Hello All, so this is the concluding chapter. I made it a little different style writing this time because I wanted a well-rounded finish to the story that is all about secrets and perspectives. Read the bolded and underlined portions to know who perspective you are listening to and which person, first, second, and third. THANK YOU ALL! I hope that you enjoyed this work that was honestly a struggle to write but fun as hell.

The Beginning and Ending to All the Pain

Hanayo P.O.V: First Person

I wanted to have a fun high school experience but I was too shy and at times, too pushy. Idols. They were too much for me but my love for them was something that I could never throw away. I secretly watched the second-years performance when they debuted and I was immediately pulled in. Rin didn't want to go for it due to personal reasons but I knew that this could be the best time of my life, so I had to try. The girl in the middle always captured my eyes because of her sparkling dress and her personality that blared through me.

Before, everything was fantastic. We would practice after school and I felt like I finally found my true purpose and found a group of friends that I never wanted to leave their side. After getting to know the original three members, I found out that Honoka shared my love of food and it honestly was the greatest moment ever.

Honoka's ability to draw people in was amazing to me, I was never able to voice my opinion before joining this group but after, I am able to shine along with my other members. We all collectively agreed that Honoka should be the leader because we knew that she was there to stay and help whenever needed. Saving the school was something that only adults could do or a really important idol could do, that was my initial thought when she brought up the reason to why she made this club. Would I be able to shine? Will I be able to get people to love me as much as they loved my leader? Oh, how dumb I was back then. Being the leader and center meant everyone's eyes are on you.

Looking back, I could tell that Honoka's mind was starting to devour her but we had no clue. She shined with the other members but at some point, her movements were beginning to become tentative and her confidence decreasing. I thought I should bring it up, but what could I do? Without Rin, I don't have much of anything to go on. Who am I when I was not taking advantage of my member's kindness and encouragement? Everyone has their problems, as much as I want to be the one to support people, I have to grow more and be someone different than who I am now.

Nico P.O.V: First Person

I watched as the orange hair girl cupped her cheek as Umi slapped her on the face. I was incredibly shocked by what was happening because I could not comprehend what the leader just said. I'm quitting. The words rang in my mind as I picture my old members leaving me because they didn't feel like doing it anymore. Oh, crap. She is walking out. I need to say something that will make her stay. What if I say something wrong and it just turns out to be the same event over again?

After she left, we all just stood in absolute stillness. I can feel my heart sinking further and further as the seconds and minutes rolled by. How can this girl do this to us? She promised that she would see the end to this club! We made a pact to finish Love Live and participate. I don't know exactly what face I am putting on now, but because of the developing situation, we decided to call it a day.

Everyone walked out and grabbed their things from the clubroom. I just sat in the room after they left and started to remember the bitterness of my previous members. I started to mentally swat at them because they are unneeded and they were fools. My brain started to head in another direction and my voice just came out,

"Is that all she got?" I whispered to the empty room trying to hold back my tears of frustration. "She can't be this flimsy right? She talked about saving the school and just because her friend kept that secret…she just," My voice trailed off because I didn't want to say something that I will regret.

My brain was starting to think of reasons to why she gave up so fast. I couldn't think of any, so that is when the tears started to fall. I could only think about myself at the time because everything was falling apart again. I never thought it was because Honoka was starting to doubt herself as a person and doubt the trust that her friends clearly didn't have in her.

I didn't notice that the feisty redhead girl, Maki, came into the room. I know that we came up with the rule of not having a distinguishing separation in our years but, I really didn't want a first-year to see this pathetic side of me. Maki, at that time, was hard to get along with. She had almost no expression most of the time and she didn't have any kindness in her choice of words, which annoyed me.

"Nico," Maki was at the doorway watching me with her sadden purple eyes.

I looked up from my self-pity party and furiously wiped away the tears. I huffed into my shirt as she got closer and for the first time, I saw a new side of Maki. She was hugging my head and simply said, "She'll come back. I know she will."

Honoka, is she somewhere crying? Is she drowning in the fact that she went back on her word? I thought about those things at that time but never tried to confirm it, but now that everything has happened, she probably was alone and thinking the same thing that I was, that everything is falling apart.

Nozomi P.O.V: First Person

The hardest day for all of us was the day we had to drop out of the competition, Love Live. Honoka fell sick and fainted at the preliminaries, and A-Rise took the show. I knew that Honoka was beating herself up about it, but the fact that she was looking at the comments, it was just asking to be hurt and torn down. I had the idea that her simple, 'I'm okay,' was a cry for help because the light in her eyes disappeared the minute, she tried to muster whatever confidence she had left.

The cards told me that something would happen to the group, but I chose not to follow it because my belief in luck got the better of me. Honoka, she showed the most concern because her aura and personality started to change little by little. I was going to press her on it to check if she was really okay, but Kotori and Umi said they would handle it.

Though by incidence I saw Honoka alone the day after we lost. She should be in bed and resting. I followed her to another shrine that wasn't mine and I saw her praying. I was thinking that she was praying to get better but what I heard wasn't something that Honoka would say. Why didn't I confront her? I could have helped her if I just asked her about what she meant at the time. I could spend my time blaming myself but what I did is the past and I can't forget about it.

Third Person:

Nozomi followed Honoka up the steps to the shrine. She could hear Honoka's struggle and huffing to get up the stairs while her fever was raging inside of her. It's been a day since they lost, she lost Love Live and caused everyone a lot of trouble. Honoka finally made it to the top of the stairs that seemed to take all of her strength out of her.

She reached the hanging bell, threw a 500-yen coin into the offering box, shook the bell, and clapped twice. With a heaviness in her heart and oblivious manner to the on watching purple hair third-year high schooler, she spoke in a pleading voice,

"What will I have to do for you to forgive me? I want them to be happy. I can't bring them happiness anymore; I am starting to realize how useless I am. Dear Gods, is there some way for me to get better? This feeling that I have been having, I don't know what I should do. Maybe, they would be happy without me."

Nozomi wasn't sure if she heard her right because she was a distance away from Honoka, but she did hear the last two words that made her feel more concerned than suspicion. What did she mean when she said, 'without me?' Nozomi thought as she quickly ran when Honoka turned around and started to climb down the stairs.

Maki P.O.V: First Person

The notification of a second Love Live brought excited faces to all except Honoka who just sat in the corner sipping her tea. When it came through, I was watching Nico's reaction to the news and felt my heart flutter. At the same time, in the corner of my eyes, I saw Honoka's eyes look over to us, she made the scariest and the most emotionless face I have ever seen from her. I thought that I must have misinterpreted that face because of the loud cheering that was around us was distracting. Now that I have read the diary, I know that face was her true feelings for the announcement. I never saw that face again, but I knew there was something up with her.

What does she mean that she doesn't want to do Love Live? We have gotten through the tough part about being a group… The girl who pestered me to be part of this and the person who had the idea of saving the school. She has got to be kidding me. She pushed this group to their limits and when the going gets tough she just doesn't even try? No, we have to.

That was my initial thought when Honoka told us that she didn't think it was best to enter the competition. I will admit my mind was occupied by Nico because this was her chance, the once in a lifetime second chance at becoming a real idol. I get it, we saved the school but there is something else to it. For the first time I wanted all of us to try, I wanted all of us to be together but Honoka didn't see the need. I thought she was joking.

Little did anyone know, Honoka said that in order to preserve what little happiness she had left before she went berserk and broke down. I loved the group. Honoka was the first person to get me out of my shell and showed me my real passion by bugging me constantly. Making music about my feelings that are for me and being able to verbalize them into songs with the 8 girls that changed my life for the better.

I once heard Honoka curse under her breath which was shocking because I thought she was a pure innocent girl. I didn't really have any thoughts about it until later I thought to myself more carefully on what she said, 'Tch, seriously? Can't we just be f****** happy…' Happy about what? What did she mean by that? Those questions popped into my mind as we were taking a break in our circles and Honoka was sitting in the shade alone when she said that.

Some people will say we neglected her and left her to wallow in her pain, but I don't think that is truly the case. For those who don't know, we are not mind readers and we feel terrible for the fact that we couldn't be there. I can spend my time wishing that I could go back in time and tell myself to read into that dark stare of hers but I can't. The truth is out, now, we can help heal her wounds and ours. Yes, ours as well. This whole thing has all of us feeling pretty useless but it had to happen for our eyes to open to the untold story. Maybe this is good for us because we can take a step forward in someone else's shoes.

Kotori P.O.V: First Person

I think of the time that I didn't tell her about me leaving for a once in a lifetime opportunity to study fashion. I put it that way because it was an agonizing decision that I didn't want to make. I knew it wasn't the right thing to do because it could mean that I didn't trust her. Honoka has always been the one to take the first step, she made the friendship between us and kept it going. The thoughts that went through my mind when I told Umi is that she wouldn't be devastated like Honoka would be if she got the news. Umi has a cool and cautious mien to her that made it easier for me to tell her and not instantly regret it. I only heard about what Umi did to Honoka and her plain reaction to the slap. I wonder what she was thinking when she quit the idol group.

We reconciled but even months later, Honoka seemed as if she was increasing the gap between us. Was I the reason for her lack of trust in us now? Fortunately, she came back but at what cost? Little by little she would lose her smile when she was with us and she would decline our offers to go out. Maybe she thought she would get in our way. I was stunned to hear that Honoka didn't feel like doing Love Live but that went away as I saw her putting all of her effort and sweat into this. The initial question that came into my mind, why all of a sudden? She has been so distant lately that it was sometimes awkward to be around. It almost seemed like she was doing it on purpose, so I confronted her for the second time.

She didn't give me a clear answer. That is to be expected but this time she didn't just wave me off. She gave an unforgiving look and asked, "Kotori, are you happy?"

Of course, I was thrown off by the sudden question. I answered, "Yes. Never been happier!" I thought the honest answer would give hints or any signs, but the only thing it gave me was a straight face as she said, "Good for you. As the leader and your friend, it's my job to keep it that way so, don't worry about me and confront your feelings that you are hiding." Honoka knew our feelings before we did which is a frustrating thought. The diary was right, I do like Umi in that way and we confessed our feelings for one another after that conversation. We decided not to act on our feelings because of the bad timing with Love Live and the rising tension. It wasn't because of Honoka, it was because we are still kids and we need to confirm that it is not just friendship attraction or sexual attraction. Umi would probably try to strangle me if she saw me saying this…Haha

After that, our conversation with Honoka started to decline and it focused solely on the competition. Honoka would start conversations but it was repeatedly superficial and hollow. Umi confronted Honoka about her attitude a couple of weeks later, but she came up with nothing.

Do I feel bad? Of course. She is my best friend and I want to make sure that she is ok. If I read that diary before anything major happened, I would have never asked her where is the old Honoka was, I would have done this and that. I won't leave her side. She may not want us anymore but I know that I can still be of use. With Umi and the group, we can't ever fix what we did but what we can do is wait for her until she is ready.

Rin P.O.V: First Person

You know, I never expected the day that someone would look at me and say I was girly or pretty. The day that I saw that flier to join a musical group was mainly a joke on my part but then I got reeled in as a fish caught on a hook. The enticing probability and chance that I could change made me want to try. My best friend, now girlfriend, Hanayo made it easy for me to accept the fact that I am a tomboy that loves to look cute once and a while.

Though I never said it out loud, Honoka was someone that my eyes automatically were drawn to her because of her unyielding confidence and ability to get everyone excited for something new. Here is one example, the time that when the second years went on their trip and the third years were busy with the student council except for Nico. I was placed leader and needed to wear a dress for an event but I was falling short of confidence. Honoka wasn't there but her words to me before she left gave me a small bunch of courage, the words that were not shown to the public was something that I should have picked up on but didn't. The fact that Honoka knew that I was struggling was shocking to me because I never once told her about it. How did she know?

She told me, "Rin, it's okay to be scared of people. Temporary leader or not, the confidence doesn't just come from people telling you you're pretty, it comes from inside. Your strength is being able to prove people wrong and be comfortable in your own skin."

Honestly, it was kind of basic advice and support that anyone could give, but when she said it to me, her eyes looked like they were searching inside of me with that confidence that I had lacked for many years because of my boyish demeanor. I loved dresses and skirts not because it made me a woman and showcased my legs, it is because I felt that someone could see me as beautiful as Honoka saw me when she looked at the finished product.

I still remember that day, once Honoka saw me in that dress, her eyes glittered and her smile was that proud older sister type. She seemed so amazed that it almost made it look like she was also looking for that confidence which back then, I thought she had it all. This happened after the first Love Live was over and everyone was still scared, I guess, about what will happen. Because of that moment, I was able to pick myself up and continue my efforts in creating a better version of myself. I don't think Honoka knew that is what she did, but I will never forget that warm feeling of inner acceptance.

It was only later that I noticed Honoka was acting strange and hesitant but in my mind at that time, I didn't think of it too much. You may think I am awful but what would you do if the person that gave you confidence started to doubt herself in the same way you were feeling about yourself? I didn't know what to do or what to say because I was thinking, that couldn't be possible. Maybe she was just scared at that moment. I don't know.

Eli P.O.V: First Person

I made that rule for this reason. I knew that people can be hurtful when they can trash each other online without showing their faces. When I danced in the ballet, it was also hard to hear the criticism of the judges and it was almost unbearable to listen to the crowd's unruly comments. The unknown faces telling me that I need to lift my leg or you need more poise while you bend your back more than 90-degrees. In my mind I was always telling them, why don't you do it yourself and try to perform under the lights and staring.

I didn't want my members to go through that torment, so I made that rule and never expected Honoka to break it. Only one time I broke that rule and took a look at the comment section. It was at the beginning of our journey and there was this comment about Honoka that said, 'The center is not very good. Personally, I would like that busty blonde girl there.' Or something like that. I was disgusted with that comment because not only did that person decrease Honoka's value but they also had to comment on my body. In some people's eyes, it's a good comment and even boosts women's confidence, for example, Nico, but for me, it was body shaming. Ballet dancers shouldn't have big boobs because they brought down our performance and flow of movement as my teachers told me as I was going through puberty.

After that comment, I never looked went back to the comment section and hoped that Honoka would never read it. I was crushed at the fact that she mentioned the comment that I saw months before. In the diary, she noted that she felt the pressure and heaviness of their words and there was nothing I could have done.

Tsubasa mentioned that she noticed Honoka looking at the sky at the last performance of Love Live. I didn't mention it before but so did I. I noticed that Honoka was looking at the stars, her eyes filled with a glossy film and her breath was ragged. She looks as if she was scared at looking at the fans as if they were going to eat her up or destroy her. Of all the months that Honoka was not herself, I thought that this would be the time she would have a break and do great as my successor. I didn't think much of it because at the diner after the show, she was smiling and having a great time. There were a couple of times when she wasn't talking and I could see her hand shaking or she made a great effort to swallow.

As I was preparing to leave for college, I knew that Honoka was having a hard time with the fact that everything was ending but, in her mind, everything was literally ending. I am glad that she wants to get help as she mentioned in the last insert of her diary, but there is always going to be that situation of what could have happened if one of us saw through her façade.

Umi P.O.V: First Person

I remember the day that guy climbed the last step of the ascending stairs. Honoka walked ahead of me because we got in an argument. It was the day after Love Live and Honoka at school wasn't making any effort to talk to us, look at us, and smile. Her mind was somewhere else and her heart was no longer ours. She looked dead inside until we had to do the graduation ceremony and our planned mini concert went off with a hit. Muse has broken apart but we still needed to do a concert for a parade that one of us agreed to, and Honoka wasn't very happy about it. I forced her to stay after school which she was refusing as she was trying to push through the hallways.

My anger got the better of me and I said pretty terrible things.

Third Person:

"Honoka don't walk away from me! We need to talk." Umi shouted in the almost empty hallway. A few passersby looked in their direction trying to eavesdrop on the two arguing teenagers.

Honoka didn't have time for this, she needed to get home and somehow block that guy or maybe respond to him to try to smoothen things out, also the fact that she left her sister in a pretty bad state. "Umi, I don't have time for your incessant nagging! We will talk later." Honoka swept past the angry girl. Umi followed with loud footsteps and screamed,

"What is wrong with you? It's like I don't even know you anymore Honoka! We care about you, but you won't tell any of us what's wrong and you expect everyone to just go along with your moody swings. First, you didn't want to do Love Live, then you avoid the group, and now you dash off without giving a single word! I don't like this one bit, where is the old Honoka?!"

Honoka stopped at the last sentence and grunted when she heard that question. She was going to tell them what was happening to her this week sometime but she really needed to make sure that she didn't just endanger their lives. She turned around to face Umi, whose eyebrows were furrowed and her fists clenched,

"Is that what you want, Umi? The Honoka who always smiled, the Honoka who didn't have worries, the Honoka that would take the blame and fix people's problems? Is that Honoka better? Because if it is, I can't see any use in her. She was weak, scared, and her self-esteem was at rock bottom. If that's the Honoka you want, then tell me tomorrow." Honoka said in a quiet and sorrowful voice. She turned away and head for the front doors.

She could hear Umi's footsteps running after as she opened the door. What greeted them was a man climbing the last step of the stairs, he was wearing black slacks, a long white polo shirt, and a red tie. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot as his color glowed a magnificent gold.

Umi caught up to the still Honoka and yelled, "What the hell is that supposed to - " Umi was cut off by Honoka's left arm outstretching to the side. Umi looked at the man who was in front of them.

While the man was speaking Honoka whispered, "What…Umi, run. Get the teacher and tell them to lock it down."

Honoka gave a side glance to Umi that was desperate. There was no time to think and be annoying, so she ran. As she was running away, she could hear the guy screaming at Honoka. Umi crashed into a teacher and started to shout at them.

"Teacher! There is someone dangerous on the campus, we need to lock the school down!" Umi grabbed the teacher by the collar to signify the urgency. The teacher didn't ask any questions and headed to the nearest lockdown button. As he pressed it, you can hear a person shout, "GUN!"

As Umi was inside she could hear all of the electronic locks activate. She quickly brought herself to the window which you are not supposed to do during a shooting for obvious reasons. Umi looked at the window which was on the first floor and saw the man point the gun to Honoka.

Honoka mouthed some words that she couldn't hear because of the glass, and then pop, the sound of the gun went off and she saw Honoka fall to the ground. Umi was petrified. She watched as the man started to walk closer to Honoka's bleeding body with his finger on the trigger. He was moving his mouth like he was saying something, but all Umi could think of is that he was going to shoot her again.

Umi shouted, "NO!" She was still at the window and saw some of the male teachers coming from behind him, pinning him to the ground. Umi didn't think about what she was doing or the consequences that she will face later on, but she ran into the hallways pressing the button to unlock all the doors.

She ran through the front doors and Honoka's body was right there. Her blood pooling around her neck and it is mixing into her hair. Honoka's eyes growing darker. Umi looked at the crazy man who was whispering to himself. Over and over again. Umi knew that he said something earlier about his dad but didn't remember. Honoka was losing a lot of blood and Umi couldn't do anything about it. She started to tear up and cry.

Umi barely heard what Honoka said to her as she went to sleep to the sirens blaring in the background.

First Person:

I had no idea what she meant when she said what she did in the hallway, also her cryptic message for me to run was confusing and scary. I thought afterward, how did she know that guy had a gun? Maybe she had the feeling that he felt off. I don't really know, but I will never forget that day because it was the day that I truly did not have a sense of direction and feared that one of my lifelong best friends would disappear from this world, permanently.

Thank you all. That's a wrap for the interview.

Regular Third Person (Back to the present)

Honoka finished watching the interview that everyone did just for her. She watched all the girl's expressions and listened to some memories that they had of her. The muse members were given an opportunity to put their story into a video by the school and they took it. It wasn't for mass distribution; it was for the principle for years to come and Honoka. They wanted to relay their true feelings for the girl and their observations.

Honoka hasn't shown any improvement or gain of any memories since that day, 2 weeks ago, she got some of them back. She watched it on her TV back home and by the end of it she was bawling her eyes out. From her broken memories, she knew that she didn't have the best outlook on herself, so watching the interview gave her a sense of who she used to be and what she meant to the group. She couldn't exactly remember every single moment that they spent together but she knew that she didn't need to remember all of the memories. They were there for her and that is all she needed.

Honoka reconciled with her sister and they talked about their argument the morning that she got shot. Honoka remembered the conversation because it left her with uncertain feelings and sadness as she left her little sister. Yukiho by the end of the conversation, she was crying and sobbing while saying I'm sorry over and over again to Honoka. Honoka only listened to the girl and hugged as her little sister apologized.

She started to go to therapy and talk about her feelings. She was working hard on becoming happy again and being brave to meet with them again face-to-face. After a while, they planned a date at her house. Honoka's mother made a crap ton of food. She was going to see them after weeks of not seeing them and getting some of her memory back.

She was nervous but she didn't need to be. They got there, ate, and had a great time. They all took turns confessing their dedication to Honoka and their love. Honoka has never felt better, though she still needed to fix herself, her friends were people that she could never say goodbye to. At the end of the day, they all turned their attention to the TV and it was a news reporter on Kiba's case,

"Haruno Kiba's lawyer was disbarred early this week due to moral turpitude and was assigned Iwajiro Neji, a famous lawyer at XXX University and his assistant Yano Kisho. The trial earlier today turned in favor of Kiba as the evidence of the Kousaka Honoka and his relationship was revealed. Kousaka herself handed a handwritten testimony that fought against the imprisonment of Haruno. In short, Haruno Kiba was let on an insanity claim due to his family's past and lack of criminal record." The reporter finished.

Honoka was happy with the results because she didn't want to see that man be destroyed. She wasn't going to see him again but she knew that her gratitude for him being there for her was never going to fade. Honoka was extremely lucky, she had a great family, friends, and now a girlfriend that she will forever be grateful for, Tsubasa was the one that saved her in the end and made her feel happy to be alive again.

A/N: I want to thank my readers for getting me through this! I have a busy couple weeks ahead of me as I try to graduate and make sure that my future is somewhat ok. I wanted everyone to be happy...Not because I am a happy-go-lucky person that wants everyone to live in a castle, it's because Kiba in my opinion was insane and forced to give out a false testimony. Honoka for obvious reasons and her friends, though they weren't there for her because they were focused on their own lives, they deserve a second chance to understand the real Honoka. Tsubasa, my main ship is sailing and canon in my case.