Author's Note:
Hi, guys! As some of you predicted, here's the confession that Darcy should have made a lot sooner in the book, don't you think?
I hope you like this chapter!
Stay safe!
Jen
He concentrated on what he would do in the future, for whether real or not, his parents had been right, and as he drifted off to sleep, he could almost hear four words echoing in his head.
We are with you.
"Well, that is all we can do," Lady Anne sighed, as she watched Fitzwilliam fall back asleep.
"We are fortunate we could do this much. I only hope we have not frightened the boy too much or made him think he is losing his mind."
"And let us hope he follows our advice."
9.
Fitzwilliam woke up the next morning with a feeling of determination. He did not know if his dream had been a result of his sorrow and loneliness, if it had been induced by his guilt or if there was another explanation—a lot harder to come to terms to—for his epiphany, but the result was the same: his parents were right. He could not change the past, but he could, and would, change the future. On his way to the breakfast room, he went to the gallery and stood in front of the painting of his parents, which had been done only a year before Lady Anne's death. He stared at the image of the people who had shaped him and felt the full force of his mistakes as he saw how much he had strayed from the path they had planned for him. They had not raised him to be proud, selfish, and presumptuous.
"I promise I shall make you proud of me," he said out loud before leaving the gallery.
"Oh, Fitzwilliam," Lady Anne sighed. "We are proud of you."
The following days, he concentrated on two goals—improving his behaviour towards those who were not his equals and forming a plan of action. The first one was easier than the second one, and he spent many hours, wondering what was the right course to follow. Although Mr. Darcy and Lady Anne observed their son's struggles, this he had to solve for himself. They knew it was part of his healing and they did not dare interfere with that.
"Georgie, Bingley will be coming tomorrow for a short visit," Fitzwilliam announced one day over breakfast, almost a fortnight after his dream.
"Oh," Georgiana said, surprised at the short notice. "I shall be very happy to see him. Shall Mr. and Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley accompany him?"
Fitzwilliam smiled when he noticed the apprehension in his sister's voice.
"No, my dear. They shall not, so you may breathe easy."
Georgiana blushed and lowered her head. "I do not mean to be rude."
"I know and I am not offended, for I am of your same opinion."
"Truly?" she asked, surprised, raising her head.
"Yes, you did not think I enjoyed their presence, did you?" Fitzwilliam asked, trying to be more open to his sister.
"I was not sure."
"I must be civil to them, for they are Bingley's relations, but that is all."
"I admit I am relieved. Miss Bingley makes me feel uncomfortable with her attentions. Especially because I know she is not truly fond of me, but trying to impress you."
"She does not succeed with her act," he replied and saw Georgiana sigh in relief. "Were you truly worried? About what exactly?"
"Oh, it does not matter."
"It matters to me if it worries you."
Georgiana blushed even more, but confessed: "I worried you might be convinced and marry her."
Fitzwilliam stared at her in complete shock before he recovered his composure.
"Georgiana, I will never marry Miss Bingley. Why did you think I would?"
"It is not that I thought you would, but I worry you might marry someone... like her. Someone like Lady Sophia, for example. She is beautiful, accomplished, well-connected, and her dowry is even more impressive than mine."
"But you do not like her."
"She is also cruel."
"And self-important, and proud, and selfish. I believe most people in the ton are like that. Including me," he added, sadly.
"Oh, no. Never you, Fitzwilliam! You have a temper but I shall not hear that you are cruel."
"Perhaps not cruel, but all the others apply. But this is not what we were talking about. You are worried I might marry someone you do not like."
"Well, of course. I do not think you could be happy with someone like that and she might also want me gone."
"Georgiana," he sighed, appalled that his sister might have been worrying for years about this and he had never thought about it. The worst part was knowing that her fears were not ill-founded, he might have married someone just like the woman she described. "I am sorry you have been worried about this. Let me be clear—I will never marry anyone you do not like and she will never have the power to send you away. You are my sister, my ward, and my responsibility and that shall not change if I marry. Pemberley is your home and you shall not leave it until you do so in the arm of your husband, which I hope shall be many years from now."
Georgiana did not notice that Fitzwilliam had said 'if I marry,' but their parents did and wondered if his choice of words had been intentional.
"Thank you for reassuring me," she smiled, more relaxed now. "But those are your requirements, are they not?"
"What are?"
"Beauty, accomplishments, dowry, and connections."
Fitzwilliam's face turned serious as he replied: "No, they are not. And neither are those the requirements for your husband. I want you to marry for love as our parents did."
This last sentence made Georgiana beam with happiness and in her excitement, she blurted out:
"Oh, and so shall you!"
"We shall see," was Fitzwilliam's serious reply, before he excused himself.
The next day, Mr. Bingley arrived at Pemberley. Mr. Darcy had told his wife a lot about the gentleman, including how important his cheery influence had been on Fitzwilliam, and Lady Anne was inclined to like him only for that, but she soon found him to be an open and lively man with good manners and even better humour. Bingley took Georgiana's hand and bowed over it, thanking her profoundly for welcoming him so warmly and pointed out how much she had grown and how pretty she was becoming. Her parents were pleased to see his demeanour was perfectly friendly and gentlemanly towards her. He took some tea with his host and hostess before Fitzwilliam asked him to follow him the study for a talk.
He sat down in front of his host and a little of his façade faded away. He looked tired and less jovial than he had been moments ago, and it was a definite change from his demeanour while in Hertfordshire.
"Thank you for coming to see me," Darcy started saying, feeling more guilty than ever for his interference as he saw the changes in Bingley's disposition.
"It was no problem at all. I adore my aunt, but she can be a little too curious sometimes."
"Oh, yes, how is your family in Scarborough?"
"They are all well. When I received your letter asking to see me urgently, I admit I was worried. You have never, in our almost ten years of friendship, ask to see me like this. It was not easy to persuade Caroline not to join me, but she shall return to London with the Hursts."
"Caroline?" Lady Anne asked her husband.
"Miss Bingley," he replied.
"Oh," she said. Mr. Darcy had also told her about Miss Bingley's pursuit of their son, and Georgiana and Fitzwilliam's conversation the previous day was proof that the lady had not surrendered.
"I am sorry if I worried you too much, but I thought we should speak immediately. I have information that you deserve to know and I can only hope that we shall remain friends after I have delivered it."
"Now you are truly worrying me, Darce. What is it?"
Fitzwilliam took a deep breath and started his confession:
"Last November, I gave you some unsolicited advice that I now believe was wrong."
"You... you mean in Hertfordshire?" Bingley asked, his voice trembling slightly as he remembered the happiest time of his life.
"Yes. I told you Miss Bennet did not return your affections and now I strongly suspect I was dreadfully mistaken."
"How?" his friend asked, becoming agitated. "How would you know that, Darcy? You said, and I remember quite clearly, that she showed no symptoms of peculiar regard, that though she received my attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by any participation of sentiment, and that however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be easily touched. You said that she would probably accept me for her family's sake even if she did not love me."
"I know. I know what I said. And I was wrong. I realise now that I do not know Miss Bennet as you do, and even if I did, it was not my place to be the judge of her heart, but yours."
"How?" Bingley repeated as if it were the only word that he could utter.
"I..." he hesitated, for his part was painful for him, but Bingley deserved honesty. "While I was visiting my aunt in Kent, Miss Elizabeth was visiting her friend Mrs. Collins, whom we met as Miss Charlotte Lucas in Hertfordshire."
"Mr. Collins is the Bennets' cousin and your aunt's clergyman," Bingley nodded.
"Yes. Miss Elizabeth implied that Miss Bennet was disappointed and miserable since you left the county and I now understand that the elder Miss Bennets, at least, will marry only for love."
Bingley gasped and stood up, unable to remain still for long.
"Do you mean to tell me that the woman I love, the one I have been pining for since last year, has always loved me?"
"Yes, I am so sorry, Bingley."
There was a minute of silence before the biggest grin appeared on Bingley's face.
"I cannot be angry with you, Darcy, not when my angel loves me."
"There is more," Fitzwilliam added, looking down at his hands in shame. "Miss Bennet was in London for the whole winter. She called on Miss Bingley when you were not at home and your sister returned her call many weeks later, but we both decided that you did not need to know that."
"She tried to reach out to me?" Bingley asked, the look of joy turning to one of hurt. "And you did not tell me?"
The sound of betrayal in his voice only added more weight to Fitzwilliam's guilt.
"I am sorry. I thought I was protecting you."
"It is not your job to protect me, Darcy! For Heaven's sake, I am a grown man! How would you feel if I had deceived you as you deceived me? You took advantage of my trust in you and used it to manipulate me! You have treated me like a child!" Since there was no response from Fitzwilliam, he continued, almost to himself. "And Jane! Oh, my poor Jane! How she must have suffered! She must have thought I abandoned her. I did abandon her! And Caroline snubbed her so cruelly! To return her call weeks afterwards and not tell me a word about it! Am I a big child to you both?"
After his anger, so rarely displayed, was spent, Bingley collapsed back on the armchair and sighed.
"I can offer no justification. It was an arrogant presumption based on a failure to recognize your true feelings and Miss Bennet's. I should never have interfered. It was wrong of me, Bingley, and I apologise."
"Do you admit that you were in the wrong?"
"Utterly and completely."
Bingley scoffed. "Well, this has never happened before."
Fitzwilliam flinched. "I deserve that."
"You do not know the sorrow I have felt all these months since November! You do not know what it feels like to be so in love and think she is lost to you," Bingley said.
"Do not be so sure," Fitzwilliam whispered. Bingley did not hear him, but Mr. Darcy and Lady Anne did.
"Why are you telling me now? What is your current opinion about this?"
"Do you truly wish to know? Because I do not think I should be giving you advice."
Bingley softened a little as he confessed:
"This is my fault, too. As much as I value your opinion, it should not have been more important than what my heart was telling me. I do not believe you were intentionally cruel and you have given me many pieces of useful advice during our friendship. You happened to be horribly wrong in the most important to me and my heart, but I have made my decision whatever your reply to my question might be. I only wish to know."
"I think you should go to Hertfordshire and determine for yourself if Miss Bennet is still in love with you."
"She might not, after the way I have abandoned her," Bingley sighed.
"Well, if you truly love her, I think you should marry her and if she does not love you anymore, you should strive to gain her heart back."
"Why? I know why I most certainly will do so, but she is still poor, unconnected, and related to the other not-so-well-behaved Bennets."
Fitzwilliam could not help but cringe at the way his words sounded now after he had experienced the pain of rejection.
"It does not matter. If you love her, it does not matter."
Bingley sat in awe as he listened to his friend and could not account for such a change.
"I am astonished. I would like to know, however, why did Miss Elizabeth tell you such an intimate thing about her sister."
Fitzwilliam blushed and remained silent for a few seconds. He would rather not tell Bingley about his shameful proposal.
"We had an argument. She accused me of interfering in your affairs and ruining the happiness of her sister. She was of course, perfectly right."
"Well, I am not surprised you argued, but such disclosure of her sister's feelings is indeed quite astonishing."
"You are not surprised we argued?"
"Of course not. You were constantly arguing in Hertfordshire. It was clear, even to me, that you did not like each other and I do not understand why. I think Miss Elizabeth is perfectly lovely and charming. I do not know why you disapprove of her."
The master of Pemberley chuckled dryly, feeling he could have cried at hearing these words again.
"I have done such a good job at disguising my admiration that everyone thinks I dislike her," he blurted out.
"Admiration? You admire Miss Elizabeth?"
"You could say that," he scoffed at such a description of his feelings when he loved her so ardently that his heart bled each day that he did not see her. "It does not matter. As you have just said, she hates me."
"I do not think Miss Elizabeth has it in her heart to hate anyone."
"Well, I have come as close to it as possible," he said, bitterly.
"I can hardly believe that you like her! Especially after what you said about her!"
"What did I say about her?" Fitzwilliam asked, curious.
"What did you not say, Darcy? You said she was tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt you, you said she was being slighted by other men because she was not dancing, and when Caroline said that Miss Elizabeth was considered a local beauty, you said you should as soon call her mother a wit!"
"Oh, Lord," Fitzwilliam gasped in astonishment and shame, for he had almost forgotten those hurtful words.
His parents were even more surprised and could not believe those ungentlemanly words had been uttered by their own son!
"If that is how you act towards a lady you admire, it is no wonder my sister still has hope," Bingley said, dryly.
Fitzwilliam covered his eyes with his hand, his guilt, shame, and sorrow were more overwhelming when he realised he deserved Elizabeth's ire.
"You are right," he finally said. "It was extremely ungentlemanly of me. My feelings have changed so much since the period you have just alluded, that I can hardly believe I said it and I cannot but look back on such behaviour with pain and shame."
"Do you..." Bingley hesitated. "Do you wish to speak about it?"
"Not really, but there is something else I would like you to know if you are going back to Hertfordshire."
I do not own any Pride and Prejudice properties, nor do I make any money from the writing of this story.
Characters and situations, created by Jane Austen, are taken from Pride and Prejudice and from the Pride and Prejudice (1995) adaptation created by Simon Langton and distributed by BBC.
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