CHAPTER 8

"This is crazy! When did it get so hard to do charity work?" Finn remarked.

"What are you talking about? I do charity work all the time. Remember when I said I'd find you a girlfriend?" Santana responded. Finn rolled his eyes.

"Haha. Delightful. How's that little project coming along anyway?"

"Not too bad. I'm gonna introduce you to that girl you've been staring at." She replied.

"What? That's crazy, I haven't been staring at any g…"

Santana walked over to a girl on the other side of the room.

"Hi. Have you met Finn?" She asked. Finn sighed and walked over to the girl, who was also wearing .

"Hi, I'm the aforementioned Finn and this is…"

He turned around but Santana was already gone.

"I'm Amanda." She said. "So, uh, what do you do here, Finn?"

"Well, I've been… um, nothing. I do nothing." Finn admitted.

"Well, if you want to do something, you and your girlfriend can help sort through these donations."

"Oh, um, I'm not his girlfriend." Santana interrupted. She smirked as she began to hype Finn up. "I used to be, but, um, I just wasn't enough woman for Finn emotionally or sexually. Oh my God!"

"So, Amanda… what do you need us to do?" Finn asked, glaring at Santana.

"Okay, this is important. Go through all these boxes of food donations, take out the really good stuff, and put it into this box." She instructed. Finn nodded.

"Consider it sorted." He replied and Amanda smiled and turned away. Once she was gone, Finn turned to Santana.

"Hey, we're in business!" Santana exclaimed.

"Yup. Puck is not gonna get all the glory today." Finn added and he picked up one of the boxes that was stacked against the wall and removing the box revealed a plaque on the wall with Puck's picture on it with the words 'Volunteer of the Year' written underneath. "Let's start with another one."

"Yeah, please." Santana laughed.

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Meanwhile, in Minnesota, the Evans family had just finished saying grace and were about to tuck into dinner.

"Amen." They all said. Suddenly, Marcus' wife walked into the room, a baby who was big enough to be 2 years old in her arms.

"Look who came to say good night. It's little martin. Three months old."

"Months?!" Quinn exclaimed in shock and horror. "Three months?!"

"He's been drinking his milk." Sam laughed.

"And she's already pregnant again?" Quinn asked.

"Well, that's cause those Evans boys can swim. They've got two tails and a drill bit for a head." Marvin, Sam's dad, said.

With every word spoken, Quinn looked more and more uneasy as the probability of her being pregnant increased.

"Dad, you're embarrassing me!" Sam exclaimed.

"Oh, don't worry son. She's cool. She's gonna be an Evans."

"Yeah, well, not literally cause, you know, I'm keeping my name." Quinn replied. Everyone at the table gasped.

"But… the apron." Judy stammered.

"Well, we haven't actually decided anything yet, so we're…" Sam started but Quinn cut him off.

"No, I've decided and I'm keeping my own name." She stated.

"But Evans is a great last name. People know the Evans family." Marvin stammered.

"Well, sure, in St. Cloud, but our kids aren't going to be growing up in St. Cloud. Right, baby?" Quinn said. Sam looked at his whole family glaring at him and then he looked down.

"Well, why not St. Cloud?" Sam asked. "I mean, I loved growing up in St. Cloud. St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood."

"Well, so is New York." Quinn said. Everyone at the table started laughing. "What? It is!" She exclaimed. "And we grew up just fine. And we grew to the proper size and then we stopped!"

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Finn and Santana sorted through the boxes in front of them, putting all of the expensive food in a different box.

"Hey, Amanda, what's this box for?" Finn asked.

"Oh, that's for me. You can put it in my car." She replied.

"In your car, um, and then you'll take it…?"

"Home. Yeah, we get so much extra food, no one can eat it all." She explained. "Ooh, truffle oil. Score!"

"People donated this food thinking it was going to feed the hungry!" He exclaimed.

"I know. And I'm starving." She responded.

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"But Sam, you love New York!"

"Yes, I do, but you always said that when we have kids, you wanted to move out of Manhattan."

"Yeah, to Brooklyn." She replied.

"Why are we even talking about this? This is like way down the road!"

But Quinn knew that way down the road might not be so far down the road.

"I need to go to the restroom." She said, standing up and running out the door.

"Quinn, the bathroom's the other way." Sam said. But Quinn didn't turn around. She ran out the front door, into their car and drove away.

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"So, wait, not only have you not done any good for anyone today, you're actually helping someone steal from the homeless?" Puck snapped. Finn and Santana had just told him about what Amanda was doing. "You know, Finn, it's called Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking. Damn."

Suddenly, Kendall jogged over to them.

"Puck, you needed me to sign your timesheet, right?"

"Oh, yeah, right. Thanks." Puck said, taking out a sheet of paper. Finn and Santana looked at each other.

"Puck…" Finn started cautiously. "You have a timesheet? No one else has a timesheet."

"Yeah, so?" Puck asked, nervously. Finn suddenly snatched the sheet away from Puck and held it out of Puck's reach.

"Let me see this!" He exclaimed.

"Hey, that's my private personal business!" He shouted. Finn opened the paper and he showed it to Santana. Their eyes widened.

"Court-mandated community service?" Finn laughed.

"Oh my God, you're on probation?!" Santana exclaimed. "What did you do?"

"Public urination." Puck murmured. "I was unfairly punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church."

"You peed on a church?" Finn asked, laughing hysterically.

"No. I peed in an alley which happened to have a church, which I did not see BECAUSE I WAS DRUNK!"

"Oh, you are evil. All's right with the world again." Santana laughed.

"Okay, fine, so a judge is making me do this. But I'm still doing it. And kicking ass at it, BTW." Puck snapped, pointing at the Volunteer of the Year plaque. "When's the last time either of you did something good, huh?"

Finn sighed.

"You're right." He murmured and then he turned and walked over to Kendall. "Kendall! Amanda is stealing portobello mushrooms from the homeless." Finn said. Kendall's eyes widened. He turned to Amanda.

"Amanda! I called dibs on the portobello mushrooms!" Kendall exclaimed. Amanda snickered but Finn's face filled with confusion and anger.

"But those are for the hungry!" Finn shouted.

"I know. And I'm starving." He smirked. Finn then grabbed the bag and sprinted into the cafeteria. He then proceeded to throw the mushrooms at various homeless people around the room.

"Mushrooms! Mushrooms! Portobello mushrooms for everyone! Take them and run! They're very expensive!" He announced, running away from Kendal, who was chasing after him.

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Back in Minnesota, Quinn walked into an empty convenience store, picked up a pregnancy test and paid for it quickly.

"Happy Thanksgiving." The man behind the counter said cheerfully as he handed her her change.

"Happy Thanksgiving? As in 'Check out the chick buying the knock up test, everybody! Wonder what must be going through her head?!' Yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants is trying to suck me into their suburban nightmare, and there's a solid chance that I have an Evans the size of a 15 pound turkey growing inside of me!" She yelled.

"Oh, you know the Evans family? Oh, you're Sam's fiance! So nice to meet you. You are taller than described." The man replied, not losing his cheery tone.

"Look, I'm sorry I just yelled at you. You mind if I use your bathroom?" Quinn asked.

"Don't have one."

"So what do you do when you have to…?"

"I hold it."

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Finn and Santana sat on the pavement a couple of minutes. They had just been kicked out of the homeless shelter by Kendall.

"You can't fire a volunteer!" Finn snapped.

"Apparently, you can. And his two non-mushroom-throwing friends." Santana replied. Just then, Puck stormed over to them, his Volunteer of the Year plaque in his hands.

"I can't believe I told Kendall you guys were cool. I have 40 hours left on my community service and now I've gotta spend it spearing trash on a freakin' median strip. I was Volunteer of the YEAR!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?" Finn shouted. "Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just tell me. I'll do it."

Puck smirked.

30 minutes later…

Finn, Santana and Puck in the Lusty Leopard strip club. As Puck tucked into a turkey leg as a couple of strippers danced around him, Finn put his head in his hands. Santana took a bite of the food and shrugged.

"Surprisingly good." She remarked.

"Right? I told you so!"

"Public urination." Finn chuckled. "Who gets arrested for public urination?!"

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"Quinn's been arrested!" Sam exclaimed, getting off the phone a few moments later.

"Oh, dear, what for?" Judy asked.

"Public urination." Sam mumbled.

15 minutes later, Sam arrived at the jail and the door to the holding cell was opened to let Finn step inside.

"Thanks, Pete." Sam nodded at the officer.

"No problemo, Sam." The officer replied before walking away. Sam then turned to his fiance, who looked extremely embarrassed.

"You all right?" He asked.

"No. I embarrassed myself in front of your family, and now I'm spending Thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever!" She cried.

Finn would beg to differ.

"Well, I'm glad that you're safe. Hey, weird question. Why did you drive 3 miles down Route 23 and take a pee behind a convenience store."

Quinn sighed.

"Okay, I'll tell you, but before I do, promise me that we are not gonna move to St. Cloud, Minnesota. Promise!"

"Look, I'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow, I'm just…"

"Just promise!" Quinn shouted.

"Why do you want me to promise you that?"

"Because I don't fit in here. I'm not 8 feet tall, and I don't think you could call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it!"

"I'm Funyuns. And mayonnaise and gummy bears and bask-ice-ball, and I love St. Cloud. And yes, there is a part of me that would like to move here someday, and why are we having the discussion in a jail cell on Thanksgiving?"

Just then, officer Pete walked into the room, a couple of plastic bags in his hands.

"Okay, personal effects. One wallet. One cell phone. One… pregnancy test."

Realisation dawned on Sam as everything clicked into place.

"Pete arrested me before I could look at it." She murmured. Sam sat down next to her.

"Woah. Quinn, we can't let our kids play bask-ice-ball! Bask-ice-ball is really dangerous!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah, what are the rules to that game anyway?"

"There are no rules. We just whale on each other." Sam admitted. "Look, I don't want to be exactly like my family. And don't take this the wrong way, but I don't want to be exactly like your family either. We'll be our own family. And we'll find our own way to freak out the people our kids bring home."

"Great, now I'm crying." Quinn sniffed. "Look, we may have some really big decisions to make in about ten seconds. I don't care where our kids grow up as long as they have you for a father."

"What does it say?" Sam asked.

"I'm afraid to look." Quinn murmured.

"It's negative!" Officer Pete called. Quinn and Sam's faces flooded with relief.

"Oh thank God!" Quinn exclaimed. "And, HEY!" She shouted at Officer Pete.

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"Hey, Finn." Santana said. Finn sighed and turned to face Santana. He was exhausted and this thanksgiving had definitely not turned out the way he wanted it to. "You're a good guy."

"Want to know why I have to teach an extra class tomorrow? One of my co-workers is being taken to court for sexual harassment."

Suddenly, Puck walked over to them.

"Okay, Finn, I found a way for you to help someone. To do some good. This is Walter." He said, pointing to a man beside him. "Walter is homeless. And Walter would like a lap dance."

Finn scowled at Puck.

"Are you joking?"

"I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment!" Puck snapped.

"No, Puck, that's insane!" Finn cried. "Sir, would you like me to buy you a ticket to the buffet."

"No, I'm stuffed. Just the lap dance would be fine. I've been to three shelter dinners already." Walter replied.

"Yeah, but you know where he hasn't been?" Puck asked. Finn groaned.

"Don't say bootyto…" Finn started but Puck interrupted him.

"BOOTYTOWN!" He shouted. "Look, it's the one chance you've had all day to help someone in need. Now, buy this man a lap dance."

Santana giggled and Finn raised an eyebrow at her.

"What? You did say that you wanted to see the look of joy in someone's eyes." She remarked. Finn sighed and paid the money.

"You know, I don't think I'm going to watch. Here you go, Walter. Happy Thanksgiving."

Walter walked away with a dancer and Finn clinked beer glasses with Santana and Puck.

"Happy Thanksgiving, guys!"