about?"

"After the ceremony, back at school. Not bonfire night. The actual ceremony where you took that bitch as your partner instead of me, like we had agreed on ninth grade. Don't… You know what? This makes no sense. There is no point in this."

"There is a fucking point, Anne!" he exclaimed, losing his patience despite trying his best not to. "Can't you see there are two sides to this story? I've been trying to tell you the other one and you have not let me! Please!" Gilbert tried to calm her down with a gesture and she walked backwards to keep the same distance between them. She didn't want to be near him. Whatever happened in the last few days, weeks, had been a horrible, horrible mistake and she was having none of it. She didn't want to end up as hurt as the last time.

"You want to tell me your side of the story? What about you see it from mine? Shit, Gilbert, just try to see everything from my fucking perspective and see how it feels! It's your best friend and the person who you loved giving you your back over and over and over for no reason other than some shit you apparently said while drunk and you don't even remember! It's seeing him everywhere with another girl who he always insisted was no one of consequence! Is everyone in town telling your adoptive parents your friend finally made the right decision on who to hang out with and who to date, and that's not you! Then there's this same friend laughing as you get made fun of on graduation day, coming unannounced with this same girl even when he had agreed in grade nine to come with you. And to top it all, when you go to the places that were sacred for your friendship looking for whatever refuge you may find, there is your friend on the verge of having sex with this girl. Or having sex! Not one time, or in only one place, but repeatedly!" her voice was just going up and up until she ended up just plain yelling at him. Because the alternative was it breaking, and with it, herself as a whole.

He tried to inhale deeply because he knew that was supposed to help calm down. But when she finally stopped to breathe, he realized he didn't exactly want to calm down. He was so done with this. He knew when he was half-coerced into accepting Anne at his place that something like this could happen. It had always been a possibility and the main reason he had wanted to refuse. Because he had been trying to deal with this whole episode for years and he had felt he was moderately successful. He might be single but he led a full life. Until she was in front of him, he realized it couldn't have been just the teenage hormones playing a role on him, but that he desperately loved her and desired her. When he was nineteen, when he was twentynine, it didn't matter, he was just frustrated with her and loving her and how could she look so good when she was yelling? That was beside the point, but honestly?!

"Anne! Will you stop?! I understand your point! Fuck, you don't even have to explain it to me I've known it since then and I have tried so many times to explain everything to you it doesn't make sense. You want to continue to be the poor suffering Anne? Then be! I'm so tired of trying to fix this. So tired of walking on eggshells around you. There's no hope for any of this if you don't fucking listen to anything! It's like trying to talk to a deaf person! Would you listen to yourself? You are not a martyr, just the product of the biggest miscommunication ever! And what pains me the most is that everything could have been avoided but you're way too proud and stubborn for your own good! For both of us! Do you think it hasn't pained me, not having you? Don't you ever stop thinking how much I desire you? Come on, Anne! Be serious!" he knew he had lost it and probably stepped way out of line but he had just to take everything off him or he was going to go mental.

She was shaking her head slightly, backing up until she found the wall. He kept walking to her because as the seconds passed he was more sure that maybe a way to end this for once was just kiss her and be done and maybe that would show her he had always been there for her and that it was only she who had pushed him off? She was looking at his lips, an eerie silence between them, the low music he had put after the call distant. She snapped out when he was at arm's length, when she realized how much she wanted to kiss him, despite everything. And that would not do. That would mean trusting him. And she was not going to fall in that trap again.

"I can't do this, Gil," she murmured, avoiding him and going straight to his room, looking to the floor. He took a second to react but then followed her. He was so done with everything regarding this subject they were going to have this conversation whether she wanted or not.

"We're not done, Anne," he said, opening the door without even asking. She was sitting on his bed, back against him, hands on her face. She ignored him and that only made him angrier. "You can't just keep escaping everything" she still didn't turn, as if somehow she was not hearing him. But she wasn't covering her ears. Not really. "I'm going to assume you're listening so I'm going to get some facts straight: the only reason I was with Winifred was because you told me to be with her. You might not remember this, but I do, and as soon as I realized it was just drunk talk I broke things off with her. Haven't seen her since. Never got around telling you that, because you are miss stubborn and can't seem to see reason. About Billy Andrews- I have no idea what you are talking about. If I was absorbed in Winifred, well, please excuse me. I was trying to get over you, following what I understood was your best advice. And you believing shit Mrs. Lynde and Avonlea's gossip are telling around? You have to have more sense than that, Anne," he wasn't going to broach now the subject of him taking Winnie to some places because he knew he had and that was just plain wrong. He hadn't known Anne had seen him there.

She had stayed still, just to see if maybe hearing the words from him made any difference. She had heard that version from the facts before, nothing on it was new. Cole and Diana had been very insistent on it for months after graduation. But now… hearing it directly from him... It just didn't change anything, hearing it from him. It still hurt the same. She even believed him, she just… it hurt too much. Just like after those first few, confusing days.

She hadn't been able to see anything related to Gilbert Blyhthe without immediately associating it with those few weeks when he had been inseparable with Winifred. And she had seen them in their favorite spots- even the ones they had sworn never to share with anyone else. Because those days she thought she could still go there and feel the same refuge she had felt before, when she used to go with him, but she had only found sorrow, emptiness and, on some occasions… Gilbert and Winifred in very compromising positions.

It was around then she decided not to keep anything from him, because it felt like some infection spreading, everything was getting tainted. She couldn't see his old hockey jersey without remembering how Winifred seemed to have one, now. As if she, Anne, was replaceable. She couldn't keep the old wooden toy fox he'd given her to honor the stories she used to imagine: he had taken Winifred to the spot where they had been created, that they had vowed was only theirs. At some point she decided just to throw everything out and be done with it. It just hurt too much.

"Anne, will you please look at me?" He said after a moment of silence. He had fully expected her to yell back at him and when she didn't he felt unsettled. There was nothing from her. He walked over where she was and sat down beside her, seeing how her hands were wet with tears that seemed to be falling freely. He tried to put a hand in her back to comfort her and she jumped as if he had burned her. He withdrew it immediately.

"Don't. Don't do that," she said, her voice broken. "Don't touch me."

"Can we talk about this, please? Will you ever forgive me?" She looked at him, and shook her head the tiniest bit, but enough for him to feel like he was losing air. "Anne… please. Please, just… is there anything at all I can do to make this any better?"

"It just keeps hurting too much, Gilbert. It just hurts. It keeps hurting and hurting and it never goes away. I lost you, and then when…" she choked and closed her eyes. And he knew what she was talking about because deep down he knew he had had to be there at the time, even against Cole and Diana's judgement.

"I wanted to be there for you. But you never spoke to me anymore and I didn't want to interfere if it would make it worse for you," he said softly. She looked at him.

"The point is you weren't. You disappeared from my life and broke me. And when what little I had crumbled down, you stood and looked from the most convenient distance. Were you too tired to deal with me? Had you a new girlfriend, a new best friend by then? Was I too inconvenient?" she asked, getting up to get away from him. "For years you promised to be there for me. And then when I most needed you, you were nowhere to be seen. I actually thought, when Matthew died, you would come. But you didn't. When we lost Green Gables and I had to pack the whole house alone with Jerry, because by then Marilla was too sick and Cole and Diana at Uni, I thought maybe you'd show up to show some kind of support. Even if just a text. But you didn't. Only silence, not even a fucking message, Gilbert. And then when Marilla died I already had lost any hope. It felt as bad as losing them- only worse, because you are still alive and I knew you weren't there because you didn't want to. You were absent in every single one of the most important events of my life after being adopted, good and bad, and you were the one that was supposed to be there," she sat on the floor, back against the wall, hugging her knees. She didn't want to sit next to him now.

"Anne, there's no excuse… I'm so deeply sorry," he said. He never knew she had been expecting him. Not anymore, not when by that point they hadn't spoken in years.

"Sorry? Try living through it, Gilbert Blythe," she answered, incensed again. "Don't come here saying I'm sorry as if that had ever fixed anything. Fuck, the easiest word to say when you don't mean it."

"Don't mean it? What do I have to do for you to believe me? Shit, Anne, there's nothing I can do right! Yes, I should have been there when they died! I agree! But the fact of life is I wasn't because I thought I wouldn't have been well received by you! There's no fucking forgiveness in you? At all? Nothing that shows you can evolve and grow past a point? For the record, I have also been living through this. And it also hurts like hell being on this side, too, so don't go around saying I just went about merrily through life. This is shit. It's crippling and debilitating and I can't function well if it's not at work- because there I have just a façade, a part to play, and that's easy because I don't miss a part of me. And I do miss it every single fucking day of my life, so don't continue with this suffering part as if you are the only one hurting. You are not. And your suffering is as valid as mine. I also lost a friend. I also lost my person. I also lost the person whom I love. Even before you did- because you told me to go and have with someone else what I only ever wished to have with you. And it hurt so much the only thing I was able to do was follow your freaking directions to see if there was anything valid in them, and then losing you again when you just stopped talking to me. Not a word to explain, just silence and void. I had to ask everyone what was happening because I couldn't get it, why you wouldn't talk to me after I was trying my best to do what you told me to."

"I'm going out," she decided, because she needed air, to breathe something different than the vicious air of the apartment. Gilbert looked at her. He had never said any of that out loud, but he knew he had to take it off his chest. He stood up as she did.

"Anne, you can't go," he said as she put on her jeans over her shorts, looking for her shoes in the closet. She ignored him. "Anne! I literally mean you can't go. Quarantine, remember? Can we just…"

"Quarantine my ass. I'm going. I need to think," she answered, grabbing her scarf because she actually didn't know what the weather outside was like after weeks without going out. Gilbert tried to stop her again, grabbing her arm. "Let the fuck go of me now," she said.

"Be reasonable. You will get into trouble."

"It looks as if I care? Good," she sentenced and went out the door, closing it hard behind her. He followed her quickly, but she closed the stairs door on his face and when he opened it again she had already sprinted down.

"Fuck!" He let out, hitting the rail of the staircase. He sat down on the first step, not knowing what to do. She couldn't go far, that he knew.