Chapter 15: Sunday, December 23, 1979

"Christmas gives us an opportunity to pause and reflect on the important things around us."

-David Cameron

The days following the meeting were tense all around. Not only had Sirius argued with Lily, but James had stepped in to defend her, which caused even more animosity toward Hermione on Sirius' side. On top of it, the journal she kept to detail her experiences in this time was missing. Friday, she had spent nearly half the day tearing apart her small cottage in search of it, trying to remember where she had left it last. Usually, she kept it in the night stand next to her bed, the pen that Draco had given her tucked inside to mark her last page, but it wasn't there.

After the weekend, she had decided it must have been misplaced. Perhaps she shrunk it down and put it in her robes and sent it through the wash and didn't remember? She knew it was unlikely that she would be so careless to do something like that, but she couldn't think of a better option. The only person who had been in her home besides herself, was Remus. And surely, Remus would have no reason to go looking through her night stand.

On Sunday, she bundled herself in a pair of navy trousers and a thick grey jumper and fastened her cloak. She had made plans with James to go Christmas shopping. He wanted to pick out something nice for Lily and said he could use a "feminine eye", and while she had never thought herself as overly feminine, she obliged anyway, happy to help and get her own gift buying out of the way.

When she arrived at James and Lily's house, she was surprised to see that only Remus was home. She removed her boots and cloak, hanging it on the hook near the door and entered the kitchen, where Remus was baking something that smelled like cinnamon.

"Coffee cake," Remus said, before she could get the question out. "With a cinnamon streusel on top."

"It smells heavenly," she replied with a smile.

"Hopefully it turns out... I'm trying a new recipe."

"I'm sure it will be perfect," she said, "Can I ask you something?"

Remus closed the oven, mumbling about how it needed a few more minutes before turning back to her, "Sure."

"When you went to get my healer's bag on Thursday, you didn't by chance pick up a journal, did you? It's leather bound, with a velvet marker, but my pen was inside of it."

Remus' forehead creased at the question and he slowly shook his head, "No, I'm sorry. I didn't."

"You didn't go anywhere else in the house? Didn't see it lying around anywhere?"

"No."

Hermione frowned, "I can't find it. And it's very important to me."

"I'm sorry Hermione, but I didn't see it. Sirius used the loo while we were there, but unless you keep-

"Sirius?" she asked, her heart falling. Of course! Sirius had volunteered to go back to the cottage with Remus! How could you forget about it?!

"Yeah, he went with me. Don't you remember?"

"I had forgotten," she said. "He didn't go into my bedroom at all? I really need that journal, Remus. It's very important to me."

Hermione knew how it sounded. Knew that she sounded obsessed with a silly journal, her voice felt frantic as she questioned him about it and she could see the questions on his face as he pulled his brows further together, his forehead creasing. She had so much written in that journal, so many details from her time here, every single Order meeting she had attended was organized and written down to study later. All the information she had been given or heard in passing. She was still here for a reason. She still needed to figure out what they knew about the curse that was inside of her, slowly eating away at her. If her journal was gone, all the information she had received in the last two months would be gone with it. There could be something important in it, something she had missed!

"Please," she said. "You didn't see Sirius with it? He didn't-

"Sirius is a lot of things, Hermione, but he isn't a thief."

The look on Remus' face was one of confusion, a skeptical glint in his eye as they swirled with gold and back to green. His gaze lingered on her for a moment and he finally turned back to the oven, opening it up and pulling out the cinnamon coffee cake he had been baking. He set it on the stove top, turning off the heat and crossed the room.

"James, Sirius, and Lily went to breakfast an hour and a half ago. They should be back any minute. I know that Sirius hasn't been kind to you, hasn't taken to you, but he's not a thief. He wouldn't have stolen your journal."

"You're sure?" she asked, regretting the words the moment they left her mouth.

Remus narrowed his eyes at her for a fleeting second before his arms crossed over his chest, "Of course I'm bloody sure."

Hermione saw his nostrils flare for a moment, gold ribboning through his mossy gaze again, and she realized she was treading thin ice. She was very close to upsetting Remus, if she hadn't already, and somewhere in her panicked brain she could feel that was not something she wanted to do. She knew at some point, she must have angered him in the past, or witnessed his anger, but she couldn't pull forth the specific memory.

Either way, she backed off. Swallowing the lump in her throat and bobbing her head slightly. "Sorry, I'll just… I'll keep looking for it when I get back home later. I must have just misplaced it."

The tension in the room remained until James, Lily, and Sirius arrived fifteen minutes later. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief when their voices came from the small foyer and she gave Remus one last look before moving to greet them and collect her cloak.

Shopping with James proved to be one of the more fun experiences she had had in a long time. She couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much, or felt so free and happy. It had been years, in her own time, since she had a moment of peace. A moment to enjoy herself and laugh freely. Bill and Fleur's wedding came to mind. Dancing with Ron and the twins, singing along with the songs the band had played with Ginny. Being out of breath from laughing and eating so many sweets she felt sick. But even that moment had been spoiled by war, had been ruined by an ambush of Death Eaters and an escape from the property with Ron and Harry.

There were no Death Eaters roaming Muggle London. No one lurking about the shops, waiting to grab them and hex them. No fear of people around them as the fall of the Ministry was announced to happy wedding guests. Just muggles roaming about, bundled up in their coats and scarves, scrambling to finish the last of their holiday shopping.

When James suggested Muggle London, Hermione had been confused. James was a pureblood, she just assumed he wouldn't spend much time outside of the magical communities. When she asked about it, he had explained that Lily enjoyed spending time in Muggle parts of town, and he had obliged at first, unsure how to handle himself. But he had soon found he preferred it.

"Muggles are simple," he said. "They walk about with their silly customs I still don't fully understand. Everything takes much longer and the products aren't always as well made, but there's something innocent about muggles. They have no idea the threats that are surrounding them. It's nice to be submerged in people who have no idea sometimes. I know it sounds mental-

"It doesn't," she assured him. "It makes sense, actually. It's as if you can forget yourself, for a while. Things don't feel so life or death when everyone around you is focused on the life part."

James gave her the lopsided smile that made her heart clench, and bumped his shoulder against hers. "You're clever, anyone else ever tell you that?"

Hermione laughed, "I've heard it a time or two."

"I'm glad you agreed to come with me. I'm hopeless at this sort of thing and I really want to get Lily something special. A bracelet, I think would be really nice," he said.

"I think she would like that."

They spent several hours going through different shops. James purchased a beautiful gold charm bracelet with several jeweled charms to hang from it. Including a golden lily adorned with tiny diamonds, a silver dog, a gold pair of antlers (found in a very strange little shop), a sparkling silver crescent moon, a small gold mouse, and a bronze book.

"What are the meaning of the charms?" she asked. Of course, she knew the obvious ones. She was curious about the book, but not asking about the others would raise suspicion.

"You've heard us call each other by our nicknames, I'm sure," James said.

"Yes, I have."

"Well, those charms are for us. And the book is for you, clever girl."

"For me?" she asked.

James nodded, "You may have just fallen into our lives very recently, but Lily loves you deeply already. I can't imagine she'd be too happy with me if I got her a charm bracelet with the people we care about most in our lives, and left you off of it."

Hermione looked up from the bracelet and gave James a watery smile, her eyes burning bright with tears. She was touched that Lily considered her a friend already, so much so that James would include her in his gift to her.

They ate lunch and continued chatting about their lives. Hermione told him as much as she could about her father, seeing as she had already told him that he was a muggle. She told him a bit about Harry, Ron, and Draco, without naming them and without too much detail. She learned that his parents had passed away the year prior, his mother and father both coming down with a severe case of Dragon Pox that they weren't able to shake with their age. When she asked about that, he explained his parents were much older when they had him, so they had lived a long and happy life before passing away.

Once they finished at the restaurant, they hit a few more of the shops so that Hermione could get a gift for Remus and Sirius. James helped her pick something out that Sirius would like, after questioning her on why she would even bother. After she explained that she had no ill will toward Sirius, he agreed that a small gift may help Sirius come around. She decided on a gold keychain with his name carved into it, that he could use to put his keys for his motorbike on.

James approved of the gift she chose for Lily, a silver hair pin that was adorned with pretty white flowers and a leather bound recipe journal she could use to write her potions recipes in. She had told James she planned on filling in a few pages of the journal for Lily, giving her the recipe to her improved hangover potion and her concentrated pain potion.

For Remus, James teased her about the gift.

Oddly enough, Remus was the hardest of them to buy for. He was unlikely to accept a solid gold keychain or anything that seemed overly luxurious. He didn't like the feeling of someone spending money on him, and he had told everyone to forgo getting him a gift this year because of it. A sentiment that no one had listened to. Hermione didn't want to offend him, or make him feel bad for not being able to afford an expensive gift, something that wasn't his fault. Just another glaring reminder to the prejudices against werewolves.

Hermione settled on a pair of argyle socks and some exotic chocolate blends. The socks were extremely soft and a deep red with gold stitching to create the pattern. She smiled to herself when she found them, Remus always wore argyle socks. It was the only thing in his wardrobe that he seemed to spend any money on, so she was sure he would appreciate them. Along with the socks and chocolate, she also perused through an old second-hand vinyl record shop. She lingered there the longest, carding through the boxes of vinyls until her fingers landed on one that sent a jolt to her spine.

A white cover, very slightly frayed on the edges, with two words embossed in the front: The Beatles.

She felt her breath hitch as she pulled the album from the box and stared down at it. It couldn't be the same one she had listened to, could it? The same one they had found when cleaning out Grimmauld Place? She wondered just how many of the things that she knew in her own time, had she been the catalyst for. What other things might happen, that she would come to realize had been by fault of hers?

She contemplated putting the album back in the box, but as she did, her wrist began to sear. A sharp, burning pain wrapping around her arm where she had made the vow with Draco. Apparently, it wouldn't just stop her from screwing up the future, but it would ensure that everything remained the way it was when she left. She kindly paid the man behind the counter and slipped the album into her bag.

They walked back to the Leaky Cauldron, just as the sun began to sink low into the horizon. James wanted to stop by the apothecary to pick up a few items before heading back and as they talked about who would be at the gathering for Christmas, she realized she hadn't thought to buy anything for Peter.

James insisted it wasn't necessary and that Peter would understand. She hadn't really met him, only spoke with him one time after healing him the other day. He had elected to stay at Meadow's Meadow until his ribs completely set, fearing the pain of apparition or Floo travel. She had returned once to check in on him and give him another potion to help speed up the healing of the splintered ribs. Lily had been with them and she didn't say much to the man, but she didn't feel right getting something for everyone else if he would be present as well.

They wandered Diagon Alley and Hermione spit-balled a few ideas.

"Would he need new parchment or quills? What about a book of some sort?"

"Pete's not really the studious type," James said. "He got fair marks in school, but I'm fairly certain Remus wrote half his essays for him."

Hermione snorted, she could relate to that. If it hadn't been for her help, Harry and Ron more than likely would have failed their O.W.L.'s completely.

"To be fair," James continued. "Remus wrote most of mine and Sirius' essays too."

"How is that fair?" Hermione laughed.

James shrugged, "I guess it wasn't for Remus. But it wasn't just Peter who received improved marks because of him. Although, I always did my own on Transfiguration. It was always my favorite subject."

"Really?"

"Mhmm," James hummed. "Scored almost as high as Lily and Remus on our O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, and that's saying something."

They browsed through a few of the shops and Hermione's eyes were brought to a wall that held small glass spheres. "What about a Rememberall?" she asked.

James shrugged, "Not a bad idea. He lost the last two he had, so maybe this one he'll actually keep track of."

Hermione laughed at that, but couldn't think of a better gift so purchased it anyway.

By the time she got home that night, she found herself exhausted. She had elected to spend the evening alone, deciding to take the time to wrap the gifts with shiny paper the way she used to when she was young. With the exception of using a mild sticking charm, instead of tape.

By the time she was finished, and each gift was wrapped, she found herself curled into the large chair by the window that she loved. A blanket thrown over her legs as she read a book she had picked up while she was out. She found a strange feeling tugging at her chest as she recalled Christmas just four years prior, when she and Harry had gone to Godric's Hollow for the first time.

The first Christmas Eve she had spent with Lily and James Potter, they hadn't even been alive for. And now, she would open gifts with them and celebrate the holiday as if she hadn't held their son tightly as he cried into her shoulder, looking at his parents graves for the first time. She quickly stuffed the feeling away, burying it under the ever growing metaphorical pile beneath the rug, and tried to focus on the upcoming day.

Monday, December 24, 1979

Hermione took her time getting herself put together the morning of Christmas Eve. Lily had explained that they celebrate Christmas together on Christmas Eve, because Christmas Day she and James went to her parents house. Hermione was told only to bring herself and a promise to enjoy the day as much as possible.

She dressed in a pair of wide legged denim trousers and a red, fitted turtleneck. One thing she definitely missed from her own time was the clothing. While the wide legged trousers were comfortable, the waist was so high on them, it nearly cinched into her ribs. And she wasn't sold on the wide collared blouses, so she stuck to wearing jumpers that were tight around her neck, which became stifling after some time. She longed for a pair of worn in jeans and a tee shirt.

Once Hermione was dressed and did what she could with her hair, she slipped on her cloak and boots and shrank down the gifts to fit in her pocket before grabbing her wand and heading two houses down to James and Lily's. From the front porch, she could smell the warm spices of whatever biscuits Remus was baking.

She entered the home without knocking, something she was uncomfortable with at first, but Lily had insisted she didn't need to do it every time she came over. The house was decorated with a large tree in the corner, covered in twinkling fairy lights and bulbs of different sizes and colours. There was fluffy green garland adorned with pretty red flowers on the mantle of the fireplace, where several knitted stockings hung. In every doorway, there was mistletoe that bloomed beautifully as people passed through it.

Hermione smiled to herself as she removed her cloak and boots, pulling the gifts from the pocket and enlarging them to be placed under the tree. It was warm and smelled of cinnamon and chocolate and it felt like Christmas. A feeling she hadn't realized she had missed over the years.

They had tried to make Christmas a special day while in the Shrieking Shack. Mrs. Weasley made it her duty to cook a large meal, George and Ginny would do a fireworks display inside and everyone tried to be in a good mood. But too often, there was someone in the next room on the brink of death. An ambush that had just happened days prior, leaving someone in pain as they celebrated around them. The loss of friends and family who should be with them weighing heavily on their minds. The holiday was always riddled with grief and worry, in place of joy and happiness.

Lily and James' house was nothing like the Shrieking Shack had been for the last three years. It screamed love and joy and warmth. Every bit of it was cozy and happy and felt like Christmas. Even as she entered further, only to get a scathing glare from Sirius, she felt happier than she had been on any Christmas in the last several years.

It was Lily, who she found in the kitchen, her long red locks piled up on her head and an apron tied around her waist. She had a bit of flour on her cheek and Hermione couldn't help but laugh at the sight of her distressed friend.

"For someone who is so good at potions, I find it terribly hard to believe that you are this bad in the kitchen, Lily!" Hermione laughed.

"I've told her a million times…" Remus said, his lips twitching with amusement.

"Potions are exceedingly easier than muggle cooking! Magic is far less finicky!"

Hermione burst into laughter, "I don't think that's true at all, Lily!"

"Well I wouldn't be in here if Remus hadn't insisted on making chocolate biscuits first thing in the morning! The bloody smell made me sick to my stomach!"

"Is that why you're making… what is this? Snickerdoodles?"

"Yes!" Lily said, "Yes! Because the smell of cinnamon is the only thing strong enough to cover the chocolate!"

"My biscuits are perfect, it's your stomach that's the problem," Remus grumbled.

"It's not my fault that whatever chocolate you bought this time around is stronger than the one you used last time! Honestly, it's all I can smell! I vomited Remus!"

Remus shook his head, chuckling as he walked into the living room. "You can help her then," he called over his shoulder to Hermione. "Apparently I smell like the chocolate."

"I don't doubt that one bit," Hermione laughed.

Hermione and Lily set to work, measuring and sifting the flour, salt and cinnamon. They creamed the butter and sugar together using their wands, it was much faster than using any muggle appliances, and slowly added the eggs and extra yolks. It took Lily three tries to separate the eggs before she got one that didn't have any bits of the shell in it. Once they combined all the ingredients and used a cooling charm to quickly chill the dough, they set to scooping it into small balls, rolling them in cinnamon sugar and arranging them on the baking sheets.

As they baked, James took over the kitchen with Remus and Sirius, preparing their supper of roast beef, roasted root vegetables, a salad, and fresh bread that Remus had baked early that morning. Remus had been kind enough to remove the snickerdoodles from the oven when they were done baking, as Lily and Hermione arranged the gifts under the tree in neat piles for each person.

As the evening wore on, they ate their fill of supper and talked amicably over the table. Sirius began drinking eggnog, making sure everyone had a glass or two of his "secret recipe", which Hermione had come to determine meant it had three times the amount of whiskey in it than normal. With full stomachs and flushed skin from the whiskey, they all entered the living room to open gifts.

Hermione sat on the floor, her legs crossed in a pretzel shape, as far away from Sirius as possible. He had been sending her glaring looks and snide comments all evening and she wasn't in the mood to listen to him try his best at ruining her good day. This, however, put her next to Peter. This was the most interaction she had had with him so far, and while he was pleasant, she still couldn't shake the feeling of dislike toward him. He had given her no real reason, he was polite and mostly quiet. Laughing at Sirius and James' jokes and chatting away with Remus about various articles in the Daily Prophet. But still, she couldn't get past the urge to yell at him to shut up every time he spoke to her.

Remus seemed to still be giving her the cold shoulder. She supposed the conversation from the previous morning still stuck with him, which she understood, but she couldn't help but feel frustrated. It wasn't as if Sirius had shown any kindness toward her since her arrival. It wasn't as if she had no reason to think Sirius might try to find something personal to use on her to sway their trust from her. Lily had outright told her that he didn't trust her! Sirius, himself, had admitted he didn't trust her judgement!

So why should she trust that Sirius wouldn't have gone through her personal items while alone in her home?

Hermione swallowed back the mounting irritation. She wouldn't allow the previous day's aggravation seep into an otherwise good time. She wanted to enjoy this, wanted to savour the moment with her new friends and soak it up. To have plenty of good and happy things to tell Harry when she returned to her own time.

Once gifts were exchanged, Hermione had been pleased to see that Lily and James splurged and got her a beautiful new cauldron. Top of the line, self-heating, stirring, and stasis copper cauldron complete with a set of glass phials and a restock of basic potions ingredients that are commonly used in healing potions.

Hermione was beside herself with gratitude, thanking them profusely for the generous gift.

"A Nimbus 1001! Hermione! This must have cost a small fortune!" James said, jumping to his feet and pulling her off the ground and into a tight hug, "I can't believe you would buy this! I just- Lily! Do you see this broom! It's gorgeous! And it… Oh. My. God. It has my name! You got my name engraved into the handle! Holy shit! Hermione!"

Hermione laughed with every hug James gave her. She didn't know much about brooms, but spending as much time with Harry, Ron, and even Ginny as she had in school, she had learned enough to get a good one. Truly, the broom hadn't been all that expensive and she had been so excited to give it to him, knowing he would love it.

"It's nothing, James. Really. After you both opened your home to me, it's the least I could do!"

"It's not nothing! Lily, do you see this?!" James said.

"James, I was with her when she picked it out. I've known about it for three weeks." Lily said, rolling her eyes. "And Hermione, the hair piece is just beautiful. Thank you! And I can not wait to use these recipes! The healing potion is brilliant!"

Hermione smiled brightly, happy that they loved their gifts. She got an awkward side hug from Peter as Lily laughed when he opened the Rememberall and Sirius even gave her a begrudged "Thanks" for his keychain. She didn't miss, however, the way his eyes fell to the engraved gold as he ran his fingers over it.

Remus was fairly quiet as he opened his gifts, thanking everyone with each tear of pretty, foiled paper. Reminding them all that he had asked them not to bother getting him anything, that he couldn't return the gesture, to which Lily scolded him to be quiet and "Just accept the damn gifts, Remus!"

It was Hermione's gift he opened last. A small smile pulled his lips upward as he looked at the cover of the vinyl record, "I don't have this one, yet." Remus said, "I was hoping to get it soon."

Hermione returned the smile, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I had hoped you didn't."

Remus opened the chocolates next, his eyes going wide and his smile brightening even further as he read off the chocolate types and the strange countries they were from. Lastly, it was the argyle socks. He held them in his hands, stroking the material a few times and smiling as he did.

"Socks?" Sirius said, looking at Hermione. "You got him socks?! What kind of gift is that? That's the type of gift your nan buys you!"

"Did your nan buy you socks?" Remus asked, without looking up.

"Well, obviously not!" Sirius said.

"Then shut up, Sirius." Remus said, turning his attention to Hermione. "Thank you, Hermione. They're perfect."

Hermione felt her cheeks heat up a bit and she smiled. "You're welcome, Remus."

"Bloody fucking socks! I bet you're the type to give out toothbrushes to those little muggle kids that go around for sweets on halloween aren't you?!" Sirius ranted.

Hermione sighed, rolling her eyes. "Well, my father is a dentist. So, yes."

James roared with laughter as Sirius rolled his eyes and Remus mumbled something in Welsh under his breath which sparked a "hey!" from Sirius as he threw a pillow at Remus' head.

After they cleaned up all the wrapping paper and Lily and Hermione returned to the kitchen to get plates for pudding, Hermione couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly guilty for enjoying herself so much. She knew that if it were Christmas in her own timeline right now, there was a very good chance that Harry and Blaise were trying desperately to keep spirits high in the house while Draco drank and the Weasley's tried to remain positive, despite the overwhelming sadness that took them over during the holidays.

It took several calls of her name from Lily before she realized she had been standing at the counter, staring into the trifle as if it had personally wronged her.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked, her voice soft.

"I'm fine," she said, a forced smile on her lips. "I'm just going to take a moment, get some air."

Lily nodded, a sad look in her eyes as Hermione stepped through the back door and into the garden. She cast a warming charm over herself but held her arms close to her body, rubbing her biceps to try and generate a little extra heat. It was a few moments later that she realized Sirius was perched against the banister, a cigarette hanging from his lips and a glass of Firewhiskey in his hand.

"You didn't need to get me a gift," Sirius said, blowing smoke over his shoulder as he spoke.

She shrugged, "It wasn't much. Would have been rude if I bought for everyone else and left you out."

"I bought for everyone but you," he pointed out.

"You don't know me, as you like to continuously point out. Plus you are rude so I wouldn't expect you to buy me a gift."

Sirius grunted as he took a gulp at the whiskey and stubbed out his cigarette, immediately lighting another one. "You don't belong here," he said. "James and Lily might think you do. But I know better."

"Oh you do, do you?" Hermione said, her mood quickly shifting venomous as she pursed her lips. "Please, elaborate on why you think you have the right to say anything about me."

"Don't act like you aren't lying through your teeth every second that you're here."

Hermione blanched at that, consciously taking the effort to keep her eyes from growing wide. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I think I do," he said, taking a long drag from his cigarette. "And I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. Tell me, Hermione, what is so important about a bloody journal that you would accuse me of stealing it, if it weren't full of things you didn't want people to see?"

"Excuse me?"

"What?" Sirius laughed, "You thought Remus wouldn't tell me that you talked to him about it? Of course, he fucking told me! He's my best mate! What I don't understand is why you're trying to wedge yourself into his life? You. Don't. Belong. Here."

Before Hermione could respond, Sirius flicked his cigarette over the bannister and knocked back the last of his whiskey, going back inside and leaving her in the back garden by herself. She knew he took her journal, he had essentially confirmed it! And if Sirius had her journal, it was only a matter of time before everyone else knew she was lying about who she was.

.

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a/n: Ayyy Christmas chapter! I hope you liked it! I have a confession... I'm a completely and total Grinch. I hate Christmas lol So, I really hope that a little Christmas cheer came through. My alpha (who I adore and owe my life) Mayghaen17 is a Christmas nut, however, so I tried to channel her energy here. I hope you liked it!

I know we're getting restless with Sirius, I know you want to punch him. Just hang on! I promise things will make sense soon!

If you liked it, please leave a review. I kind of live for the validation. *laughs and then sobs* thank you!

xo

mimi