There was a gap in the drapes, and Nishi turned in the bedcovers to block out the light with his arm. A hand found its way out of the duvet to turn off the alarm before it even went off; Nishi hated the sound because he didn't see it as an alarm to wake him up, but rather a warning that he had to attend school. Nishi didn't dislike school; he wanted to learn, his grades were proof of that. It was the individuals within the school he hated, every one of them. Yeah, that included the teachers. Turned out that those who were failing and never bothered studying or even cared if their grades were slipping due to their own negligence, were the ones who received the attention. 'It's not your fault,' or, 'I'm sure you did your best, it's okay.' It didn't matter if they did something wrong; the teachers would simply give them extra time because they were only 'acting out.' At the same time, they would turn a blind eye to the victims of bullying due to them being smarter, as long as they were receiving good marks, who cared, right?

This was how Nishi came to view his peers and those above them too. Respect your seniors, respect your elders, as if many of those people deserved it! Even though Nishi thought this way, it didn't stop him from continuing his education; he would not let his grades slip simply to get some kind of recognition. The day would come, he would grow up and take pleasure in watching those fail because of their own stupidity; it wasn't arrogance, it was just a fact.

Nishi swung his legs over the bed, scratching his head while trying to hand-comb his messy hair. He checked the school-bag next to his desk, making sure his books were appropriate for the lessons he had today and that his homework was ready. His school uniform hung on the closet door, so Nishi took it with him and headed to the bathroom, opening the door slowly. Nishi rolled his eyes as he stepped out of his room and shut the door; he wasn't surprised to see his dad sitting in the armchair, a glass of whiskey already in his hand.

Hearing the door behind him, Nishi's dad slightly turned his head to show some form of attention to his son. "Don't you have school?"

Nishi raised an eyebrow and suspected his dad didn't even know what time it was, but he wasn't in the mood to make a quip about his father's drinking; coming home from school with a black eye was one thing, but he would rather not go to school with one. His father hadn't hit him before, but Nishi suspected it would happen eventually because his dad had a short temper when it came to dealing with him. "Don't you have work?" Nishi snapped back before heading to the bathroom.

"I still got some leave left, so get off my case brat." Nishi glared at the back of his dad's head but kept quiet. "When you get a job and pay the bills, you can make snarky comments, until then, shut the hell up and act grateful."

Nishi stilled his hand on the doorknob and tried his best to keep the anger from his voice. "Mum pays the bills, you buy alcohol, so yes, I am grateful, but it's definitely not for you." Nishi didn't give his dad a chance to reply, and half-slammed the door shut.

Nishi shouldered his rucksack and headed for the porch to slip his shoes on.

"Get me a bottle on your way home, will ya?"

Nishi turned around with a frown on his face, glancing down at the money his dad was giving him. What made his dad think anyone would even serve him? "How about using that money for more important things, you know, like food. Or perhaps the electric bill that's two weeks overdue, the one thing she asked you to pay and you still haven't done it."

The man sneered at his son, clutching the doorframe that led to the kitchen. "Who are you to tell me what I spend my fucking money on!"

Nishi gave him a small smirk before pursing his lips in disgust. "The one who you told to hide the bill in the first place, so unless you want me to tell mother that the electric bill is over twenty thousand Yen in debt, I suggest you pay it." Nishi turned around and walked out of the house without another word.

Nishi always walked to school; it helped him relax and prepared him for the day ahead. He walked with his head down, frowning as the events from earlier played in his mind. "I can't believe I share the same fucking DNA as someone like him, what a waste of space." When the first bell sounded in the near distance, Nishi looked up as he passed the wall leading to his school, it was probably his dad's fault for making him late, but he didn't quicken his pace; he would arrive in time for the roll call anyway.

Nishi opened his locker to retrieve his school shoes and sighed. Can't they at least come up with something new? Without a word, he reached his hand in to pull out whatever garbage there was and tossed it behind him. While them stuffing his locker was a hassle, it was probably better than going home to his mother and explaining why there was evidence of a fight on his face again. She never showed any disappointment, since she was the only one who knew what he went through at school, but Nishi couldn't help thinking she might be.

"Hey!"

Nishi pulled out his shoes to switch them over and turned to the voice's occupier as he shut the door. "Yes?"

It was a teacher, vice-principle, to be exact. "Care to explain why you just threw garbage on the floor? Does that look like a garbage bin to you?"

Nishi looked down at the trash as though he was humoring the man, and then looked up. "It's not mine," he said with a shrug.

"Do you think I was born yesterday? I just saw you throw that out of your locker."

Nishi slipped his shoes on. "Why would I stuff garbage in my own locker, sir?" It was probably not the best idea to mock the respectful way a student addressed a teacher, but assumptions pissed him off.

"I didn't ask for your smart mouth, just pick it up."

Nishi gritted his teeth, biting back the words he wanted to say, and scooped up the trash from the floor. When he heard snickering, Nishi looked up and saw two of his classmates leaning over the railing; he glared at them before walking outside to shove the mess into the waste bin.

When Nishi entered his classroom, his eyes wandered immediately over to the two from the stairs, but he knew from experience that if you pretended it didn't bother you half as much as it actually did, it confused and annoyed them. Nishi remembered the advice his mother gave him the first time.

Nishi sat at the breakfast table, and his mother smiled at him as she placed a bowl of cereal in front of him. His dad sat opposite him drinking coffee while reading the paper; Nishi suspected there was something else giving the beverage 'flavor,' but he wasn't entirely sure since he didn't drink coffee, and it always smelt the same when he entered the kitchen. "What's wrong Joichiro, not hungry?"

Nishi didn't realize he was frowning until his mother spoke, but he did little to rectify it; instead, he reached down to pull an envelope from his bag and slid it across the table to his mother. "Report card?"

"My middle school entrance exam results, they said it was optional if you want to try for a more competitive school."

Emiko opened up the envelope and read the letter, a smile brightened her face. "I'm so proud of you, these results are amazing."

Nishi gave her a small smile, wondering whether to tell her or not. "I didn't make the required score, I was ten off, sorry."

Emiko shook her head with a frown. "I don't ever want to hear you apologize, this is still amazing, and honestly, ten marks is not a big deal, they should just give you that pass."

Nishi chuckled lightly. "It's just how it is."

Nishi's dad folded the newspaper and stood up before finishing his coffee. "Good job Joichiro, but it's just as well I suppose, those private schools are too damn expensive."

Nishi and Emiko frowned at the man, but he was oblivious as he kissed his wife on the forehead and ruffled Nishi's hair before leaving the house for work. Emiko clicked her tongue and then smiled as she re-read the letter. "I truly am proud of you, and if you did get that pass, money can't be placed on a child's education, I'd get five jobs if it made you happy."

Nishi shook his head in amusement. "You already have two, you'll burn out."

Emiko poked him in the chest. "Who's the parent here, let me worry about you, you don't have to worry about me."

Nishi watched her place the letter on the fridge as though he was back in fourth grade, presenting her with a painting from school. "Mom?"

Emiko turned around and noticed he was frowning again. "What's wrong?"

Nishi clenched a fist under the table, but he didn't stay quiet; he could always tell his mum what was on his mind. "Is being smarter than others a bad thing?" He was almost twelve, he would be moving up to middle school soon, and he knew it wasn't going to be easy for him already.

Emiko sat down next to him, surprise on her face. "What caused you to ask that sweetheart?"

"My results."

Emiko didn't need any more information than that; she already knew. "If someone bullies you because of your intelligence, it's because they're most likely jealous, probably because they have none."

Nishi raised an eyebrow at her and smiled. "I don't think you're supposed to say that."

Emiko winked. "It's just the truth, most of them just don't care anyway, so they bully to compensate."

"Does that mean you're going to tell me it's wrong to bully them because they're idiots?"

Emiko huffed a laugh. "I know that sounds hypocritical, but unfortunately that's just as true. Don't call them idiots, the better term is slow learners; well, unless they really are idiots."

There was an underlying smirk hidden in Nishi's smile because those that mocked him for being smarter were definitely not 'slow learners.'

"By the way, you get your intellect from me."

As if he needed her to tell him that, and before he realized, he said, "So instead of bullying, father uses alcohol to compensate." Nishi pursed his lips; he wanted to apologize, but why the hell did he have to, wasn't that the truth too?

Emiko smiled a little as she stood up and took the dishes to the sink. "He's just a little stressed sometimes, and it's only a little in his coffee, I know it's not an excuse, but it just gives him a boost."

Nishi didn't say anything; what did his dad need to stress over? His mother was the one with two fucking jobs! Just a little in his coffee, yeah, right, that's how it starts.

"Okay, get your butt to school, and I'll see you when you get home."

…..

Emiko smiled when she heard the door open and popped her head out from the kitchen. "Welcome home Joichiro, how was-"

Nishi barely looked up as he toed off his shoes, his uniform was covered with grass stains and mud, and he shuffled through the corridor, keeping his head low so that his hair covered his face.

"Did you play sports after school? Why are you so muddy, is it raining?"

Nishi shook his head and then finally looked up.

Emiko gasped, "What happened to you!" She quickly stepped in front of him, brushed his hair back, and saw he had a black eye and a split lip.

"You were right, they're jealous. A kid in my class started annoying me before school started, all I did was shove him and he fell over. After school, he got his friends to come for me and they beat me up."

A sad expression appeared on Emiko's face, and she reached down to hug him.

While the affection wasn't surprising, the reason behind it was, her concern was a little overwhelming, even for her. "Good thing they're not very good at fighting, so it could be worse." It was meant to be a joke, but he felt her hold tighten and knew she was probably trying not to cry. "I'm okay, you don't have to cry."

Emiko pulled away and smiled; Nishi could see her eyes were glistening. "You don't deserve this."

Ah, that's why she was crying; well, perhaps his anti-social behavior deserved it, he wasn't a bully, but he was hardly an innocent child.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Emiko led Nishi into the kitchen, and he didn't protest. She sat him down and retrieved an ice pack. "Joichiro, I've always told you the truth because you don't like to be coddled. I just want to tell you that it will be okay, but I'm worried it will be a lie. I love you the way you are, I'm proud of you no matter what. It doesn't matter what others think." She smiled as he flinched when the ice pack touched his eye. "You don't need me to tell you that I guess, I learnt that from you."

Nishi smiled despite the sting from his bruises. "I thought you were the parent?"

Emiko chuckled and playfully slapped him on the arm. "All right, smart ass."

Nishi looked away for a moment, contemplating his next words, he didn't want to sound pathetic, but he would rather not let his dad find out he was beaten up because of his intelligence. "Don't tell dad," he finally said.

Emiko covered his hand with her own. "It's okay, we can always tell him you were hit by a soccer ball," she laughed.

Nishi couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Oh, that's less embarrassing."

Emiko huffed, but there was amusement in her eyes. "You know, if you act like it doesn't bother you, it really ticks them off."

Nishi smirked. "You're not supposed to say that either; I'm glad you're my mother."

Nishi's personality had changed since his first year of middle school; it was when he realized you could only depend on yourself, trust no one, and avoid conformity; he didn't want to fall victim to any of their bullshit. He was barely fourteen, but he already felt the pressures of life, what was expected of him, and it was driving him crazy.

"Hey, creep, how'd you like the additions to your locker this morning?"

Creep, it had been his nickname for six months now, all because of a rumor around school about him killing a cat. The truth was that he found the cat already dead; Nishi remembered how fascinated he felt at seeing it up close, but he still didn't know why. Anyway, a student saw him and automatically assumed the very worst. Call him a creep, sure, why not, because anyone that found that scenario fascinating was probably just slightly abnormal to put it lightly. But at least get the true facts right before you do so, and the fact was that he didn't kill the cat. Nishi didn't care if they called him a creep; he cared about why.

Nishi looked out of the window and finally replied, "Original." He heard a chair scrape along the floor and knew at least one of them would try something; his mother's advice was fine, it didn't stop them, but Nishi found it funny how easily it ticked them off; sometimes, words were much better weapons.

The bully didn't get far because the teacher came in, and the students quickly moved into their seats.

If only I had gotten that pass, then I wouldn't be stuck here dealing with these fucking idiots whose only future is probably jail. Ten marks, what fucking bullshit.

…

Nishi walked into the house, toeing his shoes off at the door, and before he announced his presence, he heard glass breaking, and then –

"Get off my case Emiko, I was fired god damn it! Something else you can rub in my face!"

Nishi leaned against the wall in the corridor, fists clenched at his side; no wonder his dad was always home. I knew it, annual leave my ass.

"I would never do that! I'm your wife, we're supposed to share our problems!"

Eiichiro gritted his teeth, and Nishi could tell he was drunk as he stared at him from the doorway, but they didn't know he was home yet. "The fuck do you care anyway! You're only concerned about the damn brat!" Although the words didn't surprise Nishi, he still frowned; he was quite sure his dad regretted the day he was even born.

"He's our son! And if you stopped drinking all the time, you might act more like the father you're supposed to be!"

Nishi's eyes grew wide as the moment those words left his mother's mouth, his dad raised his hand with a stumble. "No!"

Eiichiro and Emiko turned their attention to the doorway to finally see Nishi standing there, looking incredibly furious. "Joichiro, you're home…" His mother looked at him with fear, as though she was afraid of what he was thinking. "We were just – there's a lot going on, he wasn't going to hit-"

"Bullshit! Don't ever make excuses for him, he's been lying to us for months! Ask him how the electric bill was paid."

Eiichiro stumbled over to Nishi, but he fell on the couch. "Shut up!"

Emiko frowned. "Don't say that to him!"

Nishi's breathing became heavy; he was so damn angry. "He sold his ring, paid the electric bill and used the rest of the money for booze!"

Eiichiro stood up quickly but didn't attempt to step closer. "You fucking brat!"

Nishi gritted his teeth, wondering if this was the day his dad hit him, and he was sure if his dad struck his mother, he'd have lost it. "I fucking hate you!" Out, he needed to get out of this room right now.

Emiko stepped forward, her hand reaching out to her son. "Nishi!"

Eiichiro slumped in the chair and threaded his fingers through his hair. "Damn, everything is out of hand, how'd I get like this, when we got married I was fine. I was fine until-"

"Don't you dare blame this on him," Emiko said with a glare as she whirled around.

Nishi could still hear them talking, but it was faint, so he could only distinguish certain words, they weren't not shouting now. No doubt his dad was spilling sad emotions due to the alcohol. "Probably blaming his life on me," the boy mumbled. Nishi clenched his fists when he heard,

"We'll sort this out, I'm by your side, we'll get through this; me, you, and Joichiro."

Nishi lightly thumped his head repeatedly against his door; why did his mother put up with all this? "Damn." Nishi slid down against the door and wrapped his arms around his legs; everything was confusing him more and more each day; he didn't know what to do anymore, didn't know what was right or wrong. "God damn it." Nishi felt tears prickling at his eyelids, and they blurred his vision for a moment before he blinked them away angrily. "I hate this fucking world, I hate it so much, everyone is so fake…"

There was a knock on his door, and Nishi knew it was his mother by the soft sound. "Joichiro, can I come in?"

Nishi tightened his hold on his legs, resting his head on his knees, and for the first time, he denied her, "Leave me alone." It hurt him to say that to her, but he didn't think he could handle seeing her right now, because he might just break. "Please," he added quietly.

There was silence for a moment, but Nishi knew she was still there, and then her voice softly spoke with sadness, "Okay… I'm sorry for not being as strong as you need me to be."

Nishi knew what she was talking about, and he closed his eyes; he didn't ever want to make his mother feel the need to apologize for being herself. "I hate this."

…

Nishi walked into the school with his usual stone-cold expression on his face.. It was later than usual, so there weren't many other students around, a couple by the lockers, but they scampered away when he reached his own. Nishi opened his locker only to have it quickly slammed shut again, barely missing his fingers. He turned his head to glare at the one responsible, not surprised to find it was the usual two; he really wasn't in the mood to ignore them today. Ever since that argument between his parents in the living room, Nishi found it more difficult to follow his mother's advice.

"We heard your dad got fired, too bad creep."

Nishi didn't know how the hell they found out, but since he already hated his dad, he didn't care. "So what, I really couldn't care less." Nishi opened his locker again and took out his shoes only to find a pamphlet inside one, he wasn't entirely certain, but it looked like an advertisement for sex. Nishi didn't even want to know what they were thinking, so he screwed it up and shoved it in his locker for now. Once he switched his shoes, he proceeded to push past them to head for the stairs; he just wanted to get this day over with.

Nishi heard laughter for a moment until Matari spoke, "Since our fun before was too original for you, we came up with that pamphlet."

Fuji then grinned. "We thought, since your dad lost his job, your mum probably needs a third one."

Nishi stilled his movements, and suddenly, the paper in his locker was clear; he turned around and curled his hands into fists. "Shut your mouth."

"Yeah, you know, in a way we're helping. Your mum's kinda hot, she could whore herself on street corners at night!"

Matari laughed, "I bet she already is!"

And just like that, Nishi's calm demeanor broke, and he snapped. "I'll fucking kill you!"

Matari and Fuji stopped laughing and barely caught Nishi's angry glare before the boy lunged at them. Nishi grabbed Matari by his jacket and slammed him into the locker, pulled back his fist, and struck him hard in the face. Nishi's eyes were wide with anger as he landed hit after hit, practically sitting on top of Matari. Fuji stood there in shock, unable to process what was happening, Nishi never fought back. Fuji shook out of his stupor and grabbed for Nishi's shoulder. "Fuck, get off him Nishi!" It was no use; Nishi just shoved him away and repeatedly slammed Matari against the tiles.

"Fucking - ass - hole!"

After a while, Nishi started to calm down, his breathing was inconsistent, and he slowly loosened his hold. Matari lay there groaning in pain as Nishi got to his feet.

Fuji stepped to the side as Nishi walked away and climbed the stairs. "Shit, we went too far, he finally snapped."

Nishi reached the top step, his hands were shaking, and he could still feel the anger lingering. Nishi slumped against the wall of the first-floor corridor. "Sorry mom, I couldn't hold back anymore…"

…..

The rest of the day was long but uneventful, and the fact that the principal never called for him meant that his fight with Matari remained unknown.

Finally, the day was over, and Nishi sighed in relief as he stepped outside after retrieving his shoes and bag from the locker. Nishi turned to head for the gates, walking past a few students who whispered something about the cat killing, but he just rolled his eyes. When he rounded the corner of the building, the sight ahead stopped him. "Shit." There was Matari with barely recognizable facial features, Fuji, of course, nothing unusual; however, the extra three concerned him greatly. Nishi glared at them while stepping backward, his back thumped against the wall, and he couldn't help but curse at his own stupidity.

Matari shouted, "This is what happens when you fight back creep!"

"Let's fuck him up!" another shouted.

Nishi gritted his teeth. This is not good; I'm so fucked.

…

Nishi slipped quietly inside the house, trying his best not to alert his dad to his presence. He toed off his shoes and held onto the wall for support. Nishi shuffled across the floor, wincing at the pain every move caused. Damn, they really got him this time. The moment Nishi reached his bedroom, he heard shuffling on the couch, and his dad spoke, "Hey, get over here a minute would ya." Nishi groaned; he just wanted to lie down before he fell down; it was a miracle he got home on his own. "I just wanna talk to you."

Nishi narrowed his eyes; he had yet to turn round to face the man who was still sat on the couch, not yet attempting to approach him. "There's nothing to talk about, just go back to your drink and leave me alone."

Nishi opened the door and shut it immediately after, quite sure he heard his dad mumble something about brat.

Nishi carefully slipped off his bag, gritting his teeth when the strap brushed over a bruise on his shoulder. With great effort, Nishi took off his jacket and then unbuttoned his shirt, the fabric irritated his injuries, and he felt the skin pull painfully when he had to move too much. Turning to face his mirror, he grimaced when he saw the work they did on him. Dark purple bruises patterned across his abdomen and toward his back, lighter ones on his shoulders and arms when they shoved him against the wall several times. Nishi did his best to fight back, but by the time they got him on the floor, his defense failed. "Too bad they didn't get the reactions they were hoping for…" Even though they kicked and punched repeatedly, Nishi didn't make a sound and just gritted his teeth until it was over. Frowning, he raised his arm and saw the angry-looking grazes starting from the top of his forearm down to his elbow; those weren't from the fight, and he snorted with embarrassment; on the way home, he fell over when he reached the end of the overpass almost headfirst into the ditch. Nishi sighed and opened up the draw on his nightstand to retrieve the cleansing wipes. Nishi sat down on the bed and pulled out several wipes from the packet before laying them out on the side. The boy chewed the non-swollen side of his lip and started to wipe away the blood, grimacing at the sting it caused. He was halfway through his fourth wipe when a knock on his door interrupted him, causing him to freeze. "Go away!" he shouted, thinking it was his dad.

"Joichiro, it's me, are you okay?"

Nishi groaned; the one time she was home early! "Shit, she can't see me like this, she'll freak." Nishi quickly discarded the wipes in the waste bin and stumbled to his feet to get his shirt back on, but – no, the damn thing had bloodstains.

"Joichiro, I'm starting to worry, I'm coming in."

"No! Don't come in, I'm – I'm not decent…" Nishi wanted to die of embarrassment right there. God, that was fucking lame. Nishi opened his closet to grab one of his hoodies, but the hanger snapped off the rail, and he dropped it. Luckily, there weren't many bruises on his face, so if he could just – get – his hoodie on. Nishi bent down to pick it up with a grit of his teeth because he could feel the pull of his injuries, and it made him angry. "Fucking damn it!"

"Joichiro!" Emiko called with concern and suddenly burst into the room.

Nishi looked up from retrieving his hoodie and felt like a deer caught in headlights, or a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, as lame as that analogy was, that's really how he felt. Nishi looked into his mother's eyes, it wasn't surprising to see them so full of concern, but for some reason, it made him feel guilty because he thought he didn't deserve it. That's how he felt most of the time lately and was afraid one day he wouldn't be strong enough to keep himself together anymore.

"Sweetheart, you're covered in bruises!"

Nishi sighed, too late to cover anything up now; he shut the closet door and moved to sit on the bed. "I'm sorry," he said quietly with a frown etching on his face, not even sure what he was apologizing for, for being reckless, for the rumor he knew she knew about but secretly pretended she didn't, for not being a normal son… Perhaps it was all of those things.

Emiko knelt in front of him with a smile. "There's nothing you ever have to apologize for. Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Nishi looked away from her; he couldn't stand that smile; it wasn't because he hated it, it was because he didn't understand why she could smile at him all the time. "Remember when I was twelve and two boys bullied me for being smart, and I shoved one of them and they got me back after school?" Emiko started to frown a little, and Nishi nodded. "Same thing, they started with their bullshit and – I snapped, I couldn't take it, I wanted to pound his face in, so I did." Nishi smiled, remembering the expression of shock on Fuji's face. "They didn't like it much, so they got others to wail on me after school, just like before but worse."

Emiko sighed in annoyance; if this were elementary school first year, she'd be storming over to the kids fucking parents, but it wasn't, those days were long gone, and Nishi was almost fourteen now. She worried about him so much, wondered how much more he could take, and he wasn't even in high school yet; every day, she wondered what would happen to him, how far would this go before it went too far. Suddenly, tears sprang to her eyes, and she leaned over to embrace him tightly, her son was so special to her, and she feared if she let go now, he'd disappear.

Nishi stilled in shock, his eyes wide, wondering what she was thinking about; now she was crying for him; why? "I hate it when you cry, it – it makes me uncomfortable…" Nishi groaned inwardly, who even said that! Luckily, she knew him well enough to know he didn't mean it the way it sounded.

Emiko chuckled lightly and reluctantly pulled away. "I'm sorry, for a moment, it felt like you might disappear." Emiko stood up and said, "I'll go get some ice, and we should dress that wound, okay?"

Nishi watched her go with a thoughtful expression as those words echoed in his head. "Disappear…" Nishi looked over at the shelf on his wall and walked over to pick up the picture frame sat next to a rock he got as a souvenir on a school trip. The picture was from that field trip, 5th grade; Nishi was stood at the back of the class, somewhat smiling. He tilted his head, wondering if he had been happy; times were simpler then before this fucking world sunk its claws into him; before society quickly became his enemy. "Disappear," he repeated, and it laid heavily on his chest before wrapping itself around his heart, and eventually, his body.

"The world wasn't as cruel back then, as sad as that sounds," Emiko said as she came back into the room with an ice pack and bandages. "Sometimes I wonder what kind of parent lets their child get a certain way." Nishi frowned, and Emiko guided him to the bed and gestured for him to hold the ice against his abdomen. "Don't give me that face, I wasn't talking about you; it's them, whatever happened to those innocent kids in that photo I'll never know."

Nishi snorted, "I'm hardly that innocent."

Emiko huffed a laugh, "Maybe not, but you don't go around kicking the crap out of people whose intelligence is better or whose home life isn't perfect; so to me, that makes you a good son in my eyes."

Ouch, he definitely felt the guilt now.

…

Nishi opened his heavy eyes; each day was harder than the last, and it was tiring; he was tired of it all. Why did he even bother with that entrance exam when he couldn't continue? Nishi couldn't handle this life anymore; it wasn't a decision he took lightly, and damn it, he was persistent, but he struggled to keep going. Nishi remembered making the final decision when a teacher advised him to hold back on his test to not rub it in and make some of the other students in his class look bad. What kind of teacher told a student to do something like that? It messed with his head and pushed him over the edge. Heh, no one would know just how ironic that statement was.

Suicide had never been an option, but now, the feeling of having no other choice burned deeply.

Out of spite, Nishi took the test anyway, and to hell with the teacher, his marks were one of the highest achievements, and he didn't give two fucks, too bad he wouldn't get the chance to rub it in their faces. Another reason for the test, Nishi thought, was to make his mother smile proudly one last time because that's exactly what she did.

Emiko turned to her son when he stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in his usual attire as if it were just a normal school day, and smiled brightly.

Nishi couldn't bear to look at her, his heart ached, and he quickly said goodbye before rushing out of the door and never looked back.

…..

Nishi walked through the fourth-floor corridor; it was probably a strange decision to want to finish the school day; perhaps he could give everyone some home truths before… But he knew he'd only be wasting his breath and wouldn't let their incompetence look like the sole reason for his decision.

Nishi soon glanced behind him when he noticed someone following him; to his surprise, it was a girl. "Why are you following me?" He stopped abruptly, and it caused her to stumble back; she was short with a black bobbed haircut, a little on the frumpy side, but she was quiet and less annoying than most of his classmates.

"Um, Nishi-kun, please – please read this." She quickly handed him an envelope before hastily retreating.

Nishi raised an eyebrow and said, "And I'm the odd one." Regardless, Nishi opened the envelope and read the note inside; the paper was simple and looked like a page torn from a diary.

Dear Nishi-kun,

I've been interested in you ever since first year.

I know you seem unsociable, but I think you're a really nice person.

I really like you.

Watching you from afar makes my heart start racing.

If it wouldn't be too much trouble,

I would like to eat the lunch I made with you on the roof.

"Really odd." Nishi shrugged and placed the note back in the envelope and slid it inside his jacket pocket. "Why not, not such a bad way to spend my last meal…" Nishi didn't stop to consider how morbid that statement sounded, or the fact it sent strange chills up his spine, and not so much the bad kind either, but more like a final weight had lifted off his shoulders.

…..

"Thank you for eating with me, Nishi-kun," the frumpy girl stuttered with a slight blush on her face as she packed away the empty boxes.

Nishi nodded and got to his feet before walking to the exit.

"Nishi-kun!" the girl called out before stumbling to her feet to catch up with him. "Uh, please, could we eat like this again tomorrow?"

Nishi didn't turn around, wasn't even sure he wanted to reply, but she did make him lunch, so he gave her the only response he could think of, nothing too obvious, just, "I won't be here tomorrow." Nishi heard her sigh.

"Oh, okay… then I'll see you Monday? I'm sorry it took me this long to confront you, I really do like you."

Idiot, Nishi thought, wondering what was wrong with this girl. "You should have said something sooner, maybe daily life these past few months might not have sucked so much." It didn't change anything, wouldn't have any effect on his decision, but the days might not have been so – long. Nishi turned around to meet her confused stare; he didn't smile, but a subtle crease formed around his eyes as he handed her back the note from his jacket. "But I guess for me, it's quite fitting." She had no idea what he was talking about, and he found that he didn't care much, but he gave her a slight wave and walked off. "Bye."

…

Nishi's eyes were hidden by his dark bangs as he stood on the outside of his school's rooftop, loosely holding onto the railing, looking down at its empty grounds, looking down at its empty grounds. The students had left, but it didn't matter because he didn't care if they saw him; he could almost imagine if they did. Their chants for him to jump filled his ears for a split moment.

Nishi couldn't go back; he couldn't do it anymore, it was too much.

"Too much," he whispered before closing his eyes and allowed his hands to slowly slip from the railing, tears cascaded into the wind as he left the world behind him. As Nishi fell, he thought of his mother and what pain his actions might cause her, and he prayed she would be okay.

I'm so sorry.