Disclaimer: I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit.

The why of things

Chapter 7

"Angeal Hewley"

By Lady Yomi

After waiting for two long hours, Sadie managed to meet with Barret Wallace, the leader of the resistance. He wasn't easy to reach, even though being her boss.

Barret was a busy, short-tempered man. He was more skilled in military tactics, weapons and strategy than in human resources. Sadie knew that, but the fact that the blond faker (she, of all people, couldn't possibly forget the face of a Shinra Soldier) brought up Zack's name made it hard for her to contain the need to voice her concerns.

She insistently tapped the tip of her boot against the floor, waiting for Barret to tidy up his precarious basement office. "Can I come in now?" she asked, unable to conceal her anxiety.

"Wait a damn minute, Darcy." Her boss sighed, dragging a chair that squeaked against the metal floor. "I've been here for ten hours, this better be serious."

The woman peeked through the door frame, her lips half-open in a gesture of uncertainty. She knew what was troubling her, but Barret's stern look kept the words from coming out. "It's about the guy... that I found in the cathedral."

"Yes." Barret gave her a slow, heavy look, as if he were told that the clouds were made of water. "The guy you found."

"He said he was a Soldier, right? What do we know about that? Is it true?"

Her boss nodded slightly, taking a cup that rested on his old coffee table. "Apparently. There's no record of anyone named Strife on the Soldier lists, but the guy said that things changed after Sephiroth disbanded in Nibelheim and I see no reason to deny it. Gone are the days when they were like rock stars for the stupid followers of the damn Shinra."

"Yes, maybe so." Sadie bit her lip.

"They don't want the bad press of their best Soldier burning down a village with innocent civilians inside, so they act like the rats they are and continue to use these savages for their dirty work. But secretly, of course."

"And this guy... Strife." She folded her arms, watching as her boss poured himself coffee with his deft hand. "Is he a defector or something?"

"Hmm... Maybe, maybe not. I trust his statement about the record but I don't quite trust him as a person. He said he was told that we paid better than Shinra and that's why he decided to change sides." Barret stretched his lips in a straight line and dropped his eyebrows on his eyelids. "That doesn't sound very credible to me."

Sadie laughed out loud, more out of bewilderment than fun. "Are you kidding? They make enough money to buy a whole plate!"

Barret raised the cup as a toast, nodding his head conscientiously. "That's right. That's my problem with him."

"Yes..." The woman frowned, walking over to Barret's table. "We must arrange something for him to prove his loyalty, right?"

"Aha. That's what I'm going to do. We'll take him to blow up the reactors with us. If he does something like that he will be considered dog meat for Shinra and that'll prevent him from becoming an enemy again."

Sadie sighed. "I know what you are talking about; once in Avalanche, always in Avalanche."

Her boss smiled, showing off his brilliant teeth as he did so. "That's right, that's the way it's down here. We'll properly baptize him." He paused after taking a sip of his coffee and his expression became noticeably serious. "But I guess you didn't keep me from meeting my little girl just to chat about the fate of that nest-head bloke."

She shook her head, slightly balancing her weight on her heels. "No. He seemed disoriented when I found him."

"Typical of them. The mako breaks their heads sooner or later."

"Yes, perhaps. But he also mentioned Zack."

"Who?"

"Zack!"

Barret narrowed his eyes, trying to remember. "The guy who cleaned the grease trap at the bar?"

"Not that one! Angeal's apprentice!"

"Ah." The man let out a long sigh, annoyed when he understood who they were talking about. "The Soldier who kicked the bucket."

Sadie bit her lip, lifting her chin as she spoke: "No one is sure about that!"

"Same as Sephiroth and if that demon still walked upon the earth there wouldn't be any of us left on it to be surprised." He gave her a long, weary look. "If the guy were alive he would've reached out to your friend by now, wouldn't he?"

"Yes. I mean... no! Maybe he's lost, kidnapped, hiding or... maybe he doesn't remember what happened!"

"Darcy." Barret stared at her with one of those stone-hard looks that kept even the veterans of the rebellion in check. "Until this moment you were the biggest cynic among us regarding Zack Fair. You said you were just trying to appease your friend, that you were merely seeking to pay off your debt."

Sadie backed off, quickly looking away. "And who says that's changed, huh?"

"I do." Barret gazed at her over the edge of his coffee cup, the steam of the drink gently caressing his forehead. "I know you cared deeply for Hewley. The guy took you off the streets and brought you to us. I know what it's like to lose someone to the filthy Shinra."

The girl drowned her grief under a scowl that hid her agony at the mention of the missing Soldier. She settled for a serious nod and masked her pain with the hatred for the company they both shared. "They turned him into a monster... and in the end I couldn't do anything for him."

"But Zack isn't Angeal."

Sadie looked over her shoulder, suddenly distraught by what she heard. "I'm well aware of that!"

"You aren't going to bring him back like that." Barret took another sip of his coffee. "Even if you turn him into a ghost of his teacher, the boy isn't going to be more alive than he is."

"Look, that's not what we need to talk about!" Sadie extended and squeezed her fingers repeatedly, trying to regain her cool. "All we know is that this ex-Soldier mentioned him! If he enlisted before Sephiroth, it's quite possible he saw him before he disappeared!"

Her boss looked at her sideways, slightly keener on what she had to say. "Ah, that makes sense."

"Of course it does!" Sadie took a deep breath, sensing her heart racing inside her chest without knowing exactly why. Maybe it was due to the thrill of having a solid clue about what happened. She could give Aerith answers so she wouldn't have to see that dejected look on her face ever again. "It's been five years Barret, not twenty! Zack may still be out there!"

Her boss grinned mischievously, putting the cup aside. "Are you sure you're just looking for him so that friend of yours can see him again?"

"Ah!" She blinked several times, dramatically frowning at the meaning of what was said. "But! W, what else could it be?" She gradually dropped her voice and scratched the back of her neck absently. "And because I owe it to him, nothing else."

Barret laughed under his breath, rising to his feet with obvious fatigue. "Good. You've got half an hour to talk to him."

"Really?" Her face lit up as she eagerly retreated into the hallway. "Where is he?! I'll be right there!"

"At the bar, we have no reason to keep him in jail so I figured it would do him good to rub elbows with our guys before the mission." He touched his temple with his index finger, smiling from ear to ear. "Tifa knows if they can be trusted as soon as she sees them, she'll break his spine in three pieces if he gets out of line."

Seventh Heaven was a lively and bohemian bar; fairly attended by slum people.

The regent, Tifa Lockhart, wasn't only known for her beauty and kindness to customers, but also for her incredible gift for hand-to-hand combat (which she often exercised with the patrons who failed to respect the staff members).

This bar served as a hideout for Avalanche's rebellion and Tifa was no stranger to their meetings. In fact, she was a member of the eco-terrorist group since suffering the loss of her loved ones to the horrible awakening of the beast, Sephiroth.

Sadie walked towards the place with confident steps, she noticed the profile of the beautiful waitress outlined in a window of the tavern. Next to her was the former Soldier; seemingly trying to get away from the woman who was lecturing him about something that seemed to upset her a lot.

That guy had to know something. He had to!

Sadie crossed the dirt road that separated her from the bar when a person got in her way: "You can't talk to Cloud Strife, he's not ready to hear from Zack yet."

"What the hell?" Sadie recoiled, both surprised and annoyed by the hooded character who dared to stop her. "How much do you know about this?!"

"As much as to assure you it's not safe for him or us to rummage through his memories of Zack, or anything that happened five years ago."

Sadie pressed her lips and tapped her fingertips on the handle of her rifle. "Ah, a gypsy with bad omens. You did a good job with the name stuff, but I don't have any money to give you, so go away with your mysterious premonitions to wherever someone wants to listen to you." She nodded and moved to the side, returning to her path.

She didn't go far when she felt the grip of a gloved hand on her shoulder. It wasn't a strong grip, but a weak and insecure one; like that of someone who holds a pen with two fingers. "Dr. Darcy, please!"

Sadie opened her mouth an inch, staring at the hooded man over her shoulder. "How did you call me?"

"I called you 'doctor'. Maybe it was a sham for you, but... you helped me so much. I know I can trust you and you'll listen to me if I ask you from the bottom of my heart!"

The woman stopped hesitantly, feeling that the past had given her an unexpected slap. Her voice was no more than a whisper when she asked: "Who are you?"

"I..." The man opened his lips again and again, unsure of how to explain himself. He tried to take off his hood, but his hand was left halfway up in the air. He squeezed his fingers tightly and sighed: "I'm one of your former patients. You... helped me with my shyness and I managed to be the disinhibited person I never thought I could become."

Sadie squinted, so many terrible things happened after she was discovered by Shinra that she buried those peaceful times under the avalanche of fear that followed them. "I can't remember you well. Maybe I would if you told me your name?"

"It's impossible, I... I still work for Shinra. You're with the rebels and I don't want any trouble."

"Please!" She took a step forward and held the cloak that covered him as if she were holding on to life itself. "I helped you once, didn't I? I promise I won't hurt you!"

The man gulped and looked to the side before speaking, his gaze fixed on the hand that was desperately holding him. He couldn't help but smile as he spoke: "You're really eager to hear from Zack, aren't you?"

Sadie slowly filled her lungs with air, for she forgot to breathe for more than ten seconds. "Yes!" She nodded without letting go of her grip. "And if you tell me what you know... I promise I won't bother Strife!"

The man's smile deepened and his cheeks wrinkled when he took a long breath. "Dr. Darcy, I'm Kunsel Reiss; from the 2nd Class Soldier Training Division and I need your help to solve what happened five years ago in the Nibelheim mission."

All of Midgar seemed to freeze when she slowly released the grip from his cape. "What does Zack have to do with that?"

"It was the last mission he carried out before being declared missing in action. The village was burned and the few remaining witnesses refused to testify."

"And do you have strong evidence about what happened?"

Kunsel took a deep breath, sounding extra confident in his testimony: "I'm fairly sure I know where Zack is, Dr. Darcy."

Sadie fell silent for some seconds that seemed like forever to him. Her green eyes stared at Cloud and Tifa inside the bar. Her gut told her that this decision would have a huge effect on the fate of all of them.

Should she go to the bar and ask Avalanche's new member about the letter, or should she follow the mysterious clue (in her opinion too good to be true), that Kunsel provided?

She finally decided that following her patient's route would lead her to richer lands.

The 2nd Class Soldier and his companion traveled silently in an old carriage that followed the mountain path slowly but surely.

They were meters away from Junon's airport, from where they would travel to Mideel; a village in the south of the planet. This place was supposed to hold the secret of the experiments that Shinra performed on its elite troops.

"The lifestream is closer to the surface at Mideel, which causes huge mako eruptions to escape from deep within the earth," Kunsel said casually as they got out of the vehicle. "You know how Shinra's people call that, don't you?"

"The Promised Land," muttered Sadie, looking straight ahead. "They believe there's an endless source there and that's why they bought every square meter of the island, although for public knowledge it's a peace mission that's sitting there to avoid," she couldn't help but laugh when repeating the ironic reason given by her enemies to justify their presence at Mideel, "that someone will take advantage of the citizens to extract the mako that belongs to them."

"The rebels are more informed than I thought."

"The existence of the whole planet is at stake. It's our responsibility to know it."

Kunsel nodded, relieved to have less to explain about the situation involving them. He extended the tickets to the guard stationed outside the airport entrance and muttered to his partner: "You think we're the enemy, but even the military is being used and deceived in the most awful ways by the company to which they swore allegiance."

Sadie looked at him over her shoulder, narrowing her eyelids in disdain. "Don't expect sympathy from me, no one forced them to enlist in the first place."

"Maybe not, but the problem is that none of us really knew what kind of thing we were volunteering for."

She wasn't impressed at all, in fact, her face hardened even more. "I'm not interested in your remorse. You never expected that taking someone else's life would be traumatic in the slightest, did you? Well, neither did I," she snapped, "It's not my problem if Soldiers have existential crises."

Kunsel bit his lip. "Can you put the grudge aside and listen to what I have to say with an open mind?"

Sadie stopped in front of the plane that would take them to Mideel. The day was so gray as her mood and that bothered her endlessly. "Go on, talk. What ways did they fool them?"

"Well." The Soldier took a breath and scratched the back of his neck. "They told us we were fighting for order and progress. That our duty was to rid this world of poverty and injustice. To bring the same amount of light and opportunities to the rest of humanity."

Those words.

Those damn words all over again.

Sadie couldn't stop a memory she held deep in her mind from flashing before her eyes as if she were living it for the first time.

She was a little girl, no more than twelve years old, sitting on the floor of a dirty alley. Her hair, then black and tangled like the darkness that surrounded her, was falling to shreds on her face. She had no more tears left to cry, her only way of existing was a total lack of emotion. A limbo in which she couldn't distinguish the days from the nights.

It was then that she saw him.

Angeal Hewley, then a 2nd Class Soldier, walked down a street next to the spot where she was. The man seemed to shine with his own light, like a lighthouse moving in the middle of the night; illuminating everything around him. He carried a sword that glowed under the neon lights of a trendy poster that hovered over the avenue, and the fluorescent lighting turned him into an apparition detached from the awful world of the living.

"Hello," he muttered in a voice that wasn't as deep as the one he developed some years later. "I think I got lost, do you know where the commercial district is?"

The girl gave no answer, she was satisfied with keeping her eyes fixed on the garbage around her. Maybe if she ignored him enough he would leave like everyone else.

But the young man remained indifferent to her hostility. "I have a mission to fulfill over there. Apparently, there's a surplus of food in a nice cafeteria and they want me to transport it to the dump." He sighed and dropped his shoulders. "Can you believe it? I never thought I'd sign up to throw delicious food in a dumpster."

Sadie kept acting proud, even though the mention of food made her guts growl loudly. Angeal smiled to himself when he noticed her reaction. "So much energy wasted on rats." He clicked his tongue and placed his hands on his hips. "People should take better advantage of the benefits of electric energy. Where I come from, we don't know what electricity is. We use a clay oven to cook bread, which gives a very special flavor to what's cooked." He smiled from ear to ear. "It's like eating cookies that taste like barbecue!"

The little girl looked over her shoulder, tempted to speak up but not feeling confident enough to express her thoughts. Angeal approached her at a slow pace, looking for a handkerchief in his pockets. "I miss my mother's cookies and Banora's dumbapples so much! When I was little like you, my friend Gen would always eat them with me." He bent over and rubbed the handkerchief across her cheek, trying to get rid of the dirt that covered her without much success. "Do you have a friend like mine? One who hangs out with you and worries about you?"

Sadie shook her head slightly to the side and the Soldier dropped his shoulders dramatically. "Wow. That must be very boring."

The girl stared at him and scratched her cheek that itched from being rubbed with the (now ruined) handkerchief, sticking to a serious nod. Angeal smiled in return. "Well, I bet it'll be fun to find out if that cafeteria has Banora's kind of cookies. But Gen is working and I don't think he can join me. Do you know anyone who can take my friend's place? I hate to eat alone!"

Sadie agreed to take Gen's place for a while. All the adults she met were either cruel or indifferent, but it was the first time she'd met a Shinra Soldier and he reminded her of an imaginary family member she used to play with in the back of her mind.

It was late at night and she shared a tray of cream buns with Angeal on the outside of the coffee shop (the owners refused to let the Soldier sit at a table with such a sloppy girl), when she mumbled her first words to him: "What's your name?"

Angeal couldn't hide his enthusiasm as he hit his chest with a closed fist, raising his chin to say: "Angeal Hewley! 2nd Class Soldier on the orders of the gracious President Shinra!"

Sadie stood there, blinking slowly. "Shinra?" She pouted while looking at the bun she held. "They're throwing this food away."

"Oh!" He clenched his teeth tightly and shrugged. "Shinra... is more than that. I guess the President is too busy to notice what his staff does behind his back, and that's why misfortunes like this happen." He scowled, looking at the tray of buns that rested on the bench where they sat. "Not all who belong to the company know exactly why it exists."

"I don't know why it exists." Sadie looked at him out of the corner of her eye, chewing on her bun.

"Ah." Angeal smiled sideways, clasping his hands in a thoughtful gesture. "Shinra is a company like no other the world has ever seen. They're deeply interested in mankind's progress. They don't care about money, but about the pursuit of science for the sake of well-being, but of course... a certain amount is necessary for all the expenses this entails."

"What is well-being?" She narrowed her eyes, looking at her bare feet.

The Soldier sighed and ruffled her hair with his gloved hand, not knowing whether to be surprised or saddened by Sadie's ignorance. "Well-being is when people feel satisfied, happy and calm. It's what we all deserve."

"And President Shinra wants us to feel like that?"

"Of course. His goal is to lift the world out of poverty so that people like you will no longer live in unfair conditions. With the right technology we'll all have a little bit of what makes us happy."

Sadie nodded slowly, without looking up from the floor. "So... I could have more of these." She lifted the bun above her head. "And a bed, perhaps?"

Angeal laughed, his eyes shining with enthusiasm. "And more than that! With the new knowledge humanity will gain from research, we'll get access to the same amount of light and opportunities."

"And what is your sword for? You don't look like a researcher."

"Oh..." The young man slumped and held his hands over each other. "Sometimes you have to fight to get your ideas heard. Not everyone agrees with the President."

"Why?" Sadie sulked over the pain in her stomach, she hadn't eaten for several days and the bun binge was beginning to take its toll.

"There are selfish people who refuse to share the light and deny that we must do stuff we don't like in order to get what we want." He forced a smile, trying to ward off the ghosts of those he silenced for his duty. "And so we, the Knights of Justice, must defend the ideals of President Shinra!"

"Ah!" The girl's face lit up for the first time in the conversation. "You fight so that we all get to eat! You're heroes!"

Angeal Hewley felt his chest swell with pride. That was the idea that motivated him to risk his life on the front lines, which made him undergo the horrible mako experiments in the first place. But was it fair to call himself a hero? Maybe it was too much.

"Heroes?" he denied with a gentle nod of his head. "No... it takes more to be one."

Sadie held her position firmly and clenched her fist tightly over her skirt. "To be a hero... you just need to do things right!"

Angeal couldn't help but smile, it had been a long time since he'd talked to someone outside of the military order. Years even, since he chatted with a person far younger than himself. "But are you aware of what it means to do things right?"

Sadie's memories abruptly jumped to the afternoon when Zack Fair visited her in the hospital, her own childish, muddy face melded with that of the missing Soldier, standing in the brightly lit room as he replied: "I'll be from now on."

She took one hand to her forehead, coming back to reality. The plane flew across the skies with a noisy buzz as Kunsel talked to the pilot about things she didn't care to know.

She felt a chill that ran through her entire body as she realized that Zack might be so dead as Angeal. The ghosts of both only existed in her memories now, subjected to the echo of a past that would never return. What was she clinging to with that crazy adventure in the middle of nowhere?

She sighed and looked at her reflection in the window glass; so different from that poor child from Midgar.

"Hey, doctor!" Kunsel's voice sounded like a bell that woke her up. "Look out the window, we're already over Mideel!"

The island was a green mass that floated in the foggy ocean like a leaf hovering above the clouds. The mako rivers could be seen flowing through the greenery as if they were the planet's veins; a view so surreal as the trance-like state that took over Sadie's departure trip.

"Where shall we go first?" asked the rebel without taking her eyes off her destiny.

"We'll meet with a person who can give us the details we need. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you after so long."

"Do I know her?"

"And very well!" Kunsel shared a mischievous look with the pilot. "Though it's been years since you last saw each other."

Sadie scowled, unable to determine the identity of the suspicious contact. "Well, I'm not that excited. I have no idea who it's going to be."

The Soldier laughed again, letting himself fall on the seat in a carefree way. "If you knew it, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

Sadie just nodded her head, more hesitantly than in agreement with the situation. She wasn't sure of being in the right place. Each mile away from Midgar increased the feeling that she should've followed Barret Wallace's advice.

Chasing ghosts would drive her faster to them. And a ghost's place, in her experience, was only the grave.

Endless thanks for reading!