Chapter 15

Abby was less than thrilled by Lexa's suggestion that Clarke stay with her, but she had to acquiesce in the end. She yelled, cried, and hugged Clarke when she was brought back in. Clarke was both a little embarrassed and glad that she was in Lincoln's arms, Octavia taking up a protective stance even toward her mother. Had her mom not been so upset, she would have found Lincoln and Octavia's behavior hilarious. They were taking their babysitting duties very seriously. She let her mother say what she needed to, took her fear and her wrath, apologized a lot, and then held her ground when Lexa insisted that Clarke be moved to her quarters. Abby had tried to argue that Clarke still wasn't healed enough to be out of medical, but Raven piped up that Clarke was healed enough to take her joke about hunting paunas literally, glancing at the remnants of the large cat that had been brought back. Abby was less than thrilled by that reminder, as was Lexa, though she didn't show it. Finally, Lexa pulled the Commander card: Clarke was still an ambassador to her clan and it was Lexa's job to make sure that she was kept safe. She left out that her duties to keep ambassadors safe was usually loosely applied and certainly didn't extend to when they were home with their own clan, but it seemed to do the trick. Abby didn't like it, but she would accept it.

Lincoln felt Clarke tense when Abby said she would need to check her out and treat any new injuries back in medical before Clarke could go to Lexa's quarters. She then shook her head; she had really grown to hate that room. It felt like she would be going back to her cell and she couldn't help but associate it with everything that had happened to land her in that room for so long.

"I think Clarke would rather you treat her in Heda's quarters," he said. Defending her didn't just mean defending her life.

Abby glared at him. She had hoped that he would be on her side; they'd had some rapport with each other as they'd treated the grounder patients and Nyko. She'd also saved his life when he was a reaper, thank you very much. But she also knew when she'd been beat. For whatever reason, Clarke didn't want to go back to that room and had others willing to help her not have to return.

"Fine. Take her to Lexa's quarters and I'll treat her there. Do not let her get out of bed until I've done a full workup," she said, turning to go into the Ark for her supplies.

Raven came up to them then. She felt awkward; she wanted to be able to be near Clarke, but didn't know if she'd be comfortable, or even allowed, in the Commander's quarters. Lexa looked at her. She could tell what Raven was feeling; Raven tended to wear her emotions on her sleeve. Raven didn't want to look at Lexa, instead focusing on Clarke, making a mental list of injuries she could see. She finally met Clarke's eyes.

"You scared the shit out of me, Griffin," she simply stated it.

"I know. I'm sorry, Raven," Clarke answered back.

"You ever do that again and I'll kick your ass. I don't care how injured you are or that I'm a cripple, I'll kick your ass," Raven said solemnly. Lexa briefly wondered why Octavia and Lincoln weren't more upset by Raven's threats towards their charge, when she saw Clarke smile. She wasn't sure she'd ever understand these Sky People; one usually didn't smile fondly when a friend threatened physical violence on them.

"Come, let's get inside before Abby changes her mind," Lexa said before looking at Raven, her face remaining stoic, "Raven, you may join us if you promise not to kick Clarke's ass before her mother has a chance to examine her."

Raven looked at Lexa in shock. Did the leader of the 13 clans just make a joke? She looked down, shaking her head, and smiled before following the others inside.

It was a modest two room structure made from the trees surrounding Arkadia. It wasn't completely finished, but it was finished enough. Lexa had had a bed, some chairs, and a few other pieces of furniture brought from Polis to finish furnishing it, as was customary. It wasn't just the Commander's quarters, it would be used should other dignitaries from other clans come visit, as well. She was glad that those who traveled with her had gotten it set up while she was tracking Clarke.

It was set off to the back and side of the Arkadia camp, affording a small measure of privacy. Most Arkadians still chose to stay within the Ark, but there were a few other tents and cabins spread throughout the camp. Lexa wondered if more people would start to move outside of the metal now that peace was a possibility. She couldn't understand how they felt comfortable being surrounded by the hard, cold metal, but she knew that they were used to it. Of course, when she first started negotiating with Flokru, she couldn't imagine living on a floating structure, but had found it strangely peaceful after a while. Perhaps the same would be true with the Ark, though she doubted she could ever be comfortable inside of it. For now, this cabin was plenty.

Lincoln set Clarke down gently on the bed. She gave him a small smile. Lexa had explained that there would be Commander's quarters here, but she had expected a tent like the one Lexa had traveled with during the war on Mount Weather. This cabin wasn't much bigger, but it was permanent. She felt like it might be a good step forward for Arkadia. She had heard updates as her friends chatted when she was in medical, and she knew that things might be going okay since Lexa had stayed so long before, but she didn't know any full details of how the Arkadians and grounders were getting along. She found that to be both a relief and a little frustrating. She had fought for so long for that and now it seemed to be happening without her. It didn't enter her mind that it was happening because of her and all the steps she had taken to pave the way.

Lexa gave orders to the guards that would stay outside the main door, though Clarke couldn't hear the specifics. Raven came over and sat down next to her. Clarke gave her a look; it was clear that Raven wanted to say something and Clarke found it almost amusing that Raven seemed almost shy. She finally just asked her, "What?"

Raven sighed, "I'm just glad you're okay. I was scared I'd never see you again. You can't do that, Clarke."

"I know," Clarke said with a sigh of her own, "It was stupid. I'm sorry for scaring you."

Raven reached over then and pulled Clarke into a hug. It was the first time she'd hugged her since before what happened. It felt nice and Raven kicked herself mentally for not hugging Clarke more often. Not that a hug could just magically make everything better, but she felt better in that moment and it seemed like Clarke did, too.

They pulled away after a minute and Raven saw mirth in Clarke's eyes. She raised an eyebrow at her in question.

"Did Octavia tell you that Lexa made her and Lincoln my official babysitters?"

Raven looked at her in surprise, wondering if she was joking, before she started laughing. Octavia rolled her eyes before coming to sit down on the other side of Clarke. A glance at Lincoln showed that he was trying not to smile at Clarke's description of his new role.

"No, she made us your guards," Octavia said with a bit of annoyance, "The babysitting is just an added bonus." She tried to deadpan, but failed when Raven burst out laughing again.

Lexa entered again, getting used to wondering what these Sky People found so funny. Raven got up and moved to the other side of Octavia so Lexa could sit next to Clarke. Clarke laid back against her slightly, enjoying being close to her again.

Lexa didn't mind, but she could see the dark circles under Clarke's eyes and other indications of her exhaustion from her long night. She was putting on a brave face, but Lexa could tell she needed to rest.

Abby came in then. She bandaged Clarke's feet and made note of a few new scrapes and bruises that Clarke hadn't noticed. She was ordered to stay off her feet, which Clarke felt was stating the obvious. She could tell her mom wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want to, so she pretended that she didn't notice the longing way her mother kept looking at her. She would talk to her mother eventually, but for now she needed to be a little selfish and focus on what she needed. She'd had lots of time to think during the night and realized that she had been trying so hard to still look out for everyone else. By trying so hard not to hurt their feelings, she had finally snapped and made a stupid decision to leave. In the moment it hadn't even felt like a choice; she had needed to get out of there as soon as possible and that impulsive drive to escape had nearly cost her her life. It wasn't her mother's fault, nor her friends, but it wasn't entirely her own fault either. She knew she wasn't anywhere near 100%, but she couldn't help but feel that staying trapped in the Ark would prevent her from progressing, especially when she had to fight for simple things like clothes.

Her mother kissed her on her forehead and whispered that they'd talk later, for now she needed to rest, before giving one last longing look and then leaving the cabin. Clarke didn't mean to let out an actual sigh of relief when her mother was finally out of the cabin. Raven raised an eyebrow at her and then smiled. She understood.

The four of them sat on Lexa's bed. Had anyone not know who they were or the circumstances that had led them there, they might have thought them schoolgirls. Conversation had started off awkwardly, until Lincoln mentioned that the group had had experience with jobinuts. That got Raven talking about the various delinquents and their jobinut induced beliefs, most of them quite funny.

Lexa noticed Clarke sagging further and further against her. She knew Clarke needed to sleep, but also didn't want to ruin the atmosphere, so she simply scooted back until her back was against the wall at the head of the bed and then wrapped her arms around Clarke, pulling her to her. It didn't take long for Clarke to fall asleep.

Raven and Octavia stayed and ended up continuing to chat with Lexa, where she relayed some jobinut experiences of her own. She was finding that she liked both of them. Soon, however, she knew she needed to deal with political business with Kane and others in Arkadia, the midday meal being brought in reminding her of the time. She gently transferred Clarke out of her arms and onto the bed before giving orders to Octavia and Lincoln.

"Make sure she eats something when she wakes up," she whispered, before turning to Raven, "I assume you'll be staying? I'll have one of my guards bring your cot from medical and set it up in the front room where Lincoln and Octavia will be staying."

Raven smiled and thanked her. She was dreading the night; she had grown used to being with Clarke and keeping an eye on her during the night, but she wasn't sure how, or even if it was appropriate, to ask the Commander. Lexa knew she couldn't let all of Clarke's friends sleep in the front of the cabin, but decided to make an exception for Raven. She would tell her guards it was because of her leg, but she understood how Raven felt and also felt that Raven being near was good for Clarke. She would also prepare her guards for the likelihood of the rest of Clarke's friends to be camped out around the cabin.

She wasn't able to return until nearly dark and her suspicions about Clarke's friends were confirmed true when she saw Jasper and Bellamy setting up their cots. Jasper looked at her a bit sheepishly and Bellamy crossed his arms in front of him, daring her to tell him they couldn't sleep there. She gave them a nod and actually saw a twitch of a smile on Bellamy's face as he nodded back.

She had expected the others in the cabin to have already eaten and was a little miffed that they, especially Clarke, had decided to wait for her.

"I don't always know when I'll be finished with my business here and you need to eat to get your strength back," she had quietly chastised.

"Lexa, I didn't wake up until almost 3:00 and then Raven threatened to force feed me if I didn't eat right away," Clarke said with a slight smile, "I'm not really even hungry yet, so it wasn't a big deal to wait."

The five of them ate together Lexa making a mental note of how much Clarke ate. It wasn't the whole plate, but it was acceptable, especially since Raven had confirmed the late lunch and insistence that Clarke eat all of it. Soon, it was time for bed and Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln left the room to go to their cots. Lexa asked Clarke if she had night clothes and Clarke looked confused for a minute before shaking her head. Clarke mentally chastised herself for forgetting another clothing related thing and didn't want to admit it to Lexa.

Lexa didn't question it, though, instead going to her things and pulling out a loose-fitting shirt for Clarke. She never slept in night clothes when away from Polis, choosing to sleep in the shirt and pants she had on. Enemies were too common outside of her tower home and she was less protected, even with her guards and warriors that accompanied her, so she needed to be prepared to fight or leave at a moment's notice.

She was also exhausted after the day's events. They had left Polis long before the sun had risen so they could get to Arkadia early in the morning. She had debated whether leaving so early would be a mistake, knowing most of her reasoning was wanting to see Clarke as soon as possible, but was now incredibly glad she had. She shuddered thinking of what she would have found had they left at sunrise as originally planned.

She helped Clarke remove her clothing and couldn't help but notice the slight blush that covered Clarke's face.

"Clarke," she whispered, "why are you blushing? I've seen you naked before."

Clarke's blush deepened and she was fairly sure that that was Lexa's intention. The smirk on Lexa's face also seemed to confirm that. However, the initial blush wasn't shyness. She was nervous about Lexa seeing her, seeing the scars and yellowing bruises. She had worried that the Commander might look at her in repulsion or pity. She wasn't sure which would be worse.

Lexa, however, was having trouble not staring at Clarke for more lustful reasons. She knew Clarke was nowhere near healed enough, mentally, physically, or emotionally, for any of that type of contact, but she couldn't deny that she was still incredibly attracted to her. She hoped that one day Clarke might be ready again, but was also accepting that she might not be. It wouldn't change how she felt about her. She would be there for Clarke in whatever capacity Clarke allowed.

Once the oversized shirt was finally in place, Lexa looked at her and noticed that Clarke was avoiding her eyes. She recognized that same look from before: shame. She hated seeing Clarke ashamed. She climbed up onto the bed and cupped Clarke's face in her hands.

"Clarke," she said, searching her eyes once she finally looked at her, "what is it?"

How could Lexa still look at her like that? The concern in her eyes caused a tear to spill out as she tried to put into words what she was feeling.

"How…how can you still look at me knowing what they did? I have scars everywhere. How can you not just see that when you look at me?"

Lexa searched her eyes again, her brow furrowing, before she leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her lips. Clarke returned it despite her insecurities. When they finally pulled apart, Lexa spoke, "Because all I see is you and every part of who you are. Nothing they did could ever make you any less beautiful. Not to me."

They laid down again, Lexa pulling Clarke up next to her and Clarke scooting even closer. Lexa placed gentle kisses on her shoulder that the too-large shirt exposed, "Sleep, Clarke."

And they did.