Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I am in no way associated with Stephenie Meyer, any creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.
Some descriptions of characters that previously existed have been altered to fit the vision of this story. If you are interested in viewing the character reference photos, please view my Pinterest Board (/clairebear_04/like-breathing-but-harder/).
Want to see the inspiration for the cabin on Bainbridge? Check out the Airbnb listing (rooms/16629721?source_impression_id=p3_1602601027_LoZXH42M4Tf3VfTC).
Chapter 15: Claire
I kept my hands glued to the steering wheel and my eyes fixated out the dusty windshield. My heart ached with conflict: this isn't how I pictured this day to go.
I was halfway to Bainbridge, the sun now beamed over the pine trees. The roads were soaked from the morning fog that had coated the truck this morning. Quil's truck gave me anxiety whenever I drove it, but today I was on autopilot.
My phone buzzed on the passenger seat. It could be Quil, trying to contact me since realizing I disappeared— or Ness trying to console me. I reached over and turned it off, dropping it on the seat again.
I regretted how I harshly texted her the address to the cabin, notifying her that if she wanted to come she still could. But I couldn't ride in a car with her for four hours.
Why was I so mad at them? Shouldn't I be furious with the vampire that killed my mom?
He should have told you, part of me hissed. No matter what their reason is, you have a right to know.
I didn't want to be angry anymore. I didn't get satisfaction from sneaking out of his house and leaving only a post-it note to tell him where I went, or leaving Ness behind. But my stubbornness insisted I couldn't look them in the eyes and hold it together right now.
Driving across the bridge to Bainbridge a rush of calmness fell over me. Possibly because I realized I needed to put on a lively face for Harley: this day was about her. Or it could have been from my desire to leave all the bitterness behind, willingly allowing the distance to yank it out of my body.
I stopped at the corner market before arriving at the cabin, stocking up on junk food and drinks for the weekend. As I loaded up the boxes of pop-tarts, pizza rolls, and edible cookie dough onto the belt, a bottle of vodka caught my eye. Harley couldn't drink for very obvious reasons, but the responsibility in me shattered and I dropped the bottle into my haul.
I was the first one to arrive at the cabin. The midday sun shone through the trees as I got out of my car, warming my face.
The cabin reminded me of homes in La Push, brown siding with green metal roofs on top of moss-covered rocks. Stairs led up from the driveway to the tiny home on the top of the cliff that led down to the water's edge. Grabbing as many bags from the backseat as I could— I prided myself on being a one-trip wonder— I threw my duffle bag over my shoulder and trudged up the damp, rocky stairs.
Using my elbow to push the door open, I heaved the bags inside and kicked it shut behind me, the smell of wood and lavender filling my nose. I set the bags on the table, my eyes dancing around the adorable cottage. The wood was warm and golden, the lights that were turned on practically making it glow. There was natural light pouring through the windows that lined along the walls that created a warm, comforting feel. The porch outside overlooked the water's edge at the base of the cliff and wrapped around the side of the house. The single bathroom was spacious with tall windows and a gorgeous clawfoot tub that reflected the sunshine onto the ceiling.
Harley was going to flip.
After stocking the fridge, I lugged my duffle bag up the stairs to the loft bedroom. Unzipping it, Quil's scent wafted from my clothes, my chest tightening as I fought back tears.
Stop it, stop it, I scolded myself and shoved the bag off the bed, landing with a thump on the ground.
I heard the door open downstairs, my head whipping around as I wiped the tears from my eyes.
"Hey!" I shouted down to Harley as I fumbled with my bag, shoving my clothes back into it and zipping it aggressively. "What do you think! Isn't this place—"
I suddenly felt a presence behind me and my heart dropped. I sighed heavily and stood up, turning to her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think you would be here this soon," I mumbled, wrapping myself in my arms.
Ness tucked some hair behind her ear as she stood in front of me. Her eyes were watching me, her brown eyes cutting through my soul. "Why are you sorry?" she broke the silence.
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What?"
"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Claire," she insisted.
My jaw clenched. You're damn right, I snorted. I shook the snarkiness back into the depth of my mind. "Why?" was all I could say.
She pressed her lips into a line. "Claire," her gaze wandered over my face. "Talk to me," she urged.
"Talk to you?" I reiterated. "Are you serious?"
She nodded silently.
I rolled my eyes, the anger bubbling up in my throat. "Now you want to talk to me? How about we start with the big-ticket item, why the hell did you not tell me about my mom, Renesmee?"
Her face twitched slightly as if she was about to respond but drew it back. She thought for a moment, deciding what to say. "It wasn't Quil's or my choice," she responded.
"What does that even mean?" I folded my arms over my chest.
She shook her head, "We were told not to tell you anything so that we could keep you safe."
I blinked, trying to make sense of it. "Are you serious? What am I too much of a child— too much of a human to take care of myself?"
"You know it's not like that—"
"He killed my mom, Ness," I snapped, my voice rising. "How do I not deserve to know about it?! The same monster that killed Mom is now tracking me down and stalking me in my house and I don't get to know about it!?" Tears lined my eyes as my throat constricted.
"Claire—" she stepped closer to me.
"No! That's so fucked up!" I screamed, the tears streaming down my face. My knees shook, the rage mixing with confusion and fear inside me. "I'm not helpless! I'm not weak! Fuck!"
My emotions overwhelmed me, my legs giving out as she rushed forward, grabbing ahold of me. She grasped me tightly as I sobbed, my staggering breath rocking my body. I was blinded by the anger that filled my chest, that now poured out of my eyes as the tears coated my cheeks. But as I cried in her arms, I felt the bitterness begin to melt away. I saw Quil's face in my mind, my heart beginning to relax. I squeezed Ness, feeling myself give in to her embrace. I pictured my mom's smile, I could almost smell her, the faint scent of lotion and honey saturating my brain.
"You are not helpless," Ness murmured as she wrapped her arms around me tighter. "You're not weak," she stressed.
My pulse slowed down back to normal as my breath returned to me. I pressed my face into the crook of her neck, relying on her superhuman strength to hold me up. I loved Ness like a sister— she and Quil were just as much of family to me as Sam and Emily were. And it felt relieving to have her back.
I was convinced that Alice helped Ness prepare for this weekend as she flashed around the room, setting up little decorations and plating snacks for the evening.
As she whisked by me in a blur she set a glass filled with a red beverage on the coffee table in front of me. The cranberry and vodka swirled over my tongue as I sipped it, Ness winking at me as she darted to the bathroom, setting up candles.
"So what does Jake have on you guys to keep you quiet?" I teased, swallowing more of the drink.
Ness blurred past me again, stopping in the kitchen. "It's not coming from Jake," she explained as she mixed together sparkling fruit drinks for Harley.
I raised an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean?"
She thought for a moment, sighing softly as she made up her mind. "Sam asked all of us not to say anything," she stated before darting to the porch outside.
My eyes locked on the ground in front of me. "Sam. Why wouldn't he tell me? How long have they known that a vampire caused the crash?"
"Well pick the one you want me to answer," she joked, appearing next to me on the couch.
I ran my hands through my hair. "Honestly I don't know if any of them will make me feel any better," I groaned and gulped down more of my cocktail.
"Look, Claire here's what I can tell you," she pulled her legs up under her. "They didn't want to tell you because they didn't want you to worry. Sam loves you to death, he wants to protect you and they're all doing everything they can to keep you safe. He didn't want to reopen old wounds by telling you that it was the same guy."
My face twisted in a mixture of contentment and more confusion. Every question answered only caused more to pop into my head. Just as I opened my mouth to respond, she sat up, smiling slightly. "She's here," she announced.
On cue, Harley pushed the door open, beaming as she found me on the couch. "Holy...shit!" she exclaimed.
I hadn't even noticed how much decorating Ness had done. The room was filled with beautiful white candles and balloons that mimicked the tiny flames as they waved back and forth. Green springs of leaves were perfectly placed in nooks and small spaces, emphasizing the bright white. It was like a Pinterest photo come to life.
"This is insane!" she gasped. Smiling, I set my drink down and hopped off the couch, holding my arms out for a hug.
"Oh my god, you're glowing," I breathed, taking her in. Her hair looked even brighter than usual, her skin practically shining as if she was a vampire. I couldn't visibly make out much of a baby bump, but as she pressed herself against me I felt the difference in her midsection. "You look amazing, how do you feel?"
She rolled her eyes. "Horrible morning sickness, but other than that I'm ok," she grinned. "Hi, Ness," she acknowledged her.
"Congrats, Harley," Ness smiled back.
"Thank you so much for doing all this, guys," Harley looked between the two of us. "This is incredible."
"As if I was about to let you get married and not have all the fun of having a wedding," I smirked.
"This is the most fun with it that I've had! Andrew's mom is great and all, but..." she grimaced. I could only imagine. Lucky for me, Joy Ateara was one of the nicest people I knew on the reservation.
"Well, we have a few hours to relax until dinner," Ness grinned.
"Oh my god, I have to sit out on that porch," Harley dropped her bag and bounded across the room, throwing the sliding glass door open as Ness joined her outside.
"You coming?" she looked back at me.
"Yeah, I'll be right there, let me get some drinks," I waved her along as I went to the kitchen area. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, realizing I had left it off all day.
Shit, I frowned, looking at the quantity of missed phone calls from Quil unanswered in my inbox.
I glanced up, gazing through the sliding glass door as Harley and Ness laughed at something one had said. I knew that Harley needed something like this, but I hadn't realized how good this was for me too. For just a moment it felt like everything that had happened to me for the past couple of weeks was all a funny dream. But would that mean I would wake up at any minute?