A single decrypted message from Tsunade. The mission will be extended by two years. We're about to land in a doozy. A doozy, a code name they'd opted to use as a cryptonym for war when the third one rolled around.
Jiraiya reads it once, then twice. Jiraiya then proceeds to get drunk at the brothels within the nondescript farming village they've stopped in. Naruto is seemingly asleep at the motel he left her in and the night is young.
The motel they're staying in is a cheap one in comparison to the almost dream-like traditional ryokan not far from it. Two separate rooms, each with paper-thin sheets and jaunty air conditioners. Naruto spends most of the afternoons staring up at the ceiling and waiting for Jiraiya's return, an exercise in futility at best. For days now he's been lingering at the brothels and bars. He only ever returns to check on her before leaving again.
Five years, Jiraiya said. Half a decade away from home.
She has five years to become strong. And in three of those five years, she has to be strong enough to reach Sasuke before it's too late. She has no choice and Naruto likes to think she works well under pressure, (Sasuke once told her that diamonds are made under pressure), and the pressure makes her more serious.
If only Pervy Sage would be more serious. She'd kill for him to be as enthusiastic about her training as he is about his 'research'.
She likes to think she understands. The man smells of sadness and regret, and sometimes when he looks at her it's as though he's not really seeing her but someone else. It makes her feel hollow.
Though it does make her wonder if maybe he knew her parents. The Third Hokage only ever talked about them once and never talked about them again. Something along the lines of them being heroes who sacrificed their lives for the village.
(And the implications of that now, that they died the night she was born, that she killed them, or better yet that the fox sealed in her killed them, is jarring).
No name, no pictures to place a face to the names, not even an offhand story. He'd even told her to stop asking about them because it wouldn't bring back the dead. The Third had been tightlipped about her parentage just as he'd been tightlipped about why the entire village hated her.
It really, really makes her wonder. She's tempted to ask Jiraiya about it but keeps her mouth shut in fear he'll run off and abandon the little training he gives her. And that really pisses her off.
She's tired of people running away from her, tired of being left in the dark about her own life. This feels like a punishment of some sort, like the ordeal at the labor camp was the last straw and he was done with her.
Eventually, he will stop coming back, she thought forlornly, he'll forget that I'm here and I'll be all alone.
In moments like these, she likes to think about Sasuke instead.
Naruto constantly reaches out to him in the most unlikely of ways. And it terrifies her. To know that she's so connected with someone and that that connection might reap consequences too large to bear. A part of her hope's she's going mad but…
This feeling cannot be imagined. Not when she feels him so keenly almost all the time. Even when she tries to suppress the bulk of it, conceal the sensations that run along her skin and the emotions that do not feel like her own.
How could a bond be so profoundly woven, tied with knots so thick, the size of a grown man's fist? So intricately crafted with threads vast and strong that they seemed unbreakable.
At that moment, amidst the chaos and death, from the point she went dead still to the second she collapsed to the ground, her body did not feel like her own, merely a vessel for all those thoughts and feelings and most importantly Sasuke.
The sensation was maddening, still is, so she exercises some form of control, the control she often lacks, and forces herself to step away from their strange bond.
When she does she's left with her loneliness and the vaguest sense of abandonment.
It's only a matter of time before she finally snaps.
"You know, if you don't want to train me you can take me back to Konoha!" The look on Jiraiya's face would be comical if she wasn't so pissed off. "You're just like Kakashi-sensei but worse. At least he had another student that he was actually paying attention to but all you care about is your stupid research!"
He moves his already agape mouth to defend himself but she cuts him off. "No! I'm tired of your dumb excuses, Pervy Sage! This training is important to me! I need to be strong and you know why I need to be strong, my life depends on it, but all you do is run off to drink and spy on helpless girls! I know I'm not smart like Sakura or talented like Sasuke, but I can be if you'd just teach me!"
And then, with watery eyes, she stomps back to her room, leaving behind a shell shocked sage and an amused crowd of nosy people lingering in the halls.
She's surprised when he materializes in her room twenty minutes later, with a look of exasperation. He sweats at the glare she shoots him before massaging his temple as if she's the one who's causing the headaches!
Unbelievable.
"I'm not trying to ignore you kid,"
"It sure as hell seems like it," she mumbles, folding her arms with a pout.
"Kami, just as stubborn as your mother…" he whispers this, and any lesser person would have missed it but she's always had good hearing.
"My what?!" she jumps up and points at him while he winces at his little slip-up.
"You weren't supposed to hear that," he rubs the back of his head sheepishly, face flushed from liquor. "Look, forget about it. First thing tomorrow morning, we'll start your training. Really start your training. Hope you're ready kid, cause it won't be easy."
"Hah! Naruto Uzumaki is always ready!" she beams, hopping in excitement. But then she pauses. Pervy Sage knew her mother, enough to know that her mother had been just as stubborn as her.
He senses the question before it even has a chance to form. Can you tell me about my mother? "No, I said forget about it, kid." the way he just dismisses it makes her blood boil.
As if she couldn't be trusted with her own secrets. People know more about her than she knows about herself and the thought's a little disconcerting.
She swallows her rage, knowing it's a battle she can't win but bides her time. She'll press him for answers later.
Jiraiya holds true to his promise and starts to really train her.
They go out to an open field, surrounded by forest, on the outskirts of a small no named village in Tea Country, where they work on her chakra control. She blanches at this at first but he reasons that she'll need all the control she can get to perform the advanced jutsu he plans to teach her in the future. And the task itself isn't all too bad.
He explains to her that the Shadow Clone Jutsu has more perks than overpowered quantity. Her clones can also process information and transfer it to her once they dispel, and can narrow down a year's worth of training to a month.
In theory, this is amazing, but in practice, it's overwhelming. She makes up to three thousand clones, all of which practice their water walking, tree walking, and leaf exercises. By the end of the day, she's sluggish and bone-weary, her clothes are barely hanging on her body by a thread, and her mind is more than drained. Pervy Sage says she'll get used to it but she doesn't think she'll ever get used to the feeling of three thousand minds compressing into one.
This goes on for weeks until they're back on the road again. They never stay in one place for more than a few weeks, a month at the most. Always on the move, always in a haste. She tries to take everything in as much as she can but more often than not the days are a blur.
Sometimes Jiraiya will sneak off and then come back with scrolls filled with intel. He reads it, processes the information, before burning it with a lighter, leaving no trace of it behind for the shadows that may be lurking. Whenever he does the look on his face is a troubled one.
It fills Naruto with a sense of foreboding, a great unease. She's so in the dark about everything but she can't help but feel like her training mission was extended because of her.
You'll see, the demon fox had promised. He'd stated it like a fact. The sky is blue, water is wet and you'll all see.
They stop on the side of the road once the sun begins to set. It's best to set up their little two-man camp before it's too dark to see anything, and they probably won't see another town for a couple of days. Just because the Akatsuki have become stagnant in their pursuit of the Kyuubi doesn't mean they've stopped their search entirely. No doubt they'll be trying to locate her and keep tabs on her whereabouts if they haven't already. More likely than not, they probably know she's no longer in Konoha and that she's left with Pervy Sage, a tall man with long silver hair, tan skin, and red markings. He isn't exactly the type of person you miss in a crowd. She wouldn't be surprised if they were spotted by the organization again.
It happened once, she thinks, remembering her encounter with Sasuke's brother. And it can happen again. She levels the unsuspecting man with a glare, remembering how that particular situation had gone down, how it had pushed Sasuke further into darkness. She wonders how different it would have turned out had Pervy Sage actually been there to protect her. He could have dealt with Itachi before Sasuke even showed up, and her friend would have left the encounter unscathed. Sasuke wouldn't have been pushed over the edge, wouldn't have felt the need to leave everything behind.
"Hey, what are you giving me that look for, brat?" he says with a laugh, throwing back a shot of sake.
Their small fire crackles as the wood splinters, emphasizing her response or lack thereof. She thinks about how he refused to talk about her mother when he'd been the one to bring her up and grits her teeth, turning her glare toward the flames. The warm mood has soured completely.
"Okay, really. What is it this time?"
"It's not like you'll actually answer me if I ask, so what's the point," she grumbles. Her mood has been nothing but gloomy lately and she hates it.
Part of her knows it's equal parts hormones, the Kyuubi messing with her emotions, and Sasuke. But it's more than that.
She misses the friends she'd made, misses going to Ichiraku's for warm bowls of ramen, and the hospitality she rarely encountered at establishments within Konoha. She misses Konohamaru following her around and misses bugging Granny Tsunade and Iruka-sensei. She even misses her brief moments with Kakashi-sensei and Sakura. He'd tried to make them feel better about Sasuke leaving by draining his wallet at food stands after C-rank missions.
And she had to leave all of that behind, needed to if she wanted to become stronger. But the feelings of loneliness never abated, and sometimes her heart hurt so much she couldn't even sleep. Leaving had started to feel pointless after a while, almost a year worth of traveling and she'd felt like she learned next to nothing. It took her nearly having a breakdown in the middle of an inn hallway to get him to pay attention to her.
Naruto tries to find a family in anyone who shows her a modicum of attention, only for it to blow up in her face. You'd think she'd learn by now to give up on people who've given up a long time ago, but there's always that flicker of hope that things might be different. Because even Pervy Sage has his moments, when he feels like the family she never had, and being the orphan that she is, she desperately clings to those moments.
Even now, when the thought of him is annoying her.
"Try me, brat." he gives her an earnest, encouraging smile, cheeks flushed from the liquor. The hope in her chest flares.
"Can you please tell me about my mom? I know you knew her-"
"No."
Her mood drops exponentially and the flicker of hope wanes.
"Why. Not." she bites out, her clenched fist trembling in piqued rage.
"I'm sorry, I just can't-" he sounds so mournful, his face closed off, even in his drunkenness.
"Why?" she presses. The least he can give her is that. But he doesn't, just sits there and stares at her like she's in the wrong, like she's crazy.
"Why?!"
"Because I can't Naruto!," he shouts and the clearing they're sitting in goes still. "Why do you have to be such a damn brat?!"
Her whole body begins to tremble, gut-churning with emotion, blood rushing with adrenaline. Jiraiya has never yelled at her like that before, and the way he's looking at her reminds her of how the villagers used to look at her. With anger, sorrow, and the faintest hint of loss buried deep inside. And they usually think it's her fault. Does he feel the same way? Does he see a ghost when he looks at her?
"Something bad happened didn't it?" she hates when she cries, especially when she's angry. She tries to hold it in but it's too much. "That's why isn't it? Why is everything about my life terrible and sad? And why won't anyone tell me anything about my own life? It's unfair!"
Her mentor's face softens, guilty but resolved. "It's for your own good."
"That's what the Third Hokage used to say, and in the end, it wasn't for my own good. In the end, the secret was used against me and someone I care about got hurt. Had I known from the start...things would have been so much easier had I known from the start, why everyone hated me," She wouldn't have learned to hate everything about herself, only a small part.
"Maybe not. Maybe it would have made it worse,"
"You don't know that!" she shouts, and something is shifting inside of her. Waiting to be unleashed. She always feels too much and too deeply. Her happiness is just as fierce and passionate as her rage. "I want to know! I want to know! You don't have the right to keep things about my own life away from me! And if you don't I'll-I'll run away!"
Jiraiya's face hardens into something serious and impassive. "Like the little Uchiha brat? Are you sure this temper tantrum isn't about him, Naruto?"
Naruto clenches her jaw. "This isn't about him and you know it! I have every right to ask about my parents!"
"With the way you're acting, maybe you don't deserve to know," He passed the claim off so cavalier.
You don't deserve to know.
The blow struck hard. Even he had to know how low that was.
You don't deserve to know.
Was she really so undeserving in his eyes? Yes, of course, her mind supplied.
Even at the beginning, it had been a chore for him to train her, she'd had to lure him in, had to use his pervertedness as a weakness against him. Even the illusion of a naked body was more favorable than the person beneath.
Everyone thought she was so undeserving. Because she wasn't smart enough, talented enough, mature enough. Or because of her heritage, the one she's been denied her entire life, or because of the creature sealed in her, which she had no choice in.
She just wasn't good enough, not even for her teacher.
You don't deserve to know.
And he doesn't deserve his esophagus, a dark voice rumbled.
It all happened so fast.
She launched at him with claws thick and sharp (when had that happened?), feet not so much as lifting but gliding, and the feel of acidic chakra licking at her skin.
His eyes widen for a fraction of a second before he focuses his attention on the angry child in possession of an even angrier demon who's all too eager to play on her emotions in hopes of being released.
He catches her clawed fingers before they scratch out his eyes but it's a near thing.
"Naruto! Calm yourself!" his command only enrages her further and he has to resort to placing a seal on her that knocks her unconscious instantly.
She comes to hours later, snugly tucked into her sleeping bag within her tent. The last vestiges of darkness are beginning to give way to bright orange dawn and the birds rise with the coming morning.
Immediately she feels guilty. She hadn't meant to get that angry.
Yes, you did, the dark voice rumbles again. And really, were you wrong?
Her throat constricts with pain when she recalls the events from the night prior. Jiraiya had yelled at her, really yelled at her. He'd been so upset, and the way he looked at her... It filled her with such a dreadful feeling. She wouldn't blame him if he took her up on her offer and dropped her back off at Konoha. Fives years of resentment and tip-toeing around the elephant in the room. Who would want to live like that?
She's always ruining things.
"Hey kid, are you awake?" Jiraiya calls out.
She stiffens, even though his voice is gentle, before getting up to crawl out.
She sits across from him, her eyes never leaving the newly sparked campfire heating a pot of boiling water. Probably for tea and oatmeal. When the heat starts to sting at her eyes she focuses on the cuffs of her jacket. The Kyuubi's chakra ate at the edges of it.
The old man sighs, "Listen...I know I haven't been the best master and I understand if you want to go back to Konoha…" he pauses to gauge her reaction, startled upon seeing her crestfallen expression. Hurriedly he adds, "But I don't want you to, kid.
"There are still some things I gotta teach you. Things...your mother would have wanted you to learn. I can't tell you everything right now but...I promise when you're older I will. You'll be ready when I do."
The girl visibly brightens, and with a leap of faith (and a little hesitation and fear of rejection and-) launches herself at him, this time with happiness. He sputters at first, not used to little children hugging him, but slowly succumbs to her will and hugs her back.
He hugged her back. She hasn't hugged anyone in months, not since Iruka-sensei said his goodbyes to her.
She doesn't try to hold in her tears this time. Naruto hates him sometimes, but she'd be a liar if she said she wasn't beginning to see this man as family, and that despite all his (perverted) faults and the secrets he keeps, she wouldn't have him any other way.
"I'm sorry…"
"I know, kid. I'm sorry too."
The blade comes easy to him.
To properly wield it one must maintain elegance and grace; something that Sasuke has always had in spades. He sets his personal woes aside, focusing on his footwork and agility, mixing in his taijutsu with his kenjutsu, and has half a mind to incorporate the chidori to add to its lethality. He practices on top of the water and on sharp cliff-sides. One misstep and he'll be dead before he gets his revenge.
The soles of his feet bruise and bleed but he doesn't halt until he masters the beginner's form, and then moves onto the more advanced forms. He taps into his life force, let's it flow through him, lets it crackle at his bones until it imprints every move into the memory of his muscles. Until it isn't a matter of just remembering but the basic instinct to move his body this way and that. Until there is no other option but to move this way or that.
Lethal and fast, the shine of his chokutō becomes little more than silvery bolts of lightning striking at his opponents before they can so much as blink. He could cut the wings off a fly if he wanted to. In fact, he has just to prove it.
Orochimaru always makes sure to teach him enough, but never too much. The man needs Sasuke to need him. He hasn't even claimed the Uchiha's body yet but he already acts like a ventriloquist.
Sasuke makes sure to rid the man of the notion that he's a puppet to be controlled or a dog that comes when he whistles. He's his own person, not a pet, and if he wants to he can leave, he will leave. When the time is right. The snake is a dead man, he just doesn't know it yet.
Because every man has a code, even Sasuke. Hunting missing-nin and claiming bounties is one thing, if Sasuke didn't do it someone else would. But manipulating the innocent, the vulnerable, with lies and deceit, locking them away, torturing them, experimenting on them, refusing to let them leave knowing that they're too terrified to try? It's disgraceful, it's disgusting, and beneath him. Every time he does nothing about it, something inside of him dies. The fact he has to learn from under this man is vexing enough.
He rejects the missions to outright steal children from lonely towns, disgraced nomadic clans, and small hidden villages, knowing no one will come after them how people came after Sasuke...
But Sasuke is different. He's an avenger, not a naive child. He knows who Orochimaru is and is under no illusion that the man has his best interest at heart unless it pertains to the future inhabitation of his chosen vessel. And he's not afraid of him either. He'll get what he needs and then leave just as he always planned to, leaving a cold pale corpse behind him.
Then he'll rid the world of Itachi, run the man through with his blade and his lightning, wound bleeding and burning until it cicatrizes. The dream is so real, he smells it, iron and ozone; smells that have become analogous to him, clinging to his skin like perfume. Sasuke will triumph and Itachi will fall and the world will be set to rights. The tyranny of evil men defeated.
He doesn't know what comes after that, doesn't really care...but in the abyss of his blackened heart, he thinks about returning to Konoha to face the glory or the persecution his deeds will have brought him.
Though not before seeing her. A traitorous thought whispers. Just once.
He couldn't even begin to think that far in the future when Itachi's body has yet to rot beneath the sun, little more than a feast for crows.
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AN: I know I don't really communicate but I just want you all to know that I appreciate all the love and reviews I've gotten thus far and that I cherish every follow, favorite, and comment I receive. Have a lovely night/day :)