Chapter 6: phys ed and werewolves DO mix
Harry looked at his packed trunk and sighed. Dudley stood in the doorway and hopped from foot to foot. Snuffles whined quietly then sneezed. Harry looked down at him and gave him a sad smile. Then he noticed Dudley hovering.
"Hey Dudley. You alright?"
"I'm not the one who got wrecked in a stampede." Dudley grumbled.
"I didn't get wrecked!." Harry countered. Snuffles' whined. "I didn't! Just a little stepped on…" Dudley huffed.
"Well, Mr. Weasley is taking me home soon. I just wanted to say goodbye… do you need me to do anything before I go?"
"Yes." Harry said quietly. "Take Snuffles with you."
"What?" Dudley asked, giving the dog a confused look. The dog slumped to the ground, looking sad but also regretful.
"There are people at Hogwarts who might recognize him. And you remember how Mr. Diggory was talking about something big happening at Hogwarts this year? I bet you anything there's going to be Ministry people all over the place. There's just too much of a risk that he'll be discovered." Harry said before he gave Dudley a sad grin "so I need you to keep him out of trouble." Dudley stared at him and the dog and sighed
"Alright. But how am I supposed to explain this to Mum and Dad?"
"Tell them that Dumbledore has something else organized for me at Hogwarts since dogs aren't technically allowed and you offered to take care of him. As for your school, he's a certified service dog. Tell them you got one for anger management or something."
"I guess that could work." Dudley said looking at the dog with a sad smile. Snuffles whined again and gave Harry his most convincing puppy dog eyes.
"No Snuffles." The teen said sternly. The dog huffed and flopped down again. The parting was quiet. Snuffles was downtrodden and Molly Weasley seemed particularly distraught. Before she got angry of course.
"The nerve of Dumbledore! Giving you that gentle, sweet, innocent, creature and then forcing you to leave it behind?! The next time I see that man he'll be getting a word or two from me Harry don't you worry!"
"I'll be fine Mrs. Weasley." Harry assured her with a smile. "Besides. Dudley will take good care of him won't you Dudley?"
"Of course! He's practically my dog too!" Dudley agreed.
"See?" Harry said hoping the matriarch was appeased. "Everything will be fine."
"Well if you're sure… Do you want something for the road dear? A few biscuits maybe? Oh right not biscuits! How about a sandwich?"
"Mum, he's appearating! He'll be home in literally five seconds!" Ron cried with a chuckle.
"Ronald Weasley I am being polite!" The woman shouted with her hands on her hips. The three teens winced and Dudley acquiesced, accepting the wrapped sandwiches while Snuffles sneezed and snuffed , sounding oddly like laughter and then with a crack the two were deposited on flagstone patio once again. Arthur Weasley patted his shoulder with a smile. He greeted Dudley's parents again. Petunia was polite, but nervous and was eyeing the dog with horror and queasiness. Vernon was still stone faced and grouchy but his veins began to visibly throb as Arthur tried to explain how Dumbledore had forbidden Harry from taking his dog.
"Then what was the point of giving him the bloody thing?!" Vernon enraged finally. "One more thing that man has dumped on our doorstep! You tell him- you tell him that I'll not have it! I'll drown the thing myself!" Arthur looked taken aback and Petunia shocked. But Dudley's face turned cold.
"No." Dudley growled. The three adults turned to him, Arthur looked with veiled pride, while the boy's parents looked a mixture of confused and shocked. "You'll not touch a tuft of his fur."
"Now listen to me-" Vernon began, voice wavering.
"No you listen to me!" Dudley shouted. His hand tightened on Snuffles' collar and the dog sneezed and licked his trousers in comfort. The boy took a deep breath and relaxed his grip a little "He might have been here for Harry, but he's my dog too. And I promised I'd take care of him. So that's what I'm going to do. So stay away from him. And he won't bother you." Petunia cleared her throat then, catching Vernon's attention.
"Whatever you say, Diddykins… if you want the dog then you can have him." Vernon gave her an intense stare and the woman held his gaze with a surprising sternness. Finally the larger man huffed and lumbered back into the house, looking cross, but knowing there was nothing he could do about it now. Arthur cleared his own throat then and replaced his tweed hat.
"Well! My job is done. Have a good summer Dudley! It was a pleasure to meet you! Perhaps we'll get together again some time!"
"I'd like that." Dudley said with a smile at the ginger wizard. The Weasley patriarch smiled then bowed to Petunia before disappearing with a crack. Petunia seemed to relax the moment the wizard left and airbrushed the entire interaction from her memory.
"Are you hungry Dudley darling? We just had lunch but I'm sure we can find you something?"
"Actually I have a packed lunch." Dudley admitted as he pulled out the sandwichs. Petunia looked at them and sniffed.
"Hardly a meal of champions, did they feed you at all?"
"Oh loads. Mrs Weasley is a great cook." Dudley blinked and amended quickly "not as good as you of course!" Petunia chuckled then pulled out a plate of fruits and veggies from the fridge. Dudley blinked at it and stared at his mother in confusion.
"I… I found you health magazines while cleaning up your room" Petunia began quietly. "I noticed how you'd circled certain diets."
"Yeah…" Dudley said quietly. Snuffles sat down beside him and barked. Petunia jumped and looked at the dog, he nodded at her and flicked his tongue out like a smile. She blinked at him in confusion. Dudley laughed.
"It's a very special service dog." He explained before giving his mother a wink and drawing an M in the air with his finger. The woman looked a little queasy after that and looked at the dog a little more closely before she nodded and turned away, leaving the fruits and veggies behind. Dudley shrugged and turned away.
"Just a moment!" Petunia cried before putting a small bowl of peanut butter on the plate."everyone deserves a little treat with everything healthy after all."
"Technically speaking." Dudley began with a smirk. "Peanut butter is chalk full of protein."
"Well then!" Petunia began with a smirk "it could be considered healthy now couldn't it!" Dudley smiled and stuck one of the celery sticks into it and crunched happily away. Then he smiled and took his finger and smeared a dollop onto Snuffles nose. The dog began frantically licking into the air trying to reach it. Even Petunia couldn't help sputtering with laughter while Dudley began laughing so hard he cried. The new few weeks continued much the same they had before Harry had left. Snuffles still stole Dudley's socks at random times though he was getting far more creative with his hiding places. Petunia still had no idea how the dog got them into the freezer of all places, or inside the oven. Finally, September rolled around. On the first Sirius whined all day, looking depressed and forlorn. Dudley too was a bit downtrodden, but he knew there was no way his parents would be willing to take him to King Cross station on the off chance that Dudley would run into his cousin. A few days later Dudley's bus arrived. As he stepped up to the doors he took a deep breath. Snuffles' sneezed and rubbed the teens hand with his cold slimy noise.
"Euk…" Dudley grimaced as he rubbed it on his sweater vest "that was foul Snuffles." Finally the doors opened. Snuffles' climbed the steps first. The bus driver blinked then nodded.
"That's what they meant by extra passenger."
"Yeah… my er… my psychologist said it would be good."
"That thing's trained right? I won't have it stinking up my bus."
"He's trained and certified." Dudley assured. The various other students were graining their necks and whispering. The dog meanwhile yawned and sat down by Dudley's feet. The driver gave the dog a sharp eye then shrugged.
"Sit up at the front."
"Yes sir." Dudley said. "Come on Snuffles." The dog rose again, staying close to the bulky teen but remaining demure. Dudley was honestly impressed with his uncle's acting. He knew that he was usually rambunctious and mischievous and generally high spirited. Acting so relaxed was honestly asstounding. The whole ride Dudley was keenly aware that everyone was whispering about him. He wondered if this was how Harry felt all the time. He'd be exposed first hand at how much attention his cousin got from wizards. It was like they'd never seen a teenager before. But then Dudley supposed that if he met someone who, say killed Hitler, while only being two, he'd be pretty astounded and awestruck too. Finally the bus finished snaking its way through the rural streets and pulled through the gates of Smeltings Academy of Excellence.
"Here we are Snuffles." Dudley muttered as the bus finally came to stop.
"Let the dog off first!" The driver hollered as various school kids stood up, eager to get off the bus and grab their trunks from below. Dudley tipped his head in thanks and got off the bus. The headmistress was waiting for him with a smile on her face
"Mr. Dursley! I received your email. We have an additional charge this year?" She looked at the dog and her eyebrow shot up. "a very large additional charge."
"His name is Snuffles." Dudley said with a wince. "Don't worry. Despite his size he's really a big softy. And he's really well trained."
"Well then. Welcome to Smeltings Master Snuffles." She said with a smile. The dog sat and barked conversationally. The woman chuckled then straightened up. "I'll have someone bring your trunk to your room."
"No no!" Dudley insisted, feeling his classmates eyes on him again. "I can manage."
Sure enough as the headmistress left and the bus driver was distracted Dudley saw his classmates' true nature's emerge. Several boys snickered at him, calling his rude names and insulting his mental state under their breaths. Girls whispered too, but these were gentler, something about him looking hotter than last year. Dudley couldn't help blinking stupidly at that. He'd never been considered very attractive at smeltings. Was it because he had a dog or because of his exercise? He took his offered trunk robotically and then turned towards the school buildings proper. After finding his room he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Well that went well." Sirius stood up and dusted himself off with a tsk "That bus needs a good carpet cleaning." Then he pulled out a wand and performed a series of complicated enchantments on the door, so that no one would hear them or see them through the peering hole. Instead they would see an illusion that replaced Sirius with his canine counterpart. Dudley looked around and sighed.
"You know it's nice to be back… and I'm honestly grateful I don't have to share this year. Last year was irritating. My dorm mate was even more of a slob then I was."
"'am'," Sirius amended with a smirk "the correct tense is 'am'."
"Shut up." Dudley griped with a scowl. The man just laughed loudly and sighed.
"I don't mind. At least I'm not stuck in a room with 5 teenage boys."
"Hogwarts dorms have five people in them?!" Dudley asked in horror.
"Sometimes 6." Sirius said smugly. "When I was going to Hogwarts it was me, James, Remus, Peter, Frank Longbottom and Fred Prewett." Dudley whistled
"I don't know if I'd be able to handle it."
"You learn to keep you stuff in your space pretty quick." Sirius said with a grin. "Now let's see your timetable, then let's go get some dinner. I don't know about you, but I'm starved."
"Right." Dudley agreed. The first few days were pretty typical for Dudley really. The novelty of his dog wore off after the first few classes, mostly because it didn't do much more than sleep at his feet. At first the boys were quick to ridicule him. But the teachers seemed to have developed superhuman hearing when it came to him and bullying in general was no longer tolerated in any form. It seemed to be rippling outwardly too. People who had been treated poorly in the past were also getting more attention. Dudley couldn't help but appreciate the positive effect his 'dog' was having on this school. Sirius seemed pleased as well. Dudley could do without the ego though. According to Sirius, he'd swooped in and saved the school of destroying itself like some kind of comic book hero. It all came to a head on Thursday that first week back.
"Oi Dursley! Did ya hear?!" One of his gym friends called out from down the hall. He skidded to a halt panting and looked at Dudley with horrified eyes. "Coach Formans got fired!"
"What?! Why?"
"He was peeping in the girls change room."
"What?!" Dudley said in horror.
"I know! Who knew he was such a creep!"
"How'd he get caught?"
"According to the girls there was this one stall that everyone said was broken, so Padminja liked to use it to change in. Today she was late coming in cause she was helping Coach Harper with her equipment. All the other girls were showering already so she opened the curtain and there he was caught like a rat in a hole."
"Well shit…" Dudley said glumly. "What are we gonna do for PE?"
"Headmistress Greber says it'll be cancelled for the next few days, or else Coach Harper might fill in. But she's already looking for a new boys PE Prof. Snuffles perked up and barked.
"Wha-" Dudley began before the dog suddenly turned and pulled Dudley down the hall. "Whoa! Hey! Hey Snuffles slow down! Where are you going?!" Various people stared after the pair as Dudley was dragged through the school by his galloping dog. Finally they arrived at his room. Dudley closed the door and paused to catch his breath while Sirius paced back and forth in thought. "What the bloody hell was that about?"
"I think I know the perfect candidate for your new PE Professor." Sirius said smugly. Dudley blinked then scowled.
"That wasn't worth dragging me through the whole school for!" The teen griped.
"Well what was I supposed to do?! Wait until tonight?"
"Yes." Dudley said flatly
"But he might be sleeping then! And I have to call him on your phone anyway!" Dudley huffed in exasperation.
"I have English in ten minutes! And I can't go anywhere without you! Just wait till tonight!" Dudley finished. With that the pair made it back towards English and ran into his friend again.
"Hey man! What happened with your dog?"
"He heard my phone ringing." Dudley said sheepishly. "I missed a call from my mum."
"He could hear your phone from all the way across campus?"
"You know how dogs have awesome hearing? His is even more great than that. He can hear my neighbours cats from down the street. It's honestly pretty annoying sometimes. If they get into fights he doesn't stop barking for hours." Dudley explained away with a huff. His friend was pretty impressed and didn't question it anymore much to Dudley's relief. The rest of the day Snuffles was a ball of tightly wound energy. He thumped his tail impatiently all through English and his final period. He actually paced behind him at dinner, making everyone stare with confusion. Finally Headmistress Greber came by looking worried.
"Is your dog alright Mr. Dursley?"
"Well I missed a call from my mum this morning so I think that's what's making him nervous." Dudley explained with a wince. The headmistress didn't comment further, just nodded and began walking away again. "Um! Headmistress!"
"Yes Mr, Dursley?"
"I heard about Coach Foremans." Dudley began.
"Oh dear… it was a shock to be sure. If I hadn't seen photographic proof I wouldn't have believed it myself. But rest assured my dear boy, the next professor will be vetted and watched very closely."
"About that." Dudley began slowly "I think I know someone who might be a good replacement…" the teen began. Instantly Snuffles perked up and dashed away, various students stared after the dog in confusion but the headmistress had eyes only for Dudley.
"Oh? Who might that be?"
"He's a friend of the family." Dudley began slowly, going off of the very little he knew. "One of my uncle's best friends."
"Your uncle's? I didn't know you had an uncle."
"Erm. Well he's actually my cousin's godfather. But he's basically my uncle."
"Your cousin?"
"Harry ma'am. He goes to a very prestigious private school in Scotland. They only accept the best of the best."
"And this perfect replacement?"
"Well he's a friend of the family, but he actually taught at Harry's school one year."
"Oh did he now? What's his name?"
"It's uh…" Dudley began before he faltered. He couldn't remember. It was something Roman, like Cornelius… wait no that was the minister. Suddenly something wet and slimy touched his hand making him yelp and turned around. Snuffles' was standing, panting like mad, holding a photo in his mouth. Dudley took it and Snuffles touched the man in the middle with his nose. Dudley flipped it over and smiled.
"Thanks." He whispered. The student around him all watched this with confusion but didn't comment as Dudley made a show of rummaging around in his bag. "Sorry!" He finally exclaimed to the headmistress. "I just remembered I have an old picture of him!" He handed it to the woman. It was a sweet family photo, James and Lily were holding Harry while Sirius, Remus and Peter all stood around looking happy. "He's the tall one in the middle, Remus Lupin."
"Well then. Have him contact me and I'll schedule an interview" The headmistress said in interest. She handed back the photo with a smile.
"I will." Dudley said with a smile. Then he turned and handed the photo back to the dog who held it in his mouth with reverential gentleness. Dudley gave him a sympathetic pat before going back to his supper. As soon as he finished he and Snuffles ran off like a shot determined to make a very important phone call. Twenty minutes later, a thousand miles away Remus Lupin blinked blearily from the cot in the guest room of the farm he was staying at. He'd been hired as a short term labourer. The pay was awful but he got room and board so it was worth it in his mind. He still hadn't figured out how he was going to explain away the full moon. It was creeping closer day by day and the ache in his bones was beginning to get troublesome. That wasn't what woke him however. He picked up the mobile Sirius had purchased his a while back with a grimace.
"Hullo?" He groaned.
"Are you awake mate?" Sirius said with a smile in his voice.
"No." Remus grumbled
"Well then wake up! I think I found you a job!"
"I have a job." Remus griped tiredly.
"An actual job! You know with a contract and good pay? What'd you say the salary was?" Sirius asked someone in the background. There was a moment of silence in which Sirius whistled in amazement "how does £49,571 a year sound to you?"
Remus was very awake now. It took twenty minutes for sirius to explain his scheme. He wanted Remus to come as soon as he could but another voice, Harry's cousin named Dudley, reasoned that it was a bit late for that sort of thing and they should wait until tomorrow morning. Sirius begrudgingly agreeded and allowed Remus once again to fall asleep. Sirius called again at a ridiculously early hour, much to Remus and Dudley's annoyance. Remus was so irritated that he actually hung up and turned the infurnal mobile off so he could dress in peace. He did eventually call Sirius back who gave the address and some last minute convincing to the still skeptical werewolf. Remus finally arrived at The Smeltings Academy for Excellence at arround 12:30. He still felt a little bad about this. He appreciated what Sirius was doing but he still thought that he shouldn't be talking advantage of the Muggles this way. It was unethical.
"Remus John Lupin?" The headmistress asked. She was an austere looking woman with surprisingly soft eyes. It reminded him a bit of Minerva McGonagall and he couldn't help but smile as he gave her a strong handshake. " Mrs. Shela Greber. Thank you for coming on such short notice! When Dudley Dursley suggested you I wasn't sure what I expected. But your resume is surprisingly good. Though I must ask, why did you teach at your previous position for only a year?"
"It was for my health." Remus said as he rolled into the first lie "I have Lupus."
"Oh!" The headmistress said with a sympathetic frown.
"It was a one in a million chance" Remus admitted with a sigh "I just happened to be exceptionally unlucky."
"It must have been quite hard to teach then."
"Not especially. Unfortunately the weather exacerbated it. The school was located in northern Scotland and the winters were especially cold. Which is especially painful on my joints." Remus explained away then he straightened up a little. "There is one thing you should know. I have been working on an experimental treatment to help manage the symptoms. It's very exhausting and leaves me out of commission for three days every month." The headmistress contemplated this then hummed.
"It wouldn't be hard to find a TA to fill in for you on those days. Are the appointments regular?"
"Unfortunately no. The physician has several other patients and our schedules always seem to overlap. Oddly enough, I almost always get the appointments coinciding with the full moon." Remus said with a chuckle. The headmistress also chuckled
"Sounds like your doctor has a sense of humor Mr. Wolf." she joked. The man laughed quietly. The headmistress then stood.
"Well I have several other resumes to review. Well contact you with our decision." Remus held out a hand for another shake. Then he paused.
"Do you mind terribly if I go visit Mr. Dursley while I'm here? I haven't seen him in quite a while. I'd like to see how he's faring."
"Of course! He lives in The C block dorm. I'll let security know your coming." She said. Remus smiled before he walked away leaning on the cane Sirius had given him. He knew it was for playing up the illness but it was actually surprisingly helpful. He might just keep using it. The security guard was more than helpful and as soon as Remus knocked Dudley opened the door with a smile.
"Uncle Remus! How was the interview?"
"I think it went well." Remus began before Dudley closed the door behind him "this isn't going to work Sirius." The dog was replaced in a moment.
"Nonsense! This plan is perfect!"
"You had me list Albus Dumbledore as a reference!"
"And?"
"You know as well as I do he doesn't have a phone!"
"Of course not?"
"Then why-" the werewolf was cut off as Sirius's phone rang. The animagus looked at the number, motioned the two other room occupants to be silent, and flipped it open.
"Hogwarts Preparatory Academy, Albus Dumbledore Speaking." Sirius said clearly. Remus stared at him in horror. "Sorry what was the name?" He made a ruckus shifting paper. "Oh yes! Remus Lupin! Charming man! He is an alumni of the academy. We were sad to see him go so soon after taking up a position." He paused "yes. We truly wished we could have accommodated him better. We had a physician on site working on his treatment but there was unfortunately nothing we could do about the weather." Another pause "oh yes despite the teaching gaps he was excellent. The student all spoke very highly of him. He was exceptionally professional. They were all very sad to hear of his resignation." Sirius waited before he grinned wide "I am very glad to hear that! I'm sure he'll be quite excited to hear from you!" One final pause "thank you very much. Have a wonderful day!" And the phone call was finished. Sirius smiled at Remus with a wide grin while the man stared at him in horror.
"Sirius…"
"What?"
"You just impersonated the most powerful wizard in the world."
"Yep!"
"To get me a job."
"Yep!"
"You're a mad man." The werewolf muttered. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"We've been over this before Remus." suddenly Remus's phone rang. He looked at the number and groaned.
"Remus John Lupin." he answered quietly.
"Mr. Lupin! I just spoke with Albus Dumbledore. Going off what he has said I think we can safely hire you on as a probationary teacher for the next month. Just to see. After that we can discuss your full time position here and any adjustments to your salary. Are you still open to the position?" asked. Remus looked at the other two room occupants who nodded vigorously and sighed silently.
"Certainly Mrs. Greber. It would be my honor."
A/N: Being friends with Sirius Black must be exhausting.
dambrook: Welcome! I hope you'll continue to enjoy! I may (MAY) upload my works onto Ao3 someday but I want to focus on finishing the few active works I have before attempting any kind of massive reposting for editing projects.
SavannahWeaver0: Thank you! more should be coming soon.
imerldarosemathew: Thank you very much!
Rori Potter: Dudley is such a wonderfully underused character that lends himself to all kinds of character modification. It is that true most people use his post... revelation(?) (the 'i don't think you're a waste of space' quote) character but I like to think that a Dudley confronted with all of his issues at face value wouldn't at least attempt to shape up.
That's not to say I don't embrace an 'evil' Dudley.
I have personally used many forms of his character across my works.
but this one is proving to be quite fun.
it's funny, it's sappy, it's emotional.
and I'm enjoying the process very much!
Even though life did indeed come back for my money...
though it thankfully left all my clothes!
Be sure to stay hydrated, stay safe, and wear a mask.
Don't forget to keep on Reading!
-TTC