Best Laid Plans Heather Burkett

Chapter 15: I Know

Tuesday.

The night that Jacob and I talk to our little girl about sex and growing up.

It's funny, throughout Sarah's life I'd imagined her wedding day and wondered about my future grandbabies, but I realized my imagination had skipped clear past this part.

I spent the morning watching YouTube videos and reading internet articles, trying to formulate a plan for breaching the subject with Sarah. I was sure Jake would speak up here and there but, for the most part, he'd made it clear that I would be the director of the conversation.

A lot of the information I found echoed Mom's sentiment that the way we handled the delicate topic would not only shape the way Sarah ultimately looked at sex, but also whether or not she felt it was okay to talk to us about it.

No pressure.

I tried to think back on the time when Mom first talked to me about sex. I was thirteen or fourteen when she spied James giving me a quick kiss on the front porch from the kitchen window.

I saw the curtain drop closed and feared the tongue-lashing I would get from my father when I walked into the house.

Instead, I found my mom waiting for me in the kitchen doorway with a cat-who-caught-the-mouse type grin.

"You know what kissing leads to, don't you?" She asked.

I was worried it was a trick-question and shook my head rapidly.

"Oh, lots of fun stuff! Let's go up to your room and talk about it."

I was confused, to say the least.

My parents had covered sex in the where-babies-come-from conversation when I was five and by the time I'd reached sixth grade, human growth and development taught me all about the mechanics behind it. What more was there to discuss?

But Mom had been transparent with me that night, going over the ins and outs of love and relationships in new and profound ways we'd never discussed before. She spoke to me on a different level than she ever had before – more adult, if that makes any sense.

It wasn't until now that I realized that discussion had opened new doors in our relationship, a mutual trust, respect and admiration that had been absent before.

I want that with Sarah.

I wanted this to be a bonding experience for us, more than anything. I wanted her to know she could ask questions and trust me to answer them openly and honestly, as long as I could trust her to be as open and honest with me in return.

I wasted the day away, neglecting phone calls and business e-mails as I focused on writing a rough draft of my thoughts for my daughter, trying to put it all in a cohesive order.

I called Ali via Bluetooth on the way to Jake's house, filling her in on my weekend revelations, last night's conversation with Jake, and today's mission of talking to Sarah about sex.

"Wow, you've got a lot on your plate!" She hummed.

"You could say that. But, it's time for yet another shift of my priorities."

"Good thing you have that assistant now, huh Bells?"

I hadn't thought of it that way. Perhaps with time and some grooming, Edward could assist with more than just day-of events. I imagined having the time and freedom to reconnect with my family, even in our newest reincarnation.

Butterflies were prancing around my stomach by the time I pulled up at the house.

"You got this." Alice cheered me on confidently before hanging up.

Dinner was nice, if not uneventful. I noticed Jake ate as little as I did, echoing the anxiety I felt. He'd cued Sue and Billy to our plan of attack, so they quietly slipped away after dinner, allowing us some private time with Sarah.

"Why don't you guys go hang out in the living room and I'll finish up the dishes." I offered.

Jake threw his beefy arm around Sarah's dainty shoulders, guiding her out of the dining room into the adjoining family room.

In the kitchen, I placed the dishes in the dishwasher and started a cycle before making my way out to join them.

We sat in companionable quiet for a moment before Jake cleared his throat, indicating that I'd put it off for long enough.

"Hey Buttercup. Your Dad and I wanted to talk to you about something." I began.

Her eyes went wide with worry and fear. "Uh-oh. Is there something worse than divorce?" She asked, fearing a repeat of the last time we'd started a conversation this way.

"No, Sweetie. It's not a bad thing at all." Jake offered, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face.

I was proud of him for stating it that way.

"Well mom's here for dinner, and there's cake for later, and now you want to talk. It doesn't sound like you have anything good planned." She answered honestly.

I made a mental note of ensuring we shared dinner together more often.

And don't forget the cake!

I tried to remember the opening I'd penned earlier in the day, but my mind was a complete and utter blank, so I improvised the best way I knew how.

"As your Dad said, it's not a bad thing at all. You're just getting older and your Dad and I thought it was time to have a little conversation about growing up and relationships." I began.

Her brow furrowed as she gnawed on her lip, as if she was trying to work out an invisible math problem. Then, as if a light bulb would begin glowing over her head, her eyes went wide and her eyebrows shot up impossibly high on her forehead as she jumped up, her face crimson. "Oh my God, Leah told you he kissed me, didn't she? I can't believe her! I told her you'd overreact, I knew it!" We reached out to stop her but she tore away from our grasp, racing up the stairs two at a time before we heard a door slam shut.

What the fuck?!

She told Leah and not me?

I looked at Jake in shock, only to find he was furious.

"I'll go talk to her." I offered sadly.

This had not gone as planned.

"I'm calling Leah." Jake answered, phone in his hand and dialing as he stormed out the front door.

Poor Leah – I was actually worried for her.

I went into the kitchen, taking the time to cut a slice of cake to calm myself down before heading up to Sarah's room.

Knock-knock-knock.

"Sarah? Baby? I brought you a slice of cake?" I offered. When there was no answer, I tested the knob, surprised to see it wasn't locked. I peeked in, the light from the hallway casting over her figure lying in the fetal position on her bed. "Can I come in?"

I vaguely saw her head nod and stepped inside, closing the door behind me and placing the cake on her desk beside the door.

"May I turn on a light?"

I was rewarded with another nod, so I flipped on the switch, going over to sit at the foot of her bed. She was curled up facing away from me, so I let my hand slide up and down her shin affectionately, unable to see the emotion in her face.

"Leah didn't tell us." I spoke softly, as if trying to wake her from a bad dream.

She sat up on her elbow, turning to look at me. "She didn't?"

I shook my head. "No. Whatever you've told her, she's kept in confidence."

"Then, you didn't know?" She asked, hopeful and confused.

I bowed my head bashfully. "I was in the laundry room when you told your friends. I overheard a bit and put two-and-two together."

She lowered her eyes, chewing on her lip again. "So, you've known since Friday?"

I nodded.

"And you didn't freak out?"

I nodded again, and then smiled mischievously. "Well, maybe a little bit." I admitted, making a tiny gesture with my fingers.

She laughed as I smoothed her hair back from her face, drying away the residue of tears from her cheek.

"Look, it's hard being a parent, Kiddo. You didn't exactly come with an instruction manual."

"Are you and Dad mad?" She asked.

I remembered my promise to be honest with her. "Surprised? Yes. Concerned? Yes. But no, we're not mad at you. Your first kiss is just a part of growing up that we weren't ready for." I paused, cynically, "This is your first kiss, right?"

She giggled and nodded, that beautiful blush painting her otherwise fair complexion.

"Look. The responsible thing for us to do is talk to you about this, but we can do it whatever way is most comfortable for you. If you'd rather do it with Dad in the room, I'll call him up, or we can just have some girl chat. What do you want to do?"

She thought about it momentarily. "Can I just talk to you about it? I love Daddy, but I'm not ready for that."

"Alrighty, girl chat it is. So, do you like this Riley kid?" I prompted.

She chewed on her lip some more, the tender skin turning red with her efforts. "I'm not sure."

I nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, relationships can be really confusing sometimes."

"Yeah." She chimed in. "I mean, this entire summer, he was picking on me and teasing me – like the day he pulled me under the water during the movie."

I laughed. "Boys aren't always so good at handling their emotions. But, was he mean, or playful? I don't want you to ever let a boy be mean to you." I added seriously.

"No, he was playful."

"And, did you sort of like the attention, or miss it when he wasn't acting up?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, now that I think about...I guess so. But, since he kissed me, he's different. He's more shy and sweeter now. My friends are saying he wants to be my boyfriend."

Boyfriend.

I was so in above my head here.

"And, what does being boyfriend and girlfriend mean to you?" I asked, praying the answer was something I wanted to hear.

"I dunno. I guess holding hands, hanging out, walking each other to class and passing notes. Stuff like that."

Oh, thank God.

"Are those things you think you'd like to do with Riley?" I hedged.

She thought it over. "You know, I kinda think I would."

"Well, Sweetie, it sounds like you may just like Riley Biers."

She giggled uncontrollably. "I guess I do."

I laughed at her exuberance.

"What was your first kiss like?" she asked, swinging her legs off the side of the bed so she could face me better. I reached over, grabbing the cake plate from the desk and handing it to her and laughing as I told her about James kissing me on the front porch.

We must have talked for two hours or so. I told her about James and some of my experience with boyfriends and kissing, but just asked that she take her time, set boundaries and stick to them regardless of peer pressure.

Being the smart kid she was, I could tell that she totally got it.

"Buttercup, I hope our little talk has proven that you can talk to me about this stuff. It can be really confusing and overwhelming sometimes, and it helps to have an adult you can share this kind of thing with." I breathed out calmly. "But, if you still don't feel comfortable talking to me, I'm glad that you have Leah. Together, she and I can help you through a lot of this stuff, okay? All I ask is, no secrets and no lies. Okay?"

"No secrets. No lies." She crooked her pinky finger and I linked it with mine. "I promise."

With our fingers still interlocked, I responded "And I promise the same to you. No secrets. No lies."

She climbed up on her knees, lunging at me and wrapping her thin arms around my neck. "I love you, Mom."

I bit back tears, knowing that would only ruin the moment. "I love you too, Baby."

We hugged it out before I left her alone in her room to go check on Jake.

"Did you have the talk?" Jake asked as I found him sitting in a deck chair on the front porch.

I nodded. "Are you mad?"

He breathed out calmly. "No, I think it probably worked out better that way. How did it go?"

"I got a hug and an 'I love you, Mom' out of it, so I'd say it went fairly well." I gave him a self-satisfied grin and he chuckled. "How's Leah?" I segued.

"She's okay. Apparently, Sarah called her Saturday night from your parent's house. She was feeling confused and needed someone to talk to, and she didn't think you and I could handle it. She asked Leah not to tell us, and Leah didn't want to break her confidence."

I nodded. "It's probably for the best. It's not like either of us would have been as cool in the moment, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know."