"What am I going to say?" Whispered Bailey, it was the first thing he'd said since their journey had started five hours prior. His mind was racing with a million different scenarios each one worse than the last. One fatality, there was a high chance it was someone he knew and loved. He knew fifty one's reputation for having the same crew for years it was what had always set them apart from other houses. With that in mind he doubted that the crew had changed much in the last four years, therefore it was highly likely the fatality was somebody he knew and loved. He couldn't imagine having to say goodbye to anyone especially his father or Stella. But he wasn't ready to return home and to see everyone he'd left behind. He wasn't ready to look them in the eyes and see the disappointment in their eyes. He was lucky in a way, the damage he'd inflicted to himself was hidden under clothes, no one could tell how broken he was by simply looking at him. However it wouldn't take them long to see the person he'd become. His father would definitely be able to see straight through his facade. He wouldn't be able to hide behind a mask this time.

He wasn't as strong as he was when four years ago. Back then he'd been suppressing everything, ignoring all of his feelings but the moment he left all his emotions had bubbled to the surface and he'd been a mess ever since.

"I don't know Bailey but I know if you don't go you'll regret it for the rest of your life" Marley replied softly pulling him out of his thoughts. Bailey nodded minutely, deep down he knew she was right but it didn't make ease his nerves. He could feel himself shaking there was a horrible pounding in his head and he could feel the bile rising in his throat. He had a feeling that no matter what decision he made he'd end up regretting it eventually. Part of him wanted to head straight back home and do everything he could to forget. But he couldn't turn his back on his family again, they deserved better. They deserved an apology, he needed his dad to know that he loved him and that there wasn't anything he could've done to fix him.

"I need them to know I'm sorry"

A red truck pulled up in front of the large school building just as a loud bell rang signalling the end of the school day. Matt scrubbed a hand across his face before letting out a long groan, his body ached from spending all day sitting in the horrible plastic chairs at the hospital. He had offered to pick Lily up from school as Kidd had to talk one of the many doctors looking after Kelly. The man had been in and out surgery over the past few days, they'd come so close to losing him. When the young girl came into view Matt plastered a cheerful smile on his face. It certainly had been a rough few days but he needed to remain positive for Lily, it was the least she deserved.

"Hey kiddo, how are you doing?" he asked as Lily opened climbed into the truck. She didn't look much better than she had when Matt dropped her off in the morning, there were grey bags under her eyes and her body was stiff with tension. Both Matt and Brett had said she could take the day off but Lily had insisted she needed a distraction.

"I'm ok but what about dad has anything changed?" Questioned the girl before she even closed the car door. She was understandably eager to know how her father was after all his condition had been extremely fragile. Kelly and a relief firefighter named Thomas had been closest to the blast. Unfortunately Thomas had passed away during the ambulance ride to the hospital. Even though they had only known him for a week while he was covering Tony who was on furlough the man's death had hit them hard. he had been roughly the same age as Matt and had a little girl at home. The only thing that had kept everyone going was rallying around the Severides as they waited for Kelly to recover.

"He's the same as yesterday, still not very responsive but he's stable. He's going to be just fine Lily, he's a fighter" he replied forcing his voice to remain steady. He didn't know what they'd do if they lost Kelly, they'd already been through so much they couldn't lose Kelly and not before he got his answers as to what happened to Bailey.

"How are Cruz and Capp?". Matt found himself rolling his eyes at the girls question, she'd definitely inherited her parents habit of caring about others more than herself.

"Cruz was discharged this morning and Capp should be out by Friday".

"And mom, how is she coping?"

"She's doing ok Lily, but she's worried about you we all are. There's a lot going on you don't have to be strong for everyone"

"That's exactly what you're doing",

"I'm not fourteen years old, now come on let's stop by your apartment to pick up some things and then I'll take you to see your dad".

Matt pulled up outside Lily's apartment and followed the girl inside, he was completely oblivious to the strange car parked across the seat and the eyes glued to him. He packed up a few more things for Kelly and Stella while Lily grabbed some more of her clothes, she'd been staying with the Casey's again while Stella spent her time either at the hospital to quickly showering and sleeping at home.

"Got everything you need?" Matt asked when Lily re-entered the living room a duffel bag slung over her shoulder. She gave him a small nod and they headed back outside.

As Matt headed towards his truck his attention he couldn't shake the feeling he was being watched. He began to push away his suspicions when he heard some one call his name, the voice was deeper than Lily's but Matt still found himself turning towards the girl. Lily was busy fiddling with her bag she certainly wasn't the one who called his name. When he heard the voice again he turned around his eyes scanned the street looking for the source. His heart stopped when his eyes landed on a figure standing a few feet away from him. As his eyes studied the person he found himself gaping, his thoughts whirled around his head as he struggled to fully believe his own eyes.

"Lily go back inside and wait for me" instructed Matt not tearing his eyes away the other person.

"What?Why?" Questioned Lily confused by her uncle's instructions.

"Please Lily, I'll explain later" he urged in the no nonsense tone he'd inherited from Boden. It was clearly affective as the girl nodded before disappearing out of sight. Matt then proceeded to walk closer towards the young man watching him intently. The younger man's dark brown hair stuck up messily in different directions, his eyes were red rimmed and puffy a tell tale sign he'd been crying. He was tall his clothes hung off his lanky frame. But his eyes, for four years Matt had dreamt of seeing those same bright blue eyes.

"Bailey".

Bailey stood entirely still as he took in deep breaths. His mind was spinning and his limbs felt as if they were made of concrete. He searched Matt's face for a hint of anger or disgust but instead he saw nothing but relief and sadness. Suddenly he felt exposed as if the man could straight through him. Apart from Marley he'd never been around anyone who knew what happened, who knew how broken he was. Even then the woman only knew what he wanted her to know, but now he had no control. He felt vulnerable and dirty, if it wasn't for his need to know if his father and stepmother were ok he would have starting running and he would never have stopped. When Matt stepped closer Bailey forced himself with every ounce of energy he had to open his mouth,

"Are they -" his voice tailed off into a sob, he couldn't bring himself to finish the question, he couldn't bare to think about a world without his parents. He watched as Matt opened his mouth and Bailey braced himself for bad news.

"Stella is ok and you're dad will be too, doctors believe he'll pull through" informed Matt using the same comforting tone Bailey had heard many times growing up, when his dad had been injured on a call, when there was complications when Lily was born and when he asked him why he'd quit baseball.

"Ok" gasped Bailey struggling to process Matt's words. He couldn't help but notice Matt's choice of language the doctors believed his dad was going to be ok, many people would have seen that as a good thing but all Bailey heard was that there was still a chance he could lose his father. He looked towards Matt again, the firefighter was wearing an expression of deep sympathy. Bailey could tell from the way the blonde kept his arms pinned to his sides that he was resisting the urge to pull him into a hug. As he stood there absorbing the news the ache in his head returned, Bailey wished he could crawl back into the bed away from the world. Once again he pressed his hands to head willing the thoughts to disappear, as his heart continued to pound in his chest the world around him turned into a blur. When the world came into focus again Bailey found himself sitting down on the side of the pavement his head between his legs. Hot tears rushed down his face as he struggled to catch his breath. This couldn't be happening, Matt couldn't be standing in front of him and his dad certainly couldn't be lying in a hospital bed. This couldn't be happening.

"Breathe Bailey, breathe" a soft voice pierced through his panic. He felt someone sitting beside him, close enough that he could hear the faint sound of them breathing but far away enough that he their arms didn't touch. Without lifting his head he could tell it was Marley she'd done this time and time before, she knew not to touch him but to simply sit and wait it out with him.

As his breathing became steady once again his mind became clearer he forced himself to look up, he was aware that tears were still streaming down his face but it didn't matter now. It was too late Matt had seen him break down, he knew he was messed up he just didn't know how badly. The man was watching silently a deep frown on his face. He hated that look. Bailey needed to see his father, but he wasn't ready for more people to send him pitying looks like the one Matt was wearing. He hated feeling seen , he'd become used to being a ghost. Back home he was the sort of person no one would spend a second thinking about, he was the person you smiled at when you passed them in the streets but forgot about as soon as you turned a corner. The only one who had cared about him was Marley.

"Can I see him?" Bailey croaked out after a few seconds surprising himself. He wasn't ready but he guessed he never would be.

"Yeah of course, we've all missed you. We all care about you". Bailey bit back his retort and nodded slowly. He had finally stopped crying, hr felt completely drained, he needed this nightmare to end. He wanted to go back home where nobody knew how damaged he truly was.