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Chapter 9: Tensions

"The longer we dwell on our misfortunes,
the greater is their power to harm us."
- Voltaire

"Hit me!"

"I'm trying!" I swung at Jane. She moved slightly out of the way, just enough not to get hit, and swung a fist into my stomach. She did not hold back. I bent over, the air forced out of my lungs. Something sharp and hard hit my back. I couldn't catch myself as I fell. My hands skidded on the ground in front of me, trying to protect my face. Jane used her foot to turn me so I faced her. I still tried to catch my breath.

"Get up."

I glared but pushed myself up. She kicked my arm out from under me. I fell back with a grunt.

"Without your arms. Use your middle."

"What?" I looked at her incredulously. "How?" I had a vague idea of what she meant but that was something seen in action movies.

"Use your muscles and the force of your movement."

I tried multiple times. Every time my arm touched the ground, Jane kicked it. "Can you at least show me?" I asked.

She stared at me for a moment before she lay down. I watched as she brought her knees to her chest, rolled back onto her shoulders before kicking her feet out. She was standing in seconds. It looked fluid and far better than anything I thought I could do.

"I can't do that."

"Then you do not rise." She adjusted her stance and waited. She didn't look like she was going to move unless she chose to.

It took all day. Jane constantly knocked my arms out from under me. The first time I almost made it, I did not adjust my balance properly.

"I almost got it!" I grinned, staring up at her. I was covered in dirt.

"I would not have made you if I did not think you could. Again."

When I finally succeeded without falling, she threw something at me. I ducked. "Good. Your reflexes are improving. Hit me."

oOo

I stumbled into the library. Jane had finally released me from training once the sun had set. She did not follow me inside but instead walked away from the house. No one spoke to me as I went to shower before I passed out.

The next morning, walking hurt. Existing hurt. Jane's training was using every muscle possible. Including ones I didn't know I had. I had never been fit before this. I avoided Gym in school as much as I could. It seemed that karma was coming back with a vengeance.

I went to the kitchen first. I needed to eat but water took priority. I grabbed a glass and filled it. I wanted to chug it back but experience had taught me to take it slow.

"What the hell happened to you?"

I looked over at Kelly. She was standing in the doorway, a mug in her hand. Giles had asked to join Jane in training us. He had to prove he was capable before she allowed it, but even then we were switching teachers each day. Kelly didn't look injured. She looked like she barely broke a sweat with him. She didn't look like everything hurt.

"Jane."

It was still tense between us. This was the first we had spoken since our fight. I was still angry. I knew that I shouldn't be, that it wasn't her fault. She had been dead for years and people change. My anger wasn't rational, I knew that, but I couldn't talk yet. I would snap.

"Are you talking to me now?" She snarked.

I couldn't stop my response. "Do you know it's me?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I took a deep breath. I didn't want to do this. "Nothing. Forget it." I went to leave the kitchen but she blocked the way.

"No. I'm not going to forget it. You've been a grade-A bitch."

"At least I know who I'm talking to!" I snapped. I clenched my teeth. It would be so easy to shove her out of the way, even just to knock her out.

"I knew it! I fucking knew it! That's what this is about!"

"Of course it is!" I cried out. "You're my best friend and I was fucking possessed! You should have known!"

"I'm sorry!" She shoved me. I dug my fingers into my palm to stop myself from retaliating. "I'm sorry for not fucking noticing!" She shoved me again. "For actually wanting to think you're happy!" She pushed me again. "For wanting something good to happen!"

"Yeah!" I pushed her back, harder than I meant to. She stumbled. "So happy while the demon was threatening all of you! It was so fucking good that she made me relive the worst fucking memories of my life!"

"What?" she blinked at me, surprised.

"She threatened to pour bleach down your throat. She threatened to make me watch Jane choke on concrete, but not before ripping out all my teeth one by one, so yeah, it was a real fucking good time!"

"I didn't know!" Tears were streaming down her face. She always cried when she was angry.

"Jane did!"

"That's not fair!"

"Hey!" The deep voice shocked both of us out of it. Dean stood in the doorway to the kitchen, glaring at us both. Sam was behind him. "What the hell is going on in here?"

"Nothing," Kelly snapped. She glared at me. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. The brothers looked at each other alarmed.

"You sure?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," I said. I stared at Kelly. "Obviously it's nothing."

"Right," Sam said. He looked at Dean quickly. "If it's nothing, then why don't we go out? We'll teach you how to shoot."

Dean looked at Sam alarmed. "What?"

Sam shot his brother a look and nodded. "Yeah. You need to blow off some steam. Come on, we'll split up."

oOo

Dean took off with Kelly in the car. Apparently, they didn't want too much attention near Bobby's with gunshots. Not that it wasn't a thing in America, but they felt it was better safe than sorry. It was more likely they wanted to distance Kelly and me.

I followed Sam. Initially, I was walking fast, anger fueling my steps. We had walked long enough through a field that the anger had burnt away and I was beginning to regret the things I said. I was also beginning to suspect Sam might have been leading me in circles. I didn't know the area well enough to confirm the theory though.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sam had slowed so that he was next to me.

"About what?" I knew what he meant. I just didn't think he'd actually understand.

"You know what." He looked down at me like he was disappointed. "The two of you were screaming at each other in the kitchen."

I sighed. "Yeah." I stopped walking and crossed my arms. "I just...she should have known." My throat tightened slightly as the reality of what that meant to me sunk in. "She's...we're best friends."

Sam sat down in the field and motioned for me to join him. I looked around. There didn't seem to be anyone for miles. As far as I could see there were no ant hills that I was about to sit on either. He started speaking once I sat across from him.

"Michelle, when I was-"

"Don't say possessed," I said quickly, holding up a hand. "Dean still went for the holy water."

He gave a huff of a laugh, shaking his head slightly. "Actually, I was going to mention when a teenager traded bodies with me."

"What?" I didn't remember that at all. "When?" I leaned forward, putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands as I watched him. It still felt weird to be near him.

"Not that long ago, actually." He looked away and ran a hand through his hair before focusing back on me. "It took Dean ages to realize it wasn't me. He lived with him, even let him drive the Impala!" He leaned forward and looked at me. "We lived together most of our lives and even he could be fooled. You gotta cut Kelly some slack."

He had a point. One that I kind of wished he didn't make. Anyone can make a mistake and things have a knack for being able to hide in plain sight. Humans did have a tendency to ignore the things they didn't want to see.

I sighed and leaned back, letting myself fall back into the grass. "I know. It's just that…Kelly is kind of all I have here. She's the one piece of home in all of this...insanity. I can't help but feel upset that she didn't know." It sort of felt easier to say this to the sky, without having to look at Sam. "Everything just feels like it's spinning out of control and not in a good way. I almost died, Sam." I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself from crying. It was over and I was fine. I shoved the fear and hurt that was threatening to bubble up and overwhelm me back.

"Michelle…" something touched my leg.

I jumped, went to sit up and utterly failed. My stomach muscles protested. I lay back down, groaning.

"Are you alright?"

I turned to my side and twisted so that I could look at him. It had been his hand. "Ask me again after Jane stops training me." His face broke out into a smile and I was struck suddenly by how attractive it was. It looked like the type of smile he had in the early seasons...years ago.

He stood up, brushed off his jeans before reaching down to offer his hand. I reached out for him, feeling kind of pathetic that I needed the assistance. He pulled and I nearly crashed into him.

"Woah," I muttered. He was definitely stronger than Jane. I stepped back and brushed off the back of my pants.

"Hey," he touched my arm lightly. "You know you don't only have Kelly here, right? You have all of us."

I didn't know what to say, so I nodded. I gave him a small smile. "Yeah, thanks." I looked around the field. "So, are you still going to teach me how to shoot?"

oOo

It was possibly the worst decision of my life.

Sam was utterly patient through the whole thing. We walked a little farther until we came across a small fence. I watched as he set up cans on it. It seemed a little cliche.

"Doesn't Bobby have like...a range?"

"Yeah, but I figured you needed space away from the house," he said as he walked back to me. "Now, have you ever fired a gun before?" I shook my head. "It's easy. You aim, feel the recoil and time the trigger pulls." He looked at me like that made sense. "Watch." He turned towards the fence and aimed. He shot twice and one of the cans fell. "Okay?"

"I have no idea what you said, but I can learn." I hoped.

"Come here." I stepped forward towards him. "Look, these are the main parts." He spent the next while explaining to me safety measures, how the gun worked and how to reload it. When he was satisfied enough with that, he motioned for me to move. "Do you remember how I was standing?"

I adjusted my frame slightly, moving into a position that was close to what Jane demanded from me. He moved closer. "Here, fix your feet."

I was suddenly very much aware of his size. This was the closest we had ever been, outside of the last two times we sat near each other. Something hit my foot. "Hey!"

"You're shifting back. Fix it."

I was suddenly reminded of how Jane trained. I scowled at him before I adjusted my stance.

He handed me the gun. "Just aim for now. Don't shoot."

I nodded. It felt heavy in my hands and I was suddenly very much aware of the damage it could do. I needed to learn though, just in case. Sam moved my arms quickly, pushing down an elbow before he moved back.

"When you pull the trigger, watch for the recoil. Relax and move with it, okay?"

"Sure," I said, though I wasn't certain how anyone could relax with Sam touching them. I pushed back the thought. I was imagining impossibilities. I just felt small near him. I wasn't used to that.

"Fire when you're ready."

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore his presence before I pulled the trigger. I stumbled with the recoil and his hands were on my hips instantly steadying me. He let go just as fast as he touched me.

"Try again and relax!"

"I can't!" I pointed the gun down and turned to look at him. "You're looming over me!"

He blinked in surprise before he smiled. "I'm not looming."

"You're giant! You automatically loom!" I waved my free hand in his general direction. "Give me space. Go...cut your hair or something."

He laughed but obliged me and stepped back. "Will you just shoot?"

I was tempted to stick my tongue out at him. I turned and settled into the stance he showed me. I aimed and tried to relax but it felt like I could feel him watching me. I hated getting anything wrong and his attention was unnerving. I mentally took back anything I said about private lessons being better than group lessons.

I shot. It went nowhere near any of the cans. Sam called out, giving me pointers and laughing when I glared at him. This was going to take forever.

oOo

By the time we walked back to the house, my nerves were shot.

"You just need to practice," Sam said.

"I know! I just need you to stop hovering! You're correcting every little thing! It's nerve-wracking!" I wasn't sure how he thought teaching me to shoot would calm me down. Talking had calmed me, teaching me to shoot just tensed me up even further. I couldn't even explain it to him. Having Sam stand close to me while touching me every so often to correct something made me very aware that he was a large and extremely built male. I wasn't used to even being close to someone like him. Every insecurity I had before I got dropped in here was rearing its head.

I raced inside, hoping for some space. I was very clearly overthinking things. Maybe I could get Bobby to teach me instead.

[tbc]