Kirby had decided not to talk to Fallon about Culhane that night - but by the time Fallon phoned her to get ready for school together the next morning, it appeared that she had already heard.
"I bet that funeral is going to be huge ." Fallon punctuated her words by sipping what Kirby assumed had to be her coffee almost directly into the receiver. "Are you going?"
Stunned into disbelieving silence for a moment, Kirby shook her head to herself and scoffed.
"Of course I'm going, he was my friend."
Making a sympathetic sound in the back of her throat, albeit not a particularly genuine sounding one, Fallon sighed.
"Right, right."
"Are you going?" Kirby asked, if only to be polite.
"Nah," Fallon's voice sounded disinterested, as if she were deciding not to attend a particularly boring-sounding birthday party. "I still have a ton of homework to do and I think Monica's going to come over on the weekend to brainstorm new routine ideas - since practice is cancelled for the time being."
"Oh, how ever will you go on?" Kirby deadpanned, feeling more and more irritated the longer the conversation went on.
"You're sweet," Fallon cooed. "I gotta go, they closed the one forest-side road off with all of this… serial killer in the woods hysteria. My detour adds like ten minutes to get to school."
She didn't give Kirby a chance to answer, or even say goodbye, before she hung up.
It wasn't totally out of character for her to be flippant about things that didn't fall into her orbit - or to be a little bit selfish without realizing how the people around her were suffering - but this specific brand of selfish-Fallon gave Kirby the chills. Not simply unaware of the turmoil around herself, this specific Fallon seemed irritated - aggressively trying to move past the situation that had no effect on her life. She didn't care, so why did everyone else? It was like it was an inconvenience to her.
Liam wasn't going to be picking her up that morning - apparently his mother had gotten him an emergency therapy appointment, along with suggesting that detaching himself from Kirby for more than a few hours at a time would be good for his soul, apparently - but he'd still sent her a quick, hopeful 'good morning' text for her to see when she woke up, so she did feel a little better.
She'd barely slept, but it felt selfish to skip class over it. Michael had had plenty of friends - much closer friends than Kirby was - and the idea of stopping to let herself grieve when she didn't deserve it made her feel too guilty.
The walk to school felt longer without Liam. She had left a little earlier than usual, taking her coffee to-go in one of her dad's travel mugs and leaving before he'd even finished his own breakfast. The air seemed considerably colder, and the thin layer of early-morning frost that covered everything wasn't usually present once the sun had been up for a little longer. Everything looked a little more dead than usual. The air was stiller.
The hallways were a little quieter, too, though Kirby shook the spooky feeling off and reminded herself that it was only because it was so early in the morning. With fewer students milling around, it was obviously going to be less loud. It had nothing to do with everything that had been happening.
A photo of Culhane had been hung in the front display case, surrounded by trophies and medals. Smaller action shots, clearly from the yearbook club, surrounded the larger centerpiece. Photos of him running track and throwing footballs littered the case. There was a shot of Culhane, bundled up in his dad's vintage college sweatshirt, poring over a textbook in the library next to Kirby during a particularly intense class project the year before.
She barely had time to register the sad, heavy feeling in her chest before someone stepped up beside her - a wave of perfume smell; a flash of dark hair in her peripherals.
"I didn't think you'd - oh."
Turning to who she expected would be Fallon, Kirby was instead greeted with the sight of Trixie Tate, who was staring straight ahead into the glass display.
"Sorry," Kirby corrected herself, "I thought you were someone else."
Trixie didn't turn to Kirby when she spoke, setting her jaw and continuing to glare at the display instead.
"I figured. This all seems a little… unfair."
Despite how outwardly cold she looked, her voice was softer than Kirby had been expecting. Tired, even.
Trixie gestured to the case weakly, finally turning to face her.
'Tired' had been an understatement. Her tone had been nothing compared to her appearance - the other girl was visibly exhausted, bags appearing under her eyes where she normally wore her expensive concealer; her posture slouched and small, like she was trying to shrink into herself.
"What's unfair?" Kirby asked.
"No one even cares about my brother still being missing. I'm sorry about him," she gestured back at the case. "I really am, but everyone just… forgot about Evan."
Kirby's face fell a little.
"I - Trixie, I don't think anyone forgot about -"
"Yes they did !" Trixie threw her hands up in defeat, her tone exasperated. "Everyone either forgot or they stopped caring. He hasn't even been gone very long - he could have been kidnapped, or he could be hurt somewhere, and it's going to start getting cold out -"
"Trixie. Trixie." Trying to calm her down, Kirby reached for her, but the other girl drew back quickly, shaking her head.
"Forget it. Even if the rumours are true and he's dead, the least they could do is work harder on bringing him home. My mom's a mess."
Remembering Trixie's mom - and the rumours about filing a lawsuit against Fallon's family - Kirby sighed.
"I'm sorry."
"Of course you are." Trixie dropped her hands to her sides and exhaled, seeming to deflate in the process. "I need to get to Photography."
Trixie turned to walk away just as the doors behind Kirby opened, sunlight pouring into the otherwise poorly lit front entryway. Steeling herself to put on her best 'feeling fine' act as the hallways grew busier and busier while more students arrived, Kirby set her jaw, hiked her bag up on her shoulder, and turned to head to her own locker.
Unexpectedly, Culhane's funeral wasn't as big as Kirby had been picturing. She almost thought that she had the wrong place when she and her dad pulled up to the cemetery, spotting only a small crowd waiting.
Milling awkwardly by herself as she waited for her father to park the car and return to her side, Kirby tried to survey the group and find a familiar face. She recognized Culhane's mom - and his younger sister close by - from the one time that she'd met them at a game. Everyone else was a stranger, though, and it was then that she realized how big the quarterback's reach had been, even outside of school.
"I told you I wasn't going," Fallon's voice through the receiver sounded unfamiliar. Devoid of emotion of any kind, she spoke to Kirby as if she barely knew her. "Besides, you said your dad was taking you."
"I still thought you'd come."
Fallon scoffed.
"I barely knew the guy," she pointed out. "Sucks, though," she added as an afterthought.
"It was so sad," Kirby sighed, crossing her room to climb up onto her bed and pull her duvet up around her knees. She still hadn't changed out of her outfit from the funeral - she'd felt too emotionally worn out to get into anything more comfortable, but the discomfort from the dress and tights was tempting her to get up and change into her pajamas instead.
"I guess," Fallon hummed. "His whole future was shot though, maybe whoever it was was just putting him out of his misery."
Kirby pulled the phone away from her ear to stare at it in disbelief as if she'd be able to see the other girl, or some kind of explanation on the screen.
" Jesus , Fallon."
"What! I'm just saying -"
"I have to go." Hanging up before Fallon had another chance to speak, Kirby locked her screen and tossed the phone across her bed, kicking it even further away where it landed. Ignoring its buzzing as Fallon called her back, she detangled from the duvet and climbed out of bed, heading to her closet to change.
"I'm sorry you guys had a fight, but is it bad if I'm glad I get to have you to myself again?" Liam propped himself up against the headboard of Kirby's bed, reaching for her hand and then trailing his fingers over her palm.
"We didn't have a fight ," Kirby reminded him, for the third time in three days. She opened her mouth to better explain when her bedroom door - already cracked - was pushed further open and her father poked his head inside.
"I said door open , please."
He left once more, and when Kirby turned to face Liam again, he was biting back a laugh. Shushing him, she pushed his shoulder gently and then laughed out loud when he pushed her back, much more gently.
Her dad had been considerably more lenient with the two of them lately, and she couldn't tell if it was because of the lack of Fallon that he'd been noticing around their house, or if he was still just worried about her wellbeing after everything that had happened over the last two weeks.
Fallon had only shown up to she and Kirby's shared Lit class once over the last three days, and she had seemed so sick that it barely even seemed odd that the two of them hadn't talked.
If she were being honest with herself, Kirby would acknowledge that she still felt stung by Fallon's attitude surrounding Culhane's death. Sure, she hadn't been close with him, but she knew that Kirby was, and the lack of checking in made her feel more than a little neglected. She would have dropped everything for Fallon if she'd been upset - the fact that she was realizing for the first time that maybe it was one-sided was alarming.
Liam had been a godsend. Despite clearly going through something of his own, Kirby could rely on him. He'd come over every day for the last three days after school, ignoring questions about what his mom would think, and made her feel light again. She still missed Fallon, but having someone there who cared for her wellbeing, making her laugh and forget everything for a few minutes at a time, made her feel like everything was finally going back to normal.
Staring at him now, all soft and content just to be next to her , she reached up and touched the side of his face.
"What're you thinking about?"
"Culhane," Liam answered honestly, causing her eyebrows to knit together in confusion. Chuckling at his own strange answer, Liam shook his head and slid over to lay down next to her, staring up at the ceiling. "I just feel bad. I haven't stopped thinking about it, honestly. We should do something for his mom and sister."
Kirby propped herself up on one elbow and looked over at him.
"You guys weren't close. In fact, I think your exact words were 'I can't stand that guy'."
Liam's mouth flattened into a thin line, and he shrugged again.
"I just think it would be nice."
Kirby regarded him for another moment, then leaned over to kiss his cheek.
"You're sweet."
Smiling at her softly, Liam hummed.
"Love you."
"You too. But I'm starving." Slipping off of the edge of the bed and hopping to her feet, Kirby held a hand out to help Liam up, too. "Lets see what my dad's doing for dinner."
"Did you hear about the kid from MGH?"
Fallon slid into her usual seat next to Kirby in their shared third period, smiling. Her voice startled Kirby - she'd only spoken once in class recently and her voice had matched her appearance then, cracked and growl-like. Now, though, it was sharp and punctuated with an audible sense of mischief, her eyes sparkling to match when Kirby finally looked at her face.
"You look nice," Kirby offered, turning her attention back to her book.
Fallon's hand shot out and wrapped around her forearm, squeezing gently. It was an unnecessarily affectionate reaction, but Kirby was used to her acting that way when she was particularly excited about something.
"You didn't answer!"
"Answer what?" Kirby glanced up again and sighed. She still felt a little sore about how Fallon had treated her, and she had yet to hear an apology, but something about the way she looked so much healthier, now, comfortable and happy, pulled on Kirby's heartstrings. She couldn't help but feel a little sucked in, leaning closer like the other girl had a magnet hold on her. "The MGH kid? No."
"Someone killed this freshman in one of those abandoned condos by the lake. Same as before." Fallon twitched her eyebrows, chewing her lip in anticipation of Kirby's reaction.
"And you're… excited about this?" Kirby asked.
"Yeah! Well, obviously not that some little kid died but, they think whoever did it is moving closer to the city so they reopened the forest roads. No more long drives to school, and they're gonna lift the curfew too so we can finally hold practices again..."
Fallon prattled on contently, and Kirby watched her intently. Her skin looked better than it had for the last few days. The healthy glow was back, blood actually pumping under her skin and bringing a flush to her face as she grew more and more involved with her story. She had succumbed to a messy bun by day three of being sick, but now her long hair was shiny and curled loosely, hanging down her back and bouncing every time she shifted in her chair to further animate her points.
"... and anyway, I miss you."
Snapping out of her thoughts, Kirby focused on Fallon's face again and raised an eyebrow.
"You miss me, and…"
Sighing in defeat, Fallon fixed her features into an almost believable pout.
"And I'm sorry. I was just stressed and I didn't stop and think about how you were feeling. Are you okay?" Her hand was on Kirby's arm again - her fingertips felt hot where they were curled around her.
"I am," Kirby admitted, smiling a little. It felt good to say it out loud. She had been feeling a little better over the last few days. The funeral had been good closure. The carnival was already becoming a nightmare memory of the past - the once-clear images that kept her up at night were turning fuzzy.
"Good. Come over tonight? I've been a literal hermit lately and I need the company."
Fallon's offer hung in the air between them for a moment, before Kirby nodded.
"Sure. Yeah, that sounds really good."
Squeezing her arm one last time, Fallon let her go and turned her attention to the front of the room as their teacher entered, popping her pen between her teeth and flipping open her book.