I slept horribly and I fucking hate it here. The beds suck, everyone snores (especially Will, and I suddenly remember why I hated sleepovers with the boys), and for some god forsaken reason, Eric woke us up by banging pots together. What the fuck is wrong with him? At least he gave us enough time to shower (albeit about a sixth of the time I took back at home, considering I really don't want to spend any amount of time naked with a bunch of near strangers.
Breakfast is quiet, which is fine by me. Everyone seems to be too groggy to talk. It's like home, where whenever we'd stay at one of the boy's places, they'd sleep in as long as I could, except this time I'm just as tired. Fin doesn't join us, and instead I see him sitting with a different group than I saw yesterday. Of course he has a lot of friends. Though, at some point, I want him to meet Will. That would be a treat and a half.
After we eat, we shuffle into the training room. Oh, fuck, Eric's here. Is he going to be observing us? Four's scary enough, but Eric? He's one of the few people I've heard Fin actively dislike.
Our names are written up on the chalkboard, paired up. Will and Al, Ash and Shuî, Christina and Molly, Peter and Drew, Edward and Myra, and Tris and I.
Oh fuck, we're fighting.
"Well, well, glad to see all of you initiates bright eyed and bushy tailed." He's absolutely lying, we all look like absolute shit. I know for a fact that my dark circles are back (though, have they ever really gone away? Erudite practically requires them), I didn't put on any makeup, and my hair is still wet. Then again, my hair was almost always at least slightly wet when I arrived at my first class. Even the best hair dryers can't get through over two feet of thick hair. "If you haven't figured it out yet, you'll begin fighting today. For the first hour of your day, you'll be paired up and spar. Afterwards, you'll practice your technique, and then after lunch, you'll go back to target practice."
"Your fights will last ten minutes or until there's a clear winner. Please don't try to knock your opponent out, but don't pull your punches either. You'll be scored by your technique and strength, though the numerical values won't be disclosed." God, his voice is so dull. At least Eric has inflection in his tone. "Your rankings-" Oh God, he's still talking. "Will be updated at the end of each week. These rankings are just within your group, and you won't find out how you rank against other groups until the end of Stage One. Even if you're high ranking in your group, if you fall below the twenty-five percent mark, you'll be cut." So literally all of us could fail. Beautiful. Perfect. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I glance around. Fuck, man, I got stuck in a group with Edward. It's not like I have any massive problems with him (I know he's Will's ex and all, and I know it ended poorly, but it's more that they weren't good for each other than one or the other's fault), but there's no way I'd be able to take him in a fight. Honestly, I probably couldn't take anyone except Tris and maybe Myra. The rest of them? Not a chance. I'm not going to make it above the cut unless a miracle happens.
Fuck. Well, if I can win my fight against Tris, I can maybe at least get a bit of a head start.
"I'll only be observing your fights every three days, considering the amount of groups. However, if I hear of anyone slacking while I'm gone, there'll be hell to pay. And if any of you try and back out of a fight before we call it off, there will be consequences. We don't accept cowardice here."
Four seems a bit apprehensive about that last statement. "A brave man acknowledges his opponent's strength."
"A brave man never surrenders." Eric smirks, his lip curling up crueky as he looks at all of us like fresh meat.
I feel like I'm looking at two different kinds of Dauntless here. We have the brave, honorable kind, and the ruthless kind. I don't necessarily have the highest opinion of Four, since he seems like a buzzkill (I suppose Abnegation would do that to you), but at least he isn't cruel like Eric.
Then Four smirks a bit too. "You're lucky those weren't the rules when we fought."
It takes all I can do not to laugh. I glance around, and everyone else is containing it too. So Four does have a sense of humor, even if it's miniscule.
Irritation flashes on Eric's face, but he quickly composes himself. "Will, Al, to the ring!"
I don't really want to watch this fight. Al is big, one of the largest here other than Edward and Ash. (Does Ash count as big? He's just tall.) Will, while being a little more sturdily built than me or Ash, is a fucking beanpole compared to him. Even if Al stays gentle, Will's going to take some damage.
My eyes glaze over during the fight. This isn't like the fights in the cafeteria, where they broke out spontaneously. This isn't the Dauntless grudge matches that couldn't wait until after school, the messy Candor breakups that occasionally resulted in slapping, that one Amity chick who went hogwild and attacked a Stiff. I still haven't received an explanation on her, by the way, and that was almost a year ago.
Fin would be disappointed by these fights.
I wonder what the Dauntless fights are like. They know their shit, so I'm sure they're a lot more showy. I can imagine Fin's leg careening through the air to collide with a faceless Dauntless's head, only for his opponent to take the opportunity to sweep his remaining leg out from under him. How would Fin counter? I know nothing of his fighting style, but his cocky ass better have the skills to back his shit up. Maybe he'd-
Before I can finish the fictional fight in my head, the real fight in front of me comes to a stop. I didn't see how, but Will falls back, celery green eyes rolling back as he lands, his arm awkwardly bent under him. Oh fuck, is he okay? I know there's a mat, so it's not like his head hit the wood floor, but regardless, being knocked out is hard on your brain, regardless. He doesn't get up for a moment, but when his eyes flutter open, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.
"Al wins this match." Four says. "Both of you report to the infirmary and have the nurses check you out. Come back as soon as you get the okay." God, a kid just got knocked out, can you at least show a little emotion, Tobias? I need to stop thinking of his old name. After all, I wouldn't want him calling me Cadence. "Ash, Shuî, to the ring."
I just noticed that he mispronounces Shuî's name. They way he says it, it rhymes with 'Louie', when it should rhyme with (or at least, sound more like 'Lou-ay'. Then again, Marcus got Will's last name wrong, so it must run in the family.
I don't want to watch this fight either. I'm not sure who will win. Shuî has more muscle, but seems nervous, unsure of himself. What Ash lacks in muscle, he makes up for in confidence and ambition. I bite at a hangnail.
"Nervous?" Myra's standing next to me. I sigh with relief. I haven't gotten to talk to her much, since I don't want to bother her when she's with Edward, and well, she's always with him. Her hair's tied back into a ponytail, and it looks really good on her.
"I don't want to see either of them get their ass kicked." I really fucked up. I should have just gone to Amity. How did I think I could handle this?
"I understand completely." She smiles faintly.
Their fight is barely a fight at first. Ash circles Shuî, avoiding each and every punch with ease, but not throwing any of his own. You'd think his tallness would be a hindrance, but his long legs are working in his favor, for once.
"Get on with it, we don't have all day!" Eric rolls his eyes and yawns.
"You ready, Stiff?" Ash smirks.
"I'm not a Stiff anymore." Shuî scowls, putting his arms up defensively. He hasn't left the center of the mat at all.
"Then prove it."
All of a sudden, Ash lands a sweeping kick to Shuî's ribcage. Shuî stumbled back, and after a moment, coughs manically. He hold up a hand as a pause, finishes coughing, and then rushes Ash.
Ash catches him, but not before Shuî kicks and sweeps Ash's legs from under him. The two of them end up on the floor, and Shuî manages to get a good hit on his face before Ash pins him down. He straddles Shuî's waist and pins his right arm above his head. Unfortunately, that leaves Ash's right hand as the only one free, and I know for a fact he hasn't trained his non-dominant hand very much. He's too proud of his weird genetic anomaly.
Wait, is Shuî right or left handed? Ash could have just left himself weak. As Shuî uses his left hand to punch Ash in the jugular, I sigh with relief. He's a rightie. He brings his knees up into Ash's back, but to seemingly no effect.
As Ash winds up his next punch, his body shifts just so, and Shuî let's out the most guttural, hurt scream I've ever heard. He stops trying to fight back, and tears stream from his face.
"Holy shit, did Ash break his ribs?" Myra whispers as tears fill my eyes. Fuck, Eric, call the fight. It's clear Ash won. He shifts his leg off of where Shuî was hurt, eyes wide and frantic.
"Ash is the victor." Four says. Thank God.
Ash gets up and offers his hand to Shuî, but as Shuî tries to stand, he passes out. Fuck. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe he won't feel the pain. Ash scoops him out and carries him out.
Myra puts a hand on my shoulder, and I wipe away my tears. Is might fight going to be like that? Am I going to have to hurt Tris like Ash hurt Shuî? Or am I going to be on the ground, unable to beg for mercy?
I shudder.
Will and Al walk back in just as the boys leave. Good, they're both okay. I knew Al would be fine, but Will looked really rough.
Just when I thought things couldn't be more brutal, Eric calls Christina and Molly to the ring. I overheard a bit of Christina gossiping, and holy shit do they hate each other. If Ash could be so cruel to someone he likes, how is this battle going to turn out?
I can't watch. Molly is so much stronger it's not even fair. Christina's trying, she really is, but there's no way in hell she's going to be able to win this. I wince at every strike, and my mind screams for Eric to call it or for her to fall down. But she keeps getting up, and it's so hard to watch.
"Stop! Stop! I'm done!" Christina yells after a few minutes. My stomach drops. Eric said no backing down. This won't end well.
Eric is calm as he walks up to Christina. "You're done?"
Christina sobs and nods.
He's quiet as he helps her up. This is bad. Really, really bad. Eric isn't the kind to be quiet about things. He's planning something bad. "Alright, everyone, let's take a break. Clear our heads a bit."
I glance over at Four, and he shows no emotion. Maybe it won't be that bad. Or Four's just as uncaring as Eric.
We all leave the training room, quiet in fear of directing Eric's rage at us. Even Peter shuts up for once. He's almost gentle with Christina, supporting her as we walk. We aren't going towards the infirmary. Where are we going? I hear the rush of the Chasm, and my stomach drops. No. Fuck.
His hand is on the small of her back, now that I look. Gross.
As we cross the bridge, Eric shoves her to the railing. "Climb over."
Oh fuck, fuck, she's going to die. He's going to make her leap into the Chasm. I cling on to the nearest person near me, I think it's Al. I can't pry my eyes away to look.
"If you can hang on the railing for five minutes, I can forgive your cowardice." He sneers.
She glares at him, then lowers herself down. For the first couple of minutes, she holds on strong, but then a wave crashes and hits her, leaving her soaking wet. She almost slips, and she lets out a broken sob.
I can't look. I bury myself into Al's arm and let the smell of lemongrass take over my senses.
"Hey, Red." Eric barks. Is that me? It's probably me, though he could be talking about Drew. I glance up. "Keep your eyes on Christina, or you're joining her."
Eyes glued. Got it. God, my stomach's doing flips.
"You can do it, Christina!" Al calls. Wait, why haven't I been encouraging her? I've been so focused on my own fear that I lost sight of hers.
"Yeah, go Christina!" Tris yells.
"You've got this!" Will says.
"You'll make it through this!" My voice is but a whisper compared to all of the shouts. Even Edward and Myra join in, and I swear I hear Drew's voice once in there too.
When her time is up, Eric is an asshole and tries to make her get back up on her own. But Al -brave, sweet Al- essentially tells him to fuck off, and he and Tris help her up. Four does nothing this entire exchange. What a dick.
Now that she's safe, I lean over the railing and vomit. I've always been easily sick, especially when I'm nervous. Myra rubs my back a bit, and I give her a half smile before vomiting again.
I have to do well in these fights. I don't want to be flung over the rails, because I know I won't be able to hold on as long as Christina did. I'm far too weak.
Christina sobs into her friends' arms. I want to comfort her, but she's surrounded. I'll make sure to give her a giant hug at lunch.
The fight between Peter and Drew is just as brutal, but at least Drew doesn't back down. That doesn't mean he's braver than Christina, though. It just means he's more scares of the Chasm than Peter.
Edward and Myra's fight is up next. Ash finally comes back, holding a bag of ice to his jaw. "Fucker dislocated my jaw." He smirks a bit, then winces at the pain. Huh, with everything else, I didn't even notice.
"You missed Eric dangling Christina over the Chasm," I tell him. "So, yeah, no surrendering."
"Good thing I'm not going to surrender, then." I should've known he'd respond like that. He's always been the competitive type, which is a common trait in Erudite, but now that it's required to advance, I'm sure it's been cranked up to eleven.
Fuck, how am I going to make it here?
Edward's taking a defensive stance, letting Myra get in some good hits. She's not doing much damage, but she demonstrates good form. I know as soon as he strikes back, the match will end, so it's nice of him to let her get some points. I'm glad I'm not the one fighting her today, she would definitely kick my ass.
Speaking of ass kicking, all too soon, it's my turn to fight Tris. Fuck.
We get on the mat, and I notice a blood spatter. Whose is it? I suppose it doesn't matter. God, that's fucked up.
She doesn't want to do this either. Her stance is just as unsure as mine. We circle each other, occasionally throwing punches. Eric yawns exaggeratedly. "Get on with it, ladies."
"He's not a lady!" Al yells.
"Well, he's still fighting like one!" Eric sneers.
Is masculinity really rooted in fighting people? Will people think less of my identity because I don't like punching my friends? Or is Eric just being a dick?
I hate that I have to prove him right. There's no escaping it, I have to be violent. Why did I choose this faction? Ash and Will would be fine without me. They might miss me, sure, but they'd sur-
Tris punches me in the face. Right. We're still fighting. No time for self loathing. She almost gets another one in, but I catch her arm and punch her in the gut. She manages to break free, but I dodge her next jab.
We continue like this for a while, occasionally landing, but mostly dodging or blocking. Thankfully, she doesn't hit very hard. It's not pleasant, no, but it's not the worst pain I've felt. Unfortunately, I'm doing about the same amount of damage. At the end of this, our knuckles are going to be more bruised than any part of our bodies.
At some point, I'm not even sure how, but I end up pinning Tris to the ground. Both her wrists fit under my hand, but she doesn't try hard enough to break them free. Her knees hit my back, much like Shuî did to Ash, but despite not being injured, she seems even more pathetic, like she's never fought before. Then again, neither have I.
I raise my arm to punch her in the face, but honestly, I really don't want to. She's fucking helpless, and I don't want to be that kind of person.
"Time's up!" Four yells.
That was already ten minutes?
That was only ten minutes?
"Crimson gained the advantage in the end, but both of you need to try harder next time."
I stand up, then hold out my hand. She takes it, and while she seems tired, she doesn't seem injured. Four still sends us to the nurse, which is fine by me. I need a few minutes to chill before I train for two more hours.
"Hey, sorry if I hurt you at all." I say as we walk.
"I'm fine, thank you. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm all good. Guess we should train extra hard, if we can't even hurt each other, huh?"
She smiles faintly, which then turns into a grimace. "Yeah, I suppose so."
When we walk in, I notice Shuî in one of the beds, propped up into a seated position with bandages wrapped around his midsection. I wave, and he gives me the most relaxed thumbs up I've seen. His eyes are sleepy and barely open, and he's got a massive grin on his face.
"Geez, how many painkillers did you give him?" I laugh a little as the pink haired nurse examines me. I look at her name tag. Janet. Huh, not the most Dauntless name. Then again, she's old enough to be my grandma.
"Poor boy weighs less than we expected." She clicks her tongue and shakes her head. "You kids need to make sure you're getting enough to eat."
"Will he be okay?" I ask.
"He'll be able to go back to training after lunch, if Four sticks to his schedule and has target practice then." Nurse Janet smiles. "I take it you're his friend?"
I nod as she bandages my knuckles. She put this soothing cream on them that makes it feel like they were never injured. "Yeah, I was real worried." It's amazing how great medical technology is nowadays. Broken ribs can heal in a day. Science is cool.
"I already told the tall one, but I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you brought him lunch." She smiles and then pats my hands. "You're all taken care of. If the bandages come loose, just come right back, okay dear?"
Being called 'dear' always makes my heart feel fuzzy. I never really had a grandma, so I haven't really heard it much.
And so, it's time for me to go back to training. As much as I'm glad I didn't hurt Tris, I need to be stronger than I am now. Next opponent, I have to actually hurt.
The thought makes my stomach flip, and for once, I'm glad it's empty.