Series: In the City that Never Sleeps

Chapter Seven: Blood in the Water

Title: Discarded Dignity

Rating: M

Category: Casefile/Horror/Thriller/Law-style/Mystery/Some bits of romance when needed

Summary: While Elora helps to discover a missing puzzle piece about Barbara's rape case, with some assistance from Wyatt, an ember begins to turn into a flame as Olivia and Elliot finally take a moment to address the elephant in the room.

"My heart is cut deep, blood staining my soul. Yes, they were right, red is the colour of love." -Annaaa

Note: Gramercy Park is 24/7 under surveillance and it stays locked up. You have to have a key to get in. This will be part of the story. Silver Tapestry Inc. does not exist. It is, essentially, a combination of three companies (The address belongs to LVMH).

Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.

Need Help? Call 800. (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. How does it work? When you call, you'll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.

Keep at it…

As a blazing fire takes

Whatever you throw on it,

And makes it light and flame.

-Marcus Aurelius

Tuesday, November 12th, 5:45 PM

Elora shuffled through her locker and yanked a spare, clean shirt free from underneath a pair of underwear and leggings as she finished unbuttoning the one that had left her bra exposed to the world. She'd left the light off in the cribs, lingering in the quiet solitude of the dark while draping the discarded blouse over the open locker door. It might've been the first opportunity to breathe as she pressed her palms against the top curve of the lockers and rested her forehead against the cool, painted steel. The goosebumps spread across her back as she heaved a heavy sigh while the air moved over her skin, reminding her of just how exposed she was as she gripped the clean shirt. She almost didn't care if anyone came in.

Exhaustion had taken up space in her consciousness along with the urgency of Barbara's rape case with Peirce still sitting in a holding cell.

"Elle," Amanda knocked her off-kilter, but not off-balance, and killed the silence as she peeked into the room to capture her attention. "Jesus, you're worse than Carisi…put on a shirt."

"You're the one interrupting a girl while she's trying to change her top," Elora smirked and pulled the shirt on, taking her time with the buttons as she raised a brow at her partner. "Wait a fucking second…how would you know about Carisi?"

"Doesn't matter," Amanda was visibly pink even in the dark as she cleared her throat and kicked the air while Elora finished covering up her chest with the remainder of her buttons. "Wipe that smile off your face, jerk—we've got shit to do."

"Oh, you're not off the hook and I'm still fixing my shirt," Elora adjusted the sleeves and straightened out the hem as she let out a laugh while Amanda crossed her arms in frustration. "Did you two already cross a bridge or something?"

"Jesus, no, Carisi used to just change in here without giving a second thought to the fact that anyone could walk in at any time," Amanda was almost stuttering as the pink in her cheeks only deepened while Elora pushed the locker shut and finished pulling her hair into a clip out of her face. "Has anyone told you that you're a pain in the ass?"

"I am an equal opportunity tormenter and when I see a wide-open spot to step into, I take it. You act like it would be so bad if you sampled the product and I see a perfect opportunity to have a little happiness," Elora's knack for reading people didn't have a boundary nor did she typically apologize for it as she nudged Amanda with her elbow and opened the door, the smile still residing on her lips. "I was enjoying a moment of bliss with no one talking and you just had to interrupt it."

"You can keep all of that to yourself, Caruso," Amanda rolled her eyes and let the door shut behind them as Elora blew a raspberry into the air in front of her as a response. "I'm not the one that caused our one and only suspect to develop an unhealthy infatuation with them—to the point that he's been unamenable to his attorney."

"I'll cut you some slack for now," Elora's spare shirt was uncomfortable and a little starchy, prompting the instinctive tug at the material as she rounded the corner alongside Amanda, a grimace written on her face. "If he so much as reaches for my chest again, I'll make sure he can't ejaculate for weeks."

"You're brutal, you know that?" Amanda deeply appreciated Elora's feistier side as she caught sight of her cracking the knuckles on her right hand. "Liv want to see how long we can hold out before you go in, though."

"I'm not brutal, I'm relentless when it comes to liars and Peirce Evans is a bonafide liar. You can smell it on him," Elora crossed her arms and smiled, genuinely, as she caught sight of Fin and Kat going back and forth with Peirce and his counsel, Wesley Donnell. "That doesn't look like it's going well."

"It isn't," Olivia stretched her fingers across the ledge of the observation window and cocked her head to the side to peer at Elora, sighing into the dim. "This is one of those times that I wish the technique you utilized on him hadn't worked so well. You've deprived an addict of a drug, in the simplest of terms."

It seemed accusatory but it wasn't. Elora felt the words gnawing at her, pulling at the last semblance of control as her eyes burned through Olivia. It wasn't persona but it was becoming a tangled mess, taking shape like faceless, nameless demons hiding in the shadows. Olivia knew the conflict on Elora's face all too well and it had barely begun to take shape as she turned her back on the glass, moving her eyes between the pair. Somewhere, buried underneath, the wraith was lying in wait, ready to swing the ax.

They'd already made Barbara wait for forty-eight hours and counting; the thought of which had Elora's stomach-churning.

"I had a feeling he was a sick man but I didn't imagine he was that much of a lunatic," Elora bit down on the corner of her lip and heard the familiar thump of a palm against the table as Fin was losing his typical cool level of composure. "He is going to blow a gasket in there and we'll be right back at square one."

"Have we gotten any of that DNA back or are we still waiting on the subpoena for the rush order in the last two days?" Amanda elevated a brow, tucked a few stray hairs, and renewed a glance with Olivia just in time to hear Wesley blocking another one of Kat's questions. "That's just getting worse and I don't know how long we expect them to hold out."

Olivia shook her head, the frustration oozing from her façade as she pressed a finger against her chin and moved her brows up for a moment. "Neither…in fact, go put a little pressure on Carisi to get it done sooner rather than later. Judge Daniels can't possibly be still sitting on the request. We have enough probable cause to get the order after everything he said to Elora."

"On it," Amanda nodded and sprinted down the hall, her phone already in hand.

"The longer you make me wait for Detective Caruso, the angrier I am going to get and the worse this situation is going to become for the NYPD once I clear my fucking name!" Peirce finally slammed his hand against the table and raised his voice, interrupting a question as it was being relayed to him significantly quieter. "Got it? Am I not making myself perfectly fucking clear?"

Olivia closed her eyes and sighed, aiming her hand at the door while she rubbed the bridge of her nose with the other hand. "Go in there before he blows a gasket and starts dropping comments about a lawsuit. We all know his type."

"So much for squeezing him," Elora raised both brows and reached for the handle, letting herself in as the tension was at a fever pitch, her voice full of conviction as she made eye contact with aggression. "You know, I could hear you from down the hall, attention-seeking worm."

"See what I mean? She instantly starts in with the dirty talk," Peirce nudged Wesley and glared in Fin's direction as he moved toward the door. "It's been fun, Sergeant Tutuola, but not that fun."

"We'll be right outside if this takes a turn," Fin nodded at Elora as he followed Kat through the doorway, pulling her focus just long enough to get a singular tilt of her chin in agreement.

Elora postured herself at the glass as the door clicked shut and peered at her hands while Wesley fidgeted at the table next to his client. She stayed quiet while Peirce stared her down, his desperation oozing from his pores as he started to sweat. It got quiet, almost painfully so, and Elora tapped her fingertips against the painted cinder, letting it echo. Peirce cleared his throat and Wesley shook his head in response. Peirce's hand of cards was certainly closer to a bluff and Elora was calling it as she flicked a speck of dirt from underneath a fingernail.

"Detective—surely, you understand that this situation is awkward and my client wants to help in any way he can but this is not the way to go about it," Wesley's bargaining skills were shaky, at best, and Elora looked at him as though he were nothing more than a gifted toddler with a license to practice law. "We've been more than cooperative for the NYPD."

"Cooperative," Elora smiled and narrowed her eyes at them as she crossed her arms, scrutinizing them both. "Is that the technical definition for attempting to grope a Detective these days or does your client think he's just immune to proper practices?"

"Don't act like you weren't into it, Elora," Peirce hissed, nostrils flaring and voice deepening.

"Mister Evans, I recommend you keep your fucking mouth shut," Wesley was perturbed and it was showing as he elevated his hand and held it in front of Peirce's face. "Don't exacerbate the situation."

"It's like that, isn't it? Daddy tells you to be quiet and you comply?" Elora already felt the angry stare from the skilled attorney as her spine went rigid and her heels tapped against the floor with every step. "Maybe you're not as adventurous as I thought you were."

Peirce couldn't resist the opening. "Bitch."

"Goddammit," Wesley snapped his fingers and glared. "Is there a pertinent question buried underneath of your sarcasm, Detective?"

"I want to know about Saturday night," Elora grinned, outwitting both of them as she tapped the steel back of the empty chair in front of her, calculating the maneuver as Peirce began to salivate. "How long did you watch her before you decided to make your move, Peirce? How many times did you follow her after work to the bar until you knew you had that perfect opening to swoop in and take what didn't belong to you?"

"This line of questioning assumes a level of guilt and my client doesn't need to answer either of them without just cause," Wesley's eyes were locked on Elora, narrowing his stare until her pearly whites were shimmering at him from the cajoling of information.

"You aren't here to make my decisions, Wesley," Peirce was undoing his attorney's control of the situation with his uncontrollable tongue as he winked at Elora, seduction in his voice. "Elora and I have this little game we are playing where she pretends that she isn't interested in finding out what hides behind an expensive suit. Aren't you, Elora?"

"Oh, but, see, that game is one-sided and you wouldn't know what to do with me since I am awake, capable of fighting back, and can tell you 'no' before you can even think to touch me," Elora pushed the chair against the table and bent over, pushing photographs of Barbara's injuries toward Wesley and Peirce, hoping to inflict a little discomfort as her voice lowered. "You wouldn't get a chance to make me look like this."

"I think I have you figured out, Detective Caruso," Peirce had gotten brave and brazen as the sneer faded with the dropping of an octave while he pushed the photos back in her direction. "A man already put his hands on you, drew first blood, and now? All you want is another taste of that kind of roughness with a hand around your neck until you can't breathe, speak, or feel."

It didn't matter that he'd tapped into a part of Elora's past that seemed to be on display. He was saying all the right words to indicate that he'd violated Barbara without explicitly admitting it. Elora stood tall and revealed another photo, of the deeper gashes down Barbara's back, and moved it slowly toward him. His face contorted and his lip twitched; the refusal to look set in. Elora tilted her head to the side, slowly blinked, and kept her index firmly against the top of the image.

He couldn't make her move this time.

"How long did it take you to notice the blood dripping down from the wounds on her back before you had to stop?" Elora gritted her teeth, her posture domineering in front of him as she inhaled a deep breath and ignored Wesley's presence entirely. "Did you wilt? Did it ruin your erection to get a little blood on one of your expensive suits? I bet that was a fun conversation with your dry cleaners."

"That's enough!" Wesley stood, raising his voice just enough to make Elora cringe as she matched his rigid stance face-to-face. "Unless you have proof of my client's involvement in this case or plan on charging him with assaulting an officer, you can't keep holding him here."

"Wesley, your client doesn't have a leg to stand on," Elora cast the line out and stretched her hand across the table, fanning the photographs across the surface in front of Peirce. "We have a lot more than photographs and the word of a victim—DNA, an expensive piece of jewelry with particulates left on it, and too many holes in Peirce's lovely, little, story."

"You don't have anything on me but the word of a woman that has been unbuttoning her blouse for months," Peirce laughed nonchalantly and leaned back as the door opened, ushering in Olivia from just outside. "Looks like you're in trouble, anyway."

Elora hesitated and gathered the photographs back into the folder, taking them with her as she retreated to the door despite wanting to stay. "What's going on? He's this close to flipping."

Olivia tugged her into the void and held the door closed, her voice low, filled with concern. "We've got a problem and you're gonna want to go discuss with one of your old friends who just showed up with Rollins about the DNA results."

All this time I've loved you and never known your face

All this time I've missed you and searched this human race

Here is true peace here my heart knows calm

Safe in your soul bathed in your sights

-L. Rhodes & A. Barlow

Elora was facing her past for the second time in under three days as Wyatt was expectantly waiting next to Amanda, his smile all but gone. There wasn't a shred of pleasantry behind his presence as Elora's pace stalled behind Olivia's. This was wrong. He wasn't supposed to be there and his expression said it all as Elora bit down on her bottom lip on approach. Amanda held a cup of tea toward Elora, offering it as a symbolic white flag before gesturing toward the chair behind the desk.

"This can't be good," Elora inhaled the notes of honey and Earl Grey as she rolled the seat back to accommodate her backside. "I'm assuming you're about to shatter any hopes of putting Peirce Evans behind bars today?"

"Not necessarily but it's going to get a little bit rougher," Olivia already knew what was going on as she remained standing while Wyatt kept his fingers against his chin. "I don't know how reliable this is going to make Barbara look."

"You didn't see the look on her face when she gave up his name, Olivia," Elora already felt the bitter sting of potential betrayal knocking her in the teeth as she set the cup on the desk and looked up at Wyatt. "How bad is it? I'm assuming that's why you're here?"

Wyatt had already been nibbling at the inside of his cheek as he flipped a lengthy sheet of paper over and placed it in front of her, his grave façade worsening as he spoke. "I was dropping off more of what the sweep located and Davis pulled me aside because he knew I'd be bringing it to you. He didn't want anyone else from my squad touching it."

"Sample indicates the presence of…" Elora sat up straight and glanced through the results page, reading it out loud without stopping to consider the implication. "Two male genetic contributors. Contributor one matches eliminating sequence from an anterior swab of the bracelet and previously collected sample matching Peirce Evans. The second contributor is…unknown. Goddammit!"

"Elle, it doesn't mean that she lied," Amanda was trying to rationalize the results as Elora's knuckles went white around the edge of her desk while the unresolved file sat in front of her. "It could be a boyfriend that she felt ashamed to tell us about? It could mean that she didn't remember a second assailant?"

"It could mean a lot of things," Olivia nodded and lifted the document from in front of Elora, looking at the concentration of the sample size within the results. "Detective Avery, when you were out there this morning doing a sweep with the one three, did it look like the ground near the spot that Barbara had been passed out at was recently disturbed by more than one set of feet? More than hers and an assailant?"

"Or aside from the marks left by Hawkins and Drummond?" Wyatt had his tablet in hand and was already moving through the images he'd taken while pulling up the database from CSU. "I marked three, distinct patterns in the dirt around the flowerbeds—they matched up with the same treads near the gate. Heels from Barbara's strappy shoes, smoothed imprints like the kind you'd find with a pair of loafers, and a distinctive set that belonged to something resembling a hiking boot. Bigger than the loafer."

Elora stood and peered over Wyatt's arm, cozying up in his personal space as though she'd never left his side, radiating heat against him, her sarcasm bleeding through. "Well done, Wyatt Elliot Avery…it turns out you're useful for something after all. Might help regain the footing we just lost."

"Oh, you're a bozo, Elora Abigail Caruso," Wyatt elbowed her, openly cringing over hearing his full name used in an atta boy sort of way in front of her team. "Air it out for everyone to hear? I'll start dropping your nickna—"

"Keep your mouth shut," Elora swatted him as Amanda gave her a sideways look.

Olivia was still stuck on Wyatt's middle name, twitching as the presence of Elliot Stabler seemed to linger as he was safely behind a pane of glass. It was overwhelming and she didn't want to admit it in front of her team. Hell, she didn't want to admit it to herself and the gentle banter between Elora and Wyatt was doing little to assist in forgetting what she missed. If nothing else, so much time had been robbed from both of them and she wanted nothing more than to know if it could be fixed. The future was fleeting and every second was like sand slipping between her fingers.

Come on, Olivia, shake it off.

"I think we need to run a comparison on the treads to confirm the type of shoe versus the ones that our friend Mister Evans wears," Olivia set her teeth against a dry spot on her lip, biting down just enough to feel it as she tilted her head to the side. "Might have to expand the pool to include his closest associates?"

"We can't completely rule out the idea of a boyfriend, though," Amanda knew how it sounded before she even said it as she watched Elora's shoulders slump from the implication. "If there was someone else earlier that day, I'd rather eliminate him right now…"

"Which means someone has to call her and rip open the stitches," Elora held her fingers to the bridge of her nose as another twinge of pain seared through her brain. "Inflict a little more pain on the traumatized."

"Hate to be the guy that throws a wrench into your thought process but the unexplained second set of shoeprints in the park is not doing any favors to the boyfriend theory," Wyatt raised his brows and scrolled through the photos, handing a particular section on his tablet to Olivia to take a closer look at. "The fibers are cotton-poly, like the kind you'd find in a cheap rain jacket. I had an old friend in forensics run both for confirmation."

"It might throw the balance off but it does not eliminate the necessity to check into it," Olivia zoomed in on the photo, squinting at a section of shimmer near the bottom of the image where the grass ended and gravel began. "Did you collect the shiny object hiding in the rocks as well?"

Wyatt smirked and let a little bit of his expertise show as he flipped to the next image, of a marker with a label on it. "All of these are in inventory, of course, but that was also looked at…thoroughly. Synthetic, holographic lace."

"It's tulle and it is a component of a lot of evening wear," Elora was already looking it up to double-check the components for comparison, pulling up an image of a fluffy petticoat from her phone, showing it to her Captain. "Barbara's dress was ripped in sections; it had a layer of tulle like this on the inside. Depending on how long it had been out there, it has the potential to pick up genetic markers."

"If the bartender saw anyone in the bar that had on a rain jacket who seemed particularly interested in Barbara that night, we would be able to narrow it down," Amanda nodded in their direction as she jotted down a few things, her focus on helping in any way she could. "I could take Fin and Kat to the bar for that."

"That's a great idea," Olivia agreed and stood directly in front of Elora, lowering her voice as she addressed the rougher of the two topics. "I know this isn't going to be pleasant but bringing up the second man is going to need to occur, sooner, rather than later. You have a rapport with Barbara and I don't want to destroy that…but it will be better coming from you than it will anyone else."

"I know," Elora sighed and went for her jacket, taking a big swig of her tea in the process. "I can't do it here. I think this will be better if it's where she's comfortable or feels like she has some of the control."

"Understood," Olivia glanced back at the doorway as Elliot walked in and renewed a certain amount of anxiety for her as she did her best to keep attention on Elora. "Do me a favor and get a Uni to come with you? Maybe two?"

"I can go with Elle," Wyatt caught Elora unaware and inspired color in her cheeks as she pushed her hands through the sleeves of her jacket. "Keeps me out of my Lieutenant's hair for a while and he knows that we're still working the scene."

Somewhere between the light and the dark, Elora feared being in the field next to Wyatt. He was too comfortable and the familiarity brought back a plethora of hidden emotions that she thought she'd buried twice over. Wyatt was undoing the resolve and Elora resembled a deer in the headlights as she nodded gently in their direction while smoothing a few fingers through her hair. This led to nowhere good but she was drawn, like a moth to a flame. That power Wyatt held over Elora frightened and mystified her in the same breath.

It was doing nothing for the rising anxiety in Elora's chest.

"That's better than going alone?" Olivia raised a brow in Elora's direction as she unintentionally fidgeted. "Give me an update once you've had that conversation with Barbara."

"Will do…It'll be like old times," Elora licked her lips despite the urge to remain stoic in front of them as Wyatt diverted his gaze toward her. "Could be trouble."

"Better not be," Oliva warned, seriousness mixed with sarcasm as she raised an index between them while Wyatt moved toward the door.

"I'm a guest so I have no choice but to blame bad behavior on Elora," Wyatt grinned and shrugged as he stood at the edge of the entrance.

"Oh, he's got jokes," Elora rolled her eyes and moved her field of vision toward Elliot's figure as he lingered near Olivia's office, her tone softening as she stayed behind for a moment longer. "Are you sure you're not the one that needs backup?"

Olivia craned her neck to look back at the man she'd been avoiding off and on for the better part of two days and pressed her lips together before regaining eye contact with Elora, sighing softly. "You know, I think I'll manage this time."

I'm halfway out of New York

And half of me I left behind

If we've got something to say then now is the time

Just give me a sign

-VHS Collection

7:25 PM

It should have been easier than this, but it wasn't, for either of them.

Elliot hadn't said a word and Olivia had only managed to offer him a coffee. They felt foolish. Ridiculous. Over-stimulated and under-stimulated at the same time with time taking a chunk out of their ability to cope. They knew it wasn't going to be simple but had hoped to feel more than the unbearable devastation that seemed to linger hopelessly in the air. Elliot had wondered if he had waited too long to come home and Olivia wondered if she was really worth coming home to.

They had lost faith in themselves but not each other.

Elliot was staring at Olivia, probably for too long, and wracking his brain over finding the right combination of words to say. They wouldn't come or burst free from his lips even as she turned, radiating into his gaze, trapped there as though they'd never looked at one another before. Olivia had put distance between them, purposely, as though she needed to protect herself from the steadfast, hot stare Elliot was relentless in providing. It wasn't working, though, as her fingers wound around the edge of her desk, desperate for strength. Olivia couldn't help but feel the opposition pushing as weakness crept in and Elliot's fervent gaze only deepened as she moved the chair back.

Not even fidgeting was going to help her now.

"I can hear you thinking from here," Elliot broke the silence and watched her flinch as she instinctively checked her cell display. "Liv."

Liv lifted her chin, put her phone back on the desk, and pushed a manila folder back toward the center of her desk. "I'm sorry, my mind is on my team scattered to the wind trying to fix a mess and the fact that you're sitting here after nine God damn years. Nine."

"I shouldn't have waited so long but I didn't have much of a choice, Liv," Elliot could hear the agony in her voice and it was tearing him apart as he white-knuckled the cabinet behind him.

"It isn't even just that," Olivia huffed another heavy sigh and pressed her lips together, grappling with the concept as she looked up at him from the safety of her chair. "I didn't even hesitate to help you and I kept thinking about everyone I've had in my life since I joined the force, none of whom would pull me away from my normalcy quite like you do, El. It scares me and I don't know if it means I should want you to stay or make you go."

"You know I couldn't go to anyone other than you," Elliot was perplexed and transfixed on her eyes, on the part of her that had always managed to pull him back as he got to his feet and paced in front of the large desk between them. "Unselfishly, I knew you'd understand, but selfishly, I wanted to be in your orbit again—even if it meant you didn't need me here at all."

"When did you become so expressive?" Olivia wanted to be mysterious but her aching heart was betraying the cool exterior as she chewed the inside of her cheek while the heat went up to her neck. "I remember the Elliot Stabler that needed to be cornered to say what he felt and yet, here you are, opening up like a flower."

"Is it that bad?" Elliot's smile worked its way across his face as he picked up her nameplate and moved his thumbs across each letter while his eyes crawled into her soul. "Something changed when there was a moment that I thought I was going to die, with a dime-sized hole through a rib and blood everywhere, that I could only recall one regret. That one regret was realizing that I didn't want the last time I saw you to be the final time even if it meant I'd come back to a woman that wanted to kill me herself."

"Elliot," Olivia's guilt surged and the anger of his absence was weaving through the traces of a heart that had been pushed into a drawer, left for dead. "It would be easier to despise you and curse your name for everything that came after you left but…do I ever pick the easy choice?"

Elliot wanted to hold her and flick a switch that had been safely aimed down for too long. Olivia had been more than a reason to come back; she was the personification of a hollow burning that had only grown. Elliot couldn't explain it and even if he had tried, Olivia would've called him a fool. Elliot rubbed his knuckles, dancing across the emptiness on his left hand, and remembered the fight like it was yesterday. The embittered, aggressive, painful sting of Kathy's voice was still echoing through him, reminding him of everything he'd done wrong in the end.

It was always her, wasn't it?

"Do either of us pick the easy way out?" Elliot bit down on his lips at the recollection of that night, of watching Kathy hurl her ring across a room, at him, before realizing he'd already been halfway out the door for years. "It wouldn't be the first time I've been told to leave, you know…"

"How long ago did it happen?" Olivia nodded in his direction, at him as he fumbled with his fingers, indicating exactly where his mind had already ventured. "Now I can hear you thinking and it's loud."

"Four years in February," Elliot looked up at the ceiling and let out a chuckle while the torrent of frustration ran through him, tearing at the pieces of his consciousness that had already been taken for a ride. "Kept thinking Kathy was going to pretend it wasn't going to happen but the band-aid had already begun to fall off on the crack in our life. I just wish I had picked up on the scent a little better after the first couple of times she came home after I did."

"Why?" Olivia felt a pang of regret in asking as Elliot leaned against a set of drawers close to the divider window, his back to the squad room. "You don't have to say it if you don't want to."

"No, you should probably know," Elliot squinted and let the grimace take over his face while his eyes found the floor. "Kathy was a little more invested in my job than I'd realized—she's been with my previous boss ever since. He couldn't wait to get the transfer in and didn't even want to look me in the eye."

"Oh, El," Olivia stood and positioned herself next to Elliot, giving in to the urge to touch him with the grasp of his hand, reassuring him of her presence. "I am so sorry. I know how hard it was for both of you during the first separation—I can't imagine what it was like this time."

"I'm not," Elliot had goosebumps up his arm even as he circled his thumb against her skin, pressing against her palm as he exhaled. "She blamed it on you. Took no responsibility for her part in it but the second she brought you up I knew I couldn't keep lying about it…to her or myself."

Olivia fixated on their hands perched carefully between them, Elliot's covering almost all of hers, the little glimpses of fingers peeking between his as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I am sorry, Elliot, you might not be, but I am."

"Don't be," Elliot inhaled Olivia's perfume and let the silence develop for a long, agonizing moment as he concentrated on the feeling of her warmth against his arm. "Even though you weren't right there, I had you in my thoughts. You were always the missing piece and the longer I waited, the more moronic it seemed. It was like I left half of me behind."

"I don't know what to say to that," Olivia didn't move but the tears were moving down her cheeks, making little marks on the sleeve of his jacket, her knees weakening. "Would you have come even if something hadn't happened to Dickie or was that just to make me feel better?"

"I would've been here sooner if I hadn't thought it was a lost cause that, undoubtedly, would've made me more alone than I already am," Elliot's cheek rested against the top of her head, the hesitancy moving through him like a plague while he listened to the unintended sniffle that left her lips. "I woke up one day and knew I had a promise to keep, even though it was so overdue. For better or—"

"You're not my partner anymore, El," Olivia cut him off and lifted her head, aggressively pulling herself from the closeness, from his warmth, to wipe her tears in hopes he hadn't seen them. "I'm a Captain, you're a Captain…we run our own units."

"A partner isn't just the guy in the badge that stands next to you on a case, Liv," Elliot raised his voice and tracked her across the office as she had her back to him at the window facing the street. "It was right in front of me for nearly thirteen years and a guilty conscience kept everything at arm's length—kept you just out of reach."

"What are you even saying, Elliot Stabler?" Olivia spun and jutted her arm out, pressing her palm against his chest to keep him just far enough that she could breathe without catching a whiff of his cologne. "What if you're just a little too late?"

"Olivia, I have to believe that I'm not," Elliot covered her hand with his, holding her digits against his chest as the words seemed less apt to spring free while his voice began to soften. "I can't keep hiding, from life, from myself, from you. Let me in."

"I'm so much more complicated than I was nine years ago," Olivia wanted to run but her feet remained planted as his unbearably hot gaze burrowed into her again and weaved through her veins until she was certain her face had turned red. "I have a son and he's so important."

"It isn't so complicated enough to scare me away, not this time," Elliot pulled her closer, into his orbit, and snaked an arm around her waist as she looked at the floor while he continued to talk. "I know you do and—I want to meet him when the time is right."

"You don't get to come back and say all the right things to me with some kind of expectation that I'll melt into you or fall into your arms," Olivia didn't move but her voice was ragged as her tears spilled over, cascading down her cheeks despite every effort not to let him see. "That's not how this works."

"I hold no expectations," Elliot shrugged his shoulders and wiped the tears from her cheeks as she sobbed in front of him, doing everything he could to soothe the pain instead of inflicting it. "I don't want to love you from the shadows anymore if you'll let me."

"I don't know if I'm capable of being loved and why would you want to try? I am so far beyond the definition of damaged goods," Olivia diverted her stare toward the floor and felt her knees give while she gripped the front of his shirt, holding onto him as her body betrayed her thoughts. "Why?"

Elliot grasped her along the curve of her forearms to keep her legs underneath her and moved his index to her chin, tilting it up until every facet of her emotions were on display, illuminated beyond the streaks of tears and running mascara. "If only you could see what I see and then you'd know why I always have, even at your worst…at your most broken. Every part of you."

"I tried so hard to keep my guard up and the second you opened your mouth, I dropped every bit of my defenses," Olivia's mouth trembled and her voice cracked while she let him enfold his arms around her, indulging in the protection that his embrace had always provided. "I didn't even try to stop it."

"I don't know, my cheek would beg to differ," Elliot cracked a smile and caressed the small of her back before snaking his fingertips across the apples of her cheeks, tracing the droplets away from her laugh lines. "The pieces of you that aren't complete, that you lost along the way—I have to believe are supposed to fit in the empty places that I've ignored for a long time, Liv."

"You…are an asshole," Olivia sniffed the air, tugging back another wave of emotion as she relinquished her fear and felt her knees shake beneath her.

It wasn't the sign that Elliot expected but it was the one that he needed as the figurative green lights blinked and flashed. Olivia coiled her fingers around the material of his shirt, willing and urging him forward as tentative became tested and Elliot found more than courage. Elliot tasted her lips, her tears, and discovered what he had been missing as nine years emerged as a collective of sighs, bumping of noses, and fevered gropes to the back of Olivia's scalp. Heat, hurt, tenderness, the singular quenched need that had been met by endless thirst, and a dizzying sensation of yearning came to a fever pitch, blurring time entirely. Olivia let out an inadvertent moan and tapped her digits along the center of Elliot's chest as the sound of her phone vibrating across the desk grated in her ears.

The sound was eclipsed only by the unpleasant chiming from Elliot's pocket that coaxed a healthy groan from both of them.

"Looks like we both better put this on pause?" Elliot placed a softer, shorter kiss along her temple and thumbed over the outline of her jaw, as another series of buzzing and ringing set in. "It better be important."

Olivia reluctantly took a step back and reached for the phone as she ran her fingers through her hair while pushing air between her lips, gathering composure. "Shit."

"What's going on?" Elliot furrowed his brows as Olivia chewed on a bitten lip. "Liv?"

Olivia took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and let it marinate before regaining eye contact with Elliot. "Judge Daniels is trying to put a block on the DNA rush and Carisi is trying to do an end-run around him."

Quotes by:

Annaaa

Marcus Aurelius

L. Rhodes & A. Barlow

VHS Collection

To Aubrey, thank you for perusing through sections of this and giving me feedback on a few things. I was almost stuck more than once.

I truly did start in on the crying and I hope that, while the pain may be inflicted, that it was worth it in the end.

I cannot wait to see what the next chapter will hold. Continue the journey with me.