Chapter 8

Holly had not seen Snape this furious for a while. They were facing each other in the shabby sitting room of his home in Spinner's end after Snape had grabbed her arm in the burrow's garden to disapparate. When they arrived Wormtail had been sitting on the small sofa but after one look at Snape's face he had squeaked and disappeared into a different room. Her former potions teacher cast a charm on them and all the outside noises suddenly sounded muffled.

"What in Merlin's name were you thinking?" Snape snapped at her. Holly flinched. The potions professor was still clutching his wand and now pointing it towards her. She saw Snape draw a long breath with his eyes closed before he lowered his wand.

"I only went around to visit. There's nothing more to it." Holly said trying to keep her voice calm.

"Your cousin came to see me at Hogwarts last night when he wasn't able to get hold of you. He said that you were with Mr Lee in the early afternoon but Mr Lee came to your father's house in the evening and you weren't there. So your father asked Mr Flint to look for you." Snape turned around to sit down on a worn out looking armchair. He didn't ask her to sit so Holly remained standing where she was.

"Does Barnaby know?" Was all she could say. Holly could not believe how stupid she had been going to see Charlie and, even worse, spending the night there.

"Mr Lee believes that you were at Hogwarts to see me. I sent him an owl last night." Snape regarded her for a moment. "So does your father. Your cousin however is very keen to talk to you."

Holly bit her lip. She'd have to come clean to Marcus.

"Show me your left arm, Miss Burr." Snape now said. Holly protectively held it close to her. For a moment she thought to refuse, but there was no point. She slowly rolled up the left sleeve of Charlie's jumper. Snape stared at the dark mark.

"I had no choice. Barnaby told me that he wanted somebody from our family. I couldn't let my father or my cousin get it." Holly said defensively.

"We need to practise your occlumency. You know too much about the order. I will let Dumbledore know that you won't be able to spy for him any longer." Snape said matter of factly. Holly could not help but feeling disappointed that he was not upset about her being brandished with the mark.

"I can still spy for him." She interjected.

"You can not. You will not do anything that will risk your discovery. I shall also speak to the dark lord about using you to infiltrate the ministry. That should be one of the less dangerous tasks you could be given. You will be doing the exact same thing as for the order but for the other side. Of course you will tell me everything you find out first so I can decide what will go further and what must be kept hidden from the dark lord." Snape waved his wand and a pot of tea and two cups hovered towards them. He motioned for her to sit and Holly sat down on the shabby sofa behind her. "And now for your silly crush on Mr Weasley."

Holly grabbed the cup that, now filled to the brim with some sort of herbal tea, was hovering in front of her. "It is not silly." Holly said in a quiet voice, knowing there was no point anymore to try and play it down.

"Of course it is. You know that." Snape took a sip from his cup. "And shouldn't you be wearing a ring?" He added with a poignant look at her left hand.

Holly inhaled sharply. She had left her ring on Charlie's bedside table. Snape watched her carefully.

"I suggest you retrieve it as soon as possible. I imagine Mr Lee will want to speak to you after you disappeared on him yesterday."

"I will send Wanda." Holly said, not looking forward to seeing Barnaby at all. She stared into her cup of tea and then back at Snape. "I don't know what to do." She said softly, not sure what had caused her to ask Snape out of all people for advice.

"Incorrect, Miss Burr. You know exactly what to do. You are just too afraid to."

Holly looked up at Snape and for a brief moment she thought that he knew exactly how she felt.

Holly apparated into her uncle's foyer. Marcus was there, sitting on the bottom of the stairs. At first he looked relieved but his expression quickly turned angry.

"Where the bloody hell have you been?!" He said, walking up to her. Before Holly could answer, Wanda appeared with a quiet pop. The small elf bowed in the direction of her cousin and then turned to her, holding her hand stretched out towards Holly. Wanda opened her hand and the diamond ring Barnaby had given her lay inside of it. Holly had sent her house elf for it before departing from Spinner's end. There was no note from Charlie, so she had gotten it without bumping into the red haired wizard. Holly grabbed the ring and put it on her finger. With another bow the elf disappeared again. Marcus had watched the short exchange with an open mouth.

"What in Merlin's name is going on." He demanded to know.

"Not here. Let's go to your room."

Holly and Marcus went upstairs and once in Marcus' room, Holly sat down on the small sofa. Marcus sat in the armchair across from her. Holly had to smile when she was reminded of her conversation with Snape just moments earlier.

"Marcus, I need to tell you something that you mustn't tell anyone else." Holly said pleadingly. She knew it was stupid to burden Marcus with all of this, but she needed to share it with someone she actually cared about. Holly was not worried about anyone reading Marcus' mind, her younger cousin was actually very accomplished at not shielding it but at putting so much superfluous Quidditch information in the reader's way that whoever wanted to extract information from him soon gave up.

"You can tell me anything." Marcus said, looking like he was brazing himself for the worst. So Holly told him everything, starting with her failed attempt to get information out of McNeagan and ending with the conversation she'd had with Snape. She did not specify which information she got for Dumbledore and kept her description of the order to a minimum. Holly also only glanced over how involved she actually had gotten with Charlie but the look on her cousin's face told her that he had interpreted it correctly. When she was done, neither of them spoke for a while.

"Show it to me." Marcus said eventually.

Holly rolled up her sleeve and presented the dark mark to him.

"You shouldn't have done that."

"I didn't have much of a choice."

"I am going to kill him. First he's basically giving you the shitest proposal ever and then he gets you marked." Marcus voice was dripping with rage.

"You are not going to do anything. You will keep your head down as you have been already and we'll get through this somehow." Holly said resolutely. "If anything happens to me, you will get our family out of the country. Do you hear me, Marcus?"

Her cousin stopped staring at the mark and returned her gaze. "Yes. But it will never get to that." Marcus leaned back and crossed his arms. Holly rolled the sleeve back down, realising that she was wearing Charlie's jumper still and that she'd need to swap it for one of Marcus'. It would take another couple of days until the mark would pale again, only to show up when she was summoned or when she'd need to contact the dark lord. Her cousin's gaze had now wandered to the big C on the jumper she was wearing.

"What are you going to do about the Weasley?" He said, not sounding pleased.

"Nothing. I told you what Snape said. It can't go on. It was a stupid idea from start to finish."

Marcus snorted. "Holly. You can say all you want now, but you have not seen the look on your face every time you mentioned his name." Holly felt herself blush. "So staying away from him is not going to work is it? I mean, it hasn't worked so far, has it."

"It's not about what happened in the past. It's just that it'll be very difficult for me now to get away."

Marcus looked at her for a good long while. "Okay. Well, I can cover for you. Just send me a message with Wanda."

Holly could not believe her ears. "Really? But why?"

"Because you are family."

Her cousin turned out to be true to his word. Over the next five months Holly was able to meet up with Charlie at least once a week. Sometimes they met at her family's house when she knew for nobody to be there. Or they went to muggle places out in the country. They even went to Romania once and Charlie showed her the dragons he had been working with before he had decided to move back to be with his family. Holly could see in his eyes how much he missed his work and she hoped for nothing more than the dark lord to fall again so Charlie could go back to doing what he loved so much.

These first five months were bliss even though they had to be secretive. Holly talked Charlie into not confiding in his family. The fewer people knew about them, the better. So it was only her cousin and Charlie's older brother Bill, who often covered for him, that knew.

And they were happy together, but then something happened when they had breakfast at Bill's flat in Shoreditch. Bill and Fleur were in France at the time, visiting Fleur's extended family, and Charlie had been in such a good mood that they would be able to be together for a whole two weeks. Holly enjoyed it too, it was almost like they were living a normal life together. She had told her family that she'd be in Italy, visiting a friend and Charlie told his he'd be in Romania. They didn't leave the guest bedroom for the first two days. But then, a week into their blissful stay together, the daily prophet arrived. Holly was preparing breakfast in the kitchen and Charlie started reading it whilst drinking his coffee. It amused Holly, how he would comment on the articles while reading them. Some interesting swear words to remember, she thought, when Charlie read about new appointments in the ministry of magic. She already knew who they were. Just a week ago, the dark lord had boasted about all the witches and wizards who had now either turned over to their side or had been put under the imperious curse. All of these new appointments were more of the dark lord's followers being put into strategic places. But then Charlie had suddenly gone quiet.

"Charlie?" Holly asked gently, hoping that there hadn't been another mysterious disappearance or death of one of Charlie's friends. Charlie did not react. He was staring intently at an article in the social section of the paper. Holly froze. She knew what he had come across even before seeing the picture of her and Barnaby. With all the excitement of them being able to stay at Bill's flat, she had completely forgotten to tell him about that.

"You have set a date?" Charlie said eventually, his voice as cold as ice.

"Yes. I tried to find excuses, but I couldn't hold it off any longer." Holly could not look at Charlie's face.

"And when were you going to tell me? Or did you think it wasn't important for me to know?" Charlie shut the paper, his hands were visibly shaking.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I should have told you straight away." Holly stepped towards him, but Charlie stood up abruptly and turned away from her.

"A halloween wedding? How fitting for a couple of death eaters." Charlie said, his voice still so cold.

Holly felt herself tearing up. She did not even know what to say. Charlie had every right to be angry with her. She felt angry with herself. The last five months had been so good, but she should have realised that it couldn't have lasted. They'd both been stupid to think so.

"I thought I'd be able to not let it bother me." Charlie said, "But I can't bear the thought of him touching you. For him to have what I want."

Charlie turned back to face her, his expression hurt.

"I don't want him to touch me either." Holly said, her voice quiet, terrified to say the wrong thing.

"But it's going to happen."

"Maybe not. I will find a way." Holly said resolutely. There must be a way, she thought.

"Don't lie to yourself, Holly. I suppose we both knew that this was going to happen eventually."

Charlie did not meet her eyes when he said that. Holly thought she could physically feel her heart break. She willed Charlie to not say what he was clearly just about to but dared not to speak.

"Maybe it's best if we stop this now. There is no point continuing." Charlie flicked his wand and a moment later his rucksack hovered towards him. Charlie grabbed it. "Goodbye, Holly." Before Holly could stop him, Charlie disapparated.

Holly was shaking. She hoped Barnaby would not notice. It was way past midnight and they were in his home in Windsor. Their home, Holly thought. It had started raining outside and Holly felt the weather was befitting this night perfectly. Barnaby loosened another button of her wedding dress.

"You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this." Barnaby said, breathing against her neck.

Holly did not say anything. She had been trying her best to not let anyone see how she really felt. The ceremony had been grand and dark. Holly had not known half the people there. All the way through the ceremony and the wedding blessing Holly had felt like she was watching someone else getting married. Surely it was not her, walking down the great hall of her father's manor in a pearl white lace wedding dress. The whole night had gone by in a blur, everyone who spoke to her put her detachedness down to nerves, only her cousin Marcus was watching her with worried eyes. And now she was in Barnaby's - no their - bedroom. She felt her dress fall to the floor. Her heart was beating so hard, Holly thought that surely he could feel it.

"You are so beautiful." Barnaby whispered and kissed her neck and down to her shoulders.

Holly did not turn around. Every single time his lips touched her it felt like poison on her skin. She felt just like that time when she received the dark mark. There was an air of danger around the situation and whatever happened next would change her life for the worse. Back then it was the thought of Charlie that had kept her sane. Now she tried her hardest not to think of him. She did not know what she would do if she thought too much. They hadn't spoken since that one morning back in August. Holly had send messages with Wanda but they had all come back unread. And after what he knew to happen tonight, he'd never speak to her again.

"Look at me." Barnaby said. Holly eventually turned around, trying her hardest to not look scared. His gaze slowly went down her body and Holly willed her hands to be still. There was something in his eyes that she did not like one bit. He kissed her and Holly hesitantly reciprocated the kiss. Barnaby undressed himself, picked her up and put her down on the bed. He kissed her forehead, her collarbone and the top of her breast. Holly had never felt so unsafe.

"Take it off." Barnaby said against her chest. Holly sat up, opened her bra and took it off. Barnaby stared at her for a long while.

"Could I maybe have something to drink?" She said eventually, her voice hoarse from not speaking for so long.

Barnaby first looked at her as if she had said something in another language but then he got up to walk to the bottle of champagne that had been placed on a trolley by the window. Holly's eyes followed him for a while. Then, whilst he was busy opening the bottle, she looked around the room. She'd never been here before, it was dark but beautiful. And so pristine. Holly hated it. She longed to be with Charlie and his family, whose home was messy but felt like a real home. Was this really her life now? How would she ever be able to stop thinking about Charlie? How long would it take her to stop loving him?

And then, when Barnaby had finally managed to open the bottle and was now filling one of the glasses, her eyes fell on her wand that she'd carelessly dropped on a futon by the dresser. Slowly she got up, trying her hardest not to make any noise. Barnaby had moved on to filling the other glass. She snuck towards her wand, not breathing until she had it clutched in her right hand. Barnaby had just turned to the bed, a glass of champagne in each hand. Holly pointed it at the back of his head.

"Imperius!" She shouted.

For a moment nothing happened. Holly still daren't move or breath. She'd never used one of the unforgivable curses before. If she had done it wrong, her life would be over. "Turn around?" She said eventually, waving her wand at Barnaby. And he did.

"Put down the glasses and then go to sleep. When you wake up, have breakfast and then go read something in the library until I get back." Barnaby's eyes glazed over briefly but then he did exactly what she had said. Holly had no idea whether these instructions had been a bit too specific, she'd only ever watched other death eaters use the imperius curse and their instructions usually were much briefer.

When Barnaby was in bed, Holly grabbed her bra and wedding dress and put them on quickly. She had no other clothes at his - no, their house - yet, so they'd have to do. "Wanda." She said sharply. A faint crack notified her of the appearance of her house elf. "Find out where Charlie is." The house elf nodded and bowed before disappearing again. Holly used the time to down both glasses of champagne. Her heart was beating faster than ever before. What had she done? What would Charlie think of her now? Wanda appeared again. "He's at the one place I can not speak of."

Holly put down the glass of champagne and disapparated.