The supply runner arrived in Sol System on May 20th. Emily managed to drag herself out of her tiny cabin to watch from the window in the galley. She'd never seen a world from orbit before, except in pictures. She felt small. Almost eleven billion people lived on this big blue rock. None of them knew her. Only two of them thought they knew her.
She had an aunt and uncle who lived somewhere called Sao Paulo. She got a vid message from them on her birthday and at Christmas, and there was the annual live extranet call, but she only really knew them through what her mum told her. They were both doctors who worked in the slums of an area ravaged by the drug trade. They had two children who weren't yet teenagers. That was all she knew.
They tried to contact her yesterday, again. They invited her to live with them, in the middle of a long winded mess of words meant to sound sympathetic and heartening. They wanted to hear from her. "Are you ok?" was one of their questions. "We heard you were injured, but they won't say how. Anyway, please let us know when and where you land. Ricky will fly out to pick you up and help you carry your things." What things did they think she had? She owned an omni tool, some Alliance marine's khaki trousers and T-shirt, a pair of boots from one of Hannah's friends, a set of permanently borrowed, wrong sized underwear from Hannah, and a datapad loaded with books, also from Hannah. Emily didn't know what to say, so she still hadn't replied.
There were four other survivors on the ship; the "lucky" ones with places to go. From conversations at meal times Emily gathered these four worked in the agricultural towers. One was a father, whose infant kid wouldn't stop wailing. His name was Caleb, and his noisy daughter was called Amy. The other two were in their early twenties, David and Bliss. Emily reckoned they'd been getting lucky somewhere off limits in the agri tower, but for whatever reason, the boy wasn't interested in the girl anymore.
Emily avoided them. The father was nice enough, but he reminded her of her own dad's absence, and his kid gave her a splitting headache. Bliss couldn't get through one meal without firing verbal salvos at her former f*** buddy for not being supportive. David never fired back. Bliss was kind enough at times, but then Emily just missed Gina.
The father appeared by her at the window, and his baby kid was quiet for once. He looked at Emily, then they both looked out at Earth again, and he sighed heavily. "Whatever's next for us," he whispered. "we're the only ones left. We should keep in touch. My omni will always be on. If we need anything, we should just call, and promise to drop what we can. Deal?"
Emily refused to look at him again, but after a moment, she nodded, and sent him her contact number.
"You never said who your family was down there," he said softly. "So just in case, you're welcome to come with me."
Emily frowned and fought to relax her tight chest, then nodded again.
At some point later he left. Emily was still there when somebody came to fetch her for the shuttle down to a place called Macapá.
At Macapá, she was taken from the military base to an airport, and then told the next flight to Sao Paulo departed in two hours. Emily suddenly realised she didn't know the address for her aunt and uncle. She started to type out a message to them, and stopped. This was the first time in weeks since she said anything. That couldn't go on. It was a while before she got the confidence to press send.
"Hi. Thank you. Sorry for not responding. I'm on my way. Please send directions." For some reason, she found it hard to write out her name. So she didn't.
Five minutes later, her omni rang. Emily stared at the caller ID and the "accept call" icon, not sure if she had the strength to weather the flood of sympathy waiting behind them.
"Breathe," she whispered to herself. "Every breath is a victory, use it, fight for it. Nothing else matters. Breathe, fight, win. You got this." Then she opened the channel.
"Emily!" said the woman on the other end. "Hi! Goodness, it is a relief to see you're ok. I already messaged Ricky. He's packing up right now. Where are you honey? He'll come and fetch you."
Emily froze. "Breathe," she thought again. Then she said, "The next flight to Sao Paulo is in - fifty minutes."
"Oh, you poor thing. How long is the flight, honey?"
Emily realised she didn't have a clue. Macapá could be half a world away from Sao Paulo, or half an hour. She ran a quick extranet search, then said, "Three hours."
"Goodness. What did they do? Put you down in the wrong place? Where are you?"
Emily forced out another reply. "Macapá."
"Really? You didn't come all the way from Mindoir on a military ship did you? Goodness." Emily felt herself getting tired as the woman whose name she'd forgotten went on, "Well, in a few hours you'll have a proper bed, a proper meal and a proper bathroom in any order you like. You sit tight. I'll tell Ricky to step on it. And call us if you need anything, alright? Rick'll ring you when he gets to the airport."
Emily nodded, and looked away.
"You look exhausted, honey," she said. "I'll see you soon. You're almost home."
There was an awkward pause, where Emily knew she was supposed to say thanks, or "see you", or "bye", or something, but didn't trust herself with eye contact, let alone speech.
"See you soon, Emily," the woman said much more softly than before, and the channel closed.
Emily thought she wanted to cry, but not here. She missed Hannah. Then she missed Gina, and then her mum and dad. "Every breath is a victory, use it, fight for it." she whispered to herself.
Someone in uniform found her about half an hour later doing lunges.
During the flight, Uncle Rick did call. "Emily," he said. "I'm on the way kid. I could walk faster than this traffic, but I'm on the way. How are you doing?"
Emily glanced at the passenger next to her, who was doing his best not to look annoyed. Caged. Emily felt caged. If she was at home she would be running along the outside of the perimeter fence. The colony would be on her right. The jungle would be on her left. The wind and rain would cool her while the burn gradually warmed her legs and chest. A nonhuman audiobook would keep her mind busy and she would push further, faster, until the problem returned to proper proportions in her hyperactive brain. Instead she was in a metal tube no wider than she could jump, with twenty strangers, being herded to a place she didn't know, to meet more strangers. So how was she doing? Not good. Maybe that wasn't as big a deal as it felt, in the circumstances. She shrugged and waited.
"Silly question," he told himself. "Sorry. Listen, you might get there first, so head for the departures area and find a seat somewhere. I'll be the short, frizzy haired ginger who's out of breath, and I'll call you when I arrive. Gotta go, kid. If someone catches me driving on the phone I'll lose my license. See you soon."
The airport was stressful. She had to sit, and she couldn't. A security officer waited with her in the departures area for about an hour while she interminably fidgeted. There were so many people. She thought she must have seen a thousand, at least, before her omni rang again. "Heya, Emily," Uncle Rick said. He sounded out of breath. The call was audio only. "I'm just running up to the departures area now. Are you there?"
Emily nodded, and then remembered he couldn't see her. She reminded herself to breathe again, and said, out loud, "Yes."
"Awesome," he said. There was a pause and she could hear him running with a slightly asymmetric rhythm to his footfalls. Why did she notice that? "Ok, I'm here," he announced with a slight gasp. "Do me a favour, stand up and wave for a bit."
Emily didn't see him, but she did as he said. It made sense.
"Where are you, Emily?" He said after a moment. "Don't move. I'll find you. No good us chasing each other in circles."
Emily got the security man's attention and passed him the omni. He didn't seem happy about it. Not that he was happy about his babysitting duty to begin with.
After a short set of instructions were given, Emily took the omni back, and the security guard looked expectantly across the big, crowded room. Emily turned around to follow his gaze, and Ricky suddenly said, "Ah! Got you! That scar is even more distinguished in person." The line went dead.
True to his self-deprecating description, Uncle Rick appeared, flustered, a little out of puff, red faced, and very ginger, as he dodged through the suitcases and people. The security guard just nodded at them and strode off. Then they stood there for too long, neither knowing what to say. Hopefully he'd work it out.
"Wow, where are my words? Uh, hi," he eventually said. "Let's go home. Follow me."
He actually did work it out, mostly, but home was lightyears away.
Before they got out of the airport, he looked at her funny, hesitated, and then said, "Uh, you didn't forget a bag back there did you?"
Emily shook her head and they walked on in silence for a minute.
As they came out into the open air, if that's what this foul stuff was, he said, "So, uh, we should pick up some clothes for you on the way home. I'd say you could borrow some of your aunt's stuff, she's tall, same as… but you've got a couple of inches on her. Plus she's skin and bone and you're – not. Your mum wasn't kidding that you train hard was she?"
Emily shrugged and wished he'd walk faster. The journey home was long, and Uncle Rick soon forgot what he worked out. He got awkward with the silence, and started talking about everything, with awkward pauses every once in a while, when he rediscovered how little she wanted to listen or talk.
They stopped, like he said, and he gave her some credits to buy herself some clothes. She headed straight for the women's underwear aisle to make him give her some space, and it worked.
"Ah," he commented as he pulled up in the end of the aisle. "I knew there was a reason I don't do this with Cassie. I'll leave you to it, but I won't be far away. Message me when you're done, and we'll meet at the checkouts."
Emily nodded and sighed. This place was huge, but at least nobody bothered her. She looked around at the insane variety of items, and suddenly realised it would be really, really nice to wear a bra that actually fit again. She chose some underwear, a pair of leggings and a pair of tough cargo trousers, then a couple of fitting T-shirts, a vest and a raincoat. She also bought a few other essentials; a toothbrush, a comb, and some other things a guy wouldn't have thought of. It felt good to have her own things again, except she wished she didn't need them.
Afterwards, Uncle Rick took her to a "drive through" which was a new concept on Emily. To her it was a place that charged you a premium for handing your bag of greasy food out of a window because you were too lazy to get out of your vehicle for it, and too impatient to wait for the much better food in your kitchen that you bought for less than half the price last time you shopped. It was food though, which was welcome.
A while after that they finally pulled up in front of an off colour blue house.
"Welcome home, Emily," Uncle Rick told her. "You won't feel like it for a while, but we're family. We'll always be here, and you'll always be welcome, no matter what. Alright?"
Emily looked at the house. Family. Right. She didn't even know their names.
The front door opened and a woman stood in the light. Uncle Rick said, "Take a deep breath, then take your time. You ready?"
Emily thought, "Breathe." Then she nodded and got out. Uncle Rick came around the car and she followed him up the short path to the door.
The rush of greetings and pity escalated and hit like a tidal wave when they got to the house. Emily lost track of most of it as she struggled with a sensation somewhere between dizziness and anxiety.
It was one of the kids who said, "Mom, maybe she just wants to sleep? It's like nine pm, and she just had to put up with dad for hours."
So she was shown upstairs to the room which had been made up for her. In the process, she discovered that one of the kids had been made to give it up for her. Her aunt, whose name Emily finally remembered as "Aunt Cassie", shushed that comment too quickly, and then said, "You can make this space yours, honey. We'll finish clearing his junk out for you tomorrow. The wardrobe's empty, so you've got somewhere for your clothes at least. Speaking of which, Ricky. Rick! Why didn't you bring her stuff from the car? Could you go fetch…"
"It's ok." Emily heard someone say. It was herself. She gulped, as everyone looked at her. "There's nothing to fetch," she explained quietly. Another round of pity was inevitable, but maybe it was preferable to lying in bed trying to stay awake.
"What? That carrier bag is all? Oh sweetheart!" Aunt Cassidy said in tones that patronised without meaning to. She made an abortive attempt to offer a hug. The way Emily shifted made her change her mind. Just as well; the ghosts were getting restless again. Breathe. Focus.
"I'm sorry," Aunt Cassidy said. "You don't know us yet. This must be horrible for you. Listen. Settle in, and I'll bring some supper up for you in a bit."
"Aw, how come we don't get supper?" complained the little girl.
Aunt Cassidy ushered them away and pulled the door closed with another kind, sympathetic smile.
Emily found herself alone. The room was odd. It smelt of boy, for starters, but then everything stank of something – thick – since she stepped off the shuttle at Macapá. Perhaps it was all the people. The window was barred. The door was shut. That caged feeling returned with vengeance.
"Not sympathy," she whispered to herself. "Pity." Nobody here could sympathise, regardless of their effort. Nobody, that was, except maybe half a dozen people. She thought about that number the other survivor had given her. What was his name? Caleb. Not tonight.
She dropped the bag by the bed and wondered what to do.
When Cassie knocked twenty minutes later, there was no answer. She called out to warn she was coming in, and hesitantly opened the door. Emily was fast asleep, on the floor, and her omni was playing something in a foreign language from the charging outlet by the bed.
Emily's omni said the time was 05:01AM when she woke up, and predicted clear skies all day. She stretched, and recoiled when she saw something alien twitch on the floor near the bed. What the hell was that thing? Was it poisonous? S***.
It was about nine centimetres across. It had eight gangly legs covered in pale hairs, and kept its body close to the carpet. Its oversize jaws were red. Emily backed slowly away and took pictures with a "threat identification" app on her omni. Unlike every other time she used that program, it instantly showed a fact sheet instead of the usual guestimates. It was a species of "arachnid". The omni described it as "highly venomous, bites when threatened, rapid reflexes and speed. Standard antitoxins should be administered within 24 hrs." Huh.
"You don't want to be here either, do you little guy?" She whispered, as she searched for another program she and her dad wrote once during a hunt. Long story short, it blinded up to one hundred and fifty eyes per second with a low grade laser.
"Bad news," She told it as she backed up to give it space. "I'm human. No fangs, exoskeleton, or venom, slow as hell, weak for our size, blah, blah, blah. But we're bl***y geniuses at staying alive." She finally found the program and triggered it. The bug cowered into a corner and tried to cover its eyes with its front legs. "Bad news part two. I'm scared enough for adrenaline to make me fast, but not scared enough for it to impair my judgement." Emily casually picked up the metal waste paper bin and emptied it out. The arachnid thing was shifting slowly about, trying to get away from the lights in its eyes. Emily upturned the bin over it as it tried to retreated under the bed. She got it just in time, and immediately dropped all the heaviest books from the bottom shelf on top of the bin.
"Bad news part three. We're vicious b*****ds who kill stuff before it gets chance to kill us. Time to die, Buggo."
She tapped a few controls on her omni just as she realised the door had opened halfway through her soliloquy.
"What… what's going on? Who are you talking to?" asked Aunt Cassidy. She looked really tired.
Emily looked at the bin, shrugged, and touched the now exposed electrode of her omni to the metal bin. "I caught a bug before it caught me."
Was Aunt Cassidy relieved, or concerned, or trying to work out which?
"You're safe," Emily told her. "It'll try the metal before it digs through the floor."
She looked even more stunned, if that were possible. Emily found it vaguely, humourlessly amusing. Something scratched deliberately on the inside of the bin, and Emily tapped the run command. Her omni drained ninety-five percent of its power cell into the bin, which buzzed, then rustled briefly, gave off a faint smell, and then went silent.
Emily turned the laser program back on and knocked the bin over slowly with a baseball bat from by the desk. There was the bug, looking burnt, and decidedly still. Aunt Cassidy's face went pale, and her reaction made no sense. It was like she recognised… "Oh. S***." That explained the open glass tank on top of the book case. This just… No more. "F*** it," Emily muttered. She grabbed her bag of stuff and walked out.
"Emily!" Aunt Cassidy shouted after her.
She caught up to Emily at the front door, which was locked, but Emily already had the keys from the bowl.