When Rey stumbles down to the hotel restaurant the next morning, she's not sure if she's happy or not. Her emotions are a bit of a muddled mess, really. Ben had gone on the ride with her. Twice, even. And he almost enjoyed it.
He held her hand the whole time.
He kissed her when he walked her to her room. She didn't invite him in. She knew better. But for a moment he almost seemed like he was going to throw that caution to the wind. He'd hesitated, stood there with his arm against the door frame. And then he finally bid her a good night and left.
She'd slept well that night, at least, curled tightly into the sheets of her air-conditioned room. She'd dreamt of him, dreamt of that kiss, of him taking it further. Dreamt of his fingers dancing across the skin of her stomach, dipping through the curls at the apex of her thighs. She'd awoken with a gasp as she imagined him sliding his cock inside her, the sort of wet dream she hadn't had since she was a teenager.
She has trouble meeting his eyes when he walks into the restaurant that morning. But then he smiles at her. Actually smiles.
"Well, well…looks like you had a nice day yesterday," Rose says. She's sitting across from Rey with a big smirk on her face.
Jannah, sitting next to her, twists in her seat to find Ben still watching them. "Nah," she says.
"What?" Rey asks.
"That's not a man who got laid last night."
Rose bursts out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Finn asks as he and Poe approach the table.
"Now that is," Jannah says, eying the two men up. Rose laughs even harder. Even Paige cracks a smile. Too serious for her own good, Rey thinks.
"You guys are weird," Finn says.
Poe looks like the cat who ate the canary.
Ben is still standing by the door, looking a little bit like a fish out of water. Rey has no idea if he'll even come over, but she stands and waves to him.
He takes a step toward them.
"Come join us," Rey says.
He looks around at the group. She waves her hand at him again and he finally heaves a sigh, before walking over.
"Morning all," he says,
"Join us," Rey says again.
He does, and they all scoot around so he ends up sitting next to Rey. She looks up and sees Rose still grinning at her.
"So what's on the agenda today?" Jannah asks over the menu she's looking at.
No one answers for a moment, and then Poe finally jumps in. "I suppose…chasing some storms?" He laughs. No one else does. Rey cringes a little.
Ben just gives him a look. He's tired, she notices, dark circles beneath his eyes again. She wonders if he ever gets enough sleep. "I…um…yes?" he finally says, and then shakes his head.
They're interrupted by the waitress, who comes to take their drink orders. Coffee all around, except for Rey, whose British sensibilities won't allow her to drink anything but tea. When the waitress is gone, Ben sets his menu down and glances around at the table. Rey likes their little group, when she really thinks about it.
Ben, their fearless leader, who keeps a close eye on damned near everything. He watches their group, the radar, keeps an eye out for information from storm spotters.
Rose with her excitement, cool Paige, and seen-it-all but still loves it Jannah. Terrified Finn, who has gained a very soft spot in her heart. She wants to protect him, keep him safe from any of the scary things they're facing down. She hasn't asked him lately how he's holding up. Granted, they haven't seen much either. Nothing the day before at all, some storms, rotation, but nothing major. She hopes he's doing okay.
She supposes she doesn't even mind Poe, who has clearly moved on from thinking he might hook up with her and has something going on with Finn. She knows they went off last night together and today Finn seems just a little bit calmer.
"Storms may be forming to the south," Ben says. "There's a cold front there and some models show it colliding with a warm front."
"The problem?" Rey asks. There's a hesitancy to his voice that she's learning to recognize.
"It's all very nebulous at the moment. Models are usually clearer than this. Some show it becoming a strong storm about three hours south of here. Some show it breaking up and becoming nothing. And there's everything in between." He takes a deep breath. "So let's eat and get out of here. And we'll see what we see."
Rey wants to reach under the table and squeeze his hand, but she doesn't. Instead, she just nods and accepts the drink the waitress sets in front of her.
It's been a long day. Rey stumbles into her room at the hotel back in Amarillo feeling a little bit wrung out. They'd gone three hours south, only to see the storm in the distance break up and disappear like nothing.
They'd chased east, then north. They'd seen some lightning, a little rain. She supposes the people of the towns they pass through are breathing their sighs of relief. They've escaped the storms again, escaped the possibility of having homes or businesses destroyed. She should feel the same way. It's logical, after all.
But instead, she feels exhausted and disappointed. When she sits down on her bed that evening, she just wants to curl into a little ball and cry. She's seen some interesting things, some beautiful storms. She loves the pictures she's taken so far and she has so much to edit when she finally gets home.
But they're not tornadoes.
They're not what she wants to see. And she knows, she's always known, that there's no guarantee. It's written all over the website for the company. Han told her. Ben reiterated it. Still, she keeps hoping that she'll be one of the lucky ones to get to see all of Mother Nature's fury in its full glory.
And she has one more shot at it. One more and then she goes back to her boring life and tries to put together the pieces after losing Maz. It's not how she wanted to return, defeated and alone. But she supposes that's going to be the truth of it.
He can't make it happen. He wants to make it happen, give them all what they want: that tornado. Well, he amends, maybe not Finn. He sees him smile each day that they return to the hotel without seeing something.
He wants to make it happen for Rey, he realizes. Fuck.
He is so fucked.
He's been telling himself this. He should back off, pull away. But then he thinks of her sheer delight when they hit the top of the tracks for the roller coaster. He thinks of her lithe body climbing that ladder. He thinks of the way she grinned when she bested the carnie at his own game.
She's…delightful. No, it's more than that. There's a part of him that wants to protect her from the entire world, keep her safe. He can see sadness hanging over her, moments where she seems to be so alone. Those times alternate with such joie de vivre that for a little while, as he basks in her presence, he feels like life is finally worth living.
But he also wants to fuck her until she can't even remember her own name, wants to make her come with his name on her lips, his cock buried deep inside her cunt. He can't remember the last time he's ever felt like this, conflicted and aroused and scared all at the same time.
Damn her.
Or maybe damn his father. Or himself. He has no idea anymore.
He definitely has no idea what he's doing when he finds himself standing outside her hotel room shortly after dinner. He didn't intend to end up there.
Well, no. He did.
Maybe.
He doesn't know what he intends. He almost walks off, almost turns and goes back to his own room to try to get a good night's sleep. He thinks about it, plans on it.
But he doesn't.
No, instead, he raises his hand and knocks on the door. Just three quick raps. He's already turning to walk off when she opens the door.
"Ben?"
He whips back around to see Rey standing there, leaning against the doorframe, head cocked to the side. "Rey," he says.
She lets out a small laugh. "You sound surprised to see me." One of her hands comes up and waves toward the room. "It is my room, you know."
"I know."
They both fall silent for a moment, and then Rey's mouth turns up in a small smile. "I had fun yesterday," she says, and she almost looks a little embarrassed.
"Yeah. It was…"
"Come in?" she asks, and when she bites her lip, steps back from the door, he's gone. He can't do anything else but step through the door and let her close it behind her.
He's fucked.
Completely fucked.
She invites him in. She's not sure what she expects from there. The room feels smaller, somehow, his massive form taking up far too much of the space. She watches as his chest rises and falls, as one hand clenches into a fist and then unclenches.
"What are we doing here?" he asks. His voice cracks on the last syllable.
"I don't know. I guess…" She clears her throat. "I guess that depends on you."
"Me?"
She shrugs, just a small movement of her shoulders. "I invited you in the other day," she reminds him. "You refused. You told me…"
"That it's not professional." He cringes a little at the words. "I know what I said."
"And you stand by it."
"I do."
He looks like he wants to say something else, but instead presses his lips together. It's not like they haven't crossed that line already. She remembers all too well their kiss the previous night, her wishes that it could go further. Now he's here, and she doesn't know why.
"But?" she finally asks.
"I don't want to care that it's not professional."
She takes a step closer to him and his hands come up for a moment, flutter in the air near her shoulders. "It's not your company," she points out.
"It's not."
"So you're just a…substitute." She puts a hand on his chest.
"Even a substitute shouldn't sleep with a client."
She shrugs. "Is that what you really want?"
She watches as he swallows hard. "No."
Her next words are whispered as she leans a little bit toward him. "Then I guess it's my turn to ask… What are we doing here?"
He only hesitates for another moment. A myriad of emotions pass over his face and it's fascinating to watch. His eyes squint shut, his shoulders tense, his lips press together. And then he releases a breath, tension flowing out of him. He catches her about the waist with one of his arms and pulls her tight against him.
And then he's kissing her, a little rough, a little desperate. She opens to him almost immediately, her arms wrapping around his neck, tangling in the soft hair at his nape. She tugs at it and he moans into her mouth. When they break apart, she realizes she's on her tiptoes and his arms, tight around her waist, are the only thing holding her up.
Her knees feel weak. "Ben," she whispers.
He bends and presses his forward against hers. "We shouldn't." His voice sounds broken.
"I know." They shouldn't.
But then he kisses her again, and this time one of his hands runs down her arm, toys with the bottom of the t-shirt she's changed into. He's still hesitant. She's not. And so she reaches down and pulls the shirt over her head, tossing it across the room.
He sucks in a breath.
"Fuck," he murmurs. "I didn't expect…"
"Touch me," she whispers, reaching down to take his hands in hers, places them over her chest. She knows she doesn't have much to offer, not there at least, but his hands still tremble a little and he bows his head. "Ben?"
His thumb comes up to graze her nipple and she feels a moan in the back of her throat. "Bed?" he whispers, his thumb still brushing across her nipple, his hand cupping her breast.
"Yes please." Her voice is a throaty thing, breathy. It's like some part of her she didn't know was there has taken over.
Ben moves, wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting. Her legs come around his waist without even thinking and she giggles. "Ben! What are you…"
"You said bed." There's a bit of humor behind the words.
"I did…" She lets out a quiet shriek as he drops her and then comes to lay half on top of her.
"So here's the bed. Now what?" He's smiling, she realizes. One of her hands comes up and brushes his hair away from his face.
"I like when you smile," she murmurs.
"You make me smile." It's strange how the words come quickly to him, but then his cheeks redden, a tinge of embarrassment.
"Good."
He kisses her again, his hand brushing down from her shoulder to her waist, his warmth raising goosebumps across her skin. She feels the path of them, skin tightening at each touch.
His hand touches the waistband of the pajama bottoms she's wearing and his head comes up, eyes meeting hers.
"You're overdressed," she points out.
He doesn't move for a moment, watching her. And then he finally pulls the sweater he's wearing over his head, the undershirt following a moment after and… dear God. Fuck.
"Fuck, you're ripped," she says and then it's her turn to feel the heat creeping up over her cheeks. "I mean…I kinda knew but…" She clamps her mouth shut and runs her hand down the alabaster marble of his abdomen. He's like some ancient statue, except that there's a heat emanating off his skin that almost burns her.
He pulls her tight against him and kisses her again, and she loves the feel of his skin against hers. One of his hands creeps back down toward the waistband of her pants, hesitating again just as he reaches her waist. He toys with the elastic there, and Rey manages to tear her mouth away from his long enough to tell him that yes, please, he may continue down where he's going and do whatever it is he wants to do.
He smiles as he kisses her again and his hand dips below the waistband, fingers lightly brushing the skin below her navel. She shivers as his fingers run over the curls at the apex of her thighs, and she's thankful she took some time to trim herself up the other day. Not that she expected it to go this way but…well…they'd kissed. There had been something there. Better safe than sorry.
Her legs spread wider as his hand moves further down, one finger running lightly across her entrance. "Fuck," Ben mutters. "You're so wet."
She should feel embarrassed.
She doesn't.
"For you," she says, ending on a gasp as one finger presses inside her. It's been a long time, she realizes, and even that one finger feels huge inside her. She's used her own. Hell, she's used her own on this very trip, thinking about this man and his huge hands touching her.
He slides a second one in and it feels so fucking amazing, stretching her in ways she hasn't been stretched in what feels like too long. Her experiences have been few and far between and she can't remember the last time she'd been in bed with a man. A few years at least, and it had been entirely unsatisfying.
This is anything but that, as he moves his fingers inside her, pumping in and out. He shifts slightly and with a growl of frustration, his fingers leave her. For just a moment, she's confused, but then he feels his hand tugging at the waistband of her pajamas, and she realizes what he wants. She lifts her hips and helps him tug her pants down.
And then he does something unexpected. He slides off the bed, twists to reach for her legs and tugs her with him.
Rey goes up on her elbows to look at him. "Ben?"
He doesn't answer, just gives her a feral grin as he pulls her legs apart and leans toward her.
"Oh fuck. Ben you don't have to…" she starts to say as soon as she realizes his intentions.
He pulls back a little and looks up at her with a slight furrow between his brows. "Do you not want me to?"
"I…" She doesn't know how to answer that. "I don't know," she admits. "No one's ever done that." And there's the truth of it. She's not inexperienced, but past lovers? They left a lot to be desired. It's not like she hasn't thought about it, hasn't watched porn and imagined what it must be like to have someone's tongue between her legs.
But she's never expected it to happen.
And Ben looks like he really wants to. He almost seems disappointed when he speaks next. "I don't have to, if you don't want to. I won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable."
She smiles. "I want it." She barely gets the words out before the look on Ben's face goes almost completely feral and he leans forward to lick a path up her slit.
And that's it.
She'll never not want this again. His tongue is soft, wet, and the noises he makes as he tongues at her clit, as he sucks it into his mouth and lets the flat of his tongue play for it for a moment, are almost obscene.
Her hands grip his hair and she feels him smile against her. He pushes her legs a little further apart and continues his explorations. The tension is building in her already and she almost feels embarrassed at how fast her orgasm is overtaking her. It usually doesn't, and only once has a partner managed to get her to come.
She's teetering so close to the edge and curse words are flying out of her mouth. Curse words, Ben's name, she's not even sure what she's saying. She's pretty sure if he stops now, she'll die.
Is that possible? Can one die from a lack of an orgasm?
Not that it matters. He inserts a finger again, crooking it against the front of her walls, and that's all it takes to push her over the edge. Her fingers tangle hard in his hair, keeping him there as she rides out her orgasm.
It takes her a moment to realize she's smashing his head against her cunt, and then with a little giggle she releases him. "Sorry," she mumbles.
He laughs. "Absolutely nothing to be sorry for." He climbs back up on the bed next to her, wiping the back of his mouth as he settles at her side. Her legs are still hanging off the edge of the bed, and so she scoots up to him, letting him catch her lips in a quick kiss. She can taste herself on him, and it's not as weird as she would have expected. "I love how much you enjoyed that."
It's her turn to laugh. "And now what about you?" She reaches down and cups the bulge she can see in his pants. He's rock hard beneath her hand and she smirks as he lets out a little hiss at the contact.
"We don't have to."
She cocks her head to the side, takes her hand off of him. "You don't want to?"
"Oh no," he says, the words tumbling out of his mouth. "I do. But we don't have to if you don't want to."
"I want to." She does. She has since the moment she met him, if she's honest. And that doesn't happen to her very often. It usually takes some time to warm up to people, trust coming slowly as she gets to know them. It's not like she isn't attracted, but she doesn't trust enough to be so vulnerable with someone.
She trusts Ben.
She doesn't know why, but she does. She's known him for all of a handful of days and here she is, letting him into her space, into her heart even.
"I…uh…I bought condoms," he admits, and she loves the way his cheeks turn red at it. "Not that I expected it, but, you know, just in case…"
"I'm glad you did," she cuts him off with. "I thought about it."
"Did you?" She nods. "Good…good then. Right…"
There's something so adorably awkward about him in that moment, as he gets up and shucks his pants, reaching into the pocket to pull out a few condoms he had stuffed into the pocket.
"Planning on a repeat performance?" she asks with a smirk.
"I guess we'll see how the first one goes."
She sits up on the bed and reaches to the band of his boxers. "I'd say rather well so far." As she pulls them down, releasing his cock to her view, her eyes widen. It's a good thing she didn't go out and get condoms. She's not sure she would have gotten the right size.
"I…" he starts to say, as he kicks off his boxers. "It's okay? I'm okay?"
"You're just…large?" she says, reaching up a hand to wrap around his cock. He sucks in a breath at the contact.
"I'm not that big," he says, closing his eyes as she strokes him a few more times.
"Bigger than I've been with." She wonders if she can wrap her mouth around it, and so leans forward letting her tongue touch him before trying to take the entire tip into her mouth. She can, just barely.
He pulls her head away from him before she has a chance to do much more. When she looks up at him, his eyes are wide. "Maybe later."
"I'm sorry. I should have asked…"
"No, it's just that it's been awhile." He runs a hand through his hair. "You know. I mean, I'd like to last."
"Oh."
She scoots back on the bed and lays back, opening her arms to him. He comes to her with a little growl in the back of his throat, settling himself between her legs. He's holding himself up by his arms, kneeling there. He rips open the condom wrapper and she watches as he rolls it carefully onto himself. There's something strangely erotic about it, seeing him carefully pinching the tip, rolling it on and making sure it's situated correctly.
There's care there.
He cares.
It hits her hard in that moment. He actually cares about her. About her pleasure, about keeping her safe. She's not on birth control, has had no reason be on it. But he didn't ask, didn't even suggest it. He just made sure she was safe and protected.
She reaches down below with a slightly shaky hand, grasping him about the base and guiding him to her entrance. There's a moment there where she worries that they don't have any lube, that he might be too big to fit without a little extra. But he's prepared her well. Her cunt still feels soaked from his going down on her and so when the tip slips inside, there's no pain.
There's a stretch, and she lets out a little keening moan at the feel of him inside her. He pushes forward slowly and she looks up to see the sweat on his brow, the look of concentration and care as he makes sure he's not hurting her.
When he's finally seated all the way inside her, he lets out a groan and opens his eyes to meet hers. "You alright?" he asks.
She smiles. "Perfect." And she is. She wasn't honestly sure she could take all of him. Her past few lovers had been average at best. Nothing wrong with that and she might have been satisfied with them if they had ever really cared about her pleasure. But she's not sure she'll be happy ever again with something average, when she could have Ben. He fills her up in ways she's never quite known she needed.
He nods.
"You can move," she says.
"Right." He lets out a little laugh, but then draws back and pushes slowly back in. He thrusts carefully, shallowly, not too hard, not too fast.
But fuck she needs more, and so she wraps her arms around his shoulders, her legs around him, clinging close. She leans up to whisper in his ear. "Harder. I'm not going to break."
"Fuck," he says and then he does move faster, harder. She rides it out, her whole body tingling as every bit of her blood and thoughts rush to where they're joined. His cock drags on her insides; his pelvis grinding into her clit every time he thrusts. She shifts a little, pushes her pelvis up to his so he's pressing into her clit even more.
"I'm so close, Ben," she just barely manages to get out.
"Fuck," he repeats.
She can feel herself tightening, can feel every muscle in her body as her chest arches up toward him. And then she's coming again, her cunt clamping hard down on his cock as she feels herself plunge over the edge.
His hands come down to grip her hips and with a couple more thrusts, he lets out a shout as he freezes, pressed into her, his own orgasm hitting him hard.
He slumps forward, his forehead pressed to hers, and then reaches down to hold the condom as he pulls his softening cock out of her. She feels strangely empty with him gone, but he quickly discards it in the trash can at the side of the bed, and lays next to her, pulling her into his arms.
They're both breathing heavy.
They're both covered in sweat, hair damp at their temples.
"Wow," Ben finally says.
Rey yawns. "Yeah."
"That's all you have to say?"
She hums a little and then manages to get out. "That was incredible."
"That's more like it." She can hear the amusement behind the words.
"Don't get cocky."
"But you liked my…"
"Ha ha. No bad jokes."
She feels his lips at her temple and his arm tightens around her for a moment. "No bad jokes," he murmurs. "Not even any good ones, either."
She hums again, and it takes very little time for her to drift into sleep.