A/N: I had planned to make this one a bit longer—but then it was slightly hard to write so it's shorter than I wanted.
22nd September 2018
A mother being released from hospital without her baby was hard. Hard in any circumstances—yet when you knew that your baby would die without invasive surgery made it all the more hard.
Gwen was up and walking two days after the section—and made her way to the NICU at least twice a day, going back to the postnatal ward as necessary for meals and vitals checks. Like most newborns, Amhar had lost some weight during his first few days of life, yet as he needed the surgery this was normal and he couldn't start on formula until after the operation so had to have IV fluids.
As typical for c-section mums, Gwen was released four days after the birth of Amhar. She somehow managed to hold back her tears as she walked past the NICU and checked on her son before going to the car and getting inside it—only to see no car seat there in the back seat. She knew it didn't make sense; the car seat would be invalid had they—God forbid—gotten into an accident yet it still saddened her that she wouldn't be able to be with her baby. Every morning the new parents would take the long drive to Birmingham hospital and return the next evening, not having made progress but nothing having made worse.
Amhar had stabilised rather quickly so it wasn't long before he was transferred from the NICU to the PICU to be prepared for his surgery. He was transferred to the PICU at eight days old, Gwen commenting "he looks so small compared to everyone else here" as they began to prep the newborn for his surgery.
As the operation was on a Saturday, everyone was able to be there—Merlin, Morgana, Morgause, Catrina. Amhar lay wriggling in the cot, alternating between holding onto his bat and dusky blue bashful bunny as he cooed at everyone looking at him. Amhar was a rather content baby; rarely cried, was mostly happy and even tried to smile sometimes—yet it was hard with the ventilator on.
Even though he was only a week old, he still had to have a fast before going under the anaesthetic, so while he was happy on Friday and cooing, on Saturday he was rather grumpy. He had cried a lot and given that they were allowed to pick him up for cuddles, he did temporarily calm down but was still rather upset.
Just after eleven a nurse came over with a doctor and explained the procedure to them. They planned on having the operation take around two and a half hours. As the nurse pushed the cot towards the theatres everybody followed in relative silence. Gwen and Arthur walked next to the cot, holding on to each other and their son. Morgause and Catrina were wrapped around each other as they walked and surprisingly so were Merlin and Morgana. Arthur wanted to say something. He really did. But he could loose his newborn son at any minute, so he remained silent.
Given that Amhar had a full-size cot as opposed to a neonatal one there wasn't space in the lift for them all.
"I'll stay here with Merlin" Morgause offered as she wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
"Good luck" Merlin said as he hugged the parents and then gently stroked Amhar's cheek.
"Thanks mate" Arthur smiled between his tears, before they turned around and went into the lifts to go to theatre.
Morgana and Catrina went up in the lifts with Arthur, Gwen, the baby alongside the nurse and doctor.
"You two seemed cosy together" Morgause remarked.
"Did we? We weren't" Merlin scoffed.
"You were" Morgause insisted. "You certainly were".
Merlin opened his mouth wide as he looked perplexed. "Well you ganged up on us!".
"We didn't" Morgause shook her head.
The lift doors opened and Morgana and Catrina returned looking solemn.
"He's gone into theatre" Morgana said quietly.
"He'll be OK" Morgause reassured her. "Newborns are tougher than they look".
"I know" Morgana sighed. "But still".
"He wouldn't survive without the surgery anyway" Catrina explained. "It's better this way".
The lift bell dinged and Gwen and Arthur stepped out with tears streaming down their face.
"He's in?" Morgause checked.
"He is" Gwen sighed. "He's in".
"He'll be okay" Morgana reassured them. "He's tougher than he looks".
"He's one week old!" Arthur exclaimed. "But he's a little fighter. Let's get lunch".
With heavy hearts and a solemn silence, they made their way to the hospital canteen and grabbed their food. Not that anyone ate much, it was hard to eat knowing that Amhar was in surgery. Once the attempt at eating was over, they made their way to the PICU family room and sat as they drunk tea. Given that only immediate family were allowed Morgause and Merlin had to stay in the family room and couldn't see the newborn until he was better.
Gwen received a phone call just after three and she and Arthur proceeded to the neonatal recovery ward.
"Is he okay?" Gwen asked anxiously as they waited outside the bay.
"He's fine" the doctor reassured her. "The surgery went very well, and we managed to get everything back to normal even though it took longer than expected. You can go see him and then we're going to move him to the PICU".
The parents looked down at their newborn in the cot. He was attached to machines but they didn't care. He was OK. That was all that mattered.
That night the others made their way home while Gwen and Arthur stayed at their son's side in the PICU, given that there were no set visiting hours. Shortly after ten they decided that they should sleep—Gwen was only a week postpartum and they planned on getting all the sleep that they could while they could.
Merlin noticed that Morgana was getting on more better with him—smiling at him in the corridors and even hugging him on the Monday after they were back (after asking him to buy her a latte, of course!).
Although this didn't seem to last, by the end of September things were back to normal with Morgana being frosty once more.
Amhar had spent only two days in the PICU after his surgery, during which he managed to come off the ventilator, moved to CPAP and down to tube feeds (which was remarkable—especially given that his lungs were underdeveloped) he was soon moved to the neonatal surgery unit. He didn't look so tiny there—everyone else was a newborn so it was better for the whole family—and they could interact with families in similar positions.
Amhar spent one week in the neonatal surgery unit. Gwen found herself regretting not breastfeeding since most of the other mums did, yet it was easier to have less stress of not being the sole source of nutrition for the baby. And she didn't have to wake up every night, Arthur could do some of the feedings and (most importantly) it was much easier to establish formula feeding than breastfeeding.
Unlike all the other babies who were still there, on the second of October 2018, Arthur and Gwen with a hand each on the car seat carried Amhar to the car, Arthur carrying his oxygen. He was finally coming home.
I'm coming home
I'm coming home
Tell the world I'm coming home
Let the rain
Wash away
All the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits
And they've forgiven my mistakes
I'm coming home
I'm coming home
Tell the world I'm coming
Morgana was rather surprised when she found Mithian approaching her several times a day. She thought she was more likely to approach Morgause, yet whenever Mithian would approach Morgana, Morgause had disappeared somewhere.
"Morgana! Morgana" Mithian called as she noticed Morgana going into her room.
"Can I help you?" Morgana asked with a sheepish smile.
"You know, don't you?" Mithian checked.
"Know what?".
"Past lives".
"Yeah?" Morgana frowned. "Look I understand if you won't want to work with me. I can resign or whatever I don't mind, it's really no trouble honestly—".
"Morgana" Mithian interrupted with a smile. "It's in the past. Don't worry about it. Take care of yourself".
"I am taking care of myself" Morgana frowned.
"Do you want to become gym buddies?" Mithian asked. "Could use some motivation" she added with a light chuckle.
"Okay" Morgana agreed. "I normally go on Wednesdays".
"I'll see you there then" Mithian smiled.
A/N: Okay fineeee I might have teared up during this. Just discovered part two of coming home and wow that is sad!